Chapter 4- An Adamant Heart

The sun is bright and hurts my eyes when I open them. I turn to the other side of the bed. My head throbs and pounds against my skull. It's probably because of the drinking Zero had yesterday. My head suddenly clears. Zero. I reach up to my neck to feel the two puncture wounds on my neck. So that actually did happen, it felt like a dream. I blush. Strangely, I don't remember any pain from the bite, only pleasure. My face heats up when the thought enters my head and i force myself to get out of bed and wash up.

After getting dressed, I go to the kitchen to make myself breakfast. I find Zero there, already making omelettes.

'Good morning,' I say, in a cheerful voice. I didn't want him to be as awkward as I felt. He turns and looks at me.

'Morning,' he says with a straight face.

'I'll help with the cooking.'

He gives me a look. He knows better than anyone my amazing ability at making a simple meal- note the sarcasm.

'I got it, you can just set the table.'

I lay the table and take the orange juice out of the fridge. I take my place as he brings breakfast. I immediately start eating. After a while, I look up to see Zero staring at me. My heart jumps. I try to act normal and smile at him. I know I'm blushing, I know it.

'You don't feel dizzy?' he says suddenly.

'No,' I say, confused. Then it dawns on me, he must be asking because of the blood loss from yesterday night. I look down at my food, 'I was a little fuzzy this morning, but I'm okay now.'

I smile at him. He looks down. We eat in silence. When I'm about done my helping I hear him say,

'I'm sorry.'

I look at him. 'You said that already, and I'm really starting to get sick of the word,' I tell him, teasing.

He brings his face up and glares at me, 'I'm serious Yuki, you may brush this off as something you have to do to help a friend,' his hands turn into fists, 'but every time I drink from you, every single time, it makes me realize more than anything what I am, and what I'll become. A monster. You shouldn't trust me so easily. What if these little sessions we have aren't enough for me anymore?' He gets up from his chair and comes towards me, placing his hands forcibly on either side of my chair. Tilting my chair up so my face is inches from his. My heart thumps and blood rushes to my head. With a low and husky voice he says, 'What if I had killed you yesterday?' He brings his mouth to my ear, his hot breath sending shivers down my body, 'What if I want more and more of your blood, until I suck you dry.'

I let out a small sound. He stiffens, he realizes I'm scared. But he's not the one who scares me, it's what he's saying. He lets the chair come down, and rests his head on my shoulder. I'm shivering, he breaths deeply.

'I'm sorry,' he whispers.

I put my arms around him, and hold him to me.

'Zero, I trust you. I know you won't do anything to me, that's why I give you my blood. I know how you are, and I know you would never let yourself be taken over so easily.'

He's quiet. I know he doesn't believe me, but I'll keep telling him. I'll keep repeating myself until I finally jam it into his brain.

I didn't notice I was stroking Zeros hair until I feel him move uncomfortably under me. I let go, my face is on fire, as he moves away, I get up and go to the sink. I can't let him see me. I clean the dishes and go to my room.

In the afternoon, Zero tell me he's going into town for an errand. After he leaves, I decide to go and rent a movie, so we could both watch it tonight. Something scary would do. I put on my shoes and leave for town.

Half an hour later, I had gotten a movie and was buying popcorn at the supermarket. On the way home, I heard someone call my name, I turn to find Zero there, walking towards me. I smile at him. He looks at me, more like stares and I get nervous under his scrutiny.

'I came to get a movie for tonight,' I told him as a way to explain myself, pulling out my bag. He smiled at me. It was my turn to stare. Zero never smiled. There were less then a handful of times he had actually smiled. Let alone direct that smile at me. I suppose he was feeling more comfortable in this place of his childhood then i had thought. I smiled back at him, my face heating up. I would die for that smile. I mentally slapped myself. Relax yourself Yuki.

'What are you doing now?' I asked as a way to distract myself.

'I was going home.' he says. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want Zero to be locked up in his room, and me in mine.

'Can we get some ice cream?' I asked. He seemed amused.

'There's actually a really good ice cream in one of the parlours. Its right around the block actually. Should we go?' he asks, inclining his head. I stare at him. He was talking so normally, almost like a teenage boy. Which he was but never acted like. I blushed, this was a side of him I had never seen. I felt like giggling like the girls fawning over the night class.

I nodded, not wanting my voice to betray how I was feeling. He turns and I walk up to him. Usually he would walk faster, so there was some distance between us. Now I could see he was deliberately walking to match my pace. I didn't know how to take this. This was too different. I didn't know how to react. I felt awkward. Even though I knew I shouldn't.

We came to the ice cream parlour and I ordered a large sundae while Zero had a cup of coffee.

