"It's not a dream" he whimpered into my ear. The only noise mattering to me were the panting and breathless words being whispered to me. The only movements mattering in my world were the thrusting of his hips as he moved with determination to meet my own.
It was all so easy... we fit, we had always fit, until...
Faster than I cold comprehend; I was off his lap and breathing deeply in attempt to catch my breath. I focused only on snatching my underwear from the floor and scrambling them up my thighs.
"Bella what? why?"
"Fix yourself" I demanded without a look in his direction.
Now that the moment had been extinguished and I could once again think like a sane person, the irritating voice from that irritating woman was back in my ears. She continued to knock but this time she stopped short when Jim's voice cut in along side her.
"Oh you know what? I completely forgot that an old acquaintance of Edwards just started a while ago, he may be at lunch with her"
Silence was met with his statement and when I looked back to Edward, he was once again looking proper but his stare remained solely on me, he didn't even look in the least bit concerned with what wait for us outside that door.
"Who is the acquaintance?" I heard Erin ask. Although from the somber tone in her voice, I could tell she had constructed a pretty good idea. I saw this moment as one I would like to have as my own, so before I could talk myself out of it or be an even semi good person, I walked to the door and flung it open to come face to face with Erin the cunt.
"Can I help you?" I asked in the sweetest tone I could muster. My reward? Well that had to be the look of absolute shock and fear plastered on her face at that very moment.
I stood there with what I could only imagine was a very entertaining appearance. I was more than likely flushed with swollen lips and just a touch of wild hair, but that probably had nothing on the fact that aside from my appearance, Edward was sitting in the chair behind me.
I watched Erin pick up her jaw, look over my shoulder to Edward and then back to my appearance once more.
"Mystery solved!" Jim rejoiced. He was positively ignorant to what was happening in this moment and with a cheerful farewell he walked down the hall and back to his office.
"Edward, your office... now!" I grinned at the sound of her voice this time, because... well... let's face it, I knew how bad this was looking... and I couldn't have cared less.
"How nice to see you again, Erin... especially after all these years and under these special circumstances" She gawked at me with shock first then anger. I giggled aloud at that and took a look over my shoulder to see Edward with his head in his hands.
"Edward? I said we need to talk" she bit out over my shoulder. That seemed to snap him into reality for a moment and just as he approached the door he stopped, turned to me and shocked the hell out of both of us.
"I need to finish my discussion with Bella before I can speak with you,Erin. Why don't you go in my office and wait"
Erin looked as if she were ready to spit nails at that remark. "No! We need to talk now! Do not make me wait..."
He never took his eyes off me though, and from the intense gaze I was receiving, I was finding it hard to be annoyed.
"If you would rather save this conversation for later, Erin, than that is fine with me. Either way, you will need to wait regardless."
For the length of two heartbeats she stood there but then turned on her heels to walk down the hall in all her anger and what I hoped... fear.
I should of felt bad, but then I remembered that she hadn't bothered to even feign remorse when I walked in and found she and Edward naked together.
And with that thought firmly in place, I made my way to my desk and began gathering my things. I needed to get the hell out of here. I needed to be alone.
I heard the door shut once more and could feel his stare on me as I shut down my computer and rummaged through my drawers for my belongings.
"Bella" I didn't answer. "Bella, talk to me... please." Still I said nothing, I couldn't. What would I say exactly? "Oh gee, sorry about that attack on your glorious penis earlier, I couldn't help myself after all these years." As if he could read my inner thoughts he began talking.
"I'm not sorry, baby... not one single part of me regrets it. I only wish we hadn't stopped..." He truly didn't sound sorry for it... I looked up then and saw him... really saw him. Edward was a man now... not a twenty year old kid fresh out of his teens. He was a man and professional... and he was everything I had ever wanted. Even after all these years, he was perfection to me.
Suddenly I felt a bit stupid. I had acted on anger... on the need for retaliation. No matter what justice I felt I would get from that act, it didn't make it right. It was wrong, I had been wrong.
"Why are you with her?" I couldn't understand it. I honestly didn't comprehend why he would consciously and willingly want her. After everything... after the end... "Why her?" It was the only question I had, it was the only thing I wanted to know.
