~ I own nothing of these mighty fine characters…except the freedom to make them act stupid =)

ENDURO: No single letter for moi? Oh…I am so hurt. Okay…just call me GRAYMOON and leave it at that. The head part in this chapter seemed to make everyone laugh. That was rather naughty of me! And you accusing these sweet, innocent characters…okay…yeah…they were hittin' it! Ugh…all of you have very dirty minds. Thanks for the review =)

GODDESS OF THE BLOODMOON: The head part again…I am glad everyone liked that so much. I was trying to figure out if that was rated PG-13 or not. Oh well…I am sure all of you know what I was referring to so I guess I didn't taint anyone! You rock. Thanks for the review!

A.L.NOWICKI: Hmm…trust me…you wouldn't want this imagination. I'm beginning to think it is illegal. Anyway…you don't need my help…I love your story. Actually…I like all your stories. Oh…and by the way…WHY DID YOU KILL MINA???!!! Ugh…ugh…ugh…giant kick to your butt! Thanks for the review.

RAYNE: Glad you laughed so much. Lord only knows how a cow ended up in the story. But I mean to do more with the cow later. Not anything freaky! Thanks so much for the review.

SETHOZ: Sorry if you got hurt more from laughing…ugh…this story is dangerous. I liked the 'pink ninja nemo' also. I have no idea how he popped into the story…but he did and I had ta take it from there. And Tom wanting to kill himself? That boy really needs to get a better sense of humor. Ugh…these characters are all such drama queens. Mucho thanks on the review.

CLEZ: Hilarious? Awe…thank you. I do try. If your mom puts you away in an institution, I do promise to visit you. Might loose the address, but I am sure I would send you some nice postcards or…no address!…well, nevermind. I wouldn't be able to send you anything without an address. Sorry. Just thinking ahead. Don't want to tire myself by feeling guilty or anything. Thanks much for the review. Your new story is fantastic =)

THEINVISIBLESTEF: Thanks for the laughter. I will include Skinner and Jekyll in this chapter just for you. Great thanks for the review =)

MINA/DORIAN4EVER: You are too funny. This is so very educational, how could your teacher have missed that? Ugh…some people are no fun at all, eh? Thanks for the review =)

So, my story continues…unfortunately!

The waves crashed against the ship as it rose to the surface. Mina and Tom were the first to get up to the sunny deck for some much-needed fresh air. They both almost collided into each other, but Mina gained her footing and pushed Tom out of the way.

He stumbled over to the railing, grasping it in time just before he toppled over the side of the boat, "Jesus, Mina, good morning to you too."

Then he looked down into the black waters only to turn around quickly in order to glare at me, "Is that Nemo down there in the water, on a little pink raft, with his ass cheeks hanging out of his bathing suit?"

I try to think of where I last left Nemo…hmmm…little Indian was quick on his feet!

Skinner was the next to come up from below decks, he was dressed in a short sleeve shirt, his arms covered in grease paint. He joined Tom at the rail, "What the hell is that little Indian bloke wearing?" Skinner said in alarm as he peered over the side of the ship, "I think I need about twelve drinks after seeing that hairy mess. Are those his cheeks? Jesus, is that an ape or our captain? Should we call the zoo?"

"I believe it is a pink bathing suit with little yellow fuzzy ducks on it." Tom said as he glared at me, "And, yes, those are his hairy ass cheeks."

"I forgot to shave my cheeks." Nemo sang from his raft.

"Dude, you'd need to burn your whole ass in order to clean up that jungle." Tom yelled down, then looked at me, "Where the hell did he get the suit?"

"It was on sale at K-mart." I told Tom, "Nemo is very thrifty."

"In the infants department!" Nemo sang up from his place on his little pink raft.

"I guess that explains why the back of the suit is digging so far up his crack!" Tom said, "And speaking of crack pots."

Quatermain came up from below, his hair a ruffled mess on his head. He nodded his head at Skinner, roared something in a demonic tongue at Tom and then busied himself with talking to Mina.

"Did you see that Skinner?" Tom said quickly, "He speaks in tongues. He is a mad raving lunatic."

"That was Spanish. He asked you if you would like a burrito shoved up your behind. That's just his way of saying hello. Some kind of African custom, I guess. Gee mate, you really should lay off the caffeine, my friend." Skinner said as he lifted a barrel of booze up to his mouth. The barrel was about three feet high and two feet wide. He drank the whole thing and then threw it into the ocean, "Right buzz in the morning, eh?"

"You really should lay off the booze!" Tom exclaimed. All of a sudden the cow came up from below decks followed by a somber Dorian who was rolling something up the stairs. He rolled it right out onto the deck, "What the hell is that?" Tom asked as he and Skinner stared down at a blob of flesh.

Dorian rolled his eyes, "It's that fat cupid that fell from the string, remember? Little fatty couldn't make it up the stairs."

