...You took a knife to my heart

And cut out the rational parts...

I knew that you were just misunderstood - Mad Love. by Jojo

A/N: I'm cross posting this story, it's also on my Tumblr. It's Dean Ambrose x OFC with hints of Finn Balor x OFC on occasion. Lots of angst and eventually, some smut which is kind of why the story has an M rating. I don't want to get myself into serious shit by labelling it Teen when it's not going to stay teen, you feel?

Aaand they finally interact.. But it's not much. And the next chapter ( which I am brainstorming rn rn,) is going to frustrate/upset anyone who ships Kristina and Dean and wants them to just hurry and be together already.. Trust me, I took it easy on you guys this chapter. Just angst and a moment with Dean and Kristina.


I found myself watching them, his hands were all over her. I mean it was painfully obvious they were both really, really intoxicated, but.. It still hurt. I still felt this twist in my gut and I wanted to walk over and pull the two apart.

Finn pulled me closer and deliberately turned us away from the sight and I sighed quietly. "Sorry. Maybe this was a bad idea." I mumbled as Finn shook his head and then replied calmly, "Ever 'avin anythin ta do wid 'im was da bad idea. Can't stand that fookin prick. And 'e hurt you." as his hands smoothed over my hair and down my back. I took a few deep breaths and I looked up at Finn and managed my best smile but internally, I was going back to it, one of the last times I'd been with Dean.. Something felt different between us, even then but I couldn't put my finger on it.. As Finn and I were forced to turn and I was forced to see Dean and the blonde with her hands all over him pawing at each other and kissing like they couldn't get enough of each other, it hit me and it hit me hard…

"Ya did it again.. Ya dodged me." Dean stared down into Kristina's eyes, his hands pinning hers on either side of her head as he leaned down, his lips ghosting down her neck. Kristina bit her lip and then sighed quietly. "We both know what this is, Dean.. Kissing isn't going to change that and I…." her voice trailed off and he put it out of his head. It was the first time in a week he'd gotten her to himself during their downtime and he wanted to enjoy it, not spend it fighting again.

But he didn't get why kissing him or not kissing him was such a deal breaker, really. It was just a kiss, right?

Rather than fuck things up and argue, make tension, he pushed the thought into the back of his mind and he concentrated more on the moment itself and how he felt. Because if he tried to figure out how she felt beyond how good he was making her feel, then things got complicated.

Then they were fighting and lately, it seemed to happen a lot. After that one night he slept over at her place and woke up holding her the next morning, it seemed like they were avoiding each other or arguing.

He didn't like it.

He didn't want things to end, to get so bad that it was either walk away or destroy each other.

He tried again, because he just couldn't resist, he wanted to kiss her so badly that his lips were tingling, but then he reminded himself… he had agreed to this, after all.. And if he voiced his frustrations with the arrangement now, he wouldn't have Kristina at all.

And as bad as it sounded, as pathetic as it made him feel, he'd rather have her like this and only like this than not have her at all. She comforted him, she balanced him out, she was warm and caring and bubbly and she didn't ask for anything.. He'd had a nightmare once at the beginning and she'd actually bought him out of the dark place his mind went during.

He couldn't lose that because if he lost that, he'd lose everything.

And he'd already lost everything too damn many times before.

I'd gotten lost in my thoughts and staring because I'd be a liar if I didn't admit that I was staring and it was killing me, but Finn turning us away from Dean and his 'distraction' for the night was enough to bring me out of my own head. "Et'll be alright. Ye will see." Finn spoke the words soothingly and I wanted to believe them, I really did but deep down, I knew differently.. Nothing was going to be okay unless it was Dean.

Dean was it for me, but he'd never willingly let someone close enough to hurt him, I knew him a little too well and I knew that.

and you won't either because all you can see is another way you'll get hurt or another way that the person you love will leave or you won't be good enough somehow

"Finn?"

"Yeah?" Finn's voice was husky and his body felt like a slight comfort, a distraction I desperately needed. He was my friend but he'd been there for me and I guess I just felt like I should at least try, give him a chance.

Because apparently, if the current scenario across the bar was anything to go by, Dean was letting Moxley out to play tonight and Moxley gave zero fucks about anyone or anything but his own good time.. Moxley was the side of him he used when he wanted to be untouchable, unbreakable. I could just sense that Dean wasn't being himself.. I saw him sling the blonde over his shoulder and make this big show about carrying her out of the bar and quietly, I asked Finn, "Do you want to get out of here?"

He nodded and smiling, he lead me out of the bar and up to our rooms...


Dean thought that if she was happy, if she was moving on then maybe he should too. And he felt used, he felt like their whole time together had been cheapened somehow because she had a five second rebound rate and she was with Finn fuckin Balor of all people.

