"You're bloody insane." Spike said, smoking his cigarette.
"So I've been told." Xander replied, "So what do you say?"
"That you're bloody insane." Spike said again.
"Come on. You'll be getting paid." Xander sighed, "Five bucks for every time you help me out."
"Ten."
"Ten bucks for every time you help me out. That buys a lot of cancer sticks." Xander pointed out.
Spike just blew the smoke into his face.
"Is this some sort of poofter thing?" Spike asked, arching an eyebrow.
Xander cocked his head.
"Does that have to do with crap? Because I mean it sounds that way."
"No you lack-wit. Is this some sort of gay thing? You got something for me 'cause I saved your life last night?" Spike asked.
"No! No, no, no! Dude, I'm so not gay…not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just I really need guidance in the arts of badassedness…if that's a word." Xander replied with a smile.
Spike inhaled.
"You're SURE this isn't a gay thing?"
"Will you stop obsessing with the gay thing?! This isn't a slash fic on the net!" Xander replied, losing his temper slightly, "Not that I read those ya know cause grrr manly."
"Alright. Give me ten dollars." Spike stated.
Xander reached into his wallet and after much trying, produced two five dollar bills and put them on the table. Spike's hand instantly grasped the money. He smirked evilly.
"Lesson the first," Spike began, "Keep your wits about you at all times. I know it's hard in your case.."
"Hey!"
"But always keep them about you. Stay calm, keep thinking. Never lose control 'till you have a reason to fight. Then you let it all out." Spike said as he puffed away.
"Stay calm. Got it." Xander said, writing on a steno pad that he seemed to produce from nowhere, "That's just the kind of radical thinking I need."
"Well that's just super. Now pay up." Spike smirked.
"But I just did." Xander said confusedly.
Spike smiled wolfishly.
"I never said that the ten dollars you gave me was for your little lesson. I just said to give it to me and you did." Spike snickered, "Now I'll take the ten dollars for my lesson."
"That's not fair!" Xander shouted.
"Bloody well right it's not fair. But it was witty wasn't it?" Spike said, cool as ice.
Xander's jaw dropped.
"That was cruel man! You jerk! You gypped me! That was so undeniably wrong!" Xander said aghast with Spike smiling and soaking up the compliments, "You have much to teach me!"
Spike groaned inwardly. He hoped this idiot would lose interest already.
Joan swung around and staked the vampire to her left. She ducked instinctively as the next one attacked from behind. She flipped it and brought her foot down into its face breaking the jaw. She then dropped and just staked it. She rose as dust exploded upwards on her, coating her.
The last vampire swallowed hard as it saw hateful orbs glare at it. Then a sadistic smirk crossed Joan's face. The vampire turned and began to run. Joan just stayed in place and lobbed her stake. It entered the back of the vampire and hit the heart, turning it to dust in an instant. She walked to the pile of dust and retrieved her stake, blowing some of the ex-vampire off of the shard of wood.
That's when she felt it. She spun and in the distance she saw her true foe. He stood tall and was watching her with great interest. There was a smirk on his face as he strode towards her. She readied herself and prepared for battle, her teeth bared. Her foe began to bare his. He chuckled as he did.
Perhaps this was the one she had heard of. Perhaps this was the one that had cut a bloody swath through Europe. She tensed, feeling every muscle in her body begin to tingle. This was war. It was war that only one of them would walk away from.
Joan moved forward and prepared to jam her stake in little sister's heart….ABWHA?
"-called and needs your help." Dawn blurted out.
Buffy shook her head and snapped out of her daydream; her disturbing, blood-soaked, demon filled daydream.
"What?" Buffy asked as she tried to focus.
"Willow called and she needs your help with something." Dawn replied, watching Buffy oddly, "Are you high?"
"What?! No!"
"If you are high, I won't tell on you. As long as you give me a hit too." Dawn replied.
Buffy shook her fist.
"Oh I'll give you a hit alright."
