Chapter 4: Errors of Interpretation

Byakuya blinked slowly, trying to ignore the burning in his eyes as he knelt next to Renji on the bed, gently washing the sweat away from his forehead. Morning was still several hours away and, still suffering from the dregs of illness himself, Byakuya was exhausted. But the redhead still seemed uncomfortable. He moaned softly in his sleep and went from shivering with cold to sweating all over. He tossed and turned fitfully, only calming when Byakuya began to read aloud from the book Renji had given him for his birthday.

He grew weary and his head and throat ached, telling him that if he pushed himself too much harder and avoided sleep for much longer, he was in danger of a relapse. Sighing sleepily, he started to drop down onto the pillows…and as he did, Abarai Renji turned in his sleep and rolled into Byakuya's arms. His head settled onto the noble's shoulder, prompting a startled widening of his eyes.

It wasn't just surprising that Renji was cuddling up to him…it was shocking how incredibly good it felt to hold the sleeping redhead in such a way…and it triggered every one of those nervous responses he had described to Unohana taichou. It refused to make sense to him. There had to be some explanation for the way his heart raced in his chest, for the light, dizzy feeling that stole over him, for the slight ache inside, the shiver of tension, the catching of his breath and the spinning of his mind. He closed his eyes to reorient himself, realizing as he did that Renji was shifting, rolling onto his side and now Byakuya was being pulled along, held in his arms and tightly against his slender, overly-warm body…and he couldn't breathe at all. He thought at first that the redhead was simply holding him too close. But then he realized that he could still move slightly, that his breathing wasn't truly impeded.

Why does being held by him affect me so? What is wrong with me?

And suddenly, everything began to knit itself together in his tired, aching mind.

I'm…attracted to Abarai Renji?

He sat straight up in the bed, the pleasant feeling gone and harsh realization sweeping over him.

"It cannot be…"

But as he sat next to the sleeping redhead, the warm, masculine scent of him playing lightly over his senses, he felt a twinge inside he remembered, because he had felt something of this for Hisana…something like it, but not so powerful, not so overwhelming, not so frightful when one sat and actually thought about the consequences. The Kuchiki council of elders, Soutaichou and the men in their squad would likely be lined up to literally take him apart. Not to mention the fact that Renji, himself was flippant, disrespectful and too damned likely to either get mad and leave him, or get mad, embarrass him somehow and leave him…and all of a sudden, Byakuya realized that in addition to being in the midst of falling in love with his fukutaichou, he was suffering from severe abandonment issues…

It all came down to one thing…He had to get out of quarantine and to do some very serious thinking…and he needed for Abarai Renji to be far away from him while he did that thinking! He sighed softly as Renji's breath touched his skin, sending shivers through him. He shifted uncomfortably again and the next thing Byakuya knew was that he was moaning Byakuya's name as though dreaming about him and he was getting closer. Unable to move, he froze as Renji closed the distance and brought their lips crashing together.

It couldn't just be the heat of his fever that roared through Byakuya's body at the contact…and it couldn't simply be how lonely he'd been that made him hold still and let his mouth be plundered. The contact was rough and hungry, as though Renji had been aching for him forever. But that, he thought, couldn't be…since Renji had hated him…for a very long time…hated him and wanted to surpass him. When, Byakuya wondered, had that changed? Or had it really? Renji was obviously ill and delirious…so what kind of dream was he to the redhead? Was he a good dream or was he a nightmare?

The moan that issued from Renji's mouth and entered his…and burned through him from end to end, heating everything in its path told Kuchiki Byakuya that this dream must be very, very good.

It was warning enough for the noble…

He pulled free of the redhead and got out of bed, then stood for a moment, watching as his sick fukutaichou rolled around in his sleep. It was madness, he decided, all of it. And there was no way he was going to give in to it. First, it was wrong in that Renji was his subordinate and secondly that he was ill and it would be impossible to determine whether or not his consent to such things was actually real until the fever passed.

