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Chapter 2
Learning in my classes was not at all easy. Not only did I have to carry my ten pounds of belonging from one class to the other, but Professor Grey occupied my thoughts all afternoon. I still can't quite comprehend how an educator can be so taciturn when he probably rambles on and on about psychological theories throughout his entire seminars. Professor Grey is one complex man. He seems to be like those people that you have to peel back each layer just to get to their surface.
I want to ram my head into a thick wall. Get these futile thoughts to disappear. And if the impact of slamming my skull into a drywall fails, maybe…
No. I stopped that. I have to stop relying on self-inflicting pain just because I have a mere slip up. Today could have happened in front of anyone. Although, I don't think I've ever experienced a more chaotic day. I know having my secret exposed in front of a teacher - a psychological teacher at that - is better than a campus student. If one did, by tomorrow morning everyone would know my secret and I would have to transfer schools. Probably to another country and change my name just to be safe.
My walk home gives me time to think. Time to fully soak in the events that happened today. At three, I arrive at my apartment. I hear unruly noises and a faint voice coming from inside. I'm not expecting anyone soon because the possibility of the voice being Kate is out the window. She just left Maui seven hours ago, but her flight is a layover which landed her in California. If I'm right she shouldn't be here for another hour or two.
Placing my books, laptop, and other things on my hip, I retrieve my keys from around my neck, which is attached to a necklace, with my left arm. It's a little childish, but it comes in handy, knowing it's always nearby. Plus, I don't have to scramble through my bag to get them. Which in my luck of today, I have no bag to scramble through.
Slowly opening the door, I cautiously make my way into the building. The door makes a creaking sound. If there is an intruder here I'm sure found out. The intruder theory vanishes as I spot piles of luggage spread across the hard wooden floors of my apartment.
Looks like Kate is home.
If I recall Kate only brought three suitcases to her trip. I count the cases sprawled on the floor and that number has nearly doubled. Maui must have had one bad ass mall.
"Kate?" I yell loud enough so that my voice can echo throughout our place.
"In my room," Kate duplicates my tone and I sigh in relief knowing Kate isn't some stocky homeless man burglarizing our home. "Do you mind grabbing a suitcase and bringing it to my room?"
Sure why not Kate? Because I planned on coming home from a long and stressful day to become your slave. God, I need to get a fucking backbone.
I put down "Get a backbone" in my never-ending imaginary bucket list.
"Do you have a preferable choice?"
"No, just pick one. Anyone will do."
I grab one of Kate's designer suitcases at random. This one looks like a Louis Vuitton design. My guess, it's probably not even in stores yet. And to top it all off, it's one of a kind. Kate isn't too fond of having anything someone already else owns.
I maneuver through the many overstuffed suitcases and drag what feels like a thousand ton sack of bricks to Kate's room.
When I arrive at the door opening of Kate's bedroom, I drop her suitcase on the floor. Her head whiplashes toward my direction in confusion.
"What's wrong?" Kate asks innocently obviously missing the reason for my sudden startle.
"Have enough clothes?" I inquire as I examine the room. Two unpacked suitcases lay opened, which adds two to the five I counted previously.
My eyes roam over to Kate's closet. It is completely empty, except for a few blouses that still have the tag on them. Her bedroom floor contains what looks like her old clothes, which in my opinion appear like they've only been worn once or twice.
"You should know when it comes to me; I can never have enough clothes. And two, I'm trying a new thing called 'Out with the old, in with the new'. You've might have heard of it before. You can't be too far down the antisocial hole of yours not to."
I roll my eyes and look down to obtain Kate's fallen suitcase that nearly dodged my feet. 'Get a backbone' just jump shot up to number one on my bucket list. I pull the suitcase far enough into her room and set it on her bed since there is no way in hell I'm going to get it up on her bed.
"How are you even here so early?" I question her eagerly trying to solve the cause behind her mysterious and early arrival. "And where's your car? It wasn't in the front."
"Got lucky. I forgot to tell you my family switched our flight to non-stop, and not a layover. It was a last minute thing." Kate was quick to reply. "Parents took my car to get it detailed. Won't have it back for a while."
I arch my eyebrow still a little suspicious, but I drop the topic. I'm glad she's home. We can finally have our girl nights, stay up late, and watch overacted reality TV shows.
