Chapter Four: What is this Feeling?

That Night…

"So this is just a reminder that the sign-up sheet is in the back of the auditorium so be sure to put your name down with what talent you will be performing for Friday." Sensei Hiku instructed. Staring out at the many faces she smiled. It was their first night all together and she knew that most of her students couldn't wait to go out and explore the island. "So I know that you are anxious to enjoy yourselves so please act kindly and be responsible." With a wave she dismissed her students and watched them disperse into the sunset.

Riku sighed as she watched the boys go off and explore while the girls grouped together in their clicks and made their way down the beach. She had never been one to have a click, nor did she really want one. The option to always tag along with Risa had always been open not to mention convenient. She never realized how much she depended on her younger sister. Sticking close to her under the guise of 'watching out' for her had always left her with at least one person to be around so that she was never alone. Things however had changed.

Risa had taken refuge in their room since they had arrived. Keeping vigil at the window she had opted to skip out the pre-sunset meeting and instead decided to just hang back and watch the oncoming of night alone. It was unlike her… and it unnerved Riku to no end. How long could this last? Riku thought perhaps it was the initial shock of rejection that had thrown Risa into this mood but now… over a week later and still no change. What she had chalked up to sulking had now turned into a form of mourning… mourning of a broken heart… broken spirit.

'Damn Dark Mousy… Damn him to the Heavens above!!!'

So lost in her own thoughts that she didn't sense Niwa until he was right in front of her. "Ms. Harada?" His voice was soft, kind… always kind.

Her eyes popped open in shock. "Niwa-kun! Hi!" She greeted trying to keep the waiver from her voice.

He smiled, although it never quite reached his eyes as he squinted in the fading light. "I see that you made it here safely… you and the younger Ms. Harada?" He asked.

She nodded. "Hai! Risa is upstairs. She wasn't feeling well."

His facial expression grew solemn, almost guilty. "I see." He nodded. He looked away for a moment as though giving his next words serious thought before turning back to her. Scratching the back of his head in a somewhat nervous nature he opened his mouth to speak, shut it and then tried again. "Would you… would you take a walk with me, Ms. Harada?"

The request was so unexpected that for a moment she simply stared at him, this red haired boy with such pleasing eyes and found that a blush was steadily creeping into her cheeks. The ability to speak escaped her and instead she nodded. At her agreement he smiled widely and let a chuckle escape him.

Meanwhile…

Sitting in the bay window with her kneels pulled halfway to her chest she watched the sun sink into the ocean's horizon and felt her breath leave her with a sad sigh. Letting her chin come to rest on her knees she wondered what she was going to do. Things like this happened all the time… to all types of girls… boys too if she thought about it. Love wasn't always returned. So then why did she feel as though she would never heal? Why was she hiding high above the world? How long would she stay there?

How long? How long could she remain hidden in this room?

'All week!' Came her inner voice. It was the voice of a coward and she knew it.

Swallowing hard at the mere thought… the fact that the possibility was more appealing then she would like to admit she closed her eyes for a moment and for the first time found that his face wasn't there. His violet eyes weren't staring back at her… taunting her, calling to her. There was just empty space. With her eyes still closed she raised her hand pulling on the chord, drawing the blinds close with a definitive snap gulfing her in darkness. Bowing her head she felt the tears well up in her eyes once more… hopefully for the last time.

Meanwhile…

Miho smiled as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Running a hand through her hair she looked at the clock on the far wall of her room. Watching the hands on the clock point to half past seven she looked to the door as though she expected nothing less from him then to be punctual. It was Niwa-kun… of course he would be… ten seconds passed and nothing… twenty… and then a full minute!!!

"Niwa-kun… where the heck are you?!" She bit out going to her balcony. Roughly pushing the sliding door back she stepped out into the oncoming night feeling the summer breeze on her exposed stomach. Wrapping her fingers tightly around the railing she leaned her body over with extreme ease and called out to him. "Niwa…" She stopped short as she noticed all the lights were off. She furrowed her brow in confusion. "Where are you Niwa-kun?"

