(The Beach)
Peyton and Brooke walked slowly together along the beach, Brooke with bare feet, her shoes resting in the hand at her side.
Neither one of them spoke, both occupied with the troubled thoughts currently running through their minds.
After a moment, the pair of them stopped and sat down on the warm sand side by side. Brooke looked at Peyton who was gazing out at the ocean before them and frowned to herself.
Since they'd left the house earlier, Peyton had become quiet and Brooke was beginning to worry about her friend. She probably knew her better than anyone and she'd understood why Peyton kept her feelings to herself to the point of self-destructing. She did it to protect herself, to prevent people from getting close to her in order to avoid letting them hurt her.
Brooke didn't understand it now.
They had been through so much together and somehow they'd managed to make it out the other side still friends. Brooke felt like she could tell Peyton anything now, but it hurt her to think that Peyton didn't feel the same way.
Brooke stared out at the water in front of her and began tapping her feet gently on the sand, fidgeting with her hands as she did so.
At Brooke's movement, Peyton turned towards her friend. She watched Brooke closely as she played with her hands nervously as she had done last night. Peyton knew that Brooke was anxious about later, in truth so was she, but as much as she tried, she just couldn't think of anything to say that would make Brooke feel better.
Slowly Peyton reached out and grabbed Brooke's hands up in her own to steady them. Brooke looked towards Peyton who continued to watch her closely.
Still no one spoke.
Brooke turned her head to look away in the opposite direction for a moment. After another minute of silence she quickly turned back to Peyton and spoke.
"Ok, you have to say something." She said anxiously, "because you haven't said anything since we got out of the car and to be honest it's starting to freak me out a little bit."
"What do you want me to say?" Peyton asked her surprised by Brooke's sudden outburst.
"I don't know," she started, "something, anything."
Peyton looked out at the waves breaking for a moment before turning back to Brooke.
"Ok." She said pausing briefly to think.
Brooke watched her. She was still tapping her feet on the ground restlessly. The truth was that the nearer it got to her appointment, the more she wished that she could sweep everything back under the rug and pretend it didn't exist. Her insides were churning violently and Peyton's suddenly becoming a mute was not helping her.
Peyton met Brooke's gaze and shifted her position slightly so that they were facing each other. Her hands still placed over Brooke's to calm them.
"You remember the day of my mum's funeral?" she asked softly.
Brooke looked confused but nodded.
"That day I tried to find her," Peyton sighed, "tried to sense her if you like. I guess I thought that she would be watching, making sure that everyone was ok."
For a moment Peyton paused and glanced back out at the waves. When she looked back at Brooke she continued.
"But I couldn't. There wasn't anything, no rush of warm air, no tingle at the back of my neck, just nothing. It's like all those times when we acted out the parts in chorus line. We used to fight over who got to be the girl who felt nothing, you remember?"
Brooke smiled sadly.
"Yeah I remember," she said in a barely audible voice.
"Well, at my mum's funeral I felt like I really was that girl. I was the girl that felt nothing, no worse than nothing. It was like a vacuum. I could feel where she was missing and that she was really gone."
Peyton watched Brooke closely. She could tell that Brooke didn't fully understand what she was saying so she continued.
"So, I went home, and I shut the door and climbed into bed. I don't really remember it but at some point you came over and just climbed into bed with me."
Peyton smiled at the memory.
"You put your arm around me the way my mum used to do when I'd climb into her bed after a bad dream. Do you remember what you said to me then?" Peyton asked.
Brooke shook her head.
"You told me that we would have to be friends forever because I'd always need someone around to remind me how great my mum was."
Peyton laughed.
"You told me that I could close my door, turn off the light and pull the covers over my head. That I could try and escape as much as I wanted, but that you would always come after me because you owed at least that much to my mum."
Brooke looked back out towards the ocean and Peyton saw a tear slip down her cheek.
"I felt her you know." Peyton said, "In that moment I felt like my mum was there. That she was with us in the room, you know, making sure that we were all ok."
Peyton rubbed Brooke's arm gently.
"I never told you that before." She said sadly.
For a moment Brooke didn't say anything and Peyton just sat there watching her.
"I can't believe you remember that." Brooke said as she turned back to face her. "Why didn't you tell me before?"
Peyton smiled.
"I don't know." She answered honestly.
Brooke laughed.
"Of all the things you could have said that's what you choose to share with me."
Peyton smiled at Brooke and placed both her hands on her shoulders.
"Well," she said, "you told me I could say anything." Peyton winked at her, both her hands remained on Brooke's shoulders.
Brooke nodded.
"Brooke, you've always been the silver lining one in this friendship." Peyton started, "you're the one who knows exactly what to say to make me feel better and how to comfort me when I need it. I feel like I'm struggling to be that person for you, that you deserve someone better."
"Peyton…" Brooke began.
Peyton put her hand up a moment to stop Brooke from continuing.
"I always remember that night because I think it was when I first realised that you would always look out for me and that I wasn't alone like I thought I was."
Peyton paused a moment and took Brooke's hands in hers again.
"I guess what I'm trying to say," she said, "in a long winded sort of way is that I'm not always going to know the right thing to say or do to reassure you that things are going to be ok. There will be times that are hard, for both of us, and sometimes you'll feel like you want to shut yourself away and hide under your covers, pretend that everything is alright for a while."
Brooke wiped a tear off her cheek.
"But I'll come after you because I at least owe you that much. Sometimes I might be quiet, but if you need me to talk to you and tell you stupid stories then I will, and maybe it'll make you feel better like you made me feel."
Brooke smiled at Peyton and nodded. Suddenly she laughed.
"I think your better at this than you think." Brooke said quietly.
Peyton smiled in return and pulled Brooke into a warm embrace.
"Are you ready?" she asked her.
"Yeah," Brooke answered, "I think I am."