'That's really boring you know,' I told him, pointing at his steaming cup. He rolled his eyes as I took a spoonful of ice cream and put it in my mouth. It was delicious. I looked at Zero. He was looking out the window. Usually this would worry me, as he would have a dark and depressing atmosphere around him. Now, however, he seemed lost in thought, as if daydreaming. I stared at him. He was so beautiful, I noticed. His hair, his eyes, his smile. I wish I could take a picture of this moment. He looked so peaceful, I immediately felt light as well. For some reason I wanted time to stop. He saw me looking at him from the corner of his eyes, and my heart skipped a beat. Did he hear that? I saw his lips twitch up, only for a second though. I looked down and ate my ice cream. What was happeneing to me? I had always been awed at Zero's appearance, but never like this, I was finding him more and more attractive. I sigh, that wasn't it, I think to myself, his face hadn't changed, it was his attitude. But even thought he did act differently, I knew he was himself, just a little more expressive. I take another bite from the ice cream. We didn't talk, it was a peaceful atmosphere, and I didn't feel the need to talk, like I did most of the time.

I heard the bell to the door chime and I looked over. Two girls came in wearing a bikini and a see-through shirt barely covering their butt. They had probably come from the beach. They headed for the counter and started ordering. I looked at them, they had a perfect body, with long legs, a flat stomach, tanned skin, and long silky hair. I looked down, a little depressed. From the corner of my eyes, I saw one of the girls budge the other and point to our table. They were looking at Zero. I looked at him, he didn't notice, he was sipping his coffee. I saw one of them turn to the other and take out a lip gloss, the other loosened three of her buttons, slightly revealing her breasts. I swallowed hard. They wouldn't, would they?

Before I could answer the question, I saw them approaching the table. They would.

'Hey, I don't think I've seen you here before. You don't look like your from around here.' one of them said, flicking her hair back and leaning on the table, exposing her breasts. They didn't even notice me. Zero looked at them with bored eyes. What was wrong with him? They even seemed hot to me.

'No, my family owns a villa here,' he says, looking down at his coffee. He sounded slightly annoyed and bored, as if hotties flock to him everyday.

The girls eyes met. They seemed to be having telepathic conversations with each other. The other girl, who had applied the lipgloss, looks him over.

'That's really awesome.'

By this time, every guy in the parlour, with or without their girlfriend was staring at the two girls. I looked down, I felt like a third wheel. I wanted to fall down a hole and stay there until doomsday. My face was heating up. Just yesterday I was thinking how it would be if Zeros eyes were only for me. But what did I have to offer him? My blood? Was it enough?

Though Zero did things to me that confused me sometimes, there could be a million reasons as to why he did it. Like that almost-kiss. He had said he acted that way because he was still asleep. I looked at him now, he had finally looked up at them, though he still looked annoyed, he was talking to them. It was a good thing that since he'd come here he had opened up a little and was acting differently. But this feeling wasn't like the one we had when he had smiled at me and brought me here. I felt hatred, towards the girls and Zero. I had a gut-wrentching feeling and I wanted to throw something out the window. Why was he talking to them? If he wasn't like that at the academy, why was he like that here? And why were these bimbos throwing themselves at him?

I suddenly came back to myself. What was wrong with me? It was Zeros life, I had no right to decide what he had to do. I was just a friend. A childhood friend who had baked cookies with him, who had been taught riding a two-wheeler by him, who had gone to his bed when there had been thunderstorms in the night, who had begged him to stay in the living room until three in the morning waiting for Santa on Christmas eve, who had annoyed him to no end, who trusted him, who needed him. I felt like crying. My insides felt heavy and tight, my throat clogged. I stood up from the table. I needed to pull myself together. Zero looked at me, his brows furrowed.

'I'm going to the restroom,' I told him. He nodded. The two girls looked me up and down, and give me dirty looks.

I walked to the restroom and started taking deep breaths. Breath, Yuki, breath, relax, I told myself. I washed my hands, which were sticky from the ice cream. I looked at myself in the mirror. Large chocolate brown orbs looked back at me. I never did put on much makeup, and I had never tried too hard with looking attractive. Who was I kidding? I resolved with myself. I went back out. They were still talking, but Zero had lost interest and instead was taking out his wallet and heading towards the counter to pay for the coffee and ice cream. I went towards him.

'So, we'd just love to come and see your villa.'

I froze, I couldn't believe it. They were already thinking about coming over. Well it was Zero's villa so he could go and invite anyone he wanted. At the same time bile rose to my mouth and i wanted to scream. I wanted to tear their hair off. Instead, I walked towards him, and tap his arm softly. The girls looked at me, envy and disgust clear in their eyes. I felt smug for a second.

