Dear readers this chapter contains some sexual content as well as drug use. Warning. Don't read if that bothers you.

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Bella's POV.

I ran from the car as it lay on its side gasoline pouring onto the dark pavement. My dad's lifeless eyes staring out at me, I blink back tears while my mom yells for me to get help. But I can't help her... I keep running and her screams get louder and more piercing... No mom, daddy! I screech as the tears stream from my eyes like a flowing waterfall, disrupting my vision. Why not me to? I call out to no one when I fall to me knee's. The car is now engulfed in flames, my mom's screams become all I can hear.

I jolt awake. Shaking in the white sheets, I try to catch my breath. Where the hell am I? My breaths are shallow I can feel my heart in my finger tips. My toes have gone numb. What is happening to me? I struggle in the sheets of the bed trying to kick them off my legs so I can cool down my now sweat drenched body. The sheet is tangled, I can't get it off of my legs, oh my god I'm sweating everywhere my hair has formed a wet shade across my face preventing me from seeing anything, I suck in more shallow air through the curtain of wet hair. I can no longer feel my fingers. exhausted and unable to save myself from the oncoming blackness in my vision I let out a shrill and tired scream before I pass out.

There is something cool engulfing my body now. It feels so great, have I died? Please I hope I did. Perhaps I shouldn't wish that... if I did though I wouldn't have to feel all this guilt in me and sorrow for the loss of my parents, I just want them back. But maybe that is selfish of me, perhaps someone like me can't possible have what they want, only the bad things. No I still can't get the image of the nightmare from my mind, but it wasn't a nightmare that all really happened I just ran from the fire I didn't even try to save them... it should have been me.

The cool is back again and it feels nice spreading across my damp legs and up to my forehead. I release a quiet sigh, thankful that the heat is finally gone. I can feel a hand on my hair now and I squint open my eyes to see Carlisle and Esme beside me looking relieved.

Esme brushes the hair from my face and sits down on the side of the bed. "oh dear, are you feeling any better?" she asks quietly. I nod once to her then look around the room again I can see that all the new furniture is already set up. Wow they work pretty fast. I don't even remember getting home last night. Huh I already call this place my home. Well I guess I have to call it my home I have no where else to go. My air catches in my lungs and I have to quickly shove the thoughts away before I freak out again. what exactly was that anyways that happened this morning? Or was it last night? I look to Carlisle and he seems to sense my question, as he answers me.

"ah Bella it seems you were suffering from a panic attack last night due to some vivid dreams and the accident as well, I can imagine that this is all very overwhelming and overly traumatic for you." "a panic attack? It felt like I was dying, I couldn't breathe my hands and feet went completely numb, it felt like a monsoon hit with all the sweat that was pouring from my body." Carlisle simply nodded along with what I was saying to him. "yes Bella, panic attacks can feel like you're uh... dying some panic attacks can be mild, such as hyperventilating and feeling overwhelmed. you did suffer a rather dangerous panic attack last night. I am going to prescribe you a prescription for times when this happens, it is common for people in your situation with the recent loss of both your parents to experience these, so here is the bottle right here." He holds up a regular yellow pill bottle and places it on the nightstand. "for whenever you feel overwhelmed you can take up to two every six hours."

I nod again. "so dear would you like to come down for breakfast, or are you still feeling ill?" Esme asks gently standing up from the spot she was sitting in. "ok, can I take a shower first though I'm still sweaty." "of course dear." Esme chuckles slightly and points to the bathroom attached to my room. "I'll have breakfast ready for you when you are done." And with that both her and Carlisle left for downstairs.

I pull the sheet of my body this time with no problems at all and head for the bathroom. I stopped before a reached the door there was a fan position directly at me, I guess that's where the coolness came from this morning. I open up the door and head into the shower, Turning the water to a cool-ish warm just because my knees are still a little shaky. I jump in a scrub down making sure to shave as well.

Letting the air dry my hair instead of blow drying I walk down stairs for breakfast. Esme is cleaning the kitchen and there is a nice place with fluffy pancakes and fresh strawberries sitting at the counter for me. I quickly thank her and eat the delicious pancakes. Leaving about one and a half left on the plate out of the three she made for me.