Dawn squealed and ran out of the room. After a minute, she peeked back in.
"I'm gonna tell mom you threatened to abuse me." Dawn replied.
"Oh so they're on that public service in junior high are they?" Buffy quipped.
"Just one hit?" Dawn asked.
"Come a little closer and I'll give it to you." Buffy said, popping her knuckles.
"Fine." Dawn pouted.
"Did Willow say what she wanted?" Buffy asked.
"Just that she wanted you to meet her at the mall. At the Frogurt Shop." Dawn said.
"What time is it?"
"Five thirty." Dawn said, prancing down the hall.
Five thirty….she'd lost two hours after coming home from school. No, no she was not going to go through this crap again. There was no way she was going through this again.
"You want to what?" Buffy asked.
"I want to shake up my image a little. Change my style so I can get noticed more." Willow said with a smile.
Buffy sighed. She was not going through this again.
"Just kill me now." Buffy said to the sky.
Willow frowned.
"You are going to help right?" Willow asked, pouting.
"Well, Will, you know I love you but.." Buffy sighed again, "But you never take my advice when it comes to this stuff. Remember Halloween?"
"I was…just a little shy then. I'm better now though." Willow replied.
"W-What happened on Halloween?" Tara asked, nervously.
What a giddy thrill she got from asking that question! She'd never been allowed to celebrate Halloween because of the Satanism involved in it….at least that's what her father had said, so the taboo of her friend….and her friend's friend whom she was slightly nervous around….celebrating it was interesting.
Buffy looked to Tara and smiled.
"Will wanted to catch Xander's eye. So I helped her with her costume. She looked REALLY good too, but she was so shy and nervous that she covered herself up with a sheet and went as a ghost." Buffy explained.
Tara began to giggle uncontrollably.
"A ghost?! Wow! That's amazing!" Tara laughed, receiving confused looks from Buffy and Willow, "Never mind M-Might have been s-something on Andy Griff-f-fith."
"Anyways," Buffy said looking back at Willow, "the moral of the story is to not cover yourself up when you ask for your best friend's time and patience."
"Oh Buffy! I promise I won't do that this time! I swear! Just help me pleeeeeeease?!" Willow pleaded, "I'll get down on my hands and knees right here in the food court and beg!"
"S-She'll do it." Tara added, just trying to get a word in.
Buffy looked at Willow, she looked at the pleading puppy dog eyes. She smiled and looked up to the sky.
"If I could just resist that look it would simple things up so much." Buffy said, "Alright. I'll help you."
"YES!" Willow shouted, earning looks from around the food court. Tara instantly looked down because of the attention. Buffy just looked around and smiled.
"Mocha high." She whispered, "Just a mocha high."
She then turned back to Willow again.
"There's a but here."
"There's always a but." Willow whimpered.
"I don't want to hear any complaining. I'm doing this to help you, so I want you to appreciate the time I'm spending okay?"
Willow's eyes lit up.
"Is that it?! No problem Buffy. You won't here me complain! Not one bit!"
"Are you…sure about this?" Willow asked as she looked at herself in the mirror.
If Buffy could have hung herself, she would have.
"Will, it looks good on you. Trust me." Buffy replied.
Willow looked at the dress she was wearing. Well, it was pretty but it would be more something like what Cordelia would wear. She didn't think she had the body for it.
"It's a little short." Willow added.
"Wills, its mid-thigh. I have skirts that are much shorter." Buffy explained.
"You do?!" Tara asked with a combination of awe and the feeling that the three of them were doing something wrong.
"Yeah, don't yo—"
Buffy stopped and looked at how Tara's dress went below the ankle.
"Never mind." Buffy backpedaled.
"I'm not sure if its really my style." Willow added, turning to see the dress at different angles.
"Which is why we're changing your style. That's the whole point isn't it?" Buffy asked.
"Well, yeah. But I'm not sure if this is my ideal dress." Willow grimaced.
"Okay." Buffy said, "Tara? You want to try it on?"
