Change the Habit of a Lifetime
Disclaimer – I own nothing but the idea.
This is my entry for the CCOAC New Year Resolution challenge. I picked Derek Morgan with the resolution: To become a one-woman man. I was assigned Emily Prentiss.
There is one more chapter after this, then I will be working a sequel to this.
. . .
Derek spent the rest of the day trying to avoid his colleagues, especially the females of the team. It was a rare moment, like this one, that he was immensely grateful that he had his own office. Most days he missed the hub-bub of sharing space in the bullpen with the others, but right now solitude was preferable. Spending his day teasing the others was one thing he had enjoyed about life in the shared space, facing the same was totally different. Added to that that he was afraid that something might give. After all if Rossi had spotted how Derek felt, how long before someone else did? That was the problem of working with a team of highly trained profilers who were excellent at their job. You could ban inter-team profiling, but it was the nature - a natural instinct.
Alternatively he was just waiting for the opportunity to have ten minutes of David Rossi's time, without any witnesses! He was still fuming with the older profiler's little 'slip' that morning. Rossi had known what he was doing, adding that little bit of pressure, making the situation semi-public. Derek's fist balled as he swallowed his anger, that was not the way to deal with Rossi. He had to be calm and prepared when he faced that one.
Shuffling the contents of the last file together, Derek sighed as he glanced at his heavy watch. If he timed it right he could deliver these to Hotch and pay Agent Rossi a visit. Then if he had any luck most of the others would have left and he could escape without any further questioning.
Scooping up the pile of manila files in one arm, Derek made his way along the walk way to Hotch's office.
A quick rap of his knuckles upon the door was answered with a blunt greeting. Entering Derek hovered as he waited for Hotch to acknowledge his presence.
Capping his pen and putting it down at the head of his pile of paperwork, Hotch looked up.
Derek handed over the collection of files, "All done."
Momentarily Hotch's stoic expression slipped as he looked surprised before adding drily, "There's a first time for everything."
Morgan's head shook as it dropped, trying to disguise the smile. Hotch had a point, it wasn't often Morgan was the first to hand in a completed set of reports. Hell it was rare he wasn't the last to hand in a complete set of reports. In fact the only person who was came close to his personal report record was Emily, and he swore she did it delibrately somedays just to save him another lecture.
"Anything else?" Hotch asked a little impatiently.
"Nope," Morgan added, before turning to leave. Deciding it was best to make a move then face any of the residual anger Hotch had, which by the look of thinges there was plenty still hanging around.
Striding to the next nondescript door along the walk way, Derek knocked and waited. Soon he was called in and sat facing David Rossi.
Dave sat with his hands in front of him, fingertips touching, as he studied the younger man sat opposite him.
"Well . . ." Dave finally drawled, barely hiding the smirk tugging at the corners of his lips.
Derek festered for a moment longer, before he spoke. He had to play this right or it would snowball out of control.
"I'm not here for your help if that's what you're angling at," Derek spoke calmly.
Dave lifted an eyebrow as he released his full smirk, "What are you so afraid of Derek? You kick down doors not knowing what you will face on the other side. You are the fittest member of this team and use that chase down UnSubs so others don't have to. You put your life on the line for any of the team. So what scares you so much about Emily Prentiss?"
A snarl curled the corner of Derek's mouth as he bit back the first words that came to mind. He had to play this carefully if he wasn't going to let Rossi trip him up.
"I'm not scared of Emily Prentiss," he stated flatly, "I just don't need your help."
"Now that I disagree with, not because I have any doubt in your powers to seduce any woman you put your mind to. That you don't need help with; hell I've learnt a thing or two watching you in action. However you do need help to face the fact that this is what you actually want."
"You don't know me and what I want," the anger that had seethed below Derek's surface started to bubble.
"If I was wrong about this you wouldn't be half as angry as you are. Face it, Derek, I'm hitting a little close to home on this and you don't like it."
The growl that resonated from Derek was answer enough.
Dave leant forward, his elbows and forearms resting on the solid wood desk, as he interlaced his fingers.
"If it isn't Emily, per say, which scares you, then it must be the concept of monogamy. Commitment phobia, at it's worse."
Derek huffed, "Look who is talking, have you taken note of your track record?"
"Yeah, and I'm not proud of it. I've made mistakes, I can see that now, and I have to live with that. Why don't you learn from an old man's follies? Don't end up bitter, regretful and lonely," Dave said with complete honesty and a hint of sadness to his words.
Derek hissed out the breath he was subconsciously holding.
"So what I take a look at you, and decide that sleeping with my partner is gonna make me a happy man?"
Dave shook his head, hoping Derek hadn't completely missed the point. Surely they both knew this was nothing to do with casual sex and all to do with finding 'The One'.
"Good, because have you stopped to think about the consequences of such an action," Derek continued, "I know the fraternisation rules kind of passed you over, but they are there for a reason. The impact a relationship can have on you working together is immense. It's why it doesn't happen."
"So are two people trying desperately hard to ignore how they feel. That's a dangerous thing," Dave counter argued.
"Are you saying that Emily and I are not professional?"
"You're professional, too much so; but you can't totally mask how you feel. I saw you Derek, I watched you nearly fall apart when we lost her, and I saw you battle to accept her back. The past few months have been a rollercoster for us all, whatever side of the fense we sat on during all the events. You may have tried hard to convince us all you were fine. Yes you were there for Pen everystep of the way, helping her helped you. But don't think that we didn't notice the sideways glance at her photo everytime you walked past it, or the dullness in your eyes, or the blood on you knuckles where you took it all out on the gym. trust me Derek we saw your pain. Please don't lose her again," Dave urged.
Derek stood, not willing to listen to this anymore.
"The offer still stands when you come to your senses," Dave called as he left.
. . .
Stomping back into his dark office Derek stopped dead in his tracks. As his eyes adjusted to the dull interior, he blinked.
"You really didn't think you could avoid me all day did you?" Emily asked, a jovial tone to her voice, "So are you going to willingly tell me what is going on or do I have to force you?"
Derek sighed, making his way over to his desk and grabbing things. He knew he couldn't ignore her, but it was worth a try. Though this was the last thing he wanted right now.
"Derek!" Emily's voice stern, as she placed her hands flat on the hard surface of his desk.
His shoulders dropped as he looked up at her, as she settled back and sat crossed legged in his soft leather chair.
"Fancy a drink?" he offered, to buy himself some time. After all what was he going to tell her? That he had been crushing on her since day one, that he was in love with her and didn't want to risk losing her again. Looking down to hide the emotions in his eyes he waited for an answer.
Emily nodded, her eyes narrowed, realising that Derek was hiding something, "but on the condition that you let me in on your resolution."
Derek's mouth opened then shut again, as he looked up at her, resistance was futile. He didn't have to tell her the whole truth, not until he'd worked outwhat the truth was for himself, did he?