'I'm going to go on ahead of you,' I told him. I started walking towards the door when I felt him tug my hand. I look back, Zero didn't look at me. Instead facing them, he smiled, but not the smile I had seen from him before he brought me here, more like a smirk.

He pulled me to him, letting me fall against his body and brought a hand down across my shoulders, resting it there, looking smug.

'I don't think my girlfriend would approve of that.'

My mouth dropped. So did theirs. It took a few seconds for my brain to understand what he had said. Suddenly it took the energy I had to calm the beating of my fragile heart.

'W-What?' I asked, my mouth gaping at him. A small, yet profound hapiness bloomed inside me but I ignore it as a figment of my imagination.

The girls looked at me. Confusion coloring their features. I didn't blame them. I wasn't fit for Zero as a girlfriend, any idiot could see that. Zero's smile didn't leave him when he squeezed my shoulder. I realized he wanted them to leave, however seemed to be enjoying the reactions taking place on my face. I sighed and looked at them. Smiling as sweetly as I could and said,

'Sorry girls, he's mine.'

My heart was jumping out of my body. I felt Zeros hand twitch and relax on my shoulder as I said that. He steered me away from the girls still gaping at us and left the shop. We walked out and Zero kept his hand on my shoulder until we were a fair distance away from them. Suddenly, he burst out laughing. I looked at him. This was very new. He never laughed, small chuckles and the sort, but he had never burst out like he did now. Though it was not loud and annoying. It sounded soft and sweet. Like the laugh of a little boy. I looked at him, my heart thumping. He was so beautiful. His eyes turned up, there was a small dimple on his left cheek. I wanted to take a picture and keep it in front of my eyes forever. His laugh was contagious and I found myself laughing along with him. 5 minutes later, I was on the ground, my arms supporting my stomach. Finally the laughing began to subside and I got up. Zero looks at me, a smile lighting his face. I smile back. I didn't understand why he seemed so happy.

'So I'm yours now?' he asks me, his head tilted, he was trying not to smile, but it tugged the corner of his lips. I blushed. He lets out a laugh.

'I'm joking Yuki.'

I sighed, I wouldn't know what to say to that. We start walking back home. The sun was descending. It was almost night. When we got home I told Zero we would watch the movie after Dinner. I washed up and came to the kitchen to help prepare the food. We didn't talk as we ate. But it wasn't awkward. I kept stealing glances at him. Though he wasn't in the same jolly mood he had been a few hours ago, it was more of a serene and happy feeling emanating from him. He wasn't smiling, but he wasn't frowning either.

After we finished, we both went to the living room which had a flat-screen While Zero started up the movie, I went and put the pack of popcorn in the microwave.

'Which movie is it?' he asks me from the living room. The cover for the movie was blank since it was rented.

'The Grudge,' I said, it sounded more like a question.

'I've heard of it,' he said, 'it's supposed to suck.'

I raise an eyebrow, 'Only a guy would say that since they think they have to act tough. I heard a lot of people say that it was the scariest movie ever.'

He snorted. I pouted, to no one in particular. The popcorn were done by now and I came back to the room. He was already sitting waiting for me, remote in hand, the main menu on the screen of the TV. I had brought a blanket and used the pillow of the sofa as a barrier between my eyes and the screen, to protect myself from images I wouldn't want to see.

Zero sat smug on his side of the sofa. Halfway through the movie, I had already grabbed Zero with a whelp twice, had screamed, once I had dived behind him, hiding myself. Now I held onto his hand, they were white from the pressure I was exerting. Zero sat bored, pushing me away whenever I tried to grab him, and even had the nerve to yawn in the middle of it. When we were about to reach the end, I had already had enough and I was thinking about how I would sleep. We were surrounded by forests and in a house that had been abandoned for Lord knew how long. I didn't want to sleep in a dark room alone. But there was no way Zero would let me sleep anywhere near him, i decided to ask him if he would. When the movie finished, leaving me shaken, Zero got up and started closing the TV and the DVD Player. I get up and wait for a bit, when he didn't say anything to acknowledge me standing there, I said,

'I'm going to sleep now,' he looked at me, we were both silent.

I looked down, I couldn't ask him. I look up and smile, walking away.

'Good night.'

'Night,' he says in a low voice.

I left. I turned on all the lights on my way to the bedroom. I changed into my night-dress. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth before going to bed. Thank the Lord the light switch was beside my bed. I didn't want to run for the covers as soon as I closed it if it was on the other side of the room.