Meanwhile…

They had been walking in silence for the last ten minutes… it had been the longest ten minutes of Riku's life; and although she was nervous, being this close to Niwa-kun, hearing the sound of his breathing, catching whiffs of his scent as the wind blew across the ocean, she felt something strangely like happiness. She wished that she could stay in this moment but the voice in the back of her mind wouldn't just let her be… there was a reason why she was here with him and she needed to know what it was… she had to know.

"Uh… Niwa-kun… you wanted to walk… for a reason right?"

He looked over at her for a moment as though just realizing that she was there. He smiled again… the same smile as before… the same smile that Risa had been giving her lately.

"I did, Ms. Harada… I wanted to talk with you… alone… in private if that be all right with you."

She nodded and felt her cheeks go hot as he reached out and took her hand. How thankful she was for the night. "What… about?" She asked.

His hand held hers, gave it a gentle but firm squeeze. "I need you…" He stated and she thought she would faint... Niwa needed her…

"Niwa-kun…" She breathed out.

"…I need you to tell me what to do so that I may help Risa."

And just like that her joy dissipated. "I… what?" She asked feeling his hand grip hers a little tighter. Looking down she felt her mind wander to how this situation could have been different. If his feelings were somehow changed towards her, how this may have played out. Coming to stare into his eyes she realized that would never be. He loved Risa. Daisuke loved Risa, had always loved her, would always love her. His eyes told her everything in that moment. There was pain, regret, guilt, all for her younger sister. There was so much emotion, the kind that never fades.

"You love Risa." She stated not meaning to voice her thoughts but finding that they were too big to keep inside.

His eyes opened wider if that were possible and he looked away as though somehow realizing how much he was revealing. "Her eyes have always been full of friendship but I cannot stop my emotions." He remarked with honesty.

She felt herself pulling her hand free. It just didn't seem right. The moment wasn't what she thought it was and now she felt out of place… wrong… it was all wrong somehow. Looking down at the sand she tried to concentrate on the grains between her toes… the way it sifted through her sandals and beneath the balls of her feet. "She… she's not the same as before… she has changed." She remarked.

He looked up sharply. "Because Dark broke her heart…"

She shook her head. "Not her heart… her spirit. He has changed the way she looks at the world. Risa has always had a soft demeanor… now her eyes have altered. They are different."

"Different how?" He asked.

She hesitated if only for a moment. "They are… they are like mine." She remarked waiting for him to say something… to ask more questions but he didn't. And that's when she knew that he understood. Somehow in the back of her mind… in the deep recesses of her heart she knew that he would. It was Niwa… he always understood.

Meanwhile…

Wandering down the shoreline alone she made her way across the open space that was the beach. She had heard that there was some kind of gathering tonight but wasn't sure exactly where it was being held. She remembered hearing Rika mention something about a bonfire and if she ever wanted to 'come back to the world of the living' she should poke her head out of their room and join her. The words sounded harsh but were said with sisterly concern. Risa had learned a long time ago to tell the difference.

So far though she hadn't seen anyone and for the first she didn't feel so alone. It was an odd thing to miss that feeling, as though somehow she was set free and somehow she felt slightly abandoned by it. She had surrounded herself with people so that she could keep her loneliness at bay and now in this moment when there was absolutely no one around… as alone as she was she wasn't lonely.

Stopping in a random spot she looked up at the dark sky. Tiny lights twinkling in the open space above her and somehow nothing mattered… not Dark, not rejection… not even a broken heart… it all seemed somewhat trivial and she felt a small smile begin to make its way across her lips.

"Ms. Harada!!!" Her name carried over the sound of the crashing waves halting the smile that would have come. Looking over she felt her eyes widen in surprise.

"Miho-san?!" She asked noticing the girl's somewhat frazzled state. For a moment she felt herself wanting to flee if for no other reason then to just avoid the tidal wave that was Miho… and everyone knew that she was just that. But Risa didn't run. Instead she stood her ground, letting her hands clasp together behind her back… no more running… no more being a baby! She scolded herself silently watching as the slim girl's figure came into view better and better.

She raised an eyebrow at Miho's choice of attire. Although it was Summer, the night had brought about a much cooler temperature and with the ocean so close it created a nice chilly breeze that was much too frigid for what Miho was wearing.

"Have you seen my Niwa?" She asked breathlessly.

