"I seriously think you should stop doing this Patrick -"

"You" seriously think that? Well, Angie, I beg to differ. What I´m doing is putting food on our the table. A roof over our heads -"

"Any job could do that...I wanted to leave that life and you promised we would, so did you lie to me? To make me go with you, because if -"

"I didn´t lie to you! We have left that life. We are no longer nomads without home, now, are we?"

"No, but -"

"But? But what? I do what I do because I´m good at it. Better than anyone in the business. It pays the bills, literally!"

"And that´s supposed to be good? That you are best at deceiving people? Taking their money in exchange for false hope and nothing else? Isn´t that the reason you wanted to leave in the first place?"

"I...listen. I know this is hard -"

"Another mail came in today. I spent the whole day worrying sick about you!"

"A mail?"

"A threat, actually."

"Where is it?"

"Does it matter? Look...I simply can´t live like this..."

"Angela, where is the mail?"

"It´s in the trash can."

"Have you read it?"

"Of course I have!"

"You shouldn´t, it was clearly addressed to me -"

"Yes, it was! But this is not just about you! And I read it because I had a suspicion it was one of those letters again. You know how I feel every day stuck in here? All alone , only with Charlotte? If somebody ever tried to visit you instead of sending you a letter -"

"They won´t."

"How can you be so sure of it Patrick? How?"

"Simply. I just am. I thought you trusted me."

"...I used to. I´m not so sure about it anymore."

"Angela -"

"You once told me that you never wanted to turn into him...take a good look into the mirror, Patrick. And let me know who you saw."


Few days later

"So you´re going on that show after all," she says, the defeat in her voice evident.

"Yes, I am. A lot of people are counting on me, Angie."

"Yeah. That´s what I used to do, too,"

"C´mon Angela, not this again..."

" Don´t worry Patrick. I have already gave up so do whatever you want to do."

"I don´t want to do it. I have to do it. It´s my only marketable skill -"

"That´s what you think."

"That´s what I know. I can provide you with anything and everything you want and need. I make it possible for our daughter to have what we never had - a home, stability, a place to call her own. "

"She misses you."

"I know," he says, unhappily and bows his head down. "I miss her too. And after the show, I promise to spend more time with both of you, okay?"

"I promise," he repeats his own words, and smiles a reassuring smile hoping it will cheer his wife up.

"Okay," she finally says, doubt written all over her face.

"Don´t wait up, I´ll be late tonight."

"I know," she says sounding sad.

"I´m going to say good bye to Charlotte,"

"Don´t wake her up if she´s already sleeping," she calls after him, knowing how bad their daughter falls asleep.

"I won't."


Later that night

The bell rings and Angela sighs. Who can it be this late? She can´t care less - it´s not Patrick for sure, he would just punch in the code and let himself in.

She remains seated, watching TV, when the bell rings again.

"Damn," she mutters to herself. Whoever it is, he´s going to wake Charlotte up and that´s the last thing she wants.

She gets up, irritated and just a little worried. Those threats were coming to their home for a reason. She glances out of the window and her heart starts to beat like crazy.

There is a police officer standing outside.

She rushes to the door and hopes that nothing bad has happened to Patrick on his way home.

She punches the code and opens the door and hopes dearly it´s just a mistake.

"What´s going on?" she asks without even thinking about decency, the worries stronger that her upbringing.

"Good evening Miss, I´m sorry to bother you this late. We had a call about breaking in entering in this neighborhood and I´m checking on the residents. Have you heard anything? Or seen anything?"

"Oh? No, I...no. Haven´t heard or seen anything," she says, visibly relieved.

The man smiles and the relief vanishes from her face.

"Well, that´s a shame. But you will darling. And so will your husband."

"Uh, sorry? What are you talking about? I don´t have a husband, I live alone" she says and backs a little, as she tries to close the door, but the man is stronger than her. Way stronger.

"You shouldn´t open door to strangers, darling. Especially not to me. So many mistakes you and your husband do, it makes me wonder how did you come so far."

"I have money, gold, anything you want..."she bargains as the man pushes the door open. She knows this is bad. Very bad. Her thoughts turn to their daughter sleeping soundlessly in her room, and she swallows hard.

"I´m not really interested in money and gold. And now...let´s get ready, shall we? Patrick is going to be home soon and I wanted this to be a surprise."


Angela was right, after all.

