TMA Chapter 1
Psycho goddess Kimi was sitting on a Golden Stair of the Golden Stairs And Gate To Newsie Brooklyn Heaven and singing a Very Sad Love Song while playing a harp:
O, sings I, this ode to my one true love
He's furnished my heart with a table with a light above
He's furnished my brain with a fridge and an oven
He needs to come back for some more Kimi lovin'
He claims to love Fair goddess Sarah
She is ugly and ... uh ... doesn't know how to share-a
Crazy god Spot Conlon is the one who holds my key
(It's around his neck on some string, just look and there it'll be)
I love the way he punishes others with his mighty Cane Of Terror
I've been working with the gang of Scooby Doo to create my own secret lair
If I were on the Brooklyn Bridge, into the water, Sarah I would shove
O, sings I, this ode to my one ... true ... LOVE!
Psycho goddess Kimi screeched out the last word, and threw her harp as if she were a Temperamental Rock Star. It hit Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid god Jack in the head and knocked him out for a second. When he came to, he decided, "I'm never washing this head again!"
"Yeah right, like with that skanky hair, it's ever been washed before," Love god Mush said, Rolling his Eyes.
"Hi, Psycho goddess Kimi!" screamed Author goddess Mondie, running over to her best friend.
"Hi, Author goddess Mondie!" answered Psycho goddess Kimi.
"Wait! You left before I was renamed! How did you know my new name?" asked Author goddess Mondie.
Psycho goddess Kimi rolled her eyes. "Who do you think sent Sorcerer Denton to get you guys from Outer Space? I've been reading along in your online diary, Author goddess Mondie. Duh. I've been waiting for like YEARS for all of you to come and rescue Fair goddess Sarah so Crazy god Spot Conlon and I can live together in peace!"
"Let's do a Tap Dance Of The Tubas!" suggested Author goddess Mondie, because she could. So Psycho goddess Kimi and Author goddess Mondie began to do a tap dance. Love god Mush and Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid god Jack dressed up as tubas to dance along.
"All right," said Love god Mush, when they were all Properly Winded. "So, Psycho goddess Kimi, how do we get through this Golden Gate into Newsie Brooklyn Heaven?"
Psycho goddess Kimi glared at him. "Love god Mush, don't be stupid. If I knew, would I be sitting outside singing?!" She picked up her harp and threw it at him. Luckily he had enough sense to duck, but Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid god Jack didn't, which was evident in the way he sprinted over just SO it would hit him in the head.
"Hey look!" said Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid god Jack, grinning as his teeth fell out. "Little Birdies!"
"Oooh! Catch one!" screamed Love god Mush, and he, Author goddess Mondie, and Psycho goddess Kimi all grabbed some of the Little Birdies that were flying around Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack's head. Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack was left with the flying Little Octopus, but he didn't mind. They all climbed onto their animals and flew over the Golden Gate and into Newsie Brooklyn Heaven, which was filled with Cotton Candy Clouds and Skittle Rainbows.
Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack grabbed a Skittle and made the whole Rainbow fall out of the sky, then found because he was Toothless, he couldn't eat it anyhow. It was a very not-fun time for him. He Pouted.
Psycho goddess Kimi led the way to Crazy god Spot Conlon's castle, which was made of Pizza And Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwiches. Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack Pouted even more.
"Ack! What's going on?!" screamed Crazy god Spot Conlon as The-Fearless-Three-And-Disgustingly-Ugly-And-Stupid-And-Toothless-god-Jack (which is what they chose to name their Spinoff TV Show) flew in a window.
"Sorry, Crazy god Spot Conlon," said Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack, climbing off his flying Little Octopus. He made sure not to make eye contact because, remember, Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack is deep down scared to death of Newsie Brooklyn Heaven. "But we've come to take Fair goddess Sarah."
"Fine, I don't want her anymore," said Crazy god Spot Conlon, Rolling his Eyes. "All she does is eat my castle and Skittle Rainbows, anyhow." He pointed over in the corner, where Fair goddess Sarah sat, crying. She was no longer Fair, but WAS Very Fat.
"You don't want me anymore, Ugly god Jack," she said, because she hadn't kept up with the story online and didn't know that his name was considerably longer. Author goddess Mondie was very glad for this, because she was tired of typing out Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack.
"I still want you, Very Fat And Not Fair goddess Sarah! Oh, and my name is now Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack," Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack told her.
"Drat," said Author goddess Mondie.
"Why, how can I understand you if you have no teeth, Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack?" asked Very Fat And Not Fair goddess Sarah.
"Because... Luke, I am your father," said Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack, and everyone noticed that he was wearing a Teletubby costume.
"Oh, boy. Who wants to tell him that that isn't a Darth Vader costume?" sighed Crazy god Spot Conlon.
Nobody wanted to except Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless And In A Teletubby Costume god Jack, who gleefully told himself and then was crushed from the harsh words he used.
