Completely oblivious to the fact that his wife was cheating on him, Leopold – being the kind, loving, perfect, beautiful man that he was – went to the local flower shop to buy Regina a little something. He headed into the shop and smiled at the owner, Granny. Granny pretty much owned every business in the kingdom.

"Hi." Leopold greeted her.

Granny glanced up. "Can I help you?"

"Can I have a dozen red roses please?"

"Oh hi Leopold, I didn't know it was you." Granny grabbed the roses quickly and handed them to him. "Here you go."

"That's me!" Leopold said. "How much is it?"

"That'll be eighteen dollars."

"Here you go, keep the change." Leopold turned briefly to Red Riding Hood, who was standing nearby, and patted her on the head. "Hi doggie."

"You're my favorite customer!" Granny called after him as he left the shop.

"Thanks a lot, bye!" Leopold said as he shut the door.

Meanwhile at the castle, Regina was getting hungry. She'd just finished ordering a pizza when there came a knock at the door. "Who is it?" she called.

"Snow White!" Snow's cheery voice called back.

Regina blinked but shrugged off the fact that Snow was knocking at the door of her own home. Snow had probably been off at that cabin she was so obsessed with. She walked over and opened the door. "Hey Snow, how are you doing?" she greeted calmly.

"Fine," Snow replied with a grin as she stepped inside. "What's new?"

"Actually, I'm really busy." Regina lied. She glanced over at the poisoned, now-cold coffee that she'd offered Cora yesterday. "Do you want something to drink?"

Snow shook her head. "I'm fine! I just want to talk to my father. …You look beautiful today!" she added, blinking at Regina.

Regina smiled.

Snow paused a moment before adding, "Can I kiss you?"

"You are such a little brat!" Regina huffed.

"I was just kidding! I love you and Leopold." Snow laughed merrily.

Regina sighed. "Okay, okay. He's going to be home any minute. You can wait if you want."

Snow thought about it for a moment. "Mm. I gotta go. You'll tell him I stopped by?"

"…Of course." Wouldn't Snow be back later? She lived there, after all. Well, Regina didn't particularly care.

"Bye." Snow turned and walked out.

"Bye, Snow." Regina rolled her eyes as soon as she left. God, everyone was so annoying! She was alone in the world.

Only two minutes after Snow left, Leopold walked in. Regina immediately pretended to be happy to see him, standing up and smiling.

"Hi babe," Leopold greeted, pulling out a dozen red roses from behind his back. "These are for you."

Regina calmly took them, unfazed by the gift. "Thanks honey, they're beautiful." She gave him a kiss on the cheek before asking, "Did you get your promotion?"

Leopold's expression darkened immediately. "Nah." He grunted, walking over to the couch and sitting down. Regina frowned at this, heading over to join him.

"You didn't get it, did you?" she inquired, despite the fact that he'd just answered her.

"That son of a bitch told me that a curse would be cast to bring us to a new world, and I would get it within twenty-eight years!" Leopold spat in a sudden, angry outburst. "I saved the kingdom bundles! They're crazy! I don't think I will ever get it! They betrayed me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me and….I don't care anymore." He finished flatly, suddenly losing interest.

Regina frowned slightly. "Did you tell them how much you saved them?"

Leopold scoffed at her stupidity. "Of course, what do you think? They already put my ideas into practice! Rumplestiltskin saves money! And he is using me, and I am the fool." He gave a soft, depressed sigh.

Regina smiled gleefully. "I still love you!" she lied.

"You're the only one who does."

It was Regina's turn to scowl now as soon as she heard this. "At least you have friends. I didn't get any calls today." she snapped bitterly, resentful of the way Leopold kept her locked up in the castle all day. "You're right. The horse-racing business is too competitive." Wherever that random statement had come from, Regina didn't explain. She abruptly changed topics. "Do you want me to order a pizza?"

Leopold shrugged. "Whatever, I don't care."

Regina smirked. "I already ordered a pizza." She hoped this revelation would screw with his head.

But Leopold immediately brightened. "You think about everything, ha ha ha."

Regina arched an eyebrow. "What's the matter? Are you alright?" she asked, disturbed by his behavior (though that wasn't really anything new). When Leopold didn't answer, she sighed. "It's just a lousy promotion. You know what you need? You need a drink." Maybe she'd FINALLY be able to force that poisoned coffee on someone!

"I don't drink, you know that." Leopold responded. It was true. He didn't drink anything. Ever. It was one of his superhuman abilities.

Regina just gave him a condescending smile. Wordlessly, she left the room and came back a moment later with two glasses of apple cider, completely forgetting about the poisoned coffee she was going to offer him. She handed one of the glasses to him, and he stared at it suspiciously.

"Don't worry about it. It's good for you." Regina encouraged him.

Leopold would not be peer pressured so easily. He set the glass back down on the table and frowned. "You must be crazy, I can't drink this."

Smirking maliciously, Regina picked up the glass and forced it back into his hand. "If you love me, you'll drink this." She told him softly.

Slowly, though he wasn't supposed to drink anything ever, Leopold took a sip. He immediately burst out laughing. "You're right, it tastes good." he agreed.

"I know, I am right." Regina giggled. She took a sip from her own glass and continued, "Don't worry about those fuckers, you're a good man. Drink and let's have some fun!" With that, she clinked her glass against his, and they both got to drinking.

It didn't take them very long at all to get drunk off their asses – both of them were notorious lightweights. Before long, Leopold was laughing hysterically and Regina had something that looked like a man's tie wrapped around her head. Suddenly losing her balance, Regina fell back onto the couch. Leopold carelessly tossed his glass to the ground, letting it shatter.

"You have nice legs, Regina, ha ha ha."

Regina continued giggling, and pointed at him. "You have nice pecs."

"I'm tired, I'm wasted, I love you darling!" Leopold exclaimed emotionally.

Even though she hated Leopold and was currently having an affair with Sidney, Regina in explicably stated, "Come on. Make love to me."

Leopold let out a weary sigh.

"Come on! You owe me one!" Regina reminded him mysteriously. Apparently, just about everyone owed Regina one. She pulled him down onto the couch with her, and Leopold momentarily sobered.

"I love you, Regina." he told her.

Regina snorted. "I love you…Leopold." She told him in return, just before they kissed.

Cheesy sex scene music played as another long, obnoxious, and completely uncomfortable sex scene followed.

That's life.