The weekend passed quickly I had another panic attack and it was as frightening as the first. I popped two pills that night and was asleep before I could even eat dinner. We spent the rest of the weekend getting to know each other more and going through my photo albums the police officer's dropped off for me from my house. I tried to avoid looking at them as much as possible. I did manage to find a couple of good photo's of me and both my parents that I stuck in a frame beside my bed.

All the Cullen's were really nice, with the exception of Rosalie... she was cordial to me but clearly she had issues with me now being Isabella Cullen. Alice was the like the big sister I never had same with Emmett he was the best big brother you could ever ask for. He liked to pick me up and carry me around on his back, he was so big and strong, I'd worry about anyone who picks a fight with him... jasper was great I know that if I ever need him he'd be there. He is very overprotective of me, I can tell... like I am a little fragile girl. Carlisle and Esme I can already see are great parents I did slip up a couple of times and called Esme mom which she didn't mind at all she love it in fact. Edward, though was another story I felt this draw towards him, I can't really explain but he is very good looking and I definitely don't get a brother vibe from him at all. Almost as if he keeps us at a distance so that we can have a relationship not based on brother or sister. I don't mind though, he has been really quite these past couple of days though. I just hope he will open up to me more considering I am a part of this family now.

First day of school.

I woke up to another rainy day in Forks, nothing new to that except today just happens to be the first day of school so of course it feels like a bad omen... I groan and get up to take my shower. After blow drying my hair and straightening it I change into my new jeans and purple sweater. I grab a bowl of cereal and head for the door. "oh Bella?" Esme calls after me, I stop and turn to her "yes?" "I am going to drive you today Bella that way you know where the school is considering the others are in high school you will be attending this school by yourself for the year, then next year you will be in grade nine in the same school with the others. Okay?" I nodded now realising this for the first time that I would actually be completely alone today. I don't know anyone and the only people I do know are in high school. Great.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and felt my pocket in my sweater to make sure my pills were there. I just had to take deep calming breaths I'm sure this will be fine. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and sat in the front seat of Esme's black Mercedes. The drive was only about fifteen minutes until we reached the school. For some reason all the Cullen's feels the need to break speed limits. My dad would have had a fit if he knew this. I closed my eyes and saw his face smiling at me in his police uniform, remembering how he told me to abide speed limit signs or he'd give me a ticket when I am old enough to drive, always chuckling afterward.

I squeezing my bottle in my fingers in my pocket we pull up in front of the school and Esme tells me one of my new siblings will come to pick me up after school.

The school is fairly average looking; for a school. Plain red brick building, basket ball court and some picnic tables for sitting outside. I walk to the building walking through the bodies of the other kids some playing basket ball other sitting and talking then there were the little kids running around to the play ground at the side of the side. I enter the building and quickly search for the room titled office.

After signing in with the office and getting my time table for the semester the bell rings, I look at the time table and head to my first class math. I have always been more of a smart student in my classes never really getting distracted much and always having my homework done on time. Math wasn't really a big deal to me and since I took all advanced classes in phoenix I figured this will be a breeze.

Morning passed quickly I met a few people in my class that I also had in my second class English, there was Mike Newton and Jessica Stanley. They invited me to sit with them and their friends at lunch, I agreed. Lunch was I'd have to say the most interesting part of my day, I met a bunch more people that were practically dying to be my friend... weird. Angela Weber who is in my science and gym class seems real nice and could be a great friend. There was also some guys that kept giving me curious glances across the table, it was almost embarrassing but I have to say I did like it. I have never received this much attention before. It took my mind off my panic for a while.

It soon spread that I was adopted by the Cullen's especially since I was now going by Bella Cullen. I figured Swan would be to hard too hear every day while at school without having to think of my parents. Apparently they were the talk of the town. 'the rich family that moved from Alaska, all the kids adopted.' I just added to the last one another adopted Cullen, even though I felt nothing like a Cullen.