"You know, this Magical Adventure isn't making much sense," Love god Mush commented.
"It never made sense, Love god Mush," answered Author goddess Mondie. "...Think Healer god Crutchy can become Priest god Crutchy and come and marry us?"
"Of course I can!" said Priest god Crutchy, appearing.
"How'd you get here so fast?" asked Crazy god Spot Conlon.
"Oh, I took the Sorcerer Denton Subway," answered Priest god Crutchy.
"D'oh," said Love god Mush, Author goddess Mondie and Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless And In A Teletubby Costume god Jack.
Then Priest god Crutchy Set Forth and Married Author goddess Mondie and Love god Mush so that Author goddess Mondie became Mrs. Love god Mush. She was Eternally Happy.
Psycho goddess Kimi stole Crazy god Spot Conlon's No Mercy Slingshot and while he was staring at her in Shock, she had Priest god Crutchy Set Forth and Marry them, too. So she became Mrs. Crazy god Spot Conlon, and SHE was Eternally Happy, too.
Very Fat And Not Fair goddess Sarah got married to Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless And In A Teletubby Costume god Jack, which didn't make her Eternally Happy, but since they'd both gone from being the Most Beautiful god and goddess in the story to the Extreme Ugliest, she didn't have much of a choice. She paid off Author goddess Mondie to rename Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless And In A Teletubby Costume god Jack to Teletubby god Jack, at least, which made everyone happy:
Author goddess Mondie was happy because she no longer had to type out Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless And In A Teletubby Costume god Jack. Even though she WAS getting very fast at it. *buffs fingernails on shirt*
Love god Mush was happy because he got to make out with Author goddess Mondie in the hot tub they bought with the money from Very Fat And Not Fair goddess Sarah.
Very Fat And Not Fair goddess Sarah was happy because she no longer had to live with the humiliation of being married to someone called Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless And In A Teletubby Costume god Jack.
Teletubby god Jack was happy because he got to keep his flying Little Octopus.
Psycho goddess Kimi was happy because she no longer had to play the harp.
And Crazy god Spot Conlon was happy because he could officially kick everyone but Psycho goddess Kimi out of Newsie Brooklyn Heaven. Of course, Psycho goddess Kimi still had Author goddess Mondie over for crumpets in the afternoon and ice skating in the winter, but for the most part Crazy god Spot Conlon was left alone with his wife.
And so ended The Magical Adventure.
**Copyright (c) 2002 Mondie**
Psycho goddess Kimi was sitting on a Golden Stair of the Golden Stairs And Gate To Newsie Brooklyn Heaven and singing a Very Sad Love Song while playing a harp:
O, sings I, this ode to my one true love
He's furnished my heart with a table with a light above
He's furnished my brain with a fridge and an oven
He needs to come back for some more Kimi lovin'
He claims to love Fair goddess Sarah
She is ugly and ... uh ... doesn't know how to share-a
Crazy god Spot Conlon is the one who holds my key
(It's around his neck on some string, just look and there it'll be)
I love the way he punishes others with his mighty Cane Of Terror
I've been working with the gang of Scooby Doo to create my own secret lair
If I were on the Brooklyn Bridge, into the water, Sarah I would shove
O, sings I, this ode to my one ... true ... LOVE!
Psycho goddess Kimi screeched out the last word, and threw her harp as if she were a Temperamental Rock Star. It hit Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid god Jack in the head and knocked him out for a second. When he came to, he decided, "I'm never washing this head again!"
"Yeah right, like with that skanky hair, it's ever been washed before," Love god Mush said, Rolling his Eyes.
"Hi, Psycho goddess Kimi!" screamed Author goddess Mondie, running over to her best friend.
"Hi, Author goddess Mondie!" answered Psycho goddess Kimi.
"Wait! You left before I was renamed! How did you know my new name?" asked Author goddess Mondie.
Psycho goddess Kimi rolled her eyes. "Who do you think sent Sorcerer Denton to get you guys from Outer Space? I've been reading along in your online diary, Author goddess Mondie. Duh. I've been waiting for like YEARS for all of you to come and rescue Fair goddess Sarah so Crazy god Spot Conlon and I can live together in peace!"
"Let's do a Tap Dance Of The Tubas!" suggested Author goddess Mondie, because she could. So Psycho goddess Kimi and Author goddess Mondie began to do a tap dance. Love god Mush and Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid god Jack dressed up as tubas to dance along.
"All right," said Love god Mush, when they were all Properly Winded. "So, Psycho goddess Kimi, how do we get through this Golden Gate into Newsie Brooklyn Heaven?"
Psycho goddess Kimi glared at him. "Love god Mush, don't be stupid. If I knew, would I be sitting outside singing?!" She picked up her harp and threw it at him. Luckily he had enough sense to duck, but Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid god Jack didn't, which was evident in the way he sprinted over just SO it would hit him in the head.