Tara nearly fell over.
"N-No! Oh n-no!" Tara frantically begged.
Buffy arched her eyebrow.
"It's a dress, not strychnine." Buffy mused, "Strychnine's not in the ingredients right?"
"Nope." Willow replied.
"See?"
"Oh I k-k-know but I'm not s-s-sure I'd look good in it." Tara nodded quickly before looking to her feet, "Though I have been thinking about getting new shoes."
"You're speaking my language, girl!" Buffy said, dragging Tara off to the shoe department.
"What about me?!" Willow called.
"Try on more clothes!" Buffy called back, as she dragged a very frightened Tara behind her. Who was this crazy woman and why did she like clothes so much?!
Willow would answer her of course, except she was trapped in her own universe.
"I can't shake the feeling this makes my butt look big."
Spike smiled and smoked his cigarette. He was getting some much needed relaxation now. He smirked and watched that loser that had come in earlier play pool. He'd been at it all day ever since forking out ten bucks to have Spike teach him. A cigarette, the whelp off his back, and a total of twenty bucks he'd raked in from this rube today. Yep, life was good for the Big Bad.
"Ow!" Spike spouted as he was slapped in the back of the head.
"Evenin' William." The larger man said as he sat down with a mug of beer.
Spike scowled slightly.
"Peaches." He said in greeting, "You do that one more time and you lose that hand."
"Touchy." Angel said, taking a drink from his mug, "You get my call?"
"Rupe mentioned someone drunk and trying to talk in a crappy Irish accent called." Spike replied, "Trying to sound like your ancestors again, eh mate? The Micks would be very disappointed."
Angel's brow went down.
"I don't remember talking in an accent today."
"Don't brood over it you ninny. I added the last part."
"So it's not crappy then?"
"Oh, mate, it blows." Spike laughed, "Have a good day sleeping off your hangover?"
"Yeah. Woke up with some chick. Can't remember her name. The burden of being good looking and drunk." Angel replied.
"Quite the swinger, you are." Spike inhaled.
"What about you?"
"Hangovers are for Nancy Boys." Spike replied, "I've been here all day making money."
"You never said you were dealing." Angel replied, "Share the wealth man."
Spike's eyes rolled.
"I'm not dealing, you git. Get this though, there's this guy right? Real loser type who wants me to show him how to be a real tough guy." Spike stated, "It's like a bleeding eighties movie!"
Angel and Spike both started laughing.
"So how much you going to play this guy for?" Angel asked.
"Play him? Hell, long as he pays me I'm gonna teach 'em."
"That's noble of you." Angel mused after taking another drink, "What's your angle?"
"Huh?"
"Come on now William, Angel spelled sideways is angle. I can smell one. Where you going with this?"
"I'm not going anywhere." Spike replied, flipping his cigarette in Angel's beer, "And the name IS Spike."
Angel looked at his beer and sighed.
"Can I break one of those tens for a new mug or do I have to beat you down first?" Angel asked sinisterly.
Spike glared at him evilly, then busted out laughing. He threw a crumpled up ten at Angel. Angel started laughing as well and got up.
"You're a good man William."
"It's Spike."
"Spike, William, whatever, as long as I get money for beer I'll call you Queenie if I have to." Angel laughed and stumbled towards the bar.
Spike shook his head and watched him go. Then he watched Xander playing pool with Faith. And he hoped no one would ever guess why he decided to help him.
"Getting' good at this, boy toy!" Faith said flirtatiously.
"Oh yeah. I'm a natural." Xander replied, "Not at pool I mean, at wasting my time. I'm great at that."
"Pretty good at that myself." Faith replied.
Xander pulled at his collar because of the sudden rise in temperature in the room. He then looked at the table.
"Corner pocket." Xander said.
The ball went into the side pocket.
"Okay, so I'm no good at making calls, but the important thing to remember is that the ball DID go into a hole." Xander defended.
Faith smirked and took her own turn at the table.
