Yay, chapter four! I actually decided to put it in so fast, because of Tsukikkage234. We had made a deal, that she would update, if I updated. And since she updated so fast, I was getting pretty busy. But I like being busy, cause then I'm not bored...

Just to say something more, I would be very happy if you read and reviewed my other story, "Snowmen", and it's pretty hard to find it on fanfiction. I don't know why, but it just won't come up unless you look into the catagories anime/manga-Jasdevi- Completed stories and so on...

Disclaimer: Well... same as usual. Unfortunetly, I don't own it. And if I did, I would have made Chaoji die, cause I don't like him. He's annoying...


"Jasdero! Debitto!"

My voice sounded like a broken record.

But I knew they wouldn't answer. They were dead, so what could I do?

But I still wanted them to suddenly come from behind and tickle me in that friendly way they used to. But all the things we had experienced together… they were just memories now, I knew.

I could hear the gang talk, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. I could only hear my own thought and regrets. And of course, the scream inside me.

I felt like throwing up, but instead I fell down on my knees.

My head was looking up in nothing but a grey sky. I could feel my long hair sticking to my face; because of how wet it was by the rain.

Now, I would have nothing to live for. Now, I didn't have any friends again.

A thought more…

Suicide…

How stupid of me, to think I could ever live a happy life. Why had I been so naïve, thinking that they would keep me alive? That they would love me, like nobody else had ever done.

Life hurts like hell. That's for sure, and that's why I hated it. I hated the way life was going, so why should I even live, just to feel the pain?

Footsteps… they were coming closer.

A voice…

More voices…

The scream inside me, and the regrets…

I should have been the dead one. The one, who had fallen down from the building. Not them.

They had not deserved it. They had not deserved to be thrown down from a building, because of me.

"Hey, cutie. Wanna do something together with me?"

He came closer.

But suddenly… I could feel something. I could feel something burn inside me, like fire.

I wanted to have them back, but the one who killed them…

"It's you…"

He looked confused for a moment. The leader, with the green and black hair. "Huh?"

"It's you!" I stood up, and walked toward him.

I then took him by his shirt. "You killed them! You killed them, you fucking idiot."

I really couldn't control anything inside me now. I just wanted to have them back, and I couldn't. So I just wanted him to feel the same pain as me. I wanted him to regret too… to regret that he killed them.

"Hey, bitchy! What the hell do you think you're doing!"

I could feel someone grabbing me from behind, but I was still looking the leader in the eyes. I madly turned around, and made him lose his grasp. The redhead still had the bite marks on his hand, and I think that made him fear me.

Then I could feel a hand around my waist and a head on my shoulder. "I love stubborn girls. I think that makes you even hotter, and that makes me want to do things to you."

I could feel myself getting scared now. I hated fear, but what could I do about this? He was so strong, and I was just a normal human girl. But I was getting raped, and that made me scared. I didn't want to get raped. I had heard of so many teenage girls being out for that, and then getting killed by the person. Would I just end up like one of them?

But then again…

Maybe I should just go to hell and die… because I deserved it…

Then I thought about Jasdero and Debitto again, and that made the fire burn again inside me. So I finally shook his hands off me and made him lose his grasp.

Then it just happened. The words I was thinking kept coming out of my mouth. "You killed my best friends! You killed the only ones, who made my life worth to live!"

"So what? They were just a couple of idiots, so they deserved to—"

I hit him right in the face with my hand.

It felt good, to see him back away and have his hand on his chin. I wanted to do it again, but it also made me tremble.

The two other gang members with piercings and dyed hair kicked me to the ground, and made me collapse. I trembled again.

The leader spoke. "Hey, don't kick her! Like I said… I like stubborn girls…"

"Ah, man! Can't you just leave her? I mean, she's just a stupid little brat!"

"But I'm just starting to have fun!"

"Geez, fine… but let's just get the hell out of here, when the police comes. They are sure going to find the dead bodies down there on the street."

