You're not worth my tears, you're not worth the heartache. I don't know why I give you the time. You're not worth the pain, You're not worth the emptiness. I don't know why I wish you were mine.
This weight is so unbearable. Caving my lungs. Ways of devotion turn to obsession open your eyes
I want you to see what you've done to me crying out those eyes
Little lights danced across his opened them to reveal a much larger world greeted with thousands of lights. It was truly an amazing site to see. Not many could get a chance to see such a spectacular thing. He smiled a bit. It was nice. Nice to departure from the secluded area of his home. He could now seek solace in the new area & find plenty of distractions. Friends, drinks, $, smoke, women, bright place, surely this was an earthly heaven.
Her stomach twisted up in knots and bubbled in emptiness. She shut her eyes to the lights that played itself across the screen. She cried out in frustration and sorrow. She hated to know he left but then again a deep wrenching at her chest told her otherwise. She was bitterly happy for him. Bitterly happy. Glad that he could find time to have fun and for himself. But she was envious and struck with grief at the fact she had to always remain behind. Everyone would go, she would stay and be left behind until she caught up on her own. It bothered her deeply. It was begining to corode her slowly erosive damage. It wouldn't be so bad if she knew that another someone, that she did consider more than a friend was tagging along too. .sometimes he would slow his pace to help her catch up. Sometimes the crowd and moving feet would rush him to move forward too fast, and she'd be left out of breath trying to catch up. She didn't want to be left alone. She didn't want to be the last man.
Run away from all the pain-all the pain of life. Bring my end to an end.
She knew that there was past orthodoxes between a friend of hers and him. She felt it impose on her heart and mind. Her friend was at the same destination where he resided. It wasn't fair. Cuz she wasn't "old" enough. It bothered and threatned to not let her breathe. Who knows what could go on btw the . She didn't want to think about it the fact that she wasn't given a chance to even prove anything to anyone. Sad. She had been violated and betrayed by the same friend but the harm was unintentional. They didn't mean to. But its not like they knew they did anyways. Numerous times she had tried to detest out to it but her method was indirect but strongly implied. She felt her chest being ripped open again. the least thing her dear friend could do was leave her him. Leave her something. That was the only small hope she clung onto. Did they really have to take it away? They took it away what she had before. But now...This too? She hoped they would take her into consideration and see the damage it was doing. Take her feelings into consideration and how she felt about it all. She begged through her tears. Through her choking breath. She cursed herself and asked if they could spare some pity and leave her the light in her dark life.
Unfair. Will you not leave me with some kind of love in this world? You have yours, let me have mine. Please leave me some kind of hope, don't take my chance away, don't fail me before I've even begun.
Her hatred was beginging to rise again. Like the other countless times where things would settle deep in and burn a hole straight through her. Anger was starting to leak through as it displayed itself in her violate rampage around the home. Throwing things, cursing, screaming, pulling at her hair, kicking shit around. She didn't stop until she exhausted herself. She pulled her body close and hummed.
Razors kiss the vein overdose for pain. A 12 gauge cross to the forehead a savior in a shell
There was music entangled inside his skull. He didn't know what to make of it or how it came about. But it sure was catchy. He hummed along to the unfamilar tune and looked upon with interest at his friends. So much to do! But what to do? This starry lit land provided many choices for spending expenses but the promise of winning large. Little. Though, he didn't give up hope.
He sunk low back into the chair cried out at the hand he held. He then laid the decorated paper on the table and grinned. The older married woman cried out in anger while a fairly tall man chuckled and tossed the cards behind him. The others groaned in disatisfaction. He took another whiff from the grass in his other hand and let it out in a complete victory. His luck was looking good. He continued to hum out loud while the 'house' keeper reshuffled the stack to be passed out again.
Fuck the people, Fuck the world, Fuck it all.
She hummed.
A couple of hours ahead, the girl stalked about the dark dwelling. What the fuck could she do to pass the time? She narrowed her eyes in grief as she turned on the TV and sat with her screen on her lap.