"That is the important thing." She said, bending over in her low cut top.
And Xander wondered why the room was getting so hot!
Faith sunk her ball in the corner pocket and smirked.
"All you need to get it inside is just natural skill or a big stick." Faith said to Xander, making him blush, "You handle your stick pretty well."
"Everyday!" Xander blurted out, before mentally kicking himself.
"Tease." Faith replied.
Xander tried to avert his eyes from the very hot brunette and focus on the game; something that became increasingly harder as she sat up on the table right beside of him and sent a look to him that made it VERY hard to concentrate.
As he began to take his shot, she blew in his ear. His pool cue hit the table instead of the ball.
"Too bad. You scratch." Faith stated.
"That's no fair. You saw that in Robin Hood Prince of Thieves!" Xander replied.
"If it works it works." Faith shrugged, "And I'm getting bored. Let's go sit down and maybe I'll get you a drink."
"But I'm not twenty one." Xander replied.
"And you think I am?" Faith asked, "You think Spike is?"
"Well, no." Xander replied, "How do you do it?"
"Easy. I just threaten to have my dad shut down the bar on health code violations."
"What? Your dad's the health inspector?"
"Nope. Just the Mayor."
Xander stopped and just mused that for a second.
"By Odin's beard."
He'd seen this girl before. Up on the podium when Wilkins went for reelection! His parents were staunch Wilkins supporters and he'd gone to some of the rallies for his campaign. He realized he had seen Faith up there with him! Only then, her hair was neat and pulled back, she was wearing clothes that you'd normally go to church in, and she in no way resembled the super skank that was in front of him. It was mind-blowing.
Xander just shrugged and went with it.
"Willow!" Buffy shouted at her friend.
Willow turned and put the dress back on the rack.
"Huh? What? I wasn't shoplifting!" Willow replied, "Ignore that last part. I've been guilty ever since I ate a grape at the grocery store without paying when I was nine."
Buffy smirked.
"What is it?" Willow asked.
"Well, remember how we came here to get you a new image?" Buffy asked.
"We're still doing that right? I mean I'm not chickening out or anything." Willow replied, getting a look from Buffy, "Uh yes?"
"Well check THIS out!" Buffy said, leading her around the display in the store.
Willow's eyes went wide and her smile became huge.
"Wow. I may go for the lesbian plan anyway!" Willow stated, making Buffy give her a "huh?" look.
There was Tara, looking shy and demure, in pumps, a short black skirt, with a burgundy silk blouse. Her hair was up and it actually looked like she was wearing makeup. Tara smiled slightly and looked down again, blushing horribly.
"I feel out of place." She said.
"She looks way hot!" Buffy replied.
"She looks like….that was my Halloween costume." Willow said to Buffy.
"Yeah I know. I wondered how she would look in it, so we hit as many stores as we could and voila!" Buffy laughed. She enjoyed days like this. This was like how it was in L.A. before the unpleasantness.
"I'm n-not sure it's m-me." Tara replied, shyly, still looking down, "I tried to tell her we have to return this, but she j-just wouldn't listen."
"Eh. Let me spend my money on causes I think are worthwhile." Buffy smirked.
"You look great Tara. I mean really." Willow replied.
Tara smiled again briefly before resuming looking at her new, flattering shoes.
"We n-need to take these b-back. I c-can't go home like this." Tara explained.
"Why not?" Buffy asked.
"My dad." Tara said quietly.
"Your dad would…what?" Willow asked.
"He wouldn't like it."
"Well, I would hope not. He would look slightly goofy in all this I think." Buffy stated, "It's not for him. It's for you."
"I c-can't accept it Buffy." Tara replied.
Buffy sighed.
"I toiled for months at the Doublemeat Palace to earn enough money to go shopping and I'm just doing my good deed for the year." Buffy explained, "I just want to help."
"I k-know but you should focus on Willow and not me." Tara replied.
"Speaking of focusing…" Willow said pointing at some guys walking by the front of the store, staring.
