She hadn't slept since she'd gotten back to her room at the motel. She hadn't been able to stop thinking about Faith, about what she saw and how much she had wished it was her there instead of Jennifer. It was pure torture and she wasn't sure why she had stood there behind the tree and watched. She'd only gone there to find out why Faith had left patrol so early and without a word. She didn't know why she couldn't turn and walk away as soon as she saw the two kiss. She was pulled in, mesmerized and seemingly unable to move, unable to take her eyes off of them.

Buffy had been dreaming of Faith constantly for the last three years since she'd last seen her. Every night it was the same dream. Every night she dreamt of them going on patrol, laughing and talking as if they were friends and every night she dreamt that after they went on patrol they would go off somewhere and make love until the first rays of sunlight poked through the blinds in whatever room they happened to be in. No matter how much she tried to control her dreams, her feelings for Faith dominated her every thought, her every emotion, her dreams, every second of the day.

It wasn't until she and Willow talked about her dreams and her feelings that she was having for Faith that she realized she was in love with her. Deeply, passionately in love with her despite it all. In the beginning, she wasn't sure how to take that in, take in the fact that it took Faith leaving her seemingly for good for her to dig up her feelings from deep within. She felt confused throughout it all, never knowing how to deal and push them away. She constantly told herself that she didn't want Faith in that way, that she'd never wanted her in that way. It wasn't like it was for her in the past, easy to dismiss her feelings and ignore them, deny them to herself.

She wasn't sure if her feelings were transparent in the short amount of time she'd spent with Faith the day before. It was nearly impossible for her to hide it completely and she had hoped that Faith hadn't been able to pick up on the little subtle signs that she was deeply, immensely attracted to her and even more so in love with her. She couldn't have Faith, not when she was already in a stable, loving relationship with a woman that wasn't her. She in no way wanted to come between the two. The guilt of it would eat her up inside for the rest of her life.

It was because of her attraction and deep love for Faith that she hadn't been able to have a relationship that lasted any longer than a year at most. Even with Angel, before Faith had come along, she always felt there was someone else out there, her other half, her soul mate even. The first time she laid her eyes on Faith, the feeling of finally feeling whole had came over her and back then, being young and naive, she brushed it off for the fact that Faith was a Slayer and all that she felt was their Slayer connection. Even when Faith had turned on her, on everyone and had joined forces with the Mayor, she still felt it. Even after everything, after the years drifted by, she always felt it.

That was the past and this was the now. It all merged together, became tied together one way or another. She had already forgiven Faith for past wrongs, for their disagreements, for everything. How could she not? She was in love with her and always had been. Nothing would ever change her feelings for Faith and even though she had tried to forget about her, forget about her feelings, they were always there, always haunting her.

She had never been so bold with her own feelings, never been one to embrace them and accept them. Only Willow knew what she thought and what she felt when it came to Faith. She wasn't sure how anyone else in her life would react if they only knew. The others might think she'd completely lost her mind and that she was under some kind of a spell for having such intense and deep feelings for Faith, her former enemy. Maybe she had lost her mind somewhere between figuring out why she was having dreams of Faith and figuring out her true feelings for her.

A soft knock on the door caused her to jump up from the bed, her heart racing and her mind flooded with nothing but thoughts of Faith. She pulled on her robe, tying it as she walked to the door and opened it. Willow stood on the other side of the door, her suitcases sitting on the ground by her feet and two cups of coffee from the little shop down the street.

"Morning, Buffy. Thought you might need your caffeine fix seeing how it's way too early for me to be waking you up."

"Morning to you too, Will," Buffy laughed as she brought her suitcases into the room then took one of the coffee's from her. "You didn't wake me. I haven't been to bed yet."

"Oh no? Was patrol..."

"No, it was fairly inactive. I've spent most of the night thinking."

"About her?" Willow asked, not even needing to say her name. Buffy nodded as she took a seat at the small table next to the window and sighed out heavily. "You are torturing yourself, Buffy. You need to let go of whatever feelings you have for her. She's with someone else, she's in love with her, and she has a life with her. What makes you think that if she knew how you felt that she'd just drop that and be with you?"

"Wishful thinking?"