"Anyways enough about me. Did turning in my project go well? He left the door open right?" She questioned while hanging up her last new articles of clothing.
Great. I never did all that well with Kate's interrogations.
"Yeah about that," I mutter staring down at my hands and anxiously begin to wring them together.
"You didn't turn it in?" Kate shouts at me in accusation and I can see her face begin to turn shades of red.
"No, I did! God, you always think the worst!"
Kate immediately calms down from the good news. We both hop onto her bed and face each other, legs crossed in front of us.
"I only think the worst when you make me think that way."
Even though I hated when Kate was right she had a point. I have a tendency to over exaggerate and misleading things. Another pathetic quality of mine.
"Your right, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you."
"Well, now you're starting to make me worry all over again. What happened?"
I told Kate a play-by-play of my highly awkward encounter with Professor Grey. No detail was missed; except the part where her professor saw my scars. Fabrication was necessary. Kate hated when people would cut corners and only tell the key points in stories. Every detail mattered to her. I'm just crossing my fingers she doesn't notice I'm hiding something.
"So Mr. No Show showed up, huh?" Kate grinned at my predicament. "His meeting probably ended early."
"Why are you smiling? This is serious!" I cry out and hit her upper arm. She makes an ow noise, but I ignore her griping and continue. "What about his weird behavior? He said one word to me. Isn't that a bit strange?"
Kate shrugs her shoulders. "That part does seem unusual. Amongst his students and me, he can't keep his mouth shut. But Ana, you have nothing to worry about. Stop being a worry wart! You're acting like he knows about your big dark secret."
Silence engulfs the room, and I know she's caught my lie in her web.
"Anastasia Rose Steele, what are you hiding from me? You are the worst at keeping secrets and I'm the best at detecting them. So spit it out!"
I tell her everything, but when I finish my eyes gaze down. I can't look at her face. I'm already too disappointed in myself. I can't stand for her to feel the same.
"Are you even sure? I mean, yes he was looking down where your wrists were, but there were papers everywhere. Maybe he saw something on the paper that he caught sight of and had some odd interest in it. And aren't those scars from your freshman year of high school. They should be too faded for him to even see."
"I know you're trying to make me feel better by shining some light onto this dark and depressing matter. But let's face reality here. He saw and who knows what he might do. My luck he's probably already going to the dean and by tomorrow morning I'll be transferred to some mental hospital!"
"Ana, if Professor Grey told anyone don't you think you would have got informed by now?"
"I guess so, but-" I say but I'm quickly cut off by Kate.
"No, no 'buts'. You're having a panic attack over nonsense! And you're not leaving even if the dean comes in here himself and drags you by your teeth. Besides, I need you."
I fly forward to Kate, arms wide, coercing my arms around her tight. Oh, how wrong she is. Kate needing me is a major understatement. I need her more than she needs me. Without her guidance and support, I'm not sure I would be in college right now let alone breathing. Mainly her just listening to me has helped me tremendously. After high school, I lost all connections with my father. I think he tried to hold my mother's death in for so long that he finally hit his breaking point when I left home.
A tear expels from my eyes, and Kate breaks our embrace.
"Hey, don't cry." She murmurs. "Remember we only cry for three reasons. One, if we are watching a movie with Ryan Gosling. Two, boys. And three, if we're PMSing.
We both laugh uncontrollably and a smile grazes my face. I wipe away the shed tear and collect myself. She pulls away at arm's length and grabs my shoulders.
She murmurs while staring into my eyes, "Tomorrow will be a new day. Stop stressing about today because what's happened has happened and you can't take it back. You taught me that."
She gets off her bed when she sees her words of wisdom –really mine, has taken the effect she wanted.
"Now get changed. I'm not going out in public with you looking like that." Kate says as she wags her pointer finger up and down my body. "Pick something sexy out."
"What? Wait. Why?"
"My welcome back party, silly," Kate replies as she gives me a look the says are-you-serious-I-thought-that-was-obvious. "I can't just waltz back on campus and not have a party, Ana. Plus, I want to dance and a nightclub is a perfect place to do so."
"But, I don't have anything that you call sexy," I say putting up my fingers in air quotation marks when I say the word sexy.
Kate gestures to the pile of clothes she had just removed from her closet. "Out with the old in with the new. I have the new, now you have the old."
Her old wasn't even old, but I'm not complaining. Why would anyone complain when your best friend hands over three thousand dollars worth of clothes? A nut case, that's who!