Buffy had a knowing smirk.
"W-What are they looking at?" Tara asked, fearfully, "Do I look revolting? Is something s-showing?"
"Oh they're looking at you, but it's safe to say it's not a revolting look." Buffy laughed.
"They're totally blinded by the hotness of you." Willow said, hugging Tara slightly.
"Abwha?" Tara asked in confusion.
"Yep. They think you're hot." Buffy said, "In fact I can tell what they're thinking. Look at those three girls over there. MMM Three hotties in all, but that taller blonde in the middle is scrumptious."
"Or at least something to that effect." Willow added.
"And if you add Willow's reaction, safe to say there are girls checking you out too." Buffy added.
Willow elbowed Buffy.
"Are you sure?" Tara said in a hushed tone.
"Yeah. It's California. We're pretty open-minded." Willow nodded, still elbowing Buffy.
Tara stood there thinking.
"Well, maybe I could accept it. I mean, you did buy it for me. That was really nice. You didn't have to." Tara compromised, "And maybe my dad doesn't have to know about it. I can change back into my old clothes before I go home."
"She's coming over to the Dark Side." Buffy smirked.
"About time. I was getting lonely being the only there." Willow said.
Tara was full on glowing as she was smiling.
"Yes. I'm going to wear this because I look good in it. Yes, I'm going to walk around this store and let anyone who wants to leer at me, leer at me." Tara smiled taking a step forward.
She fell into a heap on the floor. A moment later she shot up.
"Just as soon as I get the hang of walking in high heels."
Xander sat down in the booth by Spike.
"Dude! That Faith chick is the Mayor's daughter!" Xander exclaimed.
"Wow. Really. She is?" Spike asked, sounding completely disinterested.
"You already know huh?" Xander asked.
"Who? Me? No. Of course not." Spike replied, monotone, "Of course I know you git. Haven't you ever heard about preacher's daughters?"
"He's a preacher too?"
"Shut up. Just shut up." Spike groaned, "Preacher's daughters are always the wild ones. It's a bloody universal constant. They're sweet on the outside but hellcats on the inside."
"Oh." Xander said, "Does that apply to Rabbi's daughters too? Because I have a friend-"
Xander was slapped in the back of the head.
"OW! Hey jerk what's your-"
Xander turned and beheld the most evil being in existence standing right behind him. He froze up and gritted his teeth.
"—Problem?"
"So this is the mark?" Angel asked Spike.
Spike shot him a deadly look and made motions for him to nix it.
"Not Mark, Xander. Jeez you'd think you'd remember someone you picked on for years." Xander said under his breath.
"He picked on you?" Spike asked, picking up that last bit.
"Yeah." Xander replied.
"Possibly." Angel said as he sat down, "I did that to a lot of people."
"You were a senior when I was a freshman." Xander said quietly, "You gave me swirlies."
"Swirlies…is that when you put their head in the toilet?" Spike asked.
Angel burst out laughing.
"OH MY GOD! HYENA BOY!" Angel began laughing hysterically, "Alright! Man! It's been years!"
"Hyena Boy?" Spike asked, arching an eyebrow at how undeniably weird these two were.
Xander hung his head in silence, trying to keep from turning seven feet tall and bright green.
"Yeah because he laughed like a hyena! Oh man! That was beautiful!" Angel continued to laugh, "You see he like…a head full of hair back then! It was beautiful when you'd give the guy a swirlie!"
Xander nodded, trying to stay calm.
"Yeah." He said.
"Then there was the time that he was skateboarding to school and I tackled his ass right off and onto the sidewalk!" Angel laughed, slapping his knee.
"So ended my Tony Hawk phase." Xander mumbled.
"Then, THEN, I stuck a firecracker in his locker and set it off!" Angel howled, "He got suspended for a week!"
"That was you?!" Xander looked up, surprised.
Angel nodded and slapped Xander on the back.
"Good times man! Good times!" Angel laughed drunkenly, "How I've missed you!"
