Warnings: Language.
Learning To Let Go
Chapter 4
Grimmjow was anxious to see Ichigo again.
The orange haired angel's face kept popping up in his head when he worked, and his deep, soulful brown eyes haunted him, called out to him.
He was just getting into bed after he'd tucked Sora in her basket, that it struck him.
He was catching feelings for the man.
Feelings that went beyond a passing curiosity and friendly interest.
He'd realised it even when he had talked to Starrk about it earlier in the week, but it hadn't really dawned on him until now. And he didn't know quite what to make of it.
He rolled out of bed again, and walked back downstairs to the kitchen to get some water, all the while mulling over the situation he'd found himself in.
He wanted to see the man again. He'd been to the shop just last Monday, and he only had to go in for Sora's vaccination three weeks from now. But he wanted to see the man now.
He retrieved a bottle of cold water from his fridge and unscrewed the cap. He stared at the bottle for a while before he closed it and replaced it again, not feeling thirsty anymore.
He trudged back upstairs and fell onto his bed, and began twisting and turning, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in.
When five minutes of flopping around like a dying fish yielded no results, he resigned himself to a sleepless night spent thinking of why Ichigo's eyes were the way they were.
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The next day
Ichigo looked up from the computer he was using to order more dog food when the bell jingled.
Grimmjow was standing at the counter, hands shoved into his red hoodie's pockets, looking slightly nervous.
Ichigo was concerned. "What are you doing here already? Did something happen to Sora?"
Grimmjow smiled slightly, hoping to high heaven that Ichigo did not hear the fireworks exploding in his head and heart. "No, no, little munchkin's fine and happy. I just needed more kitten milk formula."
Ichigo's brows furrowed further, and a skeptical gleam appeared in his chocolate brown eyes. "The bottle I gave you should have lasted a month. How much have you been feeding her?"
The mechanic looked pinched for a minute before his features evened out into a confident smile. "I've been feeding her exactly according to your instructions. But I accidentally dropped the bottle and all the powder spilled out, so... I need another one."
Ichigo looked at him suspiciously, but retrieved the KMR anyway, and Grimmjow paid with a sheepish smile on his face.
He tried to initiate conversation, but Ichigo put an end to that with a polite but firm "Good day, sir."
Grimmjow looked disappointed but he left silently.
Ichigo sighed and shook his head.
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The day after that
Ichigo walked into the waiting room when he heard the bell jangle.
Seeing the person standing at the counter, he resisted the urge to palm his face in acute exasperation.
"Don't tell me you dropped the bottle again!"
Grimmjow floundered, almost forgetting his lines as he watched Ichigo's emotions play out on his face. The twitch in his eyebrows, the downward turn of his lips, the flash in his eyes, Grimmjow found all of it captivating. "No! It's not that. I was doing some cleaning yesterday, and I found an old fish bowl, so I thought I'd buy some fish to keep in it..."
Ichigo nodded, and motioned for Grimmjow to follow him to the interior of the shop where the fish tanks were.
Grimmjow grinned and walked after the clerk, taking in the movement of his orange locks and the sway of his tapered hips as he walked.
Ichigo stopped in front of a wall of tanks, and pointed out various breeds.
Grimmjow spent the whole while mesmerised at the soft tones of the man's voice.
In the end, he ended up choosing a golden orange betta, just because its colour reminded him of Ichigo's hair.
If Ichigo noticed the adoring look on Grimmjow's face when he looked at his new pet, he chose to remain silent about it.
As Ichigo got a box of fish food and some small aquarium plants, Grimmjow filled the air with small talk, all in the hopes of getting the clerk to open up a little.
Ichigo printed the bill, took the money, and sent Grimmjow on his way with a "Good day, sir," and a professional, plastic smile.
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The third day in a row
Ichigo didn't even try to hide his incredulity this time. "This is the third day in a row!"
Grimmjow smiled charmingly though internally he was sweating bullets. Starrk stood behind him, irritation clearly visible in his frown and twitching eyebrows, though his slate gray eyes remained cool and impassive.
Grimmjow and held up his hands in a placating gesture. "We wanted to put in a fish tank in the shop, so we came here."
Starrk took over when Ichigo just looked disbelievingly at the blue haired man. "It's been an idea for quite a while, actually. We have some empty space in our lounge, and we thought perhaps an aquarium would be nice to look at."
Ichigo nodded at Starrk, though he still shot a wary, sideways glance at Grimmjow. He knew Starrk, he could deal with the gentle brunet and ignore Grimmjow.
Except Grimmjow kept speaking and forcing him to interact.
Ichigo lead them to the fish tanks, and Starrk held his hands about three feet apart. "We'd like a tank about this long, and perhaps two feet high. Got something like that?"
Ichigo pointed to one of the larger tanks on the stand, filled with different kinds of tropical fish. "The ones we have here are two point five by one point five feet, and one and a half feet high, like this tank, and we can have that delivered to you tomorrow. But if you prefer it, we can have a tank custom made to your specifications, though it'll take a week for it to be delivered."
The tall brunet shook his head. "No, this is fine. How often would we need to clean it?"
"For a tank this size, once a month should be enough. But with some of the higher end models of filters, it should be enough to clean around once in two months. Have you decided what kind of fish you want?"
Grimmjow and Starrk picked out a pair each of blueberry tetras and black skirt tetras, and a pair of rainbow sharks, and Ichigo replied that he'd bring the fish, and the other aquarium essentials over to the garage the next day and help to set it up.
"I thought the shop was closed tomorrow?" Grimmjow spoke up trying to catch the clerk's attention, wondering if Ichigo was really trying to avoid his eyes or if it was just a coincidence.
Ichigo looked a little to the side as he answered. "We're closed only for business, so we use the time to carry out maintenance and make deliveries and such."