"Yeah, yeah… just shut up now!"

The dead bodies… the thought made me sick. Wanted to throw up again.

A hand around my stomach.

I could feel it, but my body wouldn't move.

But there were still the words, I quietly whispered. "You killed my only friends, and you called them idiots…"

"Yeah, so what?"

I paused for a moment, but then continued. "You don't understand, because you have friends… and even you have a reason to live…"

I wasn't looking at him, but just staring out in nothing. I didn't have any reasons to live, so I could also just throw myself out from there too. I could fall down from the building. I could make suicide…

Suicide was good. When I was little, I had always tried to do it every time I came home from school. I wanted to get the pain away, but couldn't do it when I wanted to. I wasn't strong enough to kill myself, because I was afraid. But I continued on, although it never worked. I stopped the knife from reaching my chest, when it was almost there. Why could I never do anything to kill myself? Maybe because I thought something good would maybe happen the next day… although it never did.

I could feel him begin to pull up in my shirt, but he stopped.

My body was trembling, beause I was afraid what he was thinking now.

Why had he stopped?

I couldn't do anything. I was just lying there on the ground, helpless.

"You…" he spoke. "You're dead…"

A weird feeling in my stomach. Was it joy? But it could also just be a dream…

Yeah… it would have to be a dream, because something like that could never…

"You're fucking dead!"

Two persons… I could hear that on the footsteps. Two persons were coming closer…

My body felt so weird and sick, and I still wanted to throw up. My eyes felt heavy, and all the things looked like one big blur.

But the leader was not beside me anymore, and neither were the others. They stood up.

Still, I couldn't stand anything right now.

"It's impossible… you're fucking dead!"

"You're the one…"

"Who's dead now…"

"Fucking naïve human!"

Gunshots. Three of them. To each of the gang members.

I could feel my eyes get even more heavy, and the only thing I could see, was three bodies falling down to the ground.


Now, she would surely trust us. Now, she would really be easy to get friends with. Now, she would even love us.

"Jasdero…"

He looked at me, and then nodded.

We both fired the bomb and the bodies burned up in flames. This was so much fun; to kill someone. It gave you a feeling of joy and made you want to continue on in eternity. To kill is fun; especially when it's humans.

"So stupid and weak…"

"They are so annoying, hii."

I looked back at Ayumi. She was still lying on the ground. What was she doing?

"She's awake, hii."

My head immediately turned around, and I looked at Jasdero with shocked eyes. "S-She's awake…? She has seen it all?"

"No, she wasn't looking, hii."

I could feel my breath return to normal. If she had seen us use our guns, we would have to kill her. Well, we were planning on killing her anyway, so why not now?

I loved the feeling to hold my gun into my hand. Stupid Tyki… to think we wouldn't try to steal our guns back from Road.

Jasdero suddenly walked over to Ayumi. He laid a hand on her shoulder and spoke. "You're okay?"

She made a weird sound, and I couldn't hear what it was, until I came closer. She wasn't unconscious.

She was crying. I could see it in her eyes, as she looked at us. Then her mouth trembled and she began to bawl like a little girl. And then hiccupped and sobbed.

"Hey, take it easy! There's nothing to be sad about. We're alive, so stop crying…"

Her wet hair was sticking to her face, and she looked like shit, because of her condition. But then she made a surprising move.

She stood up and then ran into my arms. She was bawling even louder than before, and I didn't know what to do. I therefore looked at Jasdero, but he obviously didn't know what to do neither. He just shrugged.

She was a human, and I didn't want any body contacts with something as disgusting as them. But I held my feelings in and slowly placed my arms around her back.

It had really surprised me, that she had hugged me, and not Jasdero. She knew that Jasdero was more into things like that, and that he was friendlier than me. So why was she clinging to me, and crying into my shirt?

I could feel her warm breath in my chest. She had been really scared. Well, she had almost got raped by some guys, but was that the only reason why she was crying?