"What am I going to do with you?" Willow laughed as she sat across from her. "Buffy, seriously, this isn't healthy. Maybe it would be better for both of you if you two stayed away from each other?"

"That'll be impossible, Will. We need to patrol and there is only one cemetery in town."

"Are you going to tell her how you feel?"

"No. Why would I? I don't want to risk coming between her and Jennifer. Faith seems...happy with her."

"I see. Has she told you that?"

"Yeah, sort of. I mean I...I saw them last night together. Definitely happy together."

Buffy couldn't hide the blush as she looked down at the Styrofoam cup in her hands. Willow could only raise an eyebrow in question, no doubt wondering just what Buffy had meant when she said she'd seen them together.

"And by seeing them together you mean how exactly?"

"They were...on the front porch..."

"Oh wow," Willow laughed. "And you watched them?"

"I couldn't help it, Will! I think Faith saw me too. She kept looking over my way. Oh god, do you think she saw me?" Mortified, Buffy put her head down on the table and laughed at herself. "Please kill me. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to look at Faith ever again if she saw me watching them last night."

"What were you doing there anyway?"

"It's on the way from the cemetery, I heard them and I...oh god, Will. Please just kill me and make it as painless as possible."

They both laughed and after a few minutes, Buffy sighed out loudly as she took the lid off of her coffee and took a small, tentative sip. It felt like far too long since the two of them had just sat down and talked. Willow had been depressed over her recent breakup with Kennedy and never seemed to leave her room back in Scotland unless there was a meeting or research to be done. Still, in a weird way, Buffy had felt the same way back when Faith had left Scotland to be with Jennifer. She felt like her heart had been torn in half, stepped on and set on fire. Probably very much the way Willow had felt when Kennedy left.

"Are Giles and Xander here too?"

"No, they're coming tomorrow. I decided to come a little early. I couldn't stay there for another day, not with..."

"I know. It doesn't get any easier, does it?"

"No. Kennedy knows I still love her. That makes it harder for me to just let go of her, of what we had together."

Buffy nodded, not knowing what to say. Willow hadn't talked about Kennedy since they broke up a couple of months back and if she wanted to talk about it, Buffy would only sit there and listen. It was all she could do. If she started asking her questions, Willow would close up and most likely crawl back into herself and let her feelings draw her into a deep pit of darkness and heartbreak.

"Are you staying in here with me or did you manage to get your own room?" Buffy asked. "I do have two beds and I don't mind sharing. Better you than Xander or Giles."

"Or Dawnie."

"I thought she wasn't coming?"

"She changed her mind. She'll be coming in a couple of weeks as soon as she sorts things out with the school and gets her credits transferred to the community college here."

Buffy groaned softly as she closed her eyes. "Great. Just great. The second she sees how I'm acting around Faith she is going to know, Will!"

"I think she already knows. I think she's known since back in Sunnydale."

"What? No, if she knew she would have definitely said something."

"Dawnie sort of said something to me back in Sunnydale, but I told her it wasn't the way she saw it. I didn't know then, Buffy. Even if I had, I would have told her the same thing."

"I don't know what to do," Buffy sighed. "I feel so conflicted, lost and alone right now."

"Maybe you should tell Faith how you feel?"

"Will, I can't."

"But you can't keep your feelings bottled up inside forever, Buffy. Look at how much it's affected you, your life, and your past relationships. You are a mess. I've never seen you like this before. I really do think that talking to her about how you feel will help you move past it all."

"Will..."

"I'm serious, Buffy. You don't know how she feels. What if she feels the same way?"

"She doesn't. She's with Jennifer."

"So? That doesn't mean she might not feel the same way about you. Just go and talk to her, Buffy."

Buffy sat there, taking another sip of her coffee while she went over her options. She knew it probably wouldn't hurt to talk to Faith about her feelings, but it would be awkward and not just for her, but for Faith too. It was things like that, things like feelings whether it was for one another or someone else that they never talked about, not even in the beginning. How would she even start, where would she begin? Would she just blurt out right away that she is in love with her or would she just subtly tell her.

"God, I hate this," Buffy groaned as she looked over at Willow. "Why does this have to be so hard?"

"Because it's Faith."

"She should come with instructions," Buffy muttered. "Instructions on how to understand her, how to talk to her without making a complete fool out of myself."

