This one's been chewed up, spit out, eaten by the dog that I don't have, written and rewritten. All of top of deciding that there needed to be a chapter written from Hannah's POV, hence the short little tidbit that is chapter 3. Had a hard time deciding whether to put this into Booth's POV or Brennan's, but ultimately decided on Booth's.

Still a little dark, but a lot of resolution happens here, but the story isn't over yet. :)


I woke up feeling like that one time that Bones and I almost got our brains scrambled by that huge walk-in machine that creates high frequency pitches inside a chamber that someone locked us in. I have a headache that not sure even all of the Tylenol in the world can help. At first, I don't even recognize where I am. I thought maybe I just went straight from the casino to some seedy place that I could afford on what little I had left.

Then I heard the slight snoring coming from beside me and I felt the warmth of her skin against mine. Bones. Just recognizing her presence made me feel a ton better. The headache was still there, but knowing she was there and that she was going to help me, that made all the difference in the world. I'm not alone.

I find myself now thinking about Hannah. About how she's alone right now, probably wondering where I am and what is going on with me. She has no clue what she's gotten herself into, and I've given her no indication of my faults. As far as she knows, I don't have any flaws because I've kept them perfectly hidden behind all of the little guises I use.

We don't talk about our past; not mine, and not hers. I assumed that since my past is not something I wish to discuss and since she hasn't made any move to discuss hers that maybe her past isn't all that she would want it to be either. In that case, I knew better than to pry. I figured she would have told me, had she wanted me to know.

But now that I've gone and done what I've done, I've hurt her and she doesn't even know it yet. She has no clue, and I feel horrible for that. I'm a better person that this or at least I had been before things got all messed up between me and Bones. She really does have a bigger impact on my life than I ever realized until everything between us was threatening to rip apart at the seams.

Ugh! I've got to stop doing this to myself. I'm practically thinking myself to death, as I lay next to the woman of my dreams. The woman who has saved me from myself time and time again, this time being no different. The woman who has agreed to help me through this, and who admits to loving me.

She loves me!

I rolled over toward the nightstand on my side of the bed and reached for my phone to get the time, and realized that the battery had died since I didn't have my charger with me. I rolled onto my back and stretched, trying not to wake the sleeping beauty next to me.

I slipped out from under the covers, catching a glimpse of Bones' bare leg up to her thigh. At the sight of her flawless flesh, I inwardly groan, knowing that it isn't mine. Yet. I snuck quietly around to the other side of the bed where Bones has her phone charging, and I looked at the time. It's almost four in the afternoon!

I knew that when we left the casino this morning that dawn was breaking and that it would be a wise decision to get some sleep before Bones drove me back home, but I didn't think we would sleep the day away. I found myself glad that Bones had the forethought to call Cullen and Camille. Then, I remembered that she had also offered to call Hannah, but I told her not to. Shit! I'm such a coward. I know that she's not the right woman for me, but I still care about her, too; she doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve to be so out of the loop with the person she is involved with; she doesn't deserve to be treated this way by me. I don't deserve to get what I want. I won't deserve Bones when she finally is mine.

I realized that I need to call Hannah, but what does one say to their girlfriend after having disappeared a little over twenty-four hours ago? What does one say after gambling their whole paycheck away? What about the fact that I'm in love with my partner? How am I supposed to tell her that? I would be a total ass-hat if I told her any of that over the phone.

I picked up Bones' phone from the nightstand and took it off the charger. I walked into the bathroom so as not to wake her up, and I softly closed the door. I have no idea what I'm going to say as I make the call, but I have no choice. I have to call her. She deserves to know, at the very least, that I'm not laying face down on the side of a road being eaten by scavengers after being brutally murdered.

The phone rings several times, and I'm sure that it is about to go to voicemail before she finally answers it.

"Temperance?" She asks timidly. I can hear the apprehension in her voice as I remembered that I was calling from Bones' phone. I remembered that Bones said she had called Hannah when she was trying to find me, which meant that Hannah knew Bones was looking for me and that also meant that she was probably waiting for news about my safety or the news of something much worse. The tone in her voice had suggested relief, but with a hint of something, I could quite decipher without seeing her face.

"No, Hannah. It's Seeley."

"Seeley! Are you okay? Where are you? Are you in the hospital?"

"What? No, I'm fine. I'm not in the hospital. Not injured, and nothing bad happened on the job, if that's what you want to know."

"Good, then what happened?"

"It's a long story, and it isn't something I'm willing to talk about over the phone, alright?"

"Okay, when are you coming home?"