So Byakuya slipped out of the room and made another pot of tea. He sat in the small squad six kitchen, staring out the window at the fading stars and drinking hot green tea that he had doctored with a bit of the strong sake that Renji thought he kept hidden. It did well enough to take the edge off of his emotions and to help him think more clearly. Hopefully, Renji would be better by morning and they would be released from quarantine. And once they were, he would get away for some thinking time…and send Renji to Karakura Town. Yes, perhaps all it would take would be some time and deep, sensible thought to clear their heads and rid them of their deviance.

Unless, of course, the feelings inside them were both genuine and mutual…then all hell would really break loose…

Byakuya forgot the tea and finished the bottle of sake. His head dropped onto the table and he fell asleep there, dizzy, exhausted and uncharacteristically rattled.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Taichou?" said a distant sounding voice, "Taichou, are you okay?"

He lifted his head and realized where he was and what had happened. He was terribly grateful for the fact that the sake bottle had fallen off of the table and rolled into a dark corner…and Renji seemed so weak and shaky that he probably wouldn't even notice the fact he was hung over.

He met the redhead's eyes and blinked several times, trying to shake off the ache in his head. He felt his stomach roiling and barely made it to the sink in time to empty its contents down the drain. Renji's arm wrapped around him, holding him on his feet as they returned to the taichou's quarters and the redhead ordered him back to bed. Not ready yet to admit he was not ill, but had only been awfully drunk, he let himself be tucked in, then realized with a pang of guilt that Renji had changed the bedding and cleaned up the room.

"You didn't have to…clean up in here, Renji," he said, the words making his stomach turn again.

"It's okay, Taichou," Renji replied, smiling, though Byakuya could tell he was still ill, "My fever broke and I felt bad for taking your bed and sweating all over it."

"But anyone can see that you are still feeling poorly, Abarai," Byakuya objected, the pain rocketing through his head, "Go back to bed at once."

Renji gave him a good-natured grin.

"All right, Taichou. As soon as you're comfortable, I'll go to my quarters."

"I am fine," Byakuya assured him, "and now that you are better, I am certain that they will lift the quarantine tomorrow and allow us to go home. Go to bed."

"Hai, Taichou," Renji said, laughing softly and turning away.

He watched silently as the tall, red haired shinigami stumbled away and started out the door.

"Renji," he said, stopping the other in his tracks, "Arigato…and good night."

Renji's smile widened.

"Good night, Taichou…though it's almost morning already…"

Several minutes later, Byakuya realized that Renji had gone and yet his eyes were still fixed on the door. He tore them away and closed them, sinking into the warm, soft bed and letting himself fall away into the darkness and silence.

He would feel better the next day…and he would go somewhere quiet and peaceful to think about what had happened and what he would do when Renji returned from his duty in Karakura Town.

XXXXXXXXXX

"So what did you do to piss off Byakuya this time?" Ichigo asked, following Renji through the park and in the direction of the hollow readings.

"Huh?" said Renji, popping out of his reverie, "Oh that! I dunno. We were just both sick with that virus that was going around the Seireitei and we kinda took care of each other for a couple of days, then he sent me off here. He didn't say anything was wrong. He didn't look pissed off. Why do you say he was?"

Ichigo shook his head knowingly.

"Because look at the boring crap you're stuck doing here. This is a low seated officer's task. Hell, I'm not a part of the Gotei 13, not officially anyway, and I can see that! So what have you done to tick him off?"

"Like I said, nothing," Renji insisted, "and this work is not beneath me. He ordered me here to…"

"He ordered you here to get you out of the way, my friend," Ichigo said with certainty, "Now, you can sit back and just go with the flow or you can ask yourself why he might wanna do that and start getting to the bottom of what's going on."

Renji opened his mouth to reply, but realized that they had reached the place of the disturbance. They spotted several hollows chasing a lost, confused soul around in circles. Ichigo sighed in disgust and leaned back against a tree.

"Go ahead, Renji," he said, sounding bored, "but I doubt you'll even need your shikai."

"You know, shut the hell up and get outta here!" yelled Renji, flash stepping after the hollows.

Ichigo remained leaned against the tree, watching as the frustrated shinigami dispatched the hollows with barely any effort. He shook his head and sighed.

"Man Abarai, you must have done something really abominable this time."

He laughed softly to himself and was careful not to bring the subject up again when Renji came back. Instead, he fell in next to the tall redhead and walked back toward Urahara's shop in silence, the red flare of Renji's fury burning just beneath the surface of his skin.