"Looks like someone didn't get laid, eh?" Skinner said as he watched Dorian move toward Mina, "You know Mina, old girl, if you aren't given it to Dorian, I'd like a try at it."

Mina smiled, lifting her chin into the sunlight, "Be my guest. Give it to him." She said. Quatermain stifled a laugh as he walked to the far end of the ship.

The cupid was still huffing as it laid on its back on the deck. The sun glared down on all its folds of fat. Soon everyone was aware of the bacon smell in the air.

Tom and Skinner turned to see the cupid sizzling on the deck, "Little love bum smells like bacon." Skinner said, "I say we eat 'em."

The little cupid had a nice, sweet face and he looked to be in such agony and then he yelled, "Listen you M-f er's, if you don't help me up from this deck I'm gonna take my arrows and shove them up your…"

Long censored yelling session by the fat cupid.

All of a sudden dark clouds flooded the sky and an evil looking whale began to make its way toward Nemo. He was still laid out on his little raft.

As the whale did a flip in the air, because enormous whales always flip in the air, everyone could read on its side the big red words written there. The words that were written were, 'I AM THE EVIL WHALE' and two small ads for toothpaste were under that.

"Eh love, I 'ave that toothpaste. Right good stuff. Really cleans the teeth." Skinner said as Tom eyed him with contempt.

The whale smiled and all its teeth looked bright.

Tom turned to me, "Is this an advertisement or a threat?" he asked in a hissed voice.

Nemo was now screaming from his place on his crappy little raft.

And everyone knew it was a crappy little raft because those very words where written on the surface. Actually, it read: Don't use in water, this is a very crappy little wraft. Yes…so crappy that the person who made the raft couldn't even spell the word. Ugh!

"That is a fairly crappy little raft." Dorian said as he leaned himself over the railing, "Why on earth didn't you help the freak pick out a better one?"

I ignore that comment and that question.

Nemo was now reading the surface of his raft, "This is a happy little raft." He sang out as the whale was getting closer.

Tom looked at me, "I thought he was getting over his reading disability? I thought he was cured?"

"No," I say, "he's still an illiterate asshole."

The whale stopped, jumped onto the raft and began to sing with Nemo.

Tom turned to me again, "Oh Jesus…" he said as he ruffled his sandy blond hair and shook his head, "I either need a cigarette or I really need to get laid." He looked over at Mina. All of a sudden the sun peeked from a cloud…ugh…the sun is being a bit stubborn…just a second. Pulling clouds apart. Grabbing ray of sunshine…

Okay, so the sun came out and shined down on Mina's beautiful face.

"I need to get laid." Tom said as he stared at her.

The sun slammed the clouds shut over itself. Ugh!!! The sun is dramatic too.

Mina dropped her gaze to Tom, "Over my dead body." She said as she eyed the whale and Nemo in disgust.

I have to remind her that she is dead.

"Why in God's name are there no other woman on this ship?" Mina scoffed.

Dorian turned and purred lightly, "I rather like all men and only one woman."

(Taking note of Dorian's particularly gay comment and the fact that the fat cupid was now humping his leg.)

Quatermain was still at the other end of the ship, his head spinning on his neck. His eyes flashing with…pears and apples? What the hell? Who changed my…wait…two apples pop up in his eyes and he screams jackpot. All of a sudden the deck is filled with coins as millions pour out of his mouth. And then Quatermain is shooting lasers out of his sockets and a rainbow out of his ass.

Everyone runs to get some of the money off the floor. Mina is filling her pockets and Skinner is filling his flask. A few of the coins are too hot to pick up because Quatermain keeps firing his laser sight at them.

"These aren't coins…" said Tom, "these are freakin' pennies! I told you he was evil!"

All of a sudden Jekyll is up on deck, "Looks like Quatermain ate the spicy chicken also." He said and then added, "Hey Skinner, I bet ya can't guess how many pennies are on the deck?"

Idiot!

Quatermain tilted his head back, a large black cloud being sucked into his mouth.

"He's gone mad!" Tom screamed, "Doesn't anyone see that he is evil?"

The whale and Nemo were now tickling each other.

Tom looked at Quatermain one last time and then ducked into the Nautilus. He slammed the door and retreated down the…

Okay…so we are down in the Nautilus. Couldn't finish the sentence above because an angry Tom grabbed the rest of that sentence and stuffed it into his mouth. He is being rather dramatic right now.

Will wait an hour.

Light humming.

Singing.

Hair cut.

Weekend almost here.

Wonderful…he is ready.

(Jerk!)

Tom exited his bedroom at six in the evening the next night. He looked refreshed, his hair shaggy and sexy. His ass looked pretty good too.

Turned to me, "Did you just say something about my ass?"

"Nope." I replied.

He scoffed as he moved on down the hallway.

(Drama queen!) Thank God he can't hear anything in the brackets.

He stopped and turned to me again, "What's in the brackets?"

I shrugged and Tom walked on…but stayed.