"I…" she sniffed. "I thought you were dead… I thought you didn't survive the fall…"

"But we survived, so there's no reason to cry now, okay?"

"But… the gangsters…?"

"They ran away, hii."

"I…" she buried her head into my chest. "I thought you were dead… I thought I was going to die…"

"It's okay… there's nothing to be afraid of now. Just… calm down, okay?"

I swallowed. I would really just like to kill that human now. Wouldn't she just… lose her grasp on me, cause it was really unbelievable how much I hated this.

I pushed her away.

Her eyes blinked a few times, but she then wiped her face in her sleeve.

I could still feel the hole in my head from the attack of the weird guy, but that would soon heal. The other scratches would heal too, and Jasdero's.

Normal humans would maybe find it weird to survive a fall from a high centre building, but for us this was just a little meaningless accident. We were immortal, so why the hell should we die?

I could see that she was trembling. Not from the fear, but she was freezing. I decided to then take off my hoodie, and placed it around her back.

She looked startled for a moment, but then held the jacket close.

Jasdero looked at her. No, he stared, but his eyes were looking right at her, and not in uncertain directions. That was weird… for him.

Was he also feeling the urge to kill? I guessed he was.

I put my hands down in my pockets.

Ayumi looked at me again. "How did you survive?"

I thought for a moment, and looked at Jasdero to find out a reason. "We landed on the platform down there. At the window, we reached some… thingie,s and managed to crawl up."

Okay… that sounded pretty ridiculous, but was she going to believe us? Well, it was the only thing I could think of. I couldn't have told her the truth. That we survived the fall to the ground, because we were Noahs…

But her head turned to the ground once again, and she didn't ask any further.

There wasn't any platform. Even she would know that, so why wasn't she asking?

I could still see a little smoke, rising from the burned place of the fucking humans. And under the smoke, the corpses were peering up. Burned, and never going to wake again.

I grinned to myself, under my dark hair. I smiled sickly, as I walked behind Ayumi. They were dead, and they deserved that. They were just a bunch of humans, so they would have to die.

Then the killing feeling came again.

Jasdero looked at me, but I was holding a hand before my face to hide the grin.

I wanted to do it again. I wanted to kill someone again.

The next time as Jasdevi.


"Aaa—"

I looked at Jasdero with eyes wide. Ayumi immediately placed the plate on the table ahead of her, and we both held our hands for our ears.

"Aaaa-"

I closed my eyes, hoping to not get a headache, when it came.

Ayumi also looked forced out, when we waited for it.

Then it came.

"Aaaathuuuhh!"

Jasdero sniffed and then took the rag to his nose and blew.

Funny. I hadn't got a cold, and I didn't even have on a jacket. But Jasdero had.

Ayumi took her hands off her ears again, and handed him the cup of warm cocoa. He cheerfully drank it.

Ayumi was not wearing my piece of clothes now, but had placed it on the chair, and I was planning on burning it after this. Maybe a little too far, but I had lots of these.

The little room looked kind of nice, with the fire place ahead of us. She was good at taking care of us. But of course, that wouldn't mean anything to us when we had killed her.

"You sure you don't want any?" she asked.

I shook my head, and dried my hair once again with a towel. I hadn't even changed my wet clothes. Well, you can call it laziness. Jasdero didn't have, neither. But we had got some bandages on our legs and heads. Not because we wanted to, but because she was afraid that the scratches would get deeper and blah, blah, blah.

Yumi had been in bath. She was wearing her pyjamas, and was also drinking warm cocoa together with Jasdero.

"Yumi?"

She looked at me.

"You were scared, right? But why didn't you try to… I don't know; give the gangster thingies a kick in the ass or something?"

She sadly looked down on her legs. "I… I tried to hit him, but I was pushed to the ground, and… I was planning on… making suicide, until you came back."

Jasdero suddenly yelled up. "Suicide, hii!"