I watched him shake his head unknowingly and think seriously about his answer. When a few moments had passed, he answered. "She isn't the same person you remember, Bella, none of us are." I stared at him with my own shock now, but in all honesty hadn't just been thinking the same thing? … well about Edward at least.
"So you mean to tell me that she apologized, moved away and is a better person now?" I couldn't quite help the sarcasm that laced my tone at that remark, but hey... I'm not perfect.
"I'm saying that people change, Bella. We grow, we learn, we... move on" We move on? That one stung.
"So you moved on then." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.
"Not in the way you think, Bella..."
"What other way is there, Edward?" I had tears building in my eyes as I said it. I didn't want to feel this way again, I didn't want to be jealous all over again because Erin once more trumped me in the way of Edward Cullen. It was too much... this had run it's course and now I needed to take a page from Edward... it was time to move on.
"Well for what it's worth, Edward... I am glad that now I can close this issue. Go be with the new and improved Erin, go be happy... but do me a favor?" He didn't answer me, instead he looked at me as if I were out of my mind, but that didn't stop me from finishing my sentence. "Let me do the same... just... just leave me alone from now on, don't talk to me, don't ask about me... just... pretend I never happened." I made my way to leave, but he caught me by my arm and kept me from the door.
"Damn it, Bella! Will you just let me finish? For once, will you let me say what I need to say?" I was dumbfounded. What the hell did he mean for once? Apparently I said those very words aloud because he was explaining with fervor.
"You always do this! This is classic, Bella Swan! Rush to a conclusion and see it through... god forbid you let somebody tell their side of the tale, all there is in your eyes are your words... your thoughts, your feelings"
"How dare you!" I yelled back at him. After everything he had done, after everything he had put me through... and now he was going to turn this around on me?
"How dare I what, Bella? How dare I have the audacity to tell you the truth? Tell me Bella? When have I ever lied to you? Tell me!"
I stuttered over words in an attempt to find a situation, but I was coming up with blanks, but I would be damned if I admitted that to him. "You've lied plenty of times!"
"Name one! Just one! And I swear to god, Bella, if you can do that, then I will do as you have asked, I will leave you alone, I will pretend you never happened... but I know that you cannot do that."
The anger that had been building had died down and now resulted in the salty tears washing down my cheeks at this very moment. I could see how it pained him to watch them fall, but with whatever strength and anger he held onto, he finished his lecture.
I was wrong to not take seriously your concerns about, Erin, while we were in College. I wish to god I would have, but I didn't and there isn't a thing I can do about that now. I forgave her, she went her way, I went mine... which by the way was spent searching for you! When I came up empty Bella, and I had nothing but pain and emptiness inside of me after a year long attempt to find you, I decided that maybe it was best I let you go... I had done more than enough to hurt you at that point and I hoped still that you had found someone... found a new beginning and had put the past behind you."
My tears fell with a vengeance like none I had ever felt, but still I couldn't find my voice... couldn't find an argument.
"What she did four years ago was wrong... the worst kind of wrong. I know that... she knows that, hell Bella... we all know that. I didn't run into her a year ago with hopes of having a relationship with her, I didn't speak with her at a mutual friends house so that we could see if there was any kind of relationship to have. I made small talk with someone I had at one time considered one of my closest friends... the rest came after... long after I had made peace with something that was done years before."
He took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair to collect his feelings, I however stayed silent and cried while I processed his words.
"I know you don't like, Erin. I know that you feel betrayed... I... I get that feeling, more than you know, and I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone, not even my worst enemy and especially not to you."
"I have to go" I couldn't take a second more of this conversation, I couldn't comprehend why I was feeling bad... why I was suddenly made to be the bad guy. I wasn't the guilty one.
Without turning to stop me this time, he said one final thing before I left the office. "I haven't seen you in four years... and still I am ready to turn my entire life upside down, to throw Erin out of my life for good... if you told me right now that you want me too."
I'm not sure if it was my pride or my hurt that kept me from telling the truth, but either way a lie slipped through my lips, "You might be able to forgive and forget, but I cannot, she took far too much from me. I don't want you." I didn't linger a second longer and this time I successfully made it to my door, out of the office and into my car before I even admitted the truth to myself.
I would always want, Edward.
