Part 4 : Maniacal

I believe in you

I'll give up everything just to find you

I have to be with you to live to breathe

You're taking over me

Winry comes by every few days to check on me and drop off food.

She was more than surprised to find out I re-built our old house upon the hilltop. It wasn't perfect, heck it was far from it. But i needed something to help me remember fully and I thought it would help. But instead, all it did was cause more violent attacks and more recovery time.

Once, Winry came by with a pain medicine, something she used for auto-mail injury. As awful as it sounds, as I took it I thought of Ed and felt at ease, knowing he must have been given the same thing. However, it did not help. Eventually the hallucinations calmed down and I was able to think clearly again.

I know she is worried about me. But I don't care anymore. I must look awful. I haven't showered in days and my clothes and skin are covered in paint.

"Alphonse...!"I hear a female voice whisper in shock from behind me. Turning around I see her fall to her knees in the doorway of the room. "W-What are you doing...?" She whispers.

The room, which is the study, the same room brother and I attempted to resurrect mom is littered with books and buckets of paint. Smears of transmutation circles and arrays litter the floor, walls and ceiling. It looks like the scene from a horror book and I smile. She shivers and I look away. What is wrong with me? I know I am troubled, but I can not help that. It was the price I paid for the sin we committed so many yeas ago.

Memories and feelings all jumbled together...

I believe that the answer to getting my brother back is within my forgotten past. I have tried many times using Alchemy to retrieve my memories. But have come up with nothing but smears of chalk and paint.

"I'll get them back... I will..." I say in what seems like a haunted voice. Winry comes to me and kneels in front of me. I try to move away but she grabs me and pulls me to her chest anyway.

"You need to stop this... it's over Al..." She tells me in all seriousness. But instead of listening to her reasoning, I pull back.

"No..." I hiss at her.

"He's gone Al... probably dea-" But I don't let her finish, and before I realize what I am doing, I have already slapped her across the face and am stumbling back in horror.

"Oh my god..." I whisper and look down at my hand. What have I done. Instantly I fall onto my hands and knees. Hands turning into tight fists, they turn white with the strain of skin gliding over bone. Before I can stop them, tears fall. Big and fat slick running down my flushed face. "I j-just..." A loud anguish filled cry comes out of my throat. I feel something soft on my skin and I recoil from it.

"Its okay... and its not your fault..." I know she isn't just talking about the strike to her. How can I not think it was my fault? If I never wanted my body back brother would still be here. But to think about those memories hurts me. I grab at the side of my head. Clawing at my temples in an attempt to draw my past out from the burrows of my subconscious. But Winry grabs my wrists as I flail around. "You need to stop this nonsense!" She shouts and I stop. Since my time back she has never once raised her voice. Always holding my hand and giving reassuring words and touches when need be. "You are almost an adult Alphonse." She wraps her arms around me and whispers in my ear. "You need to let go.." I fall into her embrace.

Brother...

You have taken over...

"I-I can't... I just can't.." I whisper. "I can't stop because he wouldn't stop." I hold on to her tighter and the warmth that radiates from her is refreshing. Before I know what I am doing my hands are already gliding up the backside of her shirt, wanting to get closer to the warmth that is slowly consuming me.