"Yeah, I thought it would be a good idea to just… get the pain away…"

I then interrupted. "But suicide is ridiculous! Why the hell should you kill yourself, just to get the pain away? The pain is what makes the life worth living!"

She looked startled.

"If life was just happy all the time, then there wasn't any pain. But the truth is that pain makes the life happy. Pain makes the life give you a meaning of living! Happiness can't exist without pain, so then just take the fucking pain!"

Okay… that was maybe a little harsh. But she looked better than before now. She looked like she understood me. Weird, why the hell had I just yelled that out loud? I couldn't even feel any pain, so why had I said that?

Oh, that's right… I heard it from Tyki once a time. Weird… why had I told someone else something, I had heard from Tyki?

Jasdero hugged her. Her eyes widened for a moment, but then returned to normal.

"Don't' kill yourself, please… hii…"

She pressed herself into him, and began crying.

I crossed my arms. How could he just hug her like that?

"Why are you crying again? It's not like your unhappy now."

She looked at me with pinkish eyes from the tears, and wiped them away. "It's because I'm happy. It's tears of happiness…"

I glared at her. "Happiness tears? I haven't heard anything as ridiculous as that. Why would you cry, because you're happy? That doesn't make sense at all."

She looked confused. "You have never cried before, because you were happy?"

"No. Why the hell should I do that?"

The thing in her eyes… was it sadness again…? No, it looked more like sympathy… but why would she have sympathy for us?

Augh! This makes my head hurt! Why do humans cry because they are happy?

"I have never cried because of happiness too, hii."

He had stopped the hug, and was looking sheepishly at her.

"Wh… you have never cried because of happiness , in your life?"

"No, hii. Dero is not sad, cause I have Debi."

I glared at him, and he grinned at me.

Why the heck was he leaving some crap like that, out of his mouth? Man, he was good at acting…

Ayumi smiled at us. And that made me want to lift up the mood. I don't know why, but I just wanted to change the subject to something else… than Jasdero's weird sentence…

Then I saw something on a shelf. It looked funny. It was the same as the Earl used, when making "memories" together with the whole family.

"You know…"

Yumi looked at me.

"I was thinking…"

I pointed at the shelf to the wall. "That camera… I wanna try it."

Then I just walked over and took it. It was like a really old one, with the pictures coming out right after you have pressed the button.

Jasdero stalled the cup back on the plate and joined me.

I looked at him for a moment. His eyes blinked in confusion. Again, he looked so funny, that it made me want to laugh.

Then I just placed the camera correct in the air, and quickly took a picture of him.

"Hii hii! My eyes!" he screeched as he backed away with hands in front of his face.

"Jasdero, careful!" Ayumi warned him, but it was too late. The plate and the warm cocoa fell down on the floor, and made a big mark on the ground.

There were broken pieces of the cups and the cocoa was now a big brown mass on the floor.

I giggled. He was so funny, and it was always a pleasure to have him around.

"Sorry, hii."

She sighed. "It's okay. I'll just clean it."

I laughed at Jasdero's big mistake, and he grinned back. Ayumi also slowly giggled, and I started to laugh harder.

Then it just turned out with everyone laughing, and I took the change to make a funny photo.

I took Ayumi away from the mess on the floor, and made her stand beside me. She wasn't smiling anymore. Maybe she didn't like photo shoots. She was looking down in embarrassment.

Then I wanted to make her smile, and that made me a little annoyed, cause I wanted to make the photo now.

Jasdero took the camera out of my hand, and was ready to take the picture. He had just taken it without my permission. What was he doing? He was not trying to tease me, was he?

I was annoyingly trying to tickle Yumi, and that made her giggle. But it was only now; I had realized that Jasdero was holding his finger on the button of the camera.

"Hey, not now! We're not-"

Blitz.

It hurt in my eyes, and I hit Jasdero in the head, as soon as I could see him clearly. "Hey, I was not ready yet, you idiot!"

He just grinned at me, and that made me more annoyed.