XXXXXXXXXX

He's going to tell me why he did this! I'm going to march into that fucking office and make him tell me why he did this! Ichigo was so obviously right, I feel stupid for not doing this sooner!

Renji flash stepped through the precipice world and emerged in the Seireitei. He streaked across a small section of the Rukongai and to the main gate. Passing through, he flash stepped down the streets, ignoring the stares he was getting as he passed in such a hurry.

If he has a problem with me, then he should just be able to say so. We should be able to talk about our differences. He should have grown more comfortable talking to me about things, but then, maybe it was being so ill and having to take care of me when he wasn't well. Hell, he probably has a ton of servants to do everything for him at home. I'll bet he missed them while he was sick and trying to care for me. Perhaps Taichou was just overly tired and…aw hell, I don't know. But I do know one thing…he's going to talk to me now. This…is just…ridiculous!

He ran up the steps and burst in through the squad room door.

"Taichou, I demand that you tell me why you sent me on that…"

Renji stopped, staring at Byakuya's unoccupied desk.

"Uh, Abarai fukutaichou!" said the third seat from behind him, "I didn't know you'd be back today. Kuchiki taichou said it would be a few more days…"

Renji turned and kept on staring. The third seat was in his chair, bent over the reports that he would have been doing if he hadn't been sent off to kill low level hollows in Karakura Town…and he looked to be getting through them much faster than Renji would have done them himself.

"Ah…um," he said, straightening and recovering himself, "I would have stayed, but I determined my presence was not required and I'm filing a request for a lower seated officer to go instead. If you're not too attached to those reports, then why don't you get outta here and go to Karakura Town? You could use a little practice."

"Really?" the third seat said, practically jumping out of his chair, "Arigato, Abarai fukutaichou! Not to say it's not nice being given such important duties as these, but…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Renji said, rolling his eyes, "Go, I'll take care of this."

He shook his head, smiling tolerantly as the third seat left. Assuming his seat at his desk, he finished the reports and filed them, then moved to Byakuya's desk to check for any additional work. All of the required reports had, of course, been done and filed, and everything on Byakuya's desk was in perfect order. On the wall behind his desk, the training schedule for the next two weeks was already finished and posted and the living world deployments were posted as well.

Wherever he had been going then, he hadn't planned on being back for several days. Renji scratched his head, thinking and furrowing his brow. He sat down at Byakuya's desk, wondering where he could have gone. On a whim, he slid the drawer open and was surprised to find Byakuya's diary was back in his desk.

So wherever he was, he hadn't felt the need to take it…

And Renji thought that, perhaps, he might have written something into it about where he was going and why he had sent Renji to Karakura Town. Alone in the now-silent office, he opened the book and read.

It was such a relief to be released from quarantine! Being locked up anywhere is nearly unbearable for me…although being locked into the office with Renji was surprisingly not so unpleasant at all. Even having my birthday under those circumstances ended up being enjoyable. And I've never actually had to care for anyone, not since all of those years ago when I cared for Hisana. I was actually feeling somewhat anxious because of the memories that came back as I cared for Renji. I was very relieved when his fever finally broke and he started to get well.

But now I have to figure out what to do. Now that I know what has been making me have all of these odd symptoms, I need to get away and consider what to do next. Whatever actions I take, I must not reveal what's going on to Renji. I don't want to worry him with this nonsense…and with luck, it will turn out to be something dealt with easily, not something that will overwhelm me. I'm not accustomed to feeling so…so out of control. It is unseemly and beneath me…and it seems, out of my hands.

So I will send Renji to Karakura Town and go spend some time in solitude to consider what I will do if this condition is not easily manageable.

Renji closed the diary and set in back in the drawer, pushing it closed, then staring, pale faced and thinking about what he had read.

"I don't believe it," he breathed softly, "No wonder he sent me away…"

He dropped his face into his hands and sat, considering what his best course of action should be. It was clear that Byakuya needed time to reflect…but at the same time…

"No," he said firmly, "No one should be alone at a time like this! If my Taichou is ill and may be dying, then I need to find him and to help him!"