Morgana meant what she said when she told me that our 'moment' the night before changed nothing. If anything, it only made her assault worse. As well as the usual touching of my skin, she now gave me quick pinches and pokes so that I never knew if her touch was going to be tender or harsh, pleasurable or painful.
I flinched when she quickly pinched the skin below my ribs and she chuckled. Except it wasn't really a laugh, but a hoarse croak that sounded painful to my ears. I felt Morgana's hands clench over my stomach and she grabbed a handful of my skin, twisted and dug her nails into my skin at the same time. I hissed and Arthur looked back at us.
"What's wrong Merlin? Is your little bottom sore?" He mocked.
"Yes." My reply was simple; I did not want to argue with him right now. Arthur frowned.
"Well get over it, we can't have you moaning the whole trip. You're giving me a headache already." He was still trying to get a response from me. I ignored him. He looked back to the front with a huff of annoyance.
Of course I could always just tell Morgana to stop, but I think that would only raise questions and make me look like a heartless idiot when Morgana did her innocent act. There was another way I could stop her as well, but I would not reveal my secret over something so petty. I suppose I deserved it anyway, I condemned a girl to spend her life in silence. She didn't deserve that, no matter what she had done. The world went dark as I clenched my eyes shut, trying to ease the familiar feeling of guilt that washed over me, and failed.
It was only when we had almost reached Camelot that she stopped. Arthur moved his horse to the side of the path and stopped to allow the knights to pass him. He gestured for me to stop and I did so beside him.
"Pull her hood on, we can't have people seeing her face." He saw my confused look and elaborated. "She needs to get to Gaius as soon as possible, and it will cause delays if the townspeople see Morgana is back and well."
"Of course." I said and pulled up the hood of the cloak that we had given Morgana the night before. She was perfectly capable of doing it herself, but seemed more interesting in making me look less than her by making me do it. I could see it in the smug expression she wore. My fingers brushed her face as I pulled the hood up and it made my fingers tingle. Morgana looked uneasy and I would have sworn she would have blushed if she were not so frail. I pulled back quickly and faced straight ahead, ignoring Arthur's raised eyebrow.
"Are we going or not?" I asked him, since he seemed in no hurry to move. I think he would have mocked me for my reaction further, if Morgana had not swayed in her saddle at that moment, betraying her weariness.
"Let's move." He told the knights and we started forward again.
There were a few curious stares as we rode back into the city. Even the commoners could tell that their Prince looked happier, like a huge burden had been lifted off his shoulders. There was also the matter of the mysterious rider at the back of the group, sharing a horse with the Prince's manservant. No one said anything of course. Arthur was a Prince after all. Eager as he was to share the good news with his father, Arthur increased the pace and they were inside the castle within minutes, the horses having been passed of to the stable hands. Another few minutes and I was in the physicians chambers with Morgana, as Arthur went to inform his father of Morgana's return. Gaius was fussing over her while I sat in the corner, unable to take my eyes off her face, so innocent in sleep.
"What do I do Gaius?" My voice was pleading, begging him to tell me what the right thing to do was.
"You wait. She will be fine Merlin, and you just have to hope that she does not tell Uther what you have done." His voice wasn't accusatory, merely concerned. He finally finished checking over her and took a step back.
"There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with her. Just exhaustion. She needs to rest." He told me firmly and I raised an eyebrow at him.
"For once Gaius, I know you are wrong." I was about to continue but Gaius interrupted before I could.
"I think I know what treatment is best for her Merlin, I have been a physician for a lot longer than you have been my apprentice." He chided in annoyance. I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help my face dropping.
"Not about that." I murmured. "Exhaustion isn't the only thing wrong with her Gaius." I muttered brokenly. He moved in front of me and forced me to look at him.
"What are you talking about?" He asked, his arms folded over his chest, in a pose that was surprisingly intimidating on an old man.
"She's mute." I looked down again, unable to meet his eyes.
"What?" He asked stupidly, the shock evident in his voice.
"She's mute. She can't speak." I explained, every word burning on its way out. Gaius hit me over the head and I looked at him incredulously.
"What was that for?" I exclaimed, holding my head where he slapped me.
"I know what mute means boy. What I want to know is why she can't speak!" It felt like he was digging into the very core of my being. The most damaged part of my soul.
This is your fault.
Morgana's words on the paper resonated through me and I put my head in my hands. There was only one thing she could mean, but I needed it confirmed.
"Gaius, can poisoning someone rob them of their ability to speak?" My eyes beseeched him, hoping for a negative. But Gaius had never been one to lie to make someone feel better.
"It is not common, but I have heard cases in which the poison spreads causes enough damage to the throat and the voice box to cause such a result." He replied and my shoulders shook, sobs echoing around the room.
This is your fault.
"It is my fault." I didn't know if I was talking to Gaius or to the voices in my head that kept repeating Morgana's words. Gaius simply sat by me and comforted me as best he could, and eventually I calmed down enough that the cries stopped, leaving me numb and cold.
This is your fault.