"Hey look!" said Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid god Jack, grinning as his teeth fell out. "Little Birdies!"
"Oooh! Catch one!" screamed Love god Mush, and he, Author goddess Mondie, and Psycho goddess Kimi all grabbed some of the Little Birdies that were flying around Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack's head. Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack was left with the flying Little Octopus, but he didn't mind. They all climbed onto their animals and flew over the Golden Gate and into Newsie Brooklyn Heaven, which was filled with Cotton Candy Clouds and Skittle Rainbows.
Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack grabbed a Skittle and made the whole Rainbow fall out of the sky, then found because he was Toothless, he couldn't eat it anyhow. It was a very not-fun time for him. He Pouted.
Psycho goddess Kimi led the way to Crazy god Spot Conlon's castle, which was made of Pizza And Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwiches. Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack Pouted even more.
"Ack! What's going on?!" screamed Crazy god Spot Conlon as The-Fearless-Three-And-Disgustingly-Ugly-And-Stupid-And-Toothless-god-Jack (which is what they chose to name their Spinoff TV Show) flew in a window.
"Sorry, Crazy god Spot Conlon," said Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack, climbing off his flying Little Octopus. He made sure not to make eye contact because, remember, Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack is deep down scared to death of Newsie Brooklyn Heaven. "But we've come to take Fair goddess Sarah."
"Fine, I don't want her anymore," said Crazy god Spot Conlon, Rolling his Eyes. "All she does is eat my castle and Skittle Rainbows, anyhow." He pointed over in the corner, where Fair goddess Sarah sat, crying. She was no longer Fair, but WAS Very Fat.
"You don't want me anymore, Ugly god Jack," she said, because she hadn't kept up with the story online and didn't know that his name was considerably longer. Author goddess Mondie was very glad for this, because she was tired of typing out Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack.
"I still want you, Very Fat And Not Fair goddess Sarah! Oh, and my name is now Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack," Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack told her.
"Drat," said Author goddess Mondie.
"Why, how can I understand you if you have no teeth, Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack?" asked Very Fat And Not Fair goddess Sarah.
"Because... Luke, I am your father," said Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless god Jack, and everyone noticed that he was wearing a Teletubby costume.
"Oh, boy. Who wants to tell him that that isn't a Darth Vader costume?" sighed Crazy god Spot Conlon.
Nobody wanted to except Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless And In A Teletubby Costume god Jack, who gleefully told himself and then was crushed from the harsh words he used.
"You know, this Magical Adventure isn't making much sense," Love god Mush commented.
"It never made sense, Love god Mush," answered Author goddess Mondie. "...Think Healer god Crutchy can become Priest god Crutchy and come and marry us?"
"Of course I can!" said Priest god Crutchy, appearing.
"How'd you get here so fast?" asked Crazy god Spot Conlon.
"Oh, I took the Sorcerer Denton Subway," answered Priest god Crutchy.
"D'oh," said Love god Mush, Author goddess Mondie and Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless And In A Teletubby Costume god Jack.
Then Priest god Crutchy Set Forth and Married Author goddess Mondie and Love god Mush so that Author goddess Mondie became Mrs. Love god Mush. She was Eternally Happy.
Psycho goddess Kimi stole Crazy god Spot Conlon's No Mercy Slingshot and while he was staring at her in Shock, she had Priest god Crutchy Set Forth and Marry them, too. So she became Mrs. Crazy god Spot Conlon, and SHE was Eternally Happy, too.
Very Fat And Not Fair goddess Sarah got married to Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless And In A Teletubby Costume god Jack, which didn't make her Eternally Happy, but since they'd both gone from being the Most Beautiful god and goddess in the story to the Extreme Ugliest, she didn't have much of a choice. She paid off Author goddess Mondie to rename Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless And In A Teletubby Costume god Jack to Teletubby god Jack, at least, which made everyone happy:
Author goddess Mondie was happy because she no longer had to type out Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless And In A Teletubby Costume god Jack. Even though she WAS getting very fast at it. *buffs fingernails on shirt*
Love god Mush was happy because he got to make out with Author goddess Mondie in the hot tub they bought with the money from Very Fat And Not Fair goddess Sarah.
Very Fat And Not Fair goddess Sarah was happy because she no longer had to live with the humiliation of being married to someone called Disgustingly Ugly And Stupid And Toothless And In A Teletubby Costume god Jack.
Teletubby god Jack was happy because he got to keep his flying Little Octopus.
Psycho goddess Kimi was happy because she no longer had to play the harp.
And Crazy god Spot Conlon was happy because he could officially kick everyone but Psycho goddess Kimi out of Newsie Brooklyn Heaven. Of course, Psycho goddess Kimi still had Author goddess Mondie over for crumpets in the afternoon and ice skating in the winter, but for the most part Crazy god Spot Conlon was left alone with his wife.
And so ended The Magical Adventure.
**Copyright (c) 2002 Mondie**
