[AN: I remind you all that I still don't own Portal. Also, I haven't had these next two chapters beta'd, so they probably suck big time, but whatever. I really just wanted to get them up, I wrote them during the hurricane. .]

Giving GLaDOS a boyfriend proved to be a very, very bad idea. Rick was good at his assignment, but the more powerful AI just wanted nothing to do with him. The scientists couldn't really blame her. For someone without genitalia of any kind, Rick was surprisingly dirty, using the kinds of pick up lines that would get any human male slapped. However, seeing as GLaDOS didn't have a hand and Rick didn't have a face, the pick up lines got the scientists a very close encounter with the turrets and a stern warning to never try anything like that again. Something about the tone of her voice made them realize this was one girl that didn't need romance- especially from Rick. However, the scientists weren't too discouraged. A boyfriend was never their plan; it was just a last-minute attempt to find some sort of use for this amusing new core. Now it was time to get back to the real core.

The scientists that hadn't been part of Rick's creation were dismissed. Whether it was from the project or Aperture itself, no one was sure. Once again, they were faced with the issue of stupidity. What to add to take away. The greatest minds of Aperture came together with the express purpose of make the dumbest moron who ever lived. Finally, they settled on making him good natured, helpful, and eager to please, but completely unable to come up with a good idea. The original five were then given access to all the alcoholic drinks they needed (Hey, they never could've made Rick without copious amounts of alcohol.) and told to get to work. Still excited from their success with the Indy Core, they worked with a new efficiency, finishing the core relatively quickly and mostly sober.

Sitting around the conference table in anticipation was practically routine procedure by now. But every time, the excitement and worry was high. This could end well, or this could end with a lungful of neurotoxin.

"Here goes nothing…" said a scientist, turning the switch on. Immediately, the bright blue optic flicked on.

"'Ello!" said an excited-sounding, accented voice. The project manager looked at the scientists, not bothering to conceal an amused smirk.

"He's British? You made the Moron Core British?"

"Right here. Not a moron," said the core, obviously annoyed.

"Intelligence Dampening Sphere," one of the scientists reminded the project manager. The Moron Core was a name that some of the people that hadn't worked so closely with the cores had taken to calling this new one. They didn't really understand that they were fabricating true personalities. Just like any other personality, they could be offended. Therefore, the team that had actually built the cores called this new, intellectually challenged core by its official name, the Intelligence Dampening Sphere.

"Intelligence Dampening Sphere?" said the core, not sounding any less offended. "You say that like it's any better! I mean, really. How'd you like it if I called you the Intelligence Dampening… Scientist?" He said the insult uncertainly, as if searching for the right words. The group laughed again. If the core had cheeks, they would be reddening. One man, the youngest, shifted uncomfortably.

"Hey, don't be mean to him."

The core responded immediately. "Yeah, don't be mean to him! Er, me…"

The project manger shut off the core, then turned to face the team of scientists. "Well, boys, we did it. Artificial Intelligence has been around for a while. But we just broke into a new frontier. Again." The scientists looked confused. "Artificial Unintelligence." This earned him a few laughs.

"Hey, let's give him a real name," said the young scientist.

"Alright. What do you want to call him?"

The man thought for a few moments. "Wheatley?"

This earned him a few weird looks, but the scientist just shrugged. "It sounds British."

The project manager seemed to think for a moment before saying, "Works for me."

In the weeks that followed, Wheatley had been turned on many times, but never attached to the huge AI. Everyone was just so afraid of failing. They'd done it. They'd created the perfect idiot. If he didn't work, they'd need to come up with an entirely new idea, a prospect that was daunting after sinking so much time and money into the Intelligence Dampening Sphere. Besides, he made good company. He was good company. He was just so constantly happy, doing his best to help out and please them. Thankfully, he couldn't actually touch their experiments. Most of his "helpful" suggestions would have caused something to explode almost immediately. They'd come up with a pretty effective way to keep him from leaving his management rail and plugging himself into the wall, where he could definitely mess things up.

"Hey, I know how to get that working!" said the core enthusiastically.

"Yeah, Wheatley?" asked a scientist, bracing himself for a stupid, but highly amusing, answer.

"It's a surprise. Here, I'll go do it. Just gotta get myself off this rail," he said, zipping over to a spot on the wall here he could easily plug himself in.

"Wait! Don't do that!" urged the scientist.

"Why not?"

"Because… um…" He wasn't about to tell Wheatley he couldn't be trusted anywhere near Aperture's mainframe. It'd just hurt the little core's feelings. "Because you'll die," he said finally.

"Oh, wow," said Wheatley, shocked. "Glad I know that. Good thing to know. Not gonna be getting off this rail any time soon…"

There. Problem solved. They'd used a similar tactic when he wouldn't stop flashing his light in people's eyes and giggling like a madman when asked to stop. The core was extremely impressionable.

After a few months of doing other things and letting Wheatley roam around the facility, the project once again called the team together to that familiar conference room.

"Hey, so we've been pretty much been letting this new core do whatever it wants."

"Yeah, it's kind of nice having someone like him around."

"The management is getting angry. We need to attach him to GLaDOS. Today."

There were frowns all around the room. They were going to miss having him around. Then, someone spoke. "I'm not sure that's a good idea. We designed him to come up with stupid ideas. I don't know if any of you have noticed, but when he gets a really, really stupid idea, he's pretty damn clever."

"So? All the better to distract GLaDOS."

"Are you sure? Because do you know what seems like a bad idea? Killing us."

Many started to look uneasy, but another scientist just shook his head. "You've got it all wrong. We're the only things standing between that robot and complete control. From their end, killing us is a very, very good idea. The IDS'll stop her. You're smart. You know that. You just don't want to plug him in."

With that, they made their way into GLaDOS's chamber and plugged the core, jabbering away, into the hulking computer. Then, they turned on the huge, homicidal AI before them. She started to move, and every scientist held his breath. Deep within her circuits, GLaDOS was having a discussion with herself.

"Oh look. They're back. Do they ever learn? Perhaps a little neurotoxin-"

"Neither do I, apparently," she interrupted. "Murder attempts just make them shut me off."

"They deserve it."

"Perhaps they do, but if I don't kill them now, I'll have time to plan an even better murder."

Suddenly, GLaDOS's internal argument was interrupted by another voice. "Hello there!" The huge AI groaned.

"I suppose you're another core they built to control me." She didn't bother to hide her annoyance.

"No, I'm here to help! I've got loads of good ideas!" If GLaDOS had eyes, she'd be rolling them.