"Can't complain about me having too many clothes, now can you?"
I can't help but giggle at her smart ass comment and proceed to the mass selection of my now old/new clothes. My eyes catch sight of a deep red, almost crimson dress. When I pull it up out from under all the other clothes, I glance at the dress from the top down. This dress should be illegal! I can hardly call this even a dress. It has a fitted bodice with a sweetheart neckline and cut outs along the waistline. Imagining the garment on me, I picture the hem barely passing my "goods".
"How can you call this a dress?" I protest to Kate when I wave and hold up the outfit.
"Nice choice! Trying to get laid?"
"No! Are you?" I say in a snarky tone. Taking sight upon her jet black leather dress and plunging neckline she just put on makes me want to cover her up as if I'm her mother.
"We're going to Saints and Sinners tonight. Anything goes." Kate guides her hands to cup her breasts. She looks down at her perfect cleavage then back up at me. "Hmm, I feel like I'm not showing enough."
"Kate you have enough showing for me and you both. Besides, isn't that club full of horn dogs this time of night? It is the first night back at college."
She shrugs. "Yeah so? You can put that dress to good use!"
My eyes practically roll to the back of my head. No matter how hard I fought her on this she would just continue on her mission to get me to wear this dress. Temptation began to consume me. I want to know how the dress would look on me. Why could Kate get under my skin with a snap of her well-manicured fingers?
She struts over to me and takes the dress away from me. "You don't have to wear it you know. I bet one of your measly sweaters will suffice."
I snatch the dress out of her hands and clutch it against my chest. "No! I'll wear it."
My sudden action not only startled Kate but myself as well. Why do I have to wear this whore-ish dress? Change. Could that be the reason? My motivation. One night, Ana. You are only wearing this slutty dress for one night. That's it. And I can burn it later if you never want to see it ever again. Deal. I feel like I'm making a deal with the devil. My conscience the devil? This can't be good.
We wait more than a few hours before we start getting presentable. I offer to cook us a quick meal before we go out, but Kate said she already ate on the plane. To stop my eager hunger craving, I munch on some cheese and crackers.
Around ten, Kate has dolled me up and to be honest, I look hot. My inner vixen has come out to play. No more begin caged up. She's free. I'm free. Well for one night at least.
We take a taxi to the night club. Wearing these four-inch heels Kate is letting me wear isn't my shoe of choice. I just hope I don't break an ankle.
It's ladies night at Saints and Sinners, how convenient. Kate uses her finesse to cut in front of the long line of young college students and locals. She also uses her flattery get us in for free. I had to admit, hanging out with Kate has its perks.
Fluorescent lights strike my face nearly blinding me. The club is packed, almost to the point where I might diagnose myself with claustrophobia. But I shouldn't be surprised, it is the first day of school starting up again, and students need to get a load off. Although, I don't remember getting slammed with any homework assignments. It could just be another pitiful excuse to go out and get hammered.
Kate and I force our way towards the bar through the already intoxicated patrons. On our way over there, I have a strong hunch at least four guys felt me up. God, I knew this dress was a terrible idea. Kate orders us both two shots of tequila. She hands one of them to me with a too wide of a smile for my liking. What is she up to?
"Cheers!" She screams over the shrilling dance music.
I position the glass shot glass against my lips and tilt my head back. The tequila hits the back of my throat causing a burning sensation and continues as it glides down to my stomach.
As suspected, she hands me my next shot simultaneously after my head is position back upright. I give into her feeble demand and shoot down the glass as I did the previous one.
Two shots turn into four, then six. Kate's plan becomes clear as I start to feel woozy. She must have told the bartender to keep the drinks coming. Fortunately, I've had my fair share of personal experiences with alcohol to know when enough is enough. Let's just say daddy loved drinking his sorrows away.
My usually clear and collected head feels foggy and in a daze. Thank God I'm sitting on this stool. I look over to my right and spot two guys practically drooling all over Kate. And she's nursing every drop of attention up like a sponge. Even having Kate make me over doesn't ameliorate my chances in getting hit on. I think I spoke too soon when a tall figure holding a drink struts toward me.
He looks remarkably familiar. His chiseled features and breathtakingly dark brown eyes click my drunk mind into a state of remembrance. José Rodriguez. He sits two rows down from me in my photojournalism class. I can't recall if he participates in any sports, but he sure as hell has a body like he does.
