Chapter Four

Withdrawals and Surrenders

BPOV

I felt my control over my life slowly slipping away as my drug supply grew smaller and smaller with every high I had. I tried my best to take only the bare minimum but my addiction prevented me from taking less than 500 mg a day. I was starting to unravel both emotionally and physically. I had to find another drug dealer soon otherwise I was going to lose it. I stayed in my room most of the time now not even bothering to go to school claiming that I was sick. I was shaky all the time and I felt like I had an itch that I just couldn't scratch. I felt anxious and dizzy. I wasn't eating anymore. My body didn't want food anymore it wanted the drugs that I didn't have. It dragged on like this for a good week and a half before I was on my last high. It only took me a half an hour without drugs in my system before I decided that I had to find James. Maybe he would take pity on me and take my money after all.

I waited until Charlie had left for the police station and then I grabbed an even bigger sum of money than I had the last time and made my way to Port Angeles. I was shaking the entire way and was driving well over the speed limit trying to get to James as quickly as possible. When I finally made it to the city I parked my truck and grabbed my cell phone. I found James number and quickly texted him.

"J, I NEED more. Please tell me where to meet you. I need them ASAP." I sent off the text and waited for his reply. It came ten minutes later.

"B, I don't know if I can do that. The last time I tried to give you drugs you stole my drugs and left me unconscious in a motel room. I don't think things are going to work out. J"

"J, PLEASE, I will do ANYTHING!"

"Alright…meet me at the motel 6 in half an hour."

"THANK YOU J."I sat in my car and waited as the minutes slowly passed by. It had only been about 5 minutes when a small hand rapped on my window. I jumped in surprise and looked out my window. I jumped again when I realized exactly who it was. Alice Cullen. I rolled down my window just enough and said,

"Alice what are you doing here."

"Oh Bella I wanted so badly to see you and here you are. I can't believe you're here. We all miss you so much and we all wanted to see you. Any way I had a vision of you and saw where you were and I just had to come and see you…" Alice was hiding something. I could tell by the way she kept rambling on and on about things that really didn't matter at this point. I couldn't handle this right now. I was anxious and shaking terribly from my lack of drugs and I was going to get some more very soon and the last thing that I wanted to deal with right now was Alice and the rest of the Cullens.

"Alice I can't do this right now I have someplace to be."

"Oh Bella please stay. It wouldn't hurt you to stay and chat for a while." I shook my head and put my hands on the steering wheel. They were shaking like leaves. Alice's gaze zeroed in on my shaking hands and I knew that she was suspicious. I grabbed the steering wheel hard trying to make my hands stop shaking and I said. "Look Alice it was nice seeing you again but I really have to go now." Alice tried to say something put I drowned her out with the roar from my engine. Then I back out quickly. I was shaking even harder than before and I'm pretty sure that it wasn't all from the drugs. What had Alice been doing here in Port Angeles anyway? I didn't know and I didn't care I just needed to get those drugs ASAP.

I almost cried with relief as I parked my car in the motel six parking lot. All I could think about was how I was going to get my drugs. I wasn't even thinking about what that entailed. I waited until I saw James's Mercedes pull into the parking lot before I got out of my truck. I watched him go to the front desk and get a room for us. I walked over to him and waited as the clerk got the key. James took the key and led me to a room that was as far from the front desk as possible. He opened the door and held it open for me. I walked into the room without hesitating and waited quietly for him.

"Alright Bella, where is my payment." I took out the wad of cash and handed it to him. James thumb through the sum and nodded in approval as he pocketed the money. Then he looked at me expectantly.

"Well that cover's what you owe me from before. Now if you want any more drugs you know exactly what I want." I nodded and removed my jacket and shoes and crawled onto the bed. James smiled at me and crawled onto the bed and positioned himself so that he lay on top of me. I tried to keep all of the memories back but after seeing Alice all I could think about was Him and how this was supposed to be Him and not James. So I closed my eyes and pretended like it was Him. Tears flowed freely down my cheeks as I thought about Him and his family and how much I still loved them. James kissed me deeply and I kissed him back thinking about the drugs that I would receive in return. His hands traveled all over my body and then he unbuttoned his pants and reached for the zipper of my dress. I thought about everything that was happening and all I could do was cry.