Willow laughed as she shook her head at her. "Buffy, nobody comes with instructions. You just have to wing it and hope for the best."

"I don't think I can do this."

"Buffy, you need to have a little faith in yourself," Willow said and she was unable to keep the smirk from crawling over her lips. "And no, I didn't quite mean it like that."

"Like what?"

"You really are blond, aren't you, Buff?"

"Shut up, Will."

"You know, when we first met Jennifer, do you know who she reminded me of?"

"Who?"

"Fred."

Buffy burst out laughing, unable to hold it back. "Like Fred, are you kidding me?"

"I'm not. That's who she reminds me of."

"That's just...disturbing really," Buffy chuckled as she sat back in the chair. "Maybe she does, a little."

"Do you think Faith ever...with Fred...when she was in LA?"

"I hope not," Buffy grimaced as she reached for her coffee. "I mean Fred was Fred and to imagine her with Faith is all kinds of ick."

Willow seemed to go off into her own little world after that and Buffy left her there to think while she showered and got dressed in fresh, clean clothes. Over and over in her head she tried to figure out what exactly she'd say to Faith. No matter what she came up with, none of it seemed right to start that type of conversation with. Deciding not to worry about it, she left the motel and Willow, who was now passed out on the bed, and headed for Faith's house.

It was quiet in town and it was comforting in a way to her. She took her time on the short walk over to Faith's house, trying to keep her mind off of what she was about to do. She felt like she was walking into facing an apocalypse, unknown of the dangers the lay there waiting for her. It was an apocalypse in its own way. She had no idea how Faith would react if she got the guts to actually tell her everything, the dreams she'd been having and her feelings that she'd always had for her.

She stopped at the end of the driveway. Faith's car wasn't there and the house looked empty, too quiet. With a sigh she walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell. She took a couple of steps back and waited as she heard footsteps coming down the stairs and approach the front door. She couldn't fight the smile that crept across her lips as she heard the door unlock, but it quickly faded when she saw Jennifer once the door opened.

"Hey, Buffy. Faith isn't here. She went to work early this morning," Jennifer said as she stifled a yawn.

"Oh, well, I'll come back later then."

"Do you want to come in for some coffee?" Jennifer asked as she motioned for Buffy to come inside.

"Uh, sure. I would love to," Buffy replied, forcing a friendly smile as she walked inside.

"What do you think of the town?" Jennifer asked, yawning loudly as she led Buffy to the kitchen. "Not what you expected I'm thinking?"

"It's quiet, peaceful almost."

"Spent my whole life here. I wouldn't live anywhere else. Faith has become rather attached to living here too. It must be a big change from living in big cities."

"Definitely."

"How do you take your coffee?"

Buffy looked over at her as she sat down at the table. "Black, two sugars will be fine."

It made her nervous with how friendly Jennifer was. She never really knew her, much less spent more than five minutes talking to her. She couldn't stop herself from really taking a good long, hard look at her. She definitely could see the appeal. She could see what Faith saw in her besides who she was on the inside. Jennifer was beautiful; she was even a little bit sexy from what Buffy could see. She kept looking for similarities to Fred. The facial details were similar, that was about it.

Jennifer caught her staring and Buffy cleared her throat as she tried to shrug it off as if it was nothing. She couldn't stop herself from blushing though, not with the little smile Jennifer gave her as she brought a cup of coffee over to her.

"See something you like?"

"No I uh, no...I'm sorry. You just kind of look like someone I used to know, that's all."

"So, Buffy," Jennifer said softly with a slight drawl as she sat down across from her at the table. "What brings you here so early in the morning?"

"I had to talk to Faith about...patrol last night," Buffy replied, hoping it was a believable enough lie. "It's nothing too important really."

"Oh, I see."

"Yeah."

Buffy had expected an encounter with Jennifer to be awkward, but she hadn't expected it to feel this awkward. She wasn't sure what to say, what to even talk about. She could barely even look at her in the eyes, especially not after what she'd seen the night before. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't push those images out of her head and she found herself blushing again. She tried to cover it up, but it was useless. If Jennifer picked up on it, she made no notice of it.

"How is this patrol thing going to work now that you and the others are here? Is Faith going to get a night off here and there?"