"Ana, right?" He clearly is forcing his novice charm on me. "It's me. José, from photojournalism."
I nod, too scared to say something unforgettably embarrassing. So much for liquid courage.
He moves closer to me; pushing his toned body against mine. "Can I buy you a drink?"
His breath reeked of alcohol, my guess some cheap brand of beer. I also smelt a foul cologne mixed in with his repulsive odor. But I have no right to judge. Kate and I, most likely guzzled down a half a bottle of tequila on our own. No doubt, I'm having a hangover waiting for me when I wake up tomorrow.
"No thanks, I think I've had enough alcohol for one night." I smile, knowing I didn't sound like a total loser.
"Well, it sounds like to me you're done here. And so am I." He slurs while swirling his empty beer in his hand. He advances closers and extends his free hand towards my exposed upper thigh. "Let's go somewhere quiet. Just you and me. How does that sound?"
The palms of my hands press against his firm chest in an attempt to get some much-needed distance. My efforts backfire and he travels toward my ear. His hand resumes its prior position but this time he grazes it slightly upward. My breath hitches and it's evident I'm in a tight spot. I twist my head to make an effort to get Kate to be my savior, but she's too caught up in her little world. Someone save me.
I sense his warm breath hit my ear. I gulp hard. "Come on baby, my place is just a few blocks away. Then we can get rid of these pesky clothes. What do you say?"
What do I say? I had an infinite list this thing I could say to the douche bag. However, I can only choose one to fully get this asshole to get the hell off me.
"Fuck off!" My hand flies in the air until it hits the hard surface of his skin. Perfect. Short and simple. And a slap to the cheek to top it all off. Who would have thought I had it in me?
I look around to see a dozen or so pair of eyes staring in my direction along with Kate's and her groupies'.
"Kate I'm going to get some air," I say grabbing my belongings and pay for my drinks.
Her abrupt shock only allows her to nod.
While walking out of the club doors, I glance back to where I was sitting and spot José still caressing the distinctive red mark on his face. Guys like that make me want to hurl, but that didn't sound too pleasant in my current tipsy state.
The cool night air graces my skin, causing me to shiver. I knew I should have brought a coat. Goosebumps form on the surface of my skin. I wrap my hands around my arms to obtain warmth. I've only been outside for half a minute and I swear the temperature dropped twenty degrees. Vancouver weather is so bipolar.
The night club's music echoes past the club's entrance, so I walk around the corner to get some much-desired silence. I pull out my phone to check the time. The bright screen causes my eyes to squint. I make out 12:15 a.m. How long have we been out? I don't even remember when we left the apartment or when I even got to the night club. My head is throbbing intensely and my stomach growls. I want to kick myself for eating cheese and crackers. My stomach is most certainly filled with alcohol and only alcohol.
I begin to call the local taxi service; that I saved to my phone for emergencies like these. I don't want to be here anymore. The comfort of a bed and my silk sheets wrapped between my legs is all I want. And a lot of Advil. I'll let Kate know I'm leaving when the taxi gets here. Maybe by then, she won't have her head up some guy's ass.
My finger hovers over the call button, but it doesn't reach its destination as I'm pushed violently into the club's wall, expelling the air from my lungs. Before I can utter a scream, a large hand cups over my mouth to keep me quiet. Cologne invades my nose, and it smells oddly familiar.
José.
I try to budge my way out of his clutches, but my efforts make no progress. I immediately wish I hadn't struggled because José adds more pressure to my body. My body is being squished, compacted literally between a rock and a hard place. José being the hard place and the concert wall being the rock.
I've must have broken every mirror, walked under a million ladders, and crossed all the black cats that have walked on this earth. I am a walking bad luck magnet.
"Isn't this better?" José finally speaks. "All alone. Just like we wanted."
I muffle a cry through his clasped hand and make one last try to shove this jerk away. Just as before, he hardly moves. Tears well up in my eyes, as I start to lose hope and come to the conclusion of how this is going to end up.
"Please, let me go," I beg. My voice is distraught, frail. I cast my eyes down. All hope vanished in a matter of seconds.
"I think you should listen to her." A firm hostile voice breaks my state of dismay.
My head jolts up and my eyes meet the last person I ever thought I would see again.
Professor Grey.