When James was finished with me, he got dressed and threw my clothes at me. Then he handed me a large baggy full of all the drugs that I needed for another week and said,

"I'll text you about getting more merchandise. Just wait for my text." Then he walked out the door without waiting for a reply from me. I quietly and slowly got dressed. Then I grabbed my things and walked out of the motel room and slowly climbed into my truck. I drove to the nearest bar and ordered the most alcoholic drink that I could see on the menu and then I went and sat in the loudest corner I could find and did my best to drown out my thoughts with one drink after another.

About an hour later Alice walked into the club and right over to my table. She eyed me with disapproval and took my drink away from me. I was completely wasted. I couldn't see straight or talk straight and it wouldn't be long before I passed out completely. Alice sat down next to me and said quietly,

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" I just laughed at her and said,

"James gave me exactly what I deserved." My words were extremely slurred but I could tell that Alice knew what I had said because she looked at me like I was crazy.

"I don't even care about you or…Him or even about James. I don't care about anything anymore. "Then I started to sob for no apparent reason. Alice held me and tried to comfort me. Alice held me until I had stopped crying for the most part and then she helped me up and paid my bill.

"Come on Bella you're coming with me." I tried to protest but I couldn't seem to focus on anything at all. I made it all the way to Carlisle's quiet Mercedes and then I blacked out.

APOV

I found Bella in the bar right where I knew she would be and she was completely drunk. Oh Bella, Edward's not going to like this. She was rambling on about how she had gotten what she deserved and then she broke down and cried. I held her for a long time planning out my revenge against James as Bella cried onto my shoulder. I had seen almost everything that had happened in that little motel room and it had made my heart ache for Bella. I couldn't believe everything that I had seen. This was simply unacceptable, finally I decided that since Charlie couldn't handle this Bella would come and stay with us. I picked Bella up and helped her walk out the door and to Carlisle's car. Bella finally passed out in the front seat of Carlisle's car and for that I was grateful.

I drove as quickly as I could, knowing that the sooner I got Bella there the better. I had a bad feeling that Bella was into some deep trouble; Deeper than even I had anticipated. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Carlisle's number as I zipped past other drivers going well over a 120 mph. Carlisle didn't answer. I swore to myself and tried again. He still didn't answer so I left a short message saying that I was bringing Bella back to the house and to make sure that everything and everyone was prepared for it.

About 4 hours later we pulled into our driveway. I pulled in slowly and then helped a very unconscious and very drunk Bella out of the car. As Bella began to wake up a little she pushed me away and stumbled but didn't fall. She tripped and fell and threw up all over our yard. Great! I thought to myself now everyone is going to know she's here but the smell of her vomit. Esme was not going to like this. I helped her up and pulled her into the large house that we had bought when we had moved after Edward had told us to.

I walked in to the house and wasn't surprised when I found it empty. Carlisle was at the hospital and Esme had gone shopping. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper had all gone hunting and heaven only knew where Edward was. I carried Bella upstairs and put her in the guest room knowing that Bella wouldn't be able to handle waking up in Edward's room. I took off her pumps and almost fell over when I noticed that they were 3 "heels. For the first time I took in what Bella was actually wearing and I approved. She was wearing a tight blue dress that went down to her mid thigh with black peep toe pumps. Her hair was curled and she was wearing makeup and large silver hoop earrings. Bella looked gorgeous. I don't know what had happened but whatever it was couldn't have been all bad.

I put her purse next to her on the night stand and went downstairs to get a few things ready. I tried calling Carlisle again but he didn't answer so I called Jasper instead.

"Jasper, when are you coming home?"

"I'm on my way now. Why, what's going on Alice."

"Is Edward with you?"

"…yes…"

"Just hurry home please and just be prepared."

I called Esme next and told her to stop by the hospital and pick up Carlisle on her way back to the house. I heard Bella stirring upstairs and then I saw a vision of her climbing out the window. I sighed and went upstairs in time to see Bella staring at the window.

"Are you feeling any better Bella? You can't be feeling too hot right now considering the fact that you're still very drunk and in the care of vampires. I will be right downstairs if you need anything, and Bella, don't even think about it." I said all of this and then went to get her some Tylenol to help the headache that she would undoubtedly have once the inevitable hangover caught up with her the next day. I brought her the Tylenol and a glass of water and then I locked the windows and the door on my way out. Then I went outside to wait for the ever cheerful Edward.