"We haven't really worked out the schedule yet."

"I am only curious. It feels like I'm never able to spend time with her at night, not like I would want to."

"We'll work something out, but I can't guarantee you anything. Faith is one of the best Slayers we have and we'll need her around once things pick up around here."

"I see," Jennifer replied, rolling her eyes as she sat back in her chair and sipped her coffee. "What about Dani?"

"The girls are going to have a couple nights off. They aren't nearly as experienced as Faith and me."

"I know that."

"But, don't get me wrong, Dani has a lot of potential and she's strong, a good fighter, and she thinks with her head and not her fists."

"Nobody is quite like Faith," Jennifer laughed. "Then again, I'm sure you already knew that."

Buffy smiled and nodded her head slowly. She was starting to rethink ever telling Faith about how she felt about her. She had a gut feeling that if she did, whether she intended to or not, she would come between her and Jennifer. She didn't want to be that type of person who was so selfish and self-absorbed with how they felt that they didn't care about the consequences that would follow. That just wasn't who she was, who she'd ever be.

They talked a little more, mostly about the town since Buffy had wanted to know where she could go shopping for clothes. It was weird at first, but they started to bond, discussing the lows and highs about a small town and the lack of good, quality clothes one would find there. Buffy left shortly before nine so Jennifer would have time to shower and get ready for work.

She found herself wandering around town for a couple of hours, unable to stop thinking about Faith, about her feelings, about Jennifer and Faith and how she wished that she could have what they had. Jennifer really was the best thing to ever have happened to Faith. Buffy had already seen the drastic changes in her since her arrival. It was still Faith, but she was a completely different person on the inside. Her whole attitude towards everything had changed. She kept telling herself not to be bitter over the fact that it had been Jennifer who was responsible for the changes in Faith and not her. Even she wasn't so sure she would have been capable of opening Faith up, showing her how to love in ways she'd never loved anyone before.

It broke her heart, just a little, when she felt the glimmer of hope she once had for her and Faith to have something more than friendship diminish before her very eyes. She knew now, more than ever, that she'd have to fight her feelings she had so strongly inside of her. She had to learn to let go of them even if it broke her apart inside. It would be for the better, she knew it would and she could only hope she was strong enough to get through it, to get over Faith once and for all.

****

Patrol started out uneventful. Faith had been in a strange mood all day, completely exhausted with only a few short hours of sleep before she'd woken to find Jennifer was still there. She never stayed that long, always gone at the crack of dawn, yet that morning had been different than all the others. Faith had woken up sore and uncomfortable from sleeping on the bench on the front porch for a couple hours. She showered, dressed and left for work long before Jennifer even woke up.

All day her mind was plagued with thoughts of Buffy, of seeing her standing there behind that tree watching her and Jennifer. All day she couldn't help but wonder why Buffy was watching them, why she didn't leave until after the fact. No matter what answers her mind came up with, none of them seemed like the right ones.

She noticed right from the start of patrol that Buffy had a hard time even just looking at her. They barely said a word to one another when they met up at the front gates just before sundown. It was just her and Buffy out there tonight and she had hoped it wouldn't be. The tension between them was thicker and heavier than it ever had been before and no matter how much Faith had tried to push it aside, she just couldn't.

"When is Giles supposed to get here?" Faith asked as they walked around the cemetery for the fifth time that night.

"Tomorrow," Buffy replied as she stopped walking and turned her attention to the gates as a car drove past. "Willow got here this morning. She's been sleeping all day."

"Is she still having a hard time getting over Kennedy?"

"How did you know about that?"

Faith shrugged as she stopped and lit a cigarette. "Kennedy called me a couple months ago, all upset. We talked for a couple hours and she told me what went down between them."

"I didn't know you and Kennedy were friends."

"We aren't really. Couple times over the years we'd get together, drink and have a laugh or two. Hardly classify that as a friendship. And that was before I quit drinking too. Haven't really seen her since, just talked a few times over the phone."

"I see."

"Besides, she's pretty close with Jennifer and Dani."

"I didn't know that," Buffy replied, sighing as she stopped and leaned against a tree. "I'm thinking there are a lot of things I don't know about the people in my life. Is that selfish?"