"Hannah, I don't know. Bones is still asleep. I had a rough night, and she couldn't drive us back without getting sleep first, but we'll be back in town as soon as we can."

"Temperance is asleep? Where are you that you aren't in town and couldn't make it back without needing sleep first? Just how far out of DC are you?"

"It's…part of the long story. I just wanted you to know that I'm safe. Okay?"

"Alright. Seeley?"

"Yeah?"

"I got a call from Cullen about two hours ago, after I put in a missing persons report. He said that Temperance had called him, why didn't either of you call me?"

Ah, so that tone that I couldn't recognize before was because she was hurt and disappointed that I hadn't called her when I should have. She wasn't one of the first to be alerted that I had been found.

"I asked her not to." It rushed out of my mouth; she deserved the truth, but just how much was too much to say over the phone? "I—look, Hannah, this is going to be difficult enough. I will call you when Bones and I get back into town. We will talk about this when I get back. Bye."

Without waiting for a response or another question, I hung up the phone. I feel so bad for being so cryptic and hanging up, but honestly, I didn't see any other way. This was going to be a face-to-face topic that the three of us have to take care of.

Most of all, she seemed to want to know when I was coming home. The truth is I am not sure if I want to go back to my apartment that Hannah has made her home too. My own home has felt foreign to me since Bones doesn't spend much time there anymore. We haven't stayed up to do paperwork together in a long time, we haven't had movie marathons where I show her what she's been missing, and we haven't had a game night with Parker in a long time.

I stood up from the floor next to the tub, and walked back into the room. I placed the phone back on the nightstand. I sat in the chair and watched Bones sleep for a few minutes before I went back into the bathroom for a shower.

I turned the water on about as hot as I could stand it. I got in and let the hot water pound into my sore muscles in my back. The warmth of the water around my feet also helps relieve some of the stiffness there are well. I turned around and let the water beat down on my face as I just stood there. I don't know how long I was in there before a soft knock on the door alerted me to Bones being awake.

"Booth, can I come in? I really need to use the bathroom, and I'm not sure I can wait."

Girls; always needing to pee, and they can't ever just hold it.

"Yeah, sure, Bones. Just no peeking and I won't peek at you."

She entered the room and I can hear the eye roll in her next statement.

"Booth, I've seen you naked before."

"Yeah, well, pardon me for trying not to cheat on my girlfriend with the woman I love."

"That sounds commendable; did you sleep alright?"

"Yes. I slept decent enough. What about you?"

"Best sleep I've had in a long time."

"Yeah, me too, Bones."

"Have you been awake long?"

"Woke up about half an hour ago. I called Hannah to let her know that I'm not face down in a ditch somewhere. I used your phone though. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all, I imagine the battery life on yours has been depleted by now. What did she say?"

"Well, I really didn't give her much time to talk or ask questions. I just told her that I wanted her to know that I'm safe and that we would talk later."

"You sound like you are feeling better."

"Well, that depends on the topic. I feel like a jerk for leading Hannah on; none of this is her fault, but after the phone call I gave her she probably feels like I'm shutting her out, when the truth is that I never let her in to begin with. At the same time, I'm happy that things between us are out in the open. We still have a lot to work out between us, but I feel like we are headed in the right direction to becoming us again."

"Booth? You're still sure that you want to do this right, because I'm not sure I could handle the emotional luggage…"

"Baggage, Bones. Emotional baggage."

"Right, well I'm not sure I could handle it if…"

"Are you dressed?"

"Yes, why"

I stuck my head out of the shower curtain, surprising her slightly, "Look at me, Bones." She looked up at me and into my eyes, and the tension eased from her features, and then a look that I hadn't seen from her often became evident. She was trying her hardest to not check me out. I was only visible from my shoulders up, but she was turned on. I could tell. I called her name to get her attention back up to my face, "Bones." Her eyes snapped back to mine. "I'm sure. This is the right decision for all of us. You. Me. And definitely Hannah. She deserves better than what I've given her."

She crossed the short distance of the bathroom and combed her fingers through my wet hair, and then brought her hand to cup my cheek. "You are a good man Booth. I've never doubted that for a second. You deserve happiness, too, you know." I can tell she's being honest and open about how she sees me, but I can't help but feel like all of the faith and honor she places on me is false. Then, she reminds me of how hard I can be on myself. "I know you, Booth. I know you are telling yourself that you don't deserve me or anyone, and I know how hard you are being on yourself. I know you. I know enough about you and your character to know and love you for who you are, warts and all." She kissed me tenderly on the forehead before telling me not to forget to wash behind my ears and then she told me to hurry because she still needs to shower and we need to get going. She also threatened to shoot me with my own gun if I used all of the hot water up. Classic Bones.