I took the camera away from him, and took a look at the picture. It looked like shit. Jasdero was grinning his big smile, Yumi was holding her stomach of giggling, and I looked really mad beside her. It had just been taken, as I had yelled at Jasdero, so I looked pretty angry.

I madly gave the picture to Yumi, and she looked at it. But she just smiled at it, and placed it on the table.

For a moment, neither of us said anything.

But then I changed my mind. "Well… I think we're going home now… come Jasdero." I took him by his sleeve and he waved at Ayumi as we walked out. Couldn't he just… leave it here?

I was still mad at him. No regrets about that.

She shyly waved back, and we walked out of the door. Time to come over the fence again. Well, I think I was getting better at it. However, we just closed the door.

Tomorrow, we were going to visit her part time job. That was going to be fun… if we could find it…

But then, we could make her trust us even more. I mean, we had just saved her today from getting raped, so she surely considered us as friends now…


I giggled to myself, as I looked at the picture again. I normally hated to be on pictures, cause I thought I looked ugly on all of them. But in this one, there was something more. Maybe because it was a picture with them on.

Huh? Did I actually want to be on a picture together with them?

When putting it back down again, I started to clean up after Jasdero's clumsily accident. He just looked so cute, every time he did something like that.

Well, I was just glad of being home again.

I still had an unpleasant feeling of the memories of the city centre. Would I ever come back to that again? And there were so many questions in my mind. Like: How did they survive the fall, what happened to the scary guys, and… was Debitto lying about it all…?

But why would he lie? It was not like it was embarrassing for him, or that there was anything to be shy about. I knew, he wasn't shy. That was not Debitto-like. But then, what could it be? Why would he just pull out a lie like that?

Then I thought about me hugging him. He had pushed me away, but I could accept that. Although it made me a little sad, but I could take it. But the time I had just seen them, I just wanted to feel them again. To make sure it was them and that they were alive. Cause it was still pretty hard to realize the reality in this.

But then again… they had never cried of happiness before? Neither of them? But it doesn't t make sense at all… they hadn't even heard about it…

But it's humane to cry, because you're happy…

I then decided not to think about that anymore, but something else instead.

Maybe I would never try to make suicide anymore… maybe I could just be happy for the rest of my life…?

Then I came to think about something. Debitto had totally forgotten his jacket.

I looked at it. I was going to give it to him next time, I met them. Right now, I would just relax. So I walked up the stairs and sat at the piano and began playing.

It made me in a good mood again, and I was all gone in it. There were no thoughts in my mind, but my fingers just moved by themselves.

I was actually happy about e everything now. It made me so happy to have friends. Someone, who really liked me for who I was.

No suicide anymore…

I had frends…

I was happy…

A thought again…

I had actually been more afraid of losing them, than to get raped…

It felt like eternity, until something broke the whole mood.

Knock knock.

I could feel my heart bump faster.

It came from down the stairs.

I stopped the playing, and stood up.

Who could it be at this time at night? Maybe the twins… but why would they come here again?

Maybe Debitto had realized his jacket missing, and come back for it.

With that thought, I walked down. But why was my hand trembling? Fear, again?

Knock knock.

The sound clang in the air, and was the only thing you could hear.

Who is it?

Debitto?

Jasdero?

I opened it.

To my surprise, it was neither of them. And neither was it some creepy guy. This one… he looked nice…

He was the first one to speak.

"Hello, my name is Allen Walker."

My eyes blinked a few times. His hair was white.

"I'm from the Black Order, and I have come to talk to you."


Pleeaasee review, and I will make the next chapter faster:) And one more thing: Thank you for all of those, who are actually reading this. Even the ones, who doesn't review... but I'm just glad that you like my story, the ones who have read this far:)

I hope this chapter was as good as you had expected, cause I felt that it turned out a little bad... well, maybe it's just me... and sorry I didn't get anything from Jasdero's point of view, but I will get that in the next chapter.