The day was finally over and I was gathering my new uniform for gym and shoving it into my bag as I was leaving the school, Tyler Crowley intercepted me in the parking lot. "hey Bella!" I look over to him almost forgetting his name. "Its Tyler from science class." Oh yeah. "Hey Tyler, what's up?" I say in a small smile. He smiles widely at me and throws his arm over my shoulder. "so a couple of us are going to a movie this weekend you want to come be my date?" huh a date that was unexpected... what should I say? I have absolutely no reason to tell him no, it's not like he isn't good looking, I mean he is no Edward but really who is? Edward is perfect and too old for me he probably thinks I'm a silly kid, he doesn't even want me as a sister that's why he is avoiding me. "okay Tyler, when is it?" his smile only brightened as he told me the day and time then left for his bus. I can't believe I actually have a date... I stop my train of thought when I noticed a familiar silver car. Edward leaning against the passenger door looking at me with a puzzled look on his face which he quickly wipes off his face and changes it to a kind smile while he waves to me. Ugh I think I died a little. He is way too perfect!

I walk on up to Edward. "hey how was your first day?" he ask me in his smooth velvety voice I think my knees just shook a bit. "ugh it was okay. You?" he looks me over and opens up the passenger door for me I get in and sit my bag on the floor between my legs. Edward gets in the driver's seat and starts up the car for the ride home. "school was school." He continues our conversation. "did you meet anyone?" "yes actually I met a couple of people that seem like they can be good friends, also this kid Tyler asked me out for Friday night after school with a bunch of people from our classes, so I said yes." I look over to Edward he is sitting perfectly still like a statue. I take a minute to mesmerise his features his smooth tussled bronze hair and his smooth skin, those deep gold eyes... wait his eyes are black today. What the?

Perhaps he does where contacts and this is his real eye colour. Oh well I guess it doesn't matter. " do you think I can go?" Edward looks puzzled for a moment then realises I meant about the date. "I wouldn't see why not, we know the Crowley's their pretty nice people. They own a grocery store in town actually." The conversation drifted after that with me steeling quick glances at Edward. Him never moving until we arrived back home.

Edwards POV

Okay so I have been avoiding Bella. I feel awful I just can't stand to be near her without wanting to no needing to touch her... I feel so connected to her but she is too young and fragile I have to let her live her own life before I do anything. That just would be selfish of me. No I have to let her experience normal human things and to let her go on that... date with that Crowley kid. It pains me to know that she will be out with another guy but I made a silent promise to be there for her in any way she needs me and if that's just to be her friend while she dates other guys I'll just have to survive.

Not being able to see Bella during the day is like torture to my soul and my own mind. I constantly worry about whether she is safe, Alice has her eye on Bella so we will know if anything happens but it still doesn't seem good enough. I can see in Alice's vision of when Bella is taking her pills, the way she takes them it frightens me I can see in the visions that she tenses up closes her eyes and tries to breath but it's almost like she can't get any air that's when she takes the pills. The first night when she had her panic attack I was lying next to her and I could feel it all happening. At once the entire family was in her room. Watching her wither in bed tossing and turning struggling to breath I was terrified when she jerked awake and screamed until she passed out her body covered in sweat her hair stuck to her face suffocating her, Carlisle took her temperature he said she was running a very high fever and needed to be cooled down fast. That's when I ripped the blankets from her body and pulled her stiff, hot, sweaty, shaking form to my stone cold body I held her until I felt her cool off. My family running and setting up a fan for when she would wake.

Just seeing her in pain like that was excruciating for me. I couldn't let that happen again. But how could I help her? I sneak into her room while she sleeps at night and I lay beside her, she always talks in her sleep then snuggles into my neck and breaths me in. Its bliss. My hole day revolves around when I will finally get to see Bella again. When she talks in her sleep it allows me to know to some extent of what she is think or feeling. She always talks about her parents and how it should have been her instead. I brought this up to Carlisle. He told me that this is common among people in this type of situation, the only survivor in a crash killing both her parents. He has informed the family about it however and that we are to keep close watch on Bella now.