In true fashion, I hurry knowing that she's right. We need to get going. It's after four and we have at least a three and a half hour drive ahead of us. That is if traffic is good, and it won't be because we will be battling rush hour traffic.

Once we were both ready to leave, I asked her if she's sure she doesn't want to go back for her car. She says she can send someone after it later. I don't know that I would trust anyone with my Mercedes if I had one. I know she probably used that car since it would have gotten her here faster than that eco-friendly car with the rubber band engine that she's been driving lately.

Her refusal to go get a car most people would cherish reminds me, yet again, what a unique unselfish and unmaterialistic person she is. And, I thought I couldn't love her anymore if I tried. Her desire to take care of me over her own possessions makes me feel like I'm worth it. To know that she loved me and saw me as worth more than that expensive car, to know that she loves me enough that she is willing to drop what she is doing to come rescue me from myself, it means the world to me. Regardless of what I've done or how shitty I've been to the ones who matter the most to me, she still holds me in the highest regard.

"Bones, can I use your phone again?"

"Sure."

She hands me the phone after she pulls out into the flow of traffic. I want to call Hannah again to let her know that we are on our way back, but I know that will just cause her to ask more questions I'm not ready to answer. I settle on sending a text instead.

Just letting you know that we are headed back home now. Traffic looks a little bad, but we are hoping to be back to DC by 9:30. Call you then, Seeley.

The whole way back, I wondered if she would respond to the text in some way, but she never did. That left me to wonder if she was just mad that I hung up on her or that we were still so far from being back and she had to wait for her answers just that much longer. Well, at least now she had a time frame.

We arrived into town around 9:15 and Bones somehow just knew that I didn't want to head home yet, so she took me back to her apartment. She handed me one of my old shirts and sweatpants that I kept at her place for nights when we used to have late night paperwork sessions for me to change into to get out of this suit that I've been wearing for most of the past two days.

She changed into something more comfortable as well, as I called Hannah to let her know we were back and to invite her over to talk.

After a few minutes of just relaxing in the comfortable environment of her apartment waiting for Hannah to get here, I fell asleep on the couch.

The next thing I knew, there was a knock on the door, and movement into the apartment that woke me up. I stood and walked over to Hannah. I let her hug me. I knew she needs it to affirm that I am fine and nothing had happened to me.

"Thank you for finding him and taking care of him for me, Temperance."

"It was as much for me as it was for you. Booth is my best friend, Hannah, of course I would take care of him."

Oh boy. This was going to be a long night. Hannah and Bones are friends. I cannot even imagine what this will do to their friendship. I know the fate of the relationship between Hannah and myself, but I really don't want Bones or Hannah to lose their strange little friendship over this either.

I unwrapped Hannah's arms from around me and I told her we needed to talk. Her face told me she knew what was coming.

"Temperance, could you give us a moment?"

"No, Hannah. Bones needs to stay," I tell her. The shock and hurt that crossed over her features took me aback a little.

"Seeley, are you cheating on me with Temperance?"

That wasn't a question I anticipated to be one of the first ones she asked. I didn't know how to answer. Did I cheat on her? Bones and I did kiss, more than once. We even exchanged sentiments of love. At the same time though, I've felt like I was cheating on Bones. My silence made her uncomfortable.

"You did, didn't you? You cheated on me." She said, prompting me to finally say something.

"No, Hannah. I have never slept with Bones."

"Booth did not cheat on you Hannah." Bones said, coming to my defense at the same time I spoke.

"Okay, then, what is this about? You're starting to scare me, Seeley." She sat down in the armchair across from the couch that Bones and I just sat on. She's looking at me nervously, and her leg is starting to bounce.

"That's just it. I should scare you, Hannah. You know virtually nothing about me. My first stint as a sniper, my…" I swallowed hard knowing that no matter how I told her, it would be hard, "my PTSD... that led to me doing some things that I'm not very proud of. You don't know about my gambling addiction; you don't know the only thing in my life that enabled me to quit, you don't know what pushed me back to the army, and you don't know…you don't know that the thing—person," I corrected myself, "that kept me from destroying myself was the reason I went back to the army, and her absence from my life recently has been what pushed me to do what I did yesterday."

Once I had stopped talking the air lay thick among us; nobody knew how to respond to my Reader's Digest version of what happened.

Hannah was now wringing her hands nervously trying to find words that wouldn't come.