I lay in my bed, breathing heavily. I saw light appear from under my door, then disappear. Zero was probably going to bed now. I closed my eyes, and pulled the covers over my head. My heart thumped, and I was imagining the worst when I heard a sound. A snap. I stiffened, my breathing stopped, my heart jumped and a cold sweat forming over my forehead. All this in little over a second. There was someone outside my window. I started shaking. It would take four steps to get to the door, then I had to open the door then it would be even darker outside. Then what? Go to Zero? I knew that was useless, but the only thing on my mind right now was to be with Zero. He was the only one I could feel entirely safe with. I reached for the switch and turned the light on and remove the covers. It was silent. I looked towards the window, it was dark outside. I walk towards it, the night chill making me shiver, as if I wasn't already shaking. With my heart thumping, I looked out. There was movement and I saw shadow, I look closer. It was a squirrel. It stiffens when it saw me, it looks at me for a second with his giant deep eyes. Then he looks away and sprints towards a tree. I let out the breath I didn't know I had been holding. I lay my hand on the windowpane and took gulps of air into my system. How cliche was that. Scared of a squirrel, how pathetic, I wanted to laugh, but I dont since I'm still scared. I looked at the door, I take my pillow and close the light, leaving the room. I walk to Zero's room and stand outside it. I hesitate, then I raise my hand and knock lightly. There was no sound from the other side. I opened the door. Zero lay on the bed, the moonlight silhouetting his body. I stood there for a second, staring at him. Suddenly I saw him move, he turns and looks at me.

'Yuki…what-'

'I'm sorry, did I wake you?'

He pushes himself up, 'No, I was awake.'

I stood there for a few seconds, both of us silent. Zero stares at me, wondering what I was doing here.

'Can I sleep here?' I burst out before I could help it. He looks surprised for a second then nods his head. I head towards his bed as he moves towards his own side. I lay down and bring the blanket over me. Almost immediately I feel a rush of security and take a deep breath.

I feel more then hear the harmony of our breathing.

'I was scared,' I say, as a way to explain myself.

'Hmm,' he acknowledges his voice heavy in sleep.

I turn to him, his back is to me. I reach up my hand and use my finger and moving over the length of his back, as if to draw something. He stiffens then relaxes, but not before I feel a shudder go through him.

'Thank you Zero,' I whisper in the dark. I hear him mumble something and I smile to myself. 'You really weren't scared?' I ask, making small- talk.

'Not in the least,' he answers. There is a hint of a smile in his voice. I smile too.

I stop when I see shadows outlining the room, my eyes are open and I will them to close but not before I see a black shadow in the corner, like that girls hair which splayed out as she revealed herself. I whimper quietly and close my eyes, I slide towards Zero until my forehead is resting against his back and my knees are tucked in, I feel him go still. I keep sliding my finger over his back.

'Yuki?'

'Sorry Zero. I can't really tell if you're alive if you stay quiet like that.'

His breathing is coming out in irregular patterns.

'Zero, are you scared too,' I whisper, curious.

He pauses for a second, then starts to chuckle, I feel him reverberate under my touch.

'You could say that,' he whispers.

'I knew it,' I whisper/scream to him.

'Whatever Yuki.'

'Zero,' I say sternly.

'Yuki,' he rebounds, playfully.

I liked how he said my name. Maybe it was the fact that we were alone in the dark or the fact that I was starting to see him more than just a brother-figure, but the way he said my name made my stomach do weird things. He turns and lies on his back so I can see the side of his face, my fingers trail off his back. I suddenly miss the contact. I feel Zero take my hand, I look up at him, surprised.

'Continue,' he says, his eyes closed.

I enclose my hand in his, it feel warm. I start wandering my small hands over his large square ones. From this kind of contact I realized that Zero was actually a guy. I didn't mean in a literal sense, I knew he was a guy, but he was a guy, a male, a man. And I was lying on his bed, in the middle of the night, somewhere deep in the forest. I blushed and my heart pounded hard against my chest. The only reason, the ONLY reason, I didn't run out of the room screaming Bloody Mary was because I knew this man was Zero. I huddled even closer, my head now lay on his shoulder. Usually coming this close was more then invading Zero's personal space, but today he didn't push me away. He felt so warm, and safe and solid. Yet I felt he could disappear, like thin air.

I continued roaming my hands over his, I felt his breathing deepen, a sure sign he was asleep. I open my eyes and look at up at him again. His features were illuminated by the moon and his face depicted a childish demeanour he only showed when he was defenceless, which wasn't all the time. I leaned against my elbow and brought my face to his, his breathing was deep and his eyes weren't furrowed into a frown like it usually is. He was so beautiful. Almost as an impulse, I bring my lips slowly towards his, my eyes closed, then I stop, my lips less then an inch from his. I laughed to myself. What was I doing? Instead I place my lips on his cheek and kiss him lightly. He moans softly, and my heart thumps uncomfortably when i think he's woken up but then he only turns his head to the side, sighing in his sleep. A small smile adorns his features. I move back to my position on the bed and closed my eyes. My hands still in his.