Occasionally glancing at the TV. Life was dull. She browsed the online world for some kind of relief. She checked her list. Of course his name wouldn't appear. She bitg her tounge in annoyance and then proceeded to browse some more. A message appeared and her hopes were high until she saw the name. She really disliked the person that insisted on imposing on her. Hate was such a strong word though. So she substituted the word though the emotion could not. She loved the phantom man. Not the one spamming her page. No. The ghostly like man miles away. Many miles away. She wished she could of been there. Damn her cursed age. She loved him and she knew it. There was no mistaking it. It was that feeling. That butterflies in the stomach feeling. A prolonged feeling that had been present from the moment she really got to understand him. This astranged feeling unfamliar to a human heart not truly shown love but compensation and desperation. Nothing of true value. She felt genuine feelings for the shadowed man that haunted her heart. He was a geunine to her. She felt a fire burning in her throat ready to erupt, a blue flame never extinguished, but nevertheless, burning. Burning a hole in her grief and sorrow and revealing a passion, determination, love. etc. It burnt away the flesh of fake pretensions. Oh how she would give everything and anything to be his & for him to be hers! Free. But still belong to each other. She would not leash him nor bind him like a dog, for he was a human. Free to do whatever he pleased. But she still wanted to 'have' him. To know she'd have someone waiting for her in her empty home. Though he might of been deaf to it, he would always have someone and somewhere to return to. She would make sure to the best of her ability. The Heart of a young woman unfolded while being crushed down by the weight and pressure of not a single soul knowing of her epitome.
Open my arms. Bleed out the flood. In crimson I begin to drown.
She was an adolescent independent soul. He was too. To the extent. As everyone had their own limitations. Hers seemed not to trend across much of a boundary. Once she would become free of her parents duties she would travel the skies to excersie her newly gained freedom. Go places, do was a caged bird, sneaking out the back door window at night and returning in the morning before anyone awoke. She wanted to touch the cobalt that always reflected from the dirty water in her cup. No more strings attatched to her wings, no. She would no longer have to fly by moonlight and onyx skies. Soon she would be able to dwell in the cerleuan ocean above her. She was a girl of freedom but a young woman of independence.
Don't want to be near you for the thoughts we share, but for the words we never speak.
She wanted to be with him at whatever cost. She was stubborn. She saw no alternatives. She wouldn't give up. Not on him. Definately not on him. No one could come between her & that aspect. She wouldn't allow it, even if its a famliar pair of hands daring to tempt him, she would cut them off. She would fight. One thing, she had learned. To fight for what you believe in. Or whoever you believe in. She placed her trust in him. She would defend it to the very end. A ailing cry of inverted failure pierced the silence and set forth a titanium Persistence scorched her eyes. He had created a sense of self and being with in her thus starting a vicious cycle of primal survival.
Between the laughs, long conversations, short words she fell in love with him. It could not be saved.
Distance yourself from the pain that covers me. I reach out for your hand to find there's nothing left for me .
He looked at his phone and a small smile appeared. It was funny in a sense. Someone cares...Well, she cared. She bided him a safe arrival and joy amongst his travel. He had to smile. Despite the fatigue in his body. He replied back and then tucked his phone beneath his pocket and headed off humming.
Her song that she was humming was starting to come to an ened but she stretched it. She felt something vibrate in her on top of her bosom and she sat up and checked it. She cried out in joy and smiled. He had no idea how happy he made the girl. It was unbelievable. It was an ectasy to her heart.
She danced and she sang.
You're a drug, keeping me high. You're a drug & I'm addicted. I'm not afraid to say I'm addicted to your spoonful of laughs & smiles, I'm not scared to swallow your pills of kisses. I'm not afraid to overdose, on your love. I'm not scared to love you. I'm addicted. Don't need a cure.
He settled inside the car. Watching the lights flash before him in a haze. His palms outlined the shape of his weary face. His eyes half closed, but his mouth open he sung softly so no one else could hear. And sang & sang...
In to the ears of one another, a melody is played for the looming in the intimacy, they sleep in secrecy.
Her head titled towards the side as she drifted off elsewhere. Projecting herself to another place in time. She sang. Sang until the last word escaped her lips and greeted his.
I didn't think you will come now at this age and time of this illusion of life but between these bars I tell you how much I love you and do not ever doubt me. I will be yours in every moment of this life which I live to you.
[Fly away little bird...He puts out his hands to catch the little bluebird, descending from the skies to be with the captivator of her heart.]