Just hearing what goes on in Carlisle's thoughts makes me cringe just to think that Bella would want to hurt herself just to punish herself for something she could have no way helped is awful. I look at her as she sleeps cuddled in my neck her fingers gripping my shirt. Her soft brown hair flowing down her back. She is so beautiful I couldn't stand to lose her. She stirs a bit and I fear she is going to have another nightmare. Her lips part slightly "Edward" I held perfectly still is she awake? She let out a slight snore, she is still sleeping. But why would she say my name? A smile brightens up my face as I hold on to her tighter, just hearing her say my name is like music too my ears. She sighs slightly mumbling unintelligible things.

I was a wreck at school on the Friday knowing it was Bella's date that night, I just needed to know what she was thinking or feeling. I paced all night when I got home knowing Bella would be out and I wouldn't see her till later in the night. I didn't even know I was doing it until I realised I was in my car and headed to Port Angeles, to the movies. I parked and saw them all entering the theatre Tyler and Bella holding hands. My frozen heart felt like it was stabbed, I cringed at the sight. I searched the thoughts and found what movie they were seeing. Buying myself a ticket and sitting a couple rows away. I listened to Tyler's thoughts. He was thinking of all the ways he could possibly touch Bella without it being too obvious. He first moved her hair behind her ear then settled with his arm around her shoulder.

I paid zero attention to the movie when Tyler turned towards Bella and kissed her. I was shocked, I actually think I growled slightly before controlling myself. Bella sat still for a moment before plunging into the kiss herself. Tyler's hands roaming her sides and up her back, all I could really feel was jealousy wishing that those were my hands...

Bella's POV

The date actually went well and I let Tyler kiss me. In fact that was my very first real kiss. It felt nice being able to take my mind off of the nightmares and the pain. As his hands roamed my body all I could think of was this felt so good compared to the numbness that was starting to become my norm. I plunged my tongue deeper in with his and let his hands manipulate mine, it felt so good, I've never felt like this before... I slept good that night so I decided to skip my regular two pills before bed.

The weeks passed and eventually it was my birthday I woke up figuring I wouldn't tell anyone I didn't need to celebrate when my parents would no longer be celebrating any birthdays any more. I walked down the stairs to find balloons and gifts and cake all the Cullen's standing around me wishing me a happy birthday. Great I plastered on a fake smile and opened the new gifts not really paying attention. The panic attacks I've been having have gotten stronger and I've been getting them during the days now, leaving a painful feeling in me when they're done I always pop two pills now. Going through my days on blissful highs.

Me and Tyler have been dating now since our fist date. It's been pretty hot lately. I sometime feel like I've been using him like a second drug to me, whenever I can steel kisses from him or getting him away so we can make out where his hands sometimes wander my body. It always draws my attention away from the pain that constantly sits in my stomach. It's the weekend and my birthday so I decide to go over to Tyler's house for a make out session. Bringing my pills with me.

I knock on his front door and he opens quickly pulling me inside its been about two months since we started dating the first week of school. "is any one home?" I ask breathlessly he shakes his head no "all ours baby." He kisses me more "to the bedroom." I say between kisses he grabs my hand and pulls me up toward what I assume is his room. We start kissing again and he walks me backward so my knees hit the end of the mattress causing me to fall backward and his to land on me. We both chuckle and continue kissing I run my tongue along his bottom lip as he opens his mouth and I plunge my tongue in to dance with his. His fingers moved down my stomach to play with the hem of my shirt. As they reach up under my t-shirt to caress my bare stomach, it feels so good and I don't feel that creeping feeling seeping into my mind.

I moan out loud and slide up further on the bed I hold my finger out stopping him. Tyler looks confused until I grab my pill bottle. "what's that babe? You freakin' again?" "no these give great highs what do u think wanna pop one?" I wave the bottle around. "really why is that I'm not giving you the high you need today?" "of course not! You are but I want to fly higher and I skipped my morning pill today so come on do it with me it was be so pleasurable I promise." I wink at him I can see his defences crack as he sticks his hand out palm up towards me. I pull out two pills that get a brilliant idea, I sit them on his end table and crush them with the bottle. "babe what are you doing?" Tyler shouts. "calm down I figure they'd be better to snort." I shrug and make a sloppy rail. I take a deep breath a snort the white powder up my nose. It burns on the way up and after a second I'm flying. Tyler snorts the other and now he is back on top of me.

