If No One Will Listen

Part 4

For several long moments, Lord Jin and the soothsayer simply stood where they were, staring at the door that Shen had fled out of. Neither could think of anything to say. Finally, the soothsayer shook her head at Jin and began to head out. There were tears in her eyes.

That was when Jin found his voice, as broken as it sounded. "I didn't…I never meant for it to get this far…"

She turned to look at him.

The lord took a deep breath and slowly moved down the stairs away from his throne. "O-of course it was a shock when he hatched prematurely…when he looked the way he did, b-but…that doesn't mean we don't…"

"…love him?" the soothsayer finished, her voice rising in hurt and anger. "What would make him believe that you love him? And for that matter, what would make ME believe it? You've shown that child nothing but neglect!"

"Soothsayer, please!" Jin begged. "You know why we couldn't bring ourselves to care for him…"

She set her lips into a hard line. "I thought I did, but now I'm wondering if you simply didn't care."

"You know why!" he repeated desperately. "We couldn't bring ourselves to become attached to Sheng Li because we didn't know how long he would live! We didn't…want…the pain…"

The soothsayer had to keep from snapping. "Pain is a part of life, my lord! You cannot avoid it! You had a duty to your son, and you disregarded it simply because you thought you could cheat the ways of life! Did you think I didn't know what you were asking me to do when I became his nanny? You wanted me to cope with the agony so that you didn't have to! You wanted ME to love him instead of you and Ah-lam!"

That was too much for Jin. He slowly sank down on the steps and began to quietly weep.

The soothsayer softened and tentatively approached him, unable to keep sympathy from breaking through her anger. She did not try to comfort him, but only because she knew he would be more embarrassed than placated. Instead, she stood beside him and waited for several minutes until he finally managed to choke back his sobs and return to their conversation.

"B-bring the boy back here," Jin gasped, his chest still heaving. "I must speak with him…"

She shook her head firmly, although she kept her voice reasonably gentle. "I will not force him to, my lord," she answered. "He was terrified of seeing you today; if it upsets him that greatly, I will not require him to come here."

"Tell him that we do love him, if he will believe us…"

"I've already told him that," she sighed, "and he didn't believe me."

Jin haphazardly wiped his eyes. "Then bring him here, and we will tell him ourselves."

"Lord Jin, I already told you…"

"Please!" His hands were clasped tightly against his chest. "I…I am going to speak to my wife. We were wrong, soothsayer. We wanted to spare ourselves of the pain, and it hasn't worked at all. I must see my son…I must make it up to him…I…"

The soothsayer was torn. On one hand, she was ready to refuse, as his parents needed to see the consequences for their terrible decision. On the other hand, they already WERE seeing the consequences by having to deal with their guilt and seeing Shen's anguished state, and she didn't want Shen to grow up thinking that his parents had never cared. That would be a miserable existence, she thought. Her baby didn't deserve that.

"Once he is ready, I will bring him," she finally submitted. "But he's too upset now, and…oh…I had better see where he got off to…" Her brow creased in worry. She stood up and trotted briskly to the door, throwing back a last glance at Jin, who was still seated dejectedly on the steps with his head down.

"Goodbye, my lord," she said with only a hint of curtness. "I will see you soon." And without another delay, she set off to find her chick.

A thunderstorm was moving in over Gongmen City. Promises of lightning loomed in the distance, and the air felt almost slimy. Rain beat down upon the courtyard of the Tower of the Sacred Flame, and upon its lone inhabitant, who was in a far corner, curled up into a miserable ball.

Shen hadn't stopped crying since running away from his father and nanny. He knew how much trouble he would be in when he was found at here, as someone with his CONDITION was never, ever supposed to go out in the rain, but he didn't care and he didn't feel guilty. He felt a lot of things – heartbroken, unloved, dejected, and probably getting a cold on top of all that – but he didn't feel guilty.

A mere few hours ago, his only desire had been to spend the day playing with his new friend, but now – he didn't know what he wanted. He wanted to go inside and be warm and dry; he wanted his Nana to assure him that everything would be all right, and she would know, because Nana knew everything; he wanted his parents, wanted them to love him and hug him and promise to start spending more time with him. He didn't know what to do, and that was why he simply lay sprawled out where he was, wailing into the cold air.

That was where the soothsayer found him.

"Sheng Li, you'll get sick!" she gasped as she hurried towards him.

Shen looked up at her through so many tears that his vision wavered. He whimpered, backing up further into the corner.

She sighed, scooping him up. "It's all right, baby," she said soothingly as she felt him recoil. "Nana's here…"

"Lemme go," Shen croaked weakly, then coughed.

"Oh no…you're sick…" The soothsayer pressed a hoof to his forehead, feeling for a fever.

"Don' care!" he sobbed, then collapsed against her in a trembling heap.

She wasn't sure if anything would help him besides reconciling with his parents, but Shen wasn't ready for that and neither were they. So instead of taking him back to his parents immediately, the soothsayer carried her chick back to their room. The last stages of his freak-out ceased as she drew a hot bath for him, and his cries became those of just a broken hearted child, bringing tears to his nanny's eyes.

She gently peeled off his oversized robe, and bathed him quickly when she noticed coughs punctuating his sobs. If Shen really was getting sick from being out in the rain, the last thing he needed was to be wet right now. He didn't react to the bath, not wriggling or splashing, the tickle sponge not even bringing a twitch of a smile to his face. He just sat there desolately, crying.

The soothsayer lifted him into her arms, toweled him off, and dressed him in his nightshirt. She swaddled him tightly in a blanket and cradled him, but he seemed to be resisting any affection.

"Mama...Baba...hhhhate me..."

She pressed her forehead against Shen's, feeling hot tears track down her cheeks. "They don't, baby…they don't…"

Her poor little chick was shaking so much that he could barely take a breath. "'M sorry...didn' mean to...didn' mean...!"

"Shen, baby, it isn't your fault…" the soothsayer whispered desperately.

Shen's head bobbed, but whether he was nodding or simply trembling she couldn't tell. "Bbbbbad..." he choked out. "Was bbbbbad..."

She was quite literally lost. She only wished that his parents could see this, see what they had done. Perhaps they had only neglected him because they didn't want the pain that would come from his short life expectancy, but this was what they had left their child with.

She didn't give him a chance to protest as she cradled the chick that was practically hers in her lap, rubbing his back as his breakdown showed no sign of stopping.

"M'sorree…m'sorreeeee…" Shen was endlessly repeating. All at once, he seemed to be crying harder, aching for something that he had never known. "I want my mamaaaaa…"

The soothsayer had no idea what to do anymore. "B-baby, you're going to overheat…" she stammered. The little body leaning against her already felt red-hot with fever.

Shen didn't seem to hear her. He partially crawled from her lap, as much as he could being as weak and exhausted as he was at this point, and looked around wildly as if he had lost something. "Mama…Baba…m'sorry…come back!" he cried, reaching into the air.

She clutched at her chest in horror. Was something wrong with her chick's SANITY?

Shen couldn't even sob anymore, and he was too drained of energy to protest as he was gently grabbed and lain down. His now-sniffling nanny laid beside him, her hoof making loving circles on his tummy, which was sore from so much crying. He shivered inside his blankets, occasionally dozing off but never really sleeping, every so often mumbling out desperate pleas for his parents and apologies.

The soothsayer didn't sleep at all. All she could do was lay awake and worry about her child all night.