A Happy Ending? - Part 3

Hey people, this is going up kinda quickly. I haven't even checked for reviews, so any questions will either be answered here or I'll answer later.

My computer has been kinda screwed up and I'm just hoping to get this on if it'll still let me...




~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dear Diary,
	I don't know what Gary and Ash were just
arguing about. I guess it's not supposed to be
too unusual for those two. Then Ash left for the
forest. He's been going out there a lot lately. 
Wish I could know why. You think he'd be happier 
today, especially since Misty's finally getting 
back. But he's not. He's even been ignoring his 
pokemon lately. His training skills might be 
getting a little weak. I'd give anything to know 
what's going through his mind right now...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



The moment he was out of sight, Ash picked up the pace, going from a brisk walk, to a quick jog, and finally an all out sprint. Ash closed his eyes as he ran. He didn't have to worry about hitting anything, he knew the path by heart, the trail he traveled everyday. Thinking, hiding, running from his feelings; it was all the same.

He had come to the forest a little over two years ago, the day he and Misty had fought over his stubbornness. Misty had decided to duel him. They had both been on their last pokemon; it had been Starmie against Pikachu - both had been at very high levels. Misty had trained hard after reopening her gym. She had been in more battles than Ash as the Grand Champion had. She had been ready.

Starmie had used a combination of light screens and recover to save its strength until Pikachu had been pretty much worn down. Two tackle attacks and a nightshade did the rest. Ash had been stunned. He had lost the match to a girl, and not just any girl, but Misty - the one who was always following him around, the one whose pokemon had always been weak to Pikachu, the one he had never worried about losing to - had beaten him when he was supposedly the best in the world.

She could have kicked him out. She could have become the new champion. But she didn't. When offered that, she refused anything on the false grounds that it wasn't an official match. But everybody there had known better. Then, she just recalled Starmie and left without another word. Ash supposed she had proven her point, but exactly what that had been, he still wasn't sure. That had been the deciding factor for the Council to name her an official Pokemon Master.

Two weeks after the fact, Ash had gone to Cerulean City to bestow the honor on her. They made up then and there, renewing their friendship once more. But deep down inside, it had taken months before Ash ever recovered from his sense of defeat, and before he ever regained enough confidence to continue in his title as Grand Master. Even to this day, Ash looked back with a strange feeling in his heart. It wasn't bitterness, exactly, but something else just as painful.

That had been the day he had first come to the forest. He had spent two nights there before he got the courage to come back and face his friends. By then, most everybody had become frantic. Ash had wanted to resign; he hadn't felt deserving of his title when someone else had beaten him. But Brock, Richie, Todd, Tracey, and his other friends had convinced him to stay. And so he did.

Misty offered him a rematch. Ash had refused for a long time; only a few weeks before she had left on the recent expedition had he agreed to battle. This time, things were different. The battle was fierce, but Ash was numb to the intensity. He battled mechanically. For him, there was no joy in victory, only a lessening of the pain. And so Misty had silently left again, their relationship in a stalemate.

Before, it was only in times of extreme emotion he had come out to the forest. Now, it was habit. Ever since that last battle, Ash had found the forest to be his only escape. He made it routine. It was addicting. For the past couple weeks, Ash had spent several hours out here every day. He wasn't dense. He knew the others were worried about him, but for now, he needed time to think.

There was a reason he was avoiding Misty, but he couldn't tell her. It would be too awkward - for both of them. Sooner or later, it would come out. But before he let it, he needed to make absolutely sure. Misty invaded every thought of his. She had been doing that for a long time, even years before he had become the Grand Master. Ash had always pushed it aside. After all, she hadn't been the only one. For a long time in his life, Ash had thought about nothing but Gary and how to catch up to and beat him. Thinking about someone a lot could mean any number of things, and so Ash had pushed her aside.

What could someone like her see in him anyway? Ash was surprised she had even followed him in the beginning. It certainly hadn't been his skill as a trainer or his attitude. Misty always claimed it was for her bike. Richie and Todd had both easily seen a fast-growing friendship between them. Brock had always thought there was something "special" forming between them. Until the past couple weeks, Ash had never realized what Brock had meant.

But now Ash knew. His pent-up feelings were about to burst wide open for the whole world to see. It was only a matter of time, and he didn't have much left. He had to do something. And so he had come out to the forest to think. Today was his last day. He had to be certain. She was coming back, and they hadn't talked in months. That's my fault, of course, Ash thought remorsefully. But it was a fact he had known. It didn't affect him like it would have only a short time ago. I've been even less than a friend to her. He would have a pretty big mess to fix when he got back, and only a couple of hours to prepare.

Feeling a sudden change in his surroundings, Ash skidded to a halt and opened his eyes. His feet were only inches away from a very long drop down a vertical canyon. He had run a lot farther than usual. He had been to this spot only once before - the first night he spent in the forest after his battle with Misty. It had been the one part of his experience that he had never told. That night, he had stood in the very same place, his failure still ringing in his ears.

He had almost done it. The moon had vanished behind the cloud making the area pitch black. One "accidental" step would have taken care of everything. He couldn't see what he was about to do; death had hidden its face. It would have been so easy. He had tensed, he had started to release, but he waited an instant too long. The moon reappeared. Looking down the canyon, Ash had stopped and collapsed. He had heard loose stones against the rock walls, bouncing, tumbling slowly to the bottom. And he had stuck his face in the dirt and cried.

But that had been a couple years ago. This was now. He couldn't change the past, and for once, he was completely out of control of his future. He was ready, but all he could do was wait; it was out of his hands.

Ash stared down the cliff in broad sunlight. It all depended on what happened tonight. Things could go either way. There was a chance that the next time he would step into the forest, not even the moon would be able to stop him. Though it was a warm afternoon, Ash shivered. Something was definitely wrong with him. But it was too late to back out now. With a last look down the crevasse, Ash turned and walked slowly back to the building.




>>>these comments have been deleted as they do not pertain to the story and are no longer important to me or anyone else. so until i think up something else stupid enough to take up this space...thank you for your patience

joey~out