"Nah," Faith chuckled. "You got your own life and so do they. I wouldn't call that being selfish, B."

They fell back into the uncomfortable, awkward and tension filled silence that had plagued them before. Faith walked over to the nearest tombstone and sat on top, sighing out as she looked over at Buffy, wondering what was on her mind. She looked so deep in thought, almost as if she was fighting with whatever she was thinking about. She would ask her, but she wasn't sure how to without seeming like she was prying her way inside her head. Maybe if they'd been friends, it'd be easier for them to talk to one another. Maybe if things weren't so tense between them, they could work on opening up and getting to know one another.

It'd never happen. At least that was how Faith felt. Whether they'd been bonding just a little or not, it was going to be a long, hard and bumpy ride on the road of friendship and trust. She didn't want to have high hopes and expectations that they'd actually ever be friends. They were Slayers, working together fighting the good fight and trying to get along without fighting each other as they had before in the past.

Sounds of a scuffle near the entrance of the cemetery made both of them jump from their spots. Without a word said, they took off for the gates and found themselves surrounded by at least two dozen vampires. Faith couldn't help but smirk as she looked over at Buffy, already worked up before the fight even began. They split up, taking on as many as they could even though they were horribly outnumbered. It didn't matter though, they fought with ease, dusting almost half of them and chasing down the others that had taken off.

"What's the plan, B?" Faith asked as they ran down the street after them, trying to catch up before they got to the middle of town. "Buffy?"

"Stake them."

"I know that! But we need a plan. They are too quick. We'll never catch up with them. We need to split up."

Buffy stopped running, trying to catch her breath as she looked around. Before she could even say a word, the group of vampires stopped running away from them and started back towards them. They retreated back to the cemetery, both of them hoping they'd be able to corner the vampires there. Out on the streets it was harder, there weren't many places for them to corner them and in a small town, it meant the houses sat on properties that were big and the houses were far from one another.

"There are only six of them left," Faith pointed out as she tried to count them out in the darkness. "Should be a piece of cake, huh, B?"

"Should be, but I have a feeling it won't be."

"Bet you are kind of wishing you had your band of mini-Slayers here tonight, huh?"

"Shut up, Faith."

"What? Would've helped us out and we wouldn't have this fucking problem right now."

"It's not a problem, Faith. We're dealing with it. Just don't freak out on me now, okay?"

"I am not freaking out."

They walked back into the cemetery and waited. The vampires were slowly making their way back to them, sauntering with confidence they'd be able to take the two of them on. It made Faith laugh since she knew they had no chance. Whatever their plan was, whatever made them turn back, didn't matter. They would be dust as soon as they walked through the cemetery gates.

Faith's attention was pulled away from the approaching vampires to another group that were off in the middle of the cemetery. They were feeding, at least some of them were, and without saying a word to Buffy, she took off towards them. As soon as they saw her coming, they scattered and what Faith saw on the ground in front of her made her stomach churn and her heart stop.

"Jen?" Faith whispered softly as she slowly approached the still, lifeless body. She could hardly move as she knelt down and brushed aside the hair from her face. "Oh god, Jen. What the hell are you doing out here?"

"I'm sorry," she coughed as she could barely breathe, barely open her eyes. "I came looking for you."

"Why would you do that?"

"I was..." Jen sighed out softly as she motioned to the Hellhound sitting a few feet away from them.

"Why, Jen? You know how dangerous it is to be out here alone without me even if Casey is with you."

"I don't know," she sighed, her tears slowly and steadily falling from her eyes as she struggled to open them.

"Faith, what..." Buffy stopped short as she looked down at Faith now cradling Jennifer in her arms. "I'm going to call an ambulance. You need to deal with those vamps, Faith. They are coming."

"Fuck off, B. You deal with them."

"Faith..."

She ignored her as she gently pulled Jennifer closer to her and brushed aside a few strands of hair that stuck to the deep gash on her forehead as Jennifer's breathing stilled and her eyes fell closed. Trying not to lose it completely, she fought back her tears as she shook her lightly, trying to get her to open her eyes, to breathe, to hold on until they could get help.

"Jen...wake up. Baby, please."

But it was useless. She knew as she held her and allowed the tears to fall that she was gone. It was too late.