Risa stared for a moment not sure how to answer… 'Her Niwa?' She wasn't aware that Niwa-kun and Miho were together… had this occurred while she was wrapped up in everything that was Dark Mousy? Strange how she had become so wrapped up in her own love life that she blocked everything else out… had she always bee that way? So oblivious… so selfish?

Passing her open palm in front of her face Risa snapped back to attention and stared the girl in the face… she was pretty, her short hair was stylish, her clothes fashionable even if they were revealing. Confidence poured off of her in waves. She frowned slightly not knowing how she felt about Miho dating Niwa. Was she right for him? Did she really love him? Could she make him happy… happier then when he was with her?

She shook her slightly not liking that thought at all. Looking at Miho she gave the girl the same smile she had been giving to everyone. "We should find him together… perhaps he can show me where Riku is." She offered. This was the ladylike thing to do wasn't it; the proper thing to do… jealousy held no place in her life.

Miho eyed her for a moment before reaching out and looping her arm with Risa's exuberantly catching the brunette off-guard. "Sounds like an awesome idea to me!" She remarked with a wide grin already leading half dragging her down the shoreline. "You know Risa… you and I should be best friends!" She began not even waiting for her to respond as she continued.

Meanwhile…

They remained silent for moments on end neither knowing what to say. They continued to stare out at the night watching the waves wash up on shore and then slowly recede back into the ocean. Se sighed feeling his presence and yet not able to notice his distance. His mind seemed miles away. "Did she love him?" He asked softly.

Looking over at him she felt her mouth open to say something but realized that the words weren't there and closed them. Instead she nodded her reply affirmatively. She wished that she could tell him no… that it wasn't the case but in all honesty she knew that Risa in her own way did love Dark. Perhaps it wasn't like Niwa's love, all consuming and everlasting but it was love… her first love.

Placing his hands in his pockets he looked up at the starlit sky letting out a heavy breath. He could feel her eyes on him as if waiting for him to say something; to respond to her answer but what could he say? In all honestly he knew that Risa had loved Dark, perhaps she still did. Girls like Risa never had trouble opening their hearts… it was closing them that was the problem. She wasn't like him or others their age. She was always open about her emotions, never thwarted by the ramifications of rejection. It just wasn't in her nature to be guarded. It was a gift and a curse he believed. It was one of the many reasons why he loved her.

"Have you signed up for the 'Night of Stars' on Friday?" She asked after a long moment of silence that began to eat away her. She had never minded the quietness. She could stand with Risa for hours on their balcony and watch the sun set without so much as a whisper, but with Niwa it was different, she was different! She had long ago stopped fighting what she knew in her heart was true. She loved Niwa. She wasn't sure when it started but it had become too much to deny.

Looking over at her as if startled by her question he shook his head. "No, not yet, have you?" When she nodded affirmatively he smiled waiting for her to share.

"I thought about playing the piano… my mother taught us when we were younger." She stated somewhat shyly.

"You play?" He asked thoroughly interested.

She nodded. "Somewhat… Risa seemed better at it though but never took interest in it. It came naturally to her, perhaps her fingers are longer than mine." She remarked off-handedly looking down at her slender digits.

Without thought he reached out and grabbed her palm bringing it up to the moonlight to see it better. "Your fingers seem fine to me." He stated as though this was the most natural thing in the world not seeing her cheeks turn a deep red.

The scene could be interpreted quite differently from an outsider's perspective if someone should come along and like any good story there were two watching from further down the shoreline.

Risa saw them first. Watching as Daisuke lifted her sister's hand up into the light of the moon as though it were the most precious thing in the world. She wasn't sure what she should be feeling in that moment… happiness for her sister… relief that they were together instead of her having to look for Riku somewhere else… sadness at losing her very best friend… sadness for other reasons? She wasn't sure. She didn't have time to examine it because Miho also noticed in the next moment and called out.

"Niwa! Niwa-kun!" She waved enthusiastically… too enthusiastically. Her voice strained to keep the jealousy out of her tone as she began sprinting over to them both frozen for a moment in surprise.

Miho turned back to wave Risa to hurry but she found that her feet were stuck in the sand.

What was this feeling?