Grimmjow hummed, letting his gaze wander about the shop and purposefully avoiding the clerk. He had been right, Ichigo really was trying to avoid looking at him. Why was that? He hadn't really done anything so far. Sure, he'd been visiting the shop for the past two days with the lamest excuses, but that wasn't any reason to react like that.
He kept quiet as Starrk and Ichigo discussed details about the delivery. He didn't know why Ichigo was uncomfortable, but he didn't want to make it worse, so he decided to lay off for a while.
He surreptitiously watched the clerk out of the corner of his eye, noticing the man's slight scowl and all around tense demeanor. It just made him even more curious about Ichigo.
When they were done and it was time to go, he shot Ichigo a slight smile and a wave goodbye after they were done.
He saw Ichigo's slightly annoyed scowl turn into an unhappy frown as they left, and Grimmjow felt an answering sorrow settle in his own chest.
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Starrk kept his hands stuffed in his pockets as he and Grimmjow walked back to the garage.
He loved Grimmjow like his own blood, but he was not happy about spending so much money on a fish tank just because Grimmjow wanted a proper excuse to see the clerk again.
"Are you happy now?" He said, letting his irritation show.
"I'm sorry, Starrk," Grimmjow had the decency to be at least a little ashamed. "but I needed to see him. It's like a biological imperative."
Starrk snorted at that and whacked his friend upside the head. Grimmjow elbowed him with a grin, knowing Starrk well enough to recognise when he'd been forgiven.
"No need to spend a stupid amount of money for it, though. If you wanted to see him so bad, you could have used the excuse that you wanted to buy dog food for Lily and Lupin."
Grimmjow smirked. "Next time, maybe. But for now I got what I wanted. Now I can see him tomorrow too."
The taller man rolled his eyes. "You did notice that you made him really uneasy?"
"Yeah, that's why I stopped yapping. Why did he do that, though? I wasn't being creepy and I wasn't coming on too strong or anything, right?"
"You mean to tell me that visiting his shop three days in a row just to see him isn't creepy or coming on too strong?"
"Shut up," Grimmjow grumbled. He knew he hadn't really done anything to warrant the wariness that was practically coming off Ichigo in waves.
"Maybe he figured out that you're interested in him, and he feels awkward about it?"
Grimmjow frowned. "Maybe. You think I should just come clean about it and tell it to his face?"
Starrk made a noise of consideration. "That has been your usual MO-"
"Jesus, Starrk, you're make me sound like I'm a criminal or something!"
"and I'd usually advise against it, but I have a feeling Ichigo would appreciate it if you were honest with him, instead of beating around the bush with this 'being subtle' bullshit."
Blue brows rose in surprise. "Really? Why? I thought it would be good if I eased him into it, or something..."
Starrk shook his head. "Ichigo's the kind of guy who prefers the direct truth over sugar coating things. He's a grown man, and he's perfectly capable of making choices for himself. And when you try to be all sweet and teasing, blatantly pretending that you're not trying to get into his pants, you're essentially emasculating him and insulting his intelligence, do you get me?"
Grimmjow nodded, but he was still a little confused. "First off, I'm not simply interested in shagging him. I actually want to get to know him better, and I want him to like me in return. And second, how am I insulting him?"
The taller man hummed as he mulled over how to explain things. "Think of it this way. Suppose you're in Ichigo's position, okay? You're not interested in relationships, or making friends, or anything of the sort. Then this guy suddenly pops up, and before you know it, he's always coming by the shop and he keeps trying to get your attention. What will you think?"
"I'll think he has the hots for me and is trying to ask me out, and I'll get pissed because he's behaving like a clown and not just getting to the point- ohhh" Grimmjow placed a palm on his forehead as it all clicked. "But that's just me, how can you know Ichigo won't like it? He doesn't know me at all, why would he accept to go on a date with me?"
"Just trust me on this, okay? If you're too subtle, you'll get friendzoned. If you tell you're romantically interested in him after that, he'll just feel betrayed that you never wanted to be his friend in the first place and everything was just an act. You don't want to hurt him like that. So listen up. When he comes tomorrow, talk to him a little, but don't be an ass and try to tease him. Then tell him what your intentions are and ask him out on a date, or something. And if he says no, respect it and back off, you hear me?"
Grimmjow nodded, though he couldn't make any promises about backing off. He didn't want to think about what he'd do if his angel said no.
On the bright side, at least now he didn't have to worry about pussyfooting around, that was totally not his style.
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Grimmjow probably thought he was being subtle, but Ichigo wasn't an idiot.
He could clearly see the interest in the man's gorgeous eyes, and it scared him. His friendly words, the charming smiles, they terrified Ichigo.
Because he knew they were all an act.
Ichigo had seen the same smiles and heard the same words many times before, and he had learned by now to steer clear of such actions, because they never boded well for him.
He had been made a fool of more times than he cared for, and he would not allow it to happen again.
But wait, Grimmjow looked nice enough, and he took such pains for his pet. His blue eyes glittered with warmth, and his smiles were always full of mischief and joy, so he couldn't be such a bad person, right?
Wrong.
Ichigo had learned first hand that appearances weren't everything, and monsters lurked under the guise of angels.
The sweetest gestures always had the darkest motives.
He knew that the man was trying to build some sort of bridge between them, using friendly overtures to get Ichigo to open up more and let him in, trying to become his friend, and then when Ichigo trusted him enough...
Kind smiles would twist into angry frowns...
Sweet laughter would turn into harsh yelling...
Gentle hands would morph into cruel talons...
He mentally shook himself and focused his gaze on the puppies innocently frolicking in their cages, his arms subconsciously wrapping around himself to ward off the sudden chill and the mess of emotions he felt.
Ichigo would never be taken advantage of again.
**********continues...