Someone did come to their house instead of sending a threat. Actually, he came to delivered something else beside the threat. Something that has been haunting him for over a decade.

You can´t really have hopes and dreams after seeing what Patrick Jane saw.

Hope?

Hope turns into guilt and sorrow.

Dreams?

Dreams turns into nightmares.

Just like the one he was having right now.


Lisbon was woke up in the middle of the night, hearing strange noises coming from somewhere...somewhere else then her room. Sleepy and just a little aching, she got up leaving her instincts to lead the way. She tip toed around every obstacle the room thrown at her, her eyes still half shut. She made her way into the hallway and followed the noise into Jane´s bedroom finding out the source.

It was Jane.

He was evidently not having a good night´s sleep. The blanket covering him rose and fell as he tried to fight it, panting like he was having a real fight.

Perhaps he was.

Her instincts won over her coherent mind which was still a bit toned down by all those painkillers and antibiotics and she slid under the same blanket Jane was. He nearly elbowed her right into the chest which would´ve resulted in...well, a situation she would like to avoid so before he could repeat the same move, she grabbed his hand, lacing her fingers with fought that too, for a bit while, squeezing her tiny hand hard, yet she endured it, whispering soothing words into the gloomy silent room.

He calmed down seconds later, probably just thanks to hearing her voice.

Lisbon felt sadness seeping through her whole body by realizing how many nights like this had he endured all alone, on his own. How many times he thought that this is what he deserves.

Too many, she thought.

Well, that´s about to change.

She scooted closer to him, brushing his damp curls away , an action she denied just to think about in the past few years.

"It´s okay Jane," she whispered soothingly to him when he flinched at her touch, "It´s just me..."

"T´resa...?"

"Yeah, It´s me. Sleep Jane."

"..."

"Sure thing," she replied to his inaudible mutterings, still stroking his damp hair. "Just sleep, I´ll stay here with you, don´t worry."

And she did stay. It was only fair. He stayed by her bedside for over a week, she could stay with him this one night. He rarely lowered his guard, if ever. There were so many times he could have easily collapsed like a house of cards, yet he didn´t.

Always the same answers - I´m fine. Absolutely. One hundredth percent fine. Don´t worry Lisbon.

She hardly believed him back then. He was...is just too good liar to get caught. This time it´s different. She couldn´t do anything about his emotional well being back then, with the Red John threat hanging over their heads, while now, now she can.

He could refuse her help, like he did many times in the past, and she will have to deal with that. Right now though, as he was holding her hand, breathing calmly, evidently free of whatever nightmare he was having, Lisbon didn´t dare to think about any kind of refusal.

Her own eyes were closing slowly as she fought the fatigue with her best effort, but it was a lost battle from the start.

Perhaps those doctors and nurses were right. She needs to rest for her body to heal fully - she was in fact shot. Her own mind didn´t acknowledge what could´ve easily happened during these couple of days in the hospital and the realization just popped up. She could´ve died back there, in Cho´s arms.

She shivered despite the heat from both the blanket and Jane. Being a cop carried such risks and she knew them damn well, but still...

Knowing those risks and actually going through one of them is not the same thing. It makes you appreciate certain things more. Things and persons. Persons lying next to her right now, for example. She sighed tiredly and scooted even closer to Jane, who was seemingly still deeply asleep. However, somehow, he must´ve felt her presence and shifted in his sleep, embracing her in a soft hug. It felt good, no surprise there.

"Night, Jane..." she whispered and yawned closing her eyes.

"Love you," she whispered as quietly as she could, knowing the truth now.

"Love you too," he murmured groggily and held her even tighter.


Jane exhaled loudly in his sleep. The nightmare has ended, finally. His mind was blank, even if it was only for a while. A while he needs desperately. He was starting to be too tired to function properly as a human being.

He heard Lisbon whispering to him and that must´ve been a dream, too. She spoke to him with that soothing voice of hers and he thanked his own subconscious for coming up with such an elaborate plan to calm him down.

Her voice. Just the fact that he was able to hear it again calmed him down.

She told him that she loved him.

Well, that was a dream for sure. A beautiful dream, to be honest, yet still just a dream.

"Love you too," he whispered to what he thought was dream Lisbon, oblivious to the woman lying next to him.


Lisbon´s eyes opened wide with shock.

What did he just say?


I hope you enjoyed the read even though it was quite short - it´s for a reason. The next chapter will be longer, I promise :) Thank you for your feedback and for reading too, of course :)