I push my fingers up into his hair pulling slightly as his kisses become hotter and needier. His hand go back to roaming my shirt lifting it till it's completely over my head. Him lying on me while I wear my red lacy bra. His eyes drop to my chest and I see him lick his lips. I smile pulling his shirt off as well dragging my nails down his chest and up his back he lets out a moan and attacks my chest with his mouth. This is so hot I'm panting like crazy. Tyler grinds up against my legs and I open them up just wearing my denim skirt he hikes it up and pushes himself up against my center still in his jeans I let out a moan and push my hips up into his thrust it feels so good I don't want to stop I flip him over and pull his jeans down to his knees. As I slide my center along his hardness. I keep moving as he meets my pounding with his own thrusting I let out a cry of pure ecstasy. "shit BELLA!" he cries "I need you." He slide his hands up to meet my thighs and slides them along my underwear dipping his fingers inside the hem. "god you're so wet." He moans my name again. I feel like I am in control. I grind against him again his fingers sliding in my underwear till they dip inside me I stop suddenly and look down at Tyler. Shocked. My thrust sent his fingers deep inside me... and it felt amazing. He smiles up at me with pure lust in his eyes. I do it again grinding down on him with his fingers plunging deeper in me, when I can feel my legs shakes and my muscles quake. I release into his hands and crumble on top of him. Breathing heavily.

I blink lazily up at Tyler the high still rolling around in me. I begin to slide off of him when his hands latch onto my hips. I look at him puzzled then notice he still has a raging boner. "you got to have your fun Bella now where's mine?" "what do you want me to do?" I question. He flips me over again so he is now on top of me he slides his boxers off and hovers over me. I look frightened up at him I mean we just did what we did in a lust and high filled moment. I don't want to have sex I'm only 14. "no." I say "chill Bella I just want to get off ok? No sex." "alright..." I mumble he starts rubbing his hardness along my center and I can feel my legs quake my high wearing off and my anxieties settling in. He pulls my underwear down as well and starts to rub himself against me I moan and throw my head back letting Tyler once again be my drug. He continues to rub himself up my center when he reaches his hand down and starts to fumble with my sensitive area.

My legs buckle out and he hikes one up around his waist and he rubs harder and faster. Finally he cums in the middle of my naked legs still rubbing up against me as he finishes I go again right along after him. Shaking and trying to catch my breath. He kisses me lazily on my lips before falling asleep. I look down at the mess and realise I can't go home like this. I jump in Tyler's shower. When I get out I look at my reflection in the mirror. Hating what I see... I look away quickly before grabbing my pills grinding up two and snorting them strictly for a high. I look at myself again. My pupils dilated and my cheeks are red and hot from the 'workout' with Tyler. I still can't get over the feelings I'm feeling right now. Guilt over my parents and now for doing what I didn't with Tyler how can the Cullen's possibly want me I'm a screw up.

I grab my stuff and get changed as I stumble out of Tyler's house. To walk home. I didn't feel like calling anyone when I knew I was high as a kite. I lived about 30minutes from Tyler's house. So I guess this is going to be a long walk. As I walk it starts to down pour ice cold rain on me... perfect. My mind is rolling and my heart is pounding in my ears my breathing is coming in quick fast breaths. I trying focusing on what me and Tyler just did, but what was it exactly we just did? We were naked with each other he was inside me does that count as sex? Am I still a virgin? My mind raced faster and faster as I realised it was now dark outside and I have no idea where I am...

Okay readers what do you think of this chapter? I know kind of graphic but I felt it deserved it. let me hear your reviews please1 I need them give me your feed back. I think next chapter I'll skip til she is in high school what do u guys think?