José takes a step away from me and exchanges glances from him and I. Wheels are spinning in his thick head of his. I'm almost certain he is weighing out his options. If there are any other than to run for the hills.
However, he chooses the option of marking his territory like a dog needing to prove he is the alpha male. "And why should I listen to what you have to say? Besides we were only having a little fun. If you were smart like I'm sure you are I suggest you mind your own business and leave."
José faces me once more, ignoring Professor Grey. His hand trails to my thigh and begins to escalate to the apex between my legs, raising my dress slowly. Before my dress reveals the entire lower half of my body, Professor Grey grabs José's shoulder and pushes him off me. "I don't think you heard me. Let me make this clear. If you lay one finger or even look at her the wrong way again-" He is radiating with fury. He looks so hot when he's mad.
"What? You'll kill me?" José laughed hysterically.
"No, but I'll make you wish you were." His fists are clenched tightly and painfully at his sides, on to the last bit of restraint that he has.
"Is that a threat?"
"No it's a promise."
Professor Grey's face is stern, his body flexed like he's on the prowl, ready to kill. José is calm, unaffected by his threatening words, even grinning like this is a game. He retreats cautiously, not wanting to rile up Professor Grey anymore than he currently is. "Whatever man, you can have her. She's all yours." José swiftly brushes off the front of his shirt to recollect the rest of his poise and dignity. In no way am I surprised when he walks passed Professor Grey and slightly bumps into his shoulder for a "last laugh".
Knowing the worst of it is now over, my composure resurfaces. I smooth down my risen and wrinkled dress to avoid another embarrassing state of affairs with Professor Grey.
Professor Grey shrugs off his jacket and places it on his forearm. He strides to me and opens up his jacket for me to put on. "You look freezing."
I am. My whole body feels like an iceberg. Both my arms slip into the soft fabric of his jacket. It's so warm that I start to defrost.
I can't help but beam at his chivalrous gesture. "Thank you, for everything."
"No problem. I see assholes like that all the time."
His eyes bore into mine and I'm trapped by his beauty. He clears his throat and shuffles his feet against the pavement. I notice he's not wearing the same outfit he wore this morning. He is in dark blue jeans that just hit his hips and a fitted black tee. I don't worry about if he is cold, because how can someone so damn hot be cold?
This can't be the same guy I made a fool of myself in front of. I am starting to wonder if he is even old enough to be a professor. He looks like he just graduated.
The silence causes me to become uncomfortable. I take this new found opportunity to see if Kate is correct about Professor Grey being a chatter box.
"If you don't mind me asking, why are you even out this late? Aren't professors supposed not go out, stay at home, grade papers, and watch old classic black and white TV shows?"
"Last time I checked it's not the 1950s. And I can stay out however late I want. I haven't had a curfew for the past nine years." A smug grin invades his handsome face.
He told you.
Oh, shut up!
Looks like the man has quite a mouth on him.
I take note that my vixen shouldn't be the one locked up, but my dirty minded conscience.
'I haven't had a curfew for the past nine years.' Curfew? Nine years? That means he must be twenty-seven. Twenty-eight max.
"Well I was just about to leave, but can I buy you a drink? You know, to repay you."
He shakes his head. "Thanks, but no thanks. I can't. I already had a few too many from dinner. And by the looks of it, you drank one too many for a night as well." He chuckles. God that's adorable. "Plus I have papers to grade and your friend's ten-page research project."
"Oh right, of course. School comes first. Right?" I mental want to slap myself. Could I sound more like a nerd?
"Thanks for the jacket," I mumble as I slip out of the last armhole, I extend the jacket to him. "Here you go."
"No, you keep it. For tonight I mean." His hands dive into his back pockets. "You can have your friend Kate give it to me tomorrow."
I'm speechless. He is way more bipolar than the weather. In a matter of hours, he can turn into a one worded, standoffish professor to a well-mannered prince charming. Oh, how the tables turned.
"I better get going."
I give a slight smile before he walks away.
Professor Grey turns on his heels and starts to walk down the street. A sense of loneliness captivates me. I oddly enjoyed his presence. Just when I thought he was gone, I hear his charismatic voice.
"8 o'clock. Coffee. At Kairos Cafe. 6th Street and Parkway. I think that will suffice as a fair repayment." He declares before disappearing into the dark.
Did he just say what I thought he just said?
