A/N: Okay, this is one of my favorite chapters of this story. I truly hope a similar conversation takes place on the show, especially knowing that we're getting BOTH our girls back! Yay! Anyway, this is a bit of a somber chapter, and is considerably longer that the previous three. Hope you enjoy! And thank you again for all the reviews. They are greatly appreciated!
BRING OUR GIRL HOME
Chapter 4 - Forgiveness?
An unexpected knock on his office door made Hotch jump. He'd been so lost in thought that he hadn't realized two hours had passed since the team's return to the BAU. He collected himself before telling his guest to enter. He was relieved, yet unsurprised, to see the face of a friend. JJ entered and took the seat in front of his desk. They sat in companionable silence before either of them spoke.
"I'm guessing you ran into Garcia at some point this afternoon."
"What makes you say that?" JJ scoffed.
He pointed to the red splotch on her cheek. "She's the only person I can think of who would have the guts to hit you. I take it she didn't handle the news very well." He dropped his eyes from hers.
"I'd say she handled it about as well as Morgan, judging by the swollen nose and black eye you're sporting."
"Yeah." He shrugged.
They both fell silent again. They were both weighed down by the guilt they felt at keeping their friends in the dark for so long. Several minutes passed before JJ spoke up.
"We did the right thing." She didn't know if she was trying to convince Hotch or herself.
"I know."
"We had to protect her and the team."
"I know."
"I would do it again without hesitation, Hotch."
"I know you would. So would I."
"So why does it hurt so much?" her voice dropped in pitch and lost all of its earlier confidence.
Hotch sighed and ran his hand over his eyes and through his hair. "Because even though we did what was necessary to protect all involved, our friends got hurt in the process. They feel like we betrayed their trust. Trust is not easily earned or kept."
"Yeah."
Hotch asked his question so softly that JJ almost missed it. It was the one question for which they were both desperately seeking an answer.
"Do you think they'll ever forgive us?"
JJ sighed and fidgeted with her necklace.
"I don't know." She paused only long enough to look at him. "Would you forgive us?"
Hotch sighed again. "I don't know."
She looked at him curiously.
"Every member of this team has trust issues, JJ. I'm no exception. Morgan's are the worst, which is why he's so angry. I understand where he's coming from. Mine aren't much better than his. I don't know how I would handle being on the other side of this. I like to think I would be understanding of the situation, but knowing me, I'd probably shut down and distance myself. It seems to be what I do best."
They both fell silent again. JJ mulled over his answer and couldn't deny that she felt the same way. Emily was one of her best friends. Had she been on the other side of this, being left to mourn for months only to discover that she'd been intentionally kept in the dark, that her friend was still alive, she wasn't sure she could trust again.
Hotch glanced at the clock on the wall behind his desk. "It's getting late. I'm sure Henry is missing his mommy."
She smiled and shook her head. "He's with his daddy in New Orleans this week. Will took him to see his family. I'm not really interested in going home to an empty house. But Jack is probably missing you right about now."
Hotch shook his head as well. "Jessica took him to see his grandparents. I was going to catch up on some paperwork while he's away."
"Mind if I stick around?"
"You're company is always welcome, JJ. You know that."
"Thanks."
"Since you're staying, you want a drink?"
JJ nodded. Hotch opened the bottom drawer and pulled out two glasses and a bottle of scotch. He poured both drinks and handed a glass to JJ, who nodded her appreciation. She picked up a stack of case files and moved to the couch.
"You remember how to do this, Jareau?" Hotch smirked, taking a sip of his scotch.
"Like riding a bike," she shot back, taking a sip as well. Hotch couldn't hold back his grin. This was the JJ he knew and missed. His entire team missed her. Every member of his team held a special place – he was the glue that held them together, Morgan was their strength, and Garcia, their light. Rossi was their experience and Reid, their innocence. Prentiss had been their protector. But JJ – JJ was their soul. And ever since DoD had stolen her exceptional talents right out from under them, their soul had been scarred. They'd all become more jaded, less compassionate. They needed her to guide them. They needed her back.
After several minutes of blankly staring at the same case file and having no idea what he'd read, Hotch finally spoke again.
"JJ?"
"Yeah?"
"Depending on what happens with the team after all this, would you still be interested in coming back to the BAU?"
JJ's eyebrows shot up. "Of course I would. You know I want to be back with my family. This is where I belong. But I didn't think it was possible."
"I told you when you left that I'd never stop trying to get you back. And I haven't. I've been making some headway, and it may be possible sooner rather than later."
"That's great, Hotch." Her eyes turned skeptical. "But what do you mean, 'depending on what happens with the team'?"
Hotch rubbed the back of his neck. "There's a lot riding on what happens after today. Seaver asked me something on the way back after everything that happened this afternoon. It's really got me thinking."
"What did she ask?" He could hear the genuine concern in JJ's voice.
"She asked what happens now. I told her it all depends on the team. This one isn't my call. It's theirs. We can't function as an effective unit if they don't trust me. And right now, they don't."
"You honestly think this is bad enough that it could split up the team?" she asked, surprised. He sighed.
"You didn't see their faces, JJ." He looked up at her, and though his face showed little emotion, his eyes showed just how worried he was that his team was on the edge of collapse. "You didn't see the anger, the hurt, the shock, not at the realization that Emily is alive, but that we knew and didn't trust them enough to tell them the truth."
"Trust wasn't the issue," JJ tried to reason, but Hotch shook his head.
"It was for them."
Hotch got quiet again. JJ could see he was deep into his own thoughts. She knew how important this team was to him, to all of them. She hadn't realized just how much they all leaned on each other until she was forced to be without them. This team was family in every sense of the word. They needed each other, depended on each other. They'd had their issues before, but in the end, their connection had outweighed their differences and they'd been able to overcome. She could only hope this time was no different.
"I think the team is stronger than that. They'll come to understand, Hotch. In the end, Emily being alive will outweigh their anger."
"You really believe that?"
"I do."
"I hope you're right," he sighed. He could feel a headache coming on and pinched the bridge of his nose, momentarily forgetting that it was a bad idea. He grimaced and groaned in pain.
"You should really put some ice on that before it really starts to swell."
"Yeah," he nodded. "You got anything for a headache?"
JJ rummaged through her purse. The first bottle she pulled out was children's Tylenol. "Hmmm…That's probably not gonna be strong enough for you."
Hotch shook his head. "Yeah, don't think so."
She dug deeper and came up with a bottle of ibuprofen.
"You're a lifesaver," he said as he took three pills from the bottle and went to the break room in search of water and ice for his broken nose. JJ leaned back and rested her head on the back of the couch with one thought playing through her mind.
'I hope I'm right, too.'