"I'm not walking till you tell me what is in the brackets?" He said. He had his hands on his hips in a very dramatic pose.

Enter Nemo…

"No, no, no!" he said now, "I'll walk. Anything but Nemo."

He walked on, soon pausing at Quatermain's door. He knew it was the old man's door because it had '666' and a cross hanging upside down. Under the cross the words: 'Rot in Hell' were written. Below that was a plaque that read: Please be a sweetie and wipe your feety.

He knocked, but no answer came.

Backing up he could see under the door, strange lights were flickering about. He backed up further. Now he could see a shadow. He backed up even further and now he could see the whole room. Boy that is a huge gap under the door!

Tom looked at me.

Okay…so it isn't that big.

Jekyll now appeared in the hallway, "Hyde wants to play shrunken heads with Quatermain again."

"What?" Tom asked as he stepped closer to Jekyll, "What game does Hyde play with Quatermain?"

Quatermain came out into the hallway with a pleasant smile on his face. He let Jekyll pass, but raised Tom up on a flame of fire and threw him down the hallway. Then Quatermain went back into his room.

Skinner was standing over Tom when he landed, "Boy, those candles have some very strong flames, don't they?"

Tom stood, "Quatermain did that!"

"Yeah man, whatever you say." Skinner laughed as he brushed past Tom. He laughed all the way down the hallway and then disappeared into Quatermain's room also.

Tom was about to turn when he heard a voice.

"La, la, la!" it sang.

He scoffed and ran over to his bedroom. The singing was coming from within. He opened the door. Went into his room. Opened his bathroom door…

Slammed it shut and glared at me, "Why the hell is there a whale in my tub?"

(I ponder this.)

"Better than it being in your bed." I say.

He doesn't find this funny. The boy really needs a sense of humor.

(I'll give him a treat.)

A knock on the door turns him. He opens it to find beautiful Mina standing there staring at him. She raises an eyebrow as if to ask, "Shall we…"

"…tuck you in." I say before she can utter the 'f' word.

"Come in." Tom said. The whale in his tub began to sing a love song.

Mina rolled her eyes and looked at me, "Is that that damn whale from this afternoon?"

"He needed a bath." I said, "And aren't you the one who said that there should be another female aboard the ship?" I watched her cringe, "Now there are three. You, the whale and the cow."

"I meant human women!" she hissed loudly, her fists clenched.

I had to remind her of her blood pressure. And then she had to remind me that she hadn't eaten in three days so she really had no blood. Ugh…such matters!

Tom was already removing his clothing, "This is my bed…" he said and then finished with, "…room."

Mina looked at me again, "He isn't getting laid." She said quietly, her eyes locking on something, "Why is there a nude picture of Nemo poising with the whale on Tom's wall?"

I ponder this and remind myself to take away Nemo's camera.

The whale came walking out of the bathroom wearing Tom's shower curtain as a dress. It looked rather fashionable on the whale. The whale walked across the room like a model on a runway. It paused and then walked back. Mina and I clapped.

Tom looked scared, "I freakin' swear I am killing myself in the next chapter."

All of a sudden the whale blew some water out of its blowhole and Nemo flew across the room, his head smashing through a wall.

Quickly he popped himself out of the wall and yelled, "Ta Da!" Then he twirled across the room and kneeled at Mina's feet, "I need your love!"

Mina rolled her eyes as she noticed that Nemo's suit seemed to be tearing as he squatted in front of her. In one final rip, it shot off like a rubber band and nailed Tom right in the forehead.

"Jesus!" Tom said as he rubbed at his forehead.

Nemo stood up and I quickly hung a censored sign around his neck. It hung down to his toes. He danced around the room in it. Then he and the whale left.

Tom looked very displeased.

His forehead still red and throbbing.

Nemo's swimsuit still laid at his feet.

"That's it!" he yelled, "That is all I can take!"

Mina and I roll our eyes, "He is even more dramatic then Dorian. And Dorian is gay." Mina said to me as she left the room.

Dorian popped his head into the room from the bathroom, "I am not gay." He said and then asked Tom if he could borrow his new shampoo.

Tom scoffed as he almost tripped over Nemo's bathing suit, "Is everyone in my bathroom?" he ran over and swung open the door. All was quiet. Except for the black hole on his wall.

"Why is there a black hole in my bathroom?" he asked.

I ponder and then tell him that Nemo thought it would match nicely with the black tile of the floor and the black tub, sink and toilet.

"Good." Tom said and then he jumped into the black hole."

Actually it wasn't a black hole. The whale used the secret passageway that leads from Nemo's bedroom, very suspicious, to Tom's bathroom. He was in there, bent over looking for his blowhole cork when Tom jumped into his ass.

Wow! Tom is going to be really pissed when he figures that one out.

I remove the 'Secret Passageway' sign from Tom's shower wall. Thank God he never noticed that.

And now I use the secret passageway to move on into the next chapter.