"Hannah," Bones spoke, "I spent most of the day yesterday looking for Booth. You know that because I called you. I couldn't find him, but eventually he called me."

"Seeley, why didn't you call me?" Hannah asked, clearly hurt that I hadn't called her when I needed help. In her mind, as my girlfriend, it should fall upon her to help me, should I need it; not someone else.

"Because the person who stopped me from gambling almost seven years ago was Bones. She's knows about my past. You don't; you wouldn't know how to help me. She's been the only one who has been able to help me with that. Not even years of counseling and meetings could stop that until she came along and I quit cold turkey."

"I might have been able to help you like that, if you had given me the chance." She said bitterly.

"Maybe, but I know from experience that the only person that can save me when I'm like that is Bones. I needed help. There was no time to wait for someone else to try."

"Okay, so what happened, Seeley. Tell me why you needed to be saved."

"It's really complicated, and I'm not sure how to…you're not going to like it. It starts with why I was in Afghanistan in the first place."

I continued to tell her why Bones and I had taken a break from each other and DC and then I explained how her absence from my life ultimately led to my moment of weakness when I heard the drawer of the cash register ding. I told her about how the urge to gamble overwhelmed me; I told her how I took my paycheck straight to the bank to cash it rather than deposit it, and I drove straight to Atlantic City. I told her I lost it all, but I spared her the vivid details that were still swirling in my mind. So realistic, that I could still hear the sounds. So realistic, that even now, I still wanted to go back. That alone, told me just how messed up I currently am and that this was far from over.

I was never treated for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but having seen it in other people since leaving the army and joining the FBI, I have no doubt that I suffered from if after my first tour in the army. Maybe this is a sign that my PTSD has returned after this second stint as a Ranger. I killed more people. I watched the kids around me die. I helped some of those kids learn to kill with my finesse and precision. Now that I've had time to think about it, it is very likely PTSD has everything to do with my relapse, not just my issues with being in love with Bones while living with another woman, a great woman who doesn't deserve this Hell.

Bones took over the story when she could tell I was starting to break down, telling Hannah about how she received my call and drove straight to the casino while keeping me on the line. She told her about how she found me sitting on the floor, broken and defeated in the corner of the casino, and about how she had to hold me up and support me to walk out. She told Hannah about getting the hotel so that we could sleep before making the drive since we had both been awake since the previous morning.

After most of the story had been told, Hannah finally looks over to me, with pity (I hate pity) and all she said was, "I can see why you didn't want to have this conversation over the phone."

All I'm thinking right now is, you have no idea!

She hasn't even been told about the interpersonal stuff yet. She's just been told about the gambling and about some of my issues about my past as a sniper that led to the problem in the first place. She still doesn't know about my abusive father, being raised by Pops, or anything about my relationship with Jared either.

"Hannah, that isn't the whole story. There is a lot of stuff that happened in-between that whole story that we haven't told you yet." I tell her, trying to gauge her reaction.

She surprises Bones and myself by saying, "I think I can guess."

"You can?" Bones asked her.

"Sure. He loves you. You weren't being as vague as you think you were, Seeley. Whenever you talked about Temperance when we were in Afghanistan, I knew you loved her. You don't talk that much about someone you don't love. Do I like that you are in love with another woman? No, but I knew you did from the first time you talked about her. When I came to DC and saw you two together, it was clear to me that you really were just friends at that point. However, judging by this discussion, I can conclude that something happened between the two of you that sent you both running in opposite directions. Then, whatever happened yesterday led to something else occurring between you two?" She phrased it as a question to confirm her suspicions, which were alarmingly accurate.

"Yes." Bones and I answered together, both of us nodding.

"Well, I think we're done here; don't you?" She stood and started putting her coat on.

"Hannah, wait. You don't want to talk about this?" I ask her. I know she doesn't want to, none of us do, but I still feel like I owe her some sort of explanation.

"No. I can tell where this is going. I don't need to hear about it. It'll just hurt us all. I just want you to be happy, Seeley. I want my new friend to be happy, too, Temperance. And if that means you two being together to find that happiness, I'm willing to step away, because I don't deserve to be someone's second best. I need to find happiness for myself. Seeley, I will be going to the apartment to get some sleep, and then I have to work in the morning, but I can have all of my stuff out by the afternoon. Goodbye." She said before kissing me on the cheek and hugging me. She then walked over to Bones and gave her a hug. She whispered something into her ear that I couldn't hear before leaving and shutting the door behind her.


So, thoughts? Likes, dislikes?

XOXO,
CrayonClown