Spike smirked and chuckled himself. Xander's look of shock faded and he began to smile. He too began to chuckle, then he laughed loudly.
"Oh my God! There's the laugh!" Angel shouted.
"Yeah!" Xander replied, "Yeah man! Good times! Hey remember that time that you threw me over one of the tables in the cafeteria for crushing on that Darla chick you used to date?"
"No…wait….YEAH!" Angel laughed again.
"Yeah. That was sweet!" Xander laughed, "And the time that you knocked my books out of my hand and when I bent down to pick them up, you kicked me right in the ass?"
"YEAH! Oh man, that was sweet!" Angel said.
"Then there was the time that I dumped a whole beer on your head, royally screwing up that super-styled hairdo you have!" Xander said.
Angel laughed, then paused.
"Wait…no." he pondered.
Xander took Angel's mug of beer and poured it right on his head. He then smiled back to Spike, who sat there aghast. Xander's smile faded as Spike scooted away. Xander turned back to Angel and could swear he saw the bigger man's eyes turn yellow. Then he was somehow flying. He crashed to a heap on the floor.
"Yeah." He groaned, "That brings back memories of the cafeteria."
Angel hauled Xander up by the shirt and violently punched him in the stomach, doubling him over. Angel then pushed him hard into the barstool next to the one that Faith sat in.
"Wouldn't be the Tank without a fight every night." She said, as she got up.
Xander stood shakily and mulled his options. Getting punched in the face suddenly made him stop mulling. He pretty much made with the falling.
"Bloody hell, Angel's a mean drunk." Spike mused as he watched.
"Get up, Hyena Boy!" Angel growled.
Xander stood shakily.
"I'm…I'm sorry?" Xander asked, hopefully.
A hit to the face made him fall back.
"Not yet. But soon." Angel said, hauling him up again and hitting him.
Xander stumbled into the pool table and collapsed halfway over it. He could hear Angel skulking towards him from behind. He was very much screwed if things kept going the way they were. He felt Angel's hand grip the back of his neck.
He had to do something lest he lose his permanent teeth…well….more of them. Xander again mulled his options, of course he was prepared for the mulling to come to a sudden and very painful stop. That's when he felt his fingers wrap around the pull cue. Xander saw his one chance at walking out of here tonight. And he took it.
With all of his might, he turned and swung the pool cue into Angel's mid section. Angel let out a howl of pain as the stick nailed him in the stomach. He let go of Xander's neck and doubled over. Xander then grabbed him by the neck and hoisted him up. He looked at Spike.
"Stay calm and then let it all out right?" Xander asked, before balling his fist and letting Angel have it with everything he had.
Angel spun, and blood flew from his lip and nose. He groaned in pain. Xander frantically shook the pain from his hand and smiled at the blow he had struck. He'd fought back against the guy who was even worse than Jack O'Toole! He hit him and made him bleed! He'd hit him and…
WHAM!
…made him very angry.
Xander dropped like a ton of bricks, completely out cold. Angel held his nose and mouth, looking at the blood flowing off of them. He turned to Spike.
"He actually hits hard!" Angel said in surprise, "I'll be damned but he hits hard!"
"Will wonders never cease?" Spike said, walking over beside Angel and looking down at the unconscious Xander.
"He could be halfway decent in the ring." Angel mused.
"You want to take him to Holtz?" Spike asked, incredulously.
"Hell no. He hates me. You take him. I want beer." Angel said, before a sad look went over his face.
Spike sighed.
"Damn it, you're not going to feel sorry for this too are you?" Spike asked.
"Yeah. I'm going to hate myself for this come tomorrow." Angel replied.
"Bloody billowy coated king of pain." Spike said, rolling his eyes.
"At least I try to atone for things I've done." Angel said, before heading towards the bar.
Spike stared down at Xander.
"I'm trying." Spike said, before he looked up and turned to Angel, a mocking look on his face.
" And who the hell says "atone" anymore?"