When he saw the two coming out of the bar together, he couldn't resist it. He called out to Finn, "Have a good time. I know I did." and Finn was standing chest to chest with him in seconds, staring him down. He nodded to the blonde with legs akimbo slung over Dean's shoulders and snickered. "Esn't dat da pot callin da kettle black dere, Ambrose?" the Irishman scoffed and Dean swore, glaring at Finn as he smirked. "Fuck you, Devitt. This was ya fuckin plan all along. So go on, enjoy it.. But don't get too close.. She gets real skittish when ya try that."

Finn shoved at Dean as soon as Dean had stood the blonde on her own feet and Dean shoved back, angry. "Ya fuckin took her. Then again, that was ya fuckin plan the whole time, wasn't it? Waltz right in and worm ya way in, usin the fact that the two of ya grew up together.."

Finn chuckled and rolled his eyes at Dean. It was obvious at this point that Dean was drunk and as a result, he was erratic. "And da sad fact of et, Ambrose? Ye don't know 'er at all. Ta even think dat for a second. Ye know nothin. Ah didn't needa plan ta take 'er, yer doin a good 'nough job at fookin everything up yerself. Whaddya need me for, hmm?"

Kristina was running over and she was between them, trying to stop the argument but Becky got her off to the side and away. Dean and Finn were just about to throw down but luckily, Swagger and Jey Uso saw and walked over, getting Dean and Finn away from each other, each male glaring at Finn.

"Like it ain't bad enough ya fuckin took his girl, now ya try to kick his ass when he's drunk off his face? You are nothin like all these people think you are. If they had a fuckin clue, man." and Finn snickered and shrugged. "Comin from da idiots who believe dat idiot, - he nodded to Dean who flipped him off and fought against Jey's grip on him at the time - it amuses me."

"Finn, we need to go. Now… This isn't.. It's not worth it, okay? It's obvious Dean's off to have his fun." Kristina said the words as calmly as possible but the look on her face is what stayed with Dean, even after the whole incident was over and he was up in his room with the blonde from the bar.

"Those people are fuckin stupid baby… Obviously, that bitch had a problem if she threw you away.. But if you want me, baby" the blonde rubbed against him as she rubbed his shoulders from behind, her tits dragging along his back in an obvious effort to seduce him, "I'm all yours."

Dean slid off the bed, grabbing the blonde by the elbow. "I can't fuckin do this. Outta here." he pointed into the hallway, the blonde staring at him with wide and confused eyes. "You're kicking me out? Fine, you just lay here and you mourn that little uptight bitch.. Pretty sure she's letting Finn lay the pipe to her, most girls like that do.. But don't come looking for me when you realize I'm.." he slammed the door shut in her face, effectively cutting her sentence off and flipped the door off as he uncapped the bottle and took a huge swig from it, flopping down onto the bed.


The elevator slid open and Finn and I stepped off, stopping in front of my door. My hands were shaking, my heart was pounding and I was trying not to break down as I pictured exactly what Dean was down in his own room doing. My stomach churned bitterly at the memory of seeing him and the blonde he'd been with at the bar all over him. I sighed and shook my head and slid my keycard in the lock, turning to look up at Finn who was leaned in close, smiling at me.

you don't have to do this… just because he is right now, doesn't mean you trash another friendship and hurt more people because you're hurting

I stepped out of the door, wordlessly letting him into the room. The door closed behind us lightly and I gave him a friendly hug. "Thank you.. For being such a great friend and for standing up and saying all that down there."

"Ah could be more den yer friend, Krissy." Finn was closer now, his hands lightly at my hips. I swallowed hard and my heart rate picked up and I bit my lip. "Finn, I… It's too soon, okay? This all still hurts."

"Dat bastard wasn't ever good enough for ya in da first place."

"Finn.." I sighed quietly and shook my head. "The whole thing was my doing, remember? I'm the one who set the whole 'rules' into place when we started our thing. It's my own fault I'm hurting, not his."

Finn scoffed but he nodded at me, I think he didn't want to fight. I didn't want to fight either. Biting my lip, I told him quietly, "I thought I could do this, I thought I could cross this line but I can't… I'm sorry.."

"Yer right.. Ah saw my ex earlier and she was wid another guy.. Ah think ah just wanted ta forget.." Finn was looking at his hands as he spoke, that apologetic look on his face. I nodded. "Look, if anything did happen, we both know it wouldn't be right.. It wouldn't be fair to us or to them.."

"Et wouldn't. And ah don't feel da way ah feel about you dat I do about 'er."

He hugged me and asked me again if I was sure I'd be alright and then he stepped out of the door, leaving me to lean against it after locking it behind me. I flopped across my bed and turned on the television and I tried not to imagine Dean down in his room, doing whatever he was doing with the blonde he'd been leaving the bar with.

All I could think about the entire time was how badly I messed up, how much I regretted it.. How much I wish I'd never set those stupid rules out for us and how messed up it was that I had. And if tonight was anything to go by, I might just be losing him for good.

The thought had me numb. I literally didn't know what to do.