Author's Note: Hello. Last one to update, I've got this!~ After this, I'll be writing some Avengers fics. This will be the last one here, enjoy!

Having endured several months of rehearsal, many musical montages and the dreaded 'week before the show', Hawkeye figured that things could not get much worse. After all, there was only one show, and only so many things that could go wrong. As they say, a bad dress rehearsal means a good show.

Which probably meant that something would blow up.

Hawkeye hoped her fears were unfounded as she prepared herself for the show. It was finally the big day, the day of the show. Hawkeye was feeling a little nervous to be perfectly honest, but she was more worried about the fact that no one else had arrived yet. The team of Eastern HQ was nowhere to be found. So, as mentioned, Hawkeye felt a teeny tiny bit nervous. 'But,' she reflected, 'there's still two hours till the show starts. Plenty of time.'

One hour later

The remaining best and brightest still M.I.A., Riza felt her unease grow steadily. To take her mind of it, she ran through her fight choreography. When still the others were not in attendance, Hawkeye began to aimlessly shoot smiley faces in the wall.

Forty minutes later

Roy Mustang burst through the door followed by the rest of his team. Mustang turned to the rest of his team and motioned for them to quiet down.

"Shh boys, or she'll notice us."

They tiptoed quietly, looking from side to side. That's how they managed to walk straight into a highly irritated Lieutenant. The best and brightest of Eastern HQ toppled backwards like a line of dominoes. At any other time, Hawkeye would have been amused. As it was, she wanted nothing more than to skewer her fearless leader and his devoted followers. Getting a grip upon herself, Hawkeye gave the men a look that promised murder as soon as the show was over. She allowed herself a small smile at the sight of the terrified soldiers.

Motioning for them to get a move on, Hawkeye strode off to have a discussion with the stage manager (Al had volunteered to fill that particular job). Her absence prompted everyone else to get ready for the show. Mustang (playing a very manly Buttercup) got into his...uh...erm...okay, his dress. In his defence, it was a very manly dress, it had...um...alright, it had golden piping. So much for a manly Buttercup.

The rest of the team had their dignity more or less intact, with a few notable exceptions. Perhaps the doublets (complete with puffy sleeves) were a bit much, but they were nicely matched by the leggings that everyone except Armstrong had to wear (he broke his, not a pretty sight...).

The audience had, by this point, gathered in the auditorium where Mustang's team was to be brutally humiliated, or rather, where they were to present the show.

The show began without a hitch; Mustang didn't break character and they got all the way to the top of the Cliffs of Insanity before things started to go wrong.

Westley and Inigo faced of with one another.

"I admit that you are better than me." Inigo said.

"Then why are you smiling?" asked the man in black.

"Because I know something you don't know," Inigo smiled, "I am not left handed." Inigo shoved his masked opponent off of him and threw his sword into the air-

"Darn it!" Fuery cried as the hilt of his sword bore down on his head. Hawkeye knocked it away from him and quickly improvised.

The man in black grabbed Inigo's lost sword and rested a sword on either side of his neck.

"Kill me now." Inigo muttered.

"To kill a master such as yourself, would be like destroying a work of art...but since I can't have you following me..." The man in black knocked out Inigo with the hilt of his sword and left the Italian's blade for him to find. He ran off after the kidnappers.

The rest proceeded smoothly until it came time for Buttercup and Westley's reunion. Having rolled down a slight incline, Hawkeye found herself being squished by the far weightier Mustang. It took her a while to recover. So, Mustang had to make up lines to cover for her.

"Oh, Westley, I thought I had lost you. But my fiancee will be coming after us...oh, Westley I love you so much. Why don't you speak to me."

"I think, (huff) perhaps, your lovely form (wheeze) has become somewhat heavier (pant) since last I saw you."

Ah, improv, thou art a friend.

Once Hawkeye had recovered sufficiently to run around, she and Mustang were able to continue the scene. Once again, everything was going splendidly right up to the point when Buttercup and Westley once again reunite. In a perfect world, Buttercup would sit on Westley and kiss him. That's what did happen. However, in a perfect world, Buttercup sitting on Westley wouldn't knock him out.

That's what did happen.

So, when Havoc (as Humperdinck) barged in, he had only an unconscious Hawkeye and a disgruntled Mustang to greet him. He and Mustang performed well under the circumstances.

The audience loved it.

"We didn't say 'I do,' we're not married." Buttercup said stubbornly.

"But what can your lover do? He hasn't even the strength to open his eyes!" Humperdinck snorted derisively.

"Then I will fight you!"

"You? Well, I was going to kill you anyway! To the death!"

"NO," a voice echoed through the room, "to the pain."

Mustang and Havoc whipped their heads around to look at Hawkeye lying on the bed, evidently recovered from being squished by Mustang. She was leaning forward, with her sword pointed at Havoc's face. Then something very odd happened. Extremely odd.

She grinned.

And nothing else went wrong.

...

Crash

Almost nothing.

Author's Note: Well, I had fun, hope you did too!