Wow, it is COLD up here! It dropped to 25 below last night! NOT FUN!!

I don't own DGM.

Please enjoy, R&R.

Chapter 4

Zombies… I hate zombies…

Did I subconsciously steal that line from somewhere else?

I think I did.

Hm…

But, that is beside the point. For, you see, there were worse things for me to be worrying about at that moment. Well… maybe not. No, definitely not. Zombies should always be at the top of the "to fear" list, placed right before moving vehicles and obstacle courses that are over twenty feet from the ground.

And, it was the very plan suggested to fix the zombie problem that caused me true issue.

"We need somebody to be bait and distract them so we can make an antidote." Komui shifted the position of his glasses on his face.

"I agree," Reever nodded. "It needs to be somebody fast… well, not too fast, or they'll lose interest."

And then Jamie directed ALL attention right at me. Now, do you remember what I said earlier about the "OH SHIT" moment? This, this was a "OH HOLY F****** *$#*&%)_ *^$&^!)^!# S***" moment.

"Not a chance!" I was squeaking I was so freaked out.

"Do you want to live or not?" Kanda smirked at his own comment, clearly imagining the horribly things that might happen on my mad dash through Hell. I knew he was thinking about it. I just knew.

"Make him go instead!" I pointed at Lavi, no mercy in my plea.

"Yeah, I'll go!" It seemed to me that he actually enjoyed the possibility.

"Sorry Lavi, but you aren't… er… I mean… Ellie needs to do it because… How do I word this?" Komui was trying very hard not to sink in his own words.

"He's not 'disposable' like I am, right?" I had heard that kind of line before.

"NO!! Not at all! If something happened to you, General Tiedoll wouldn't be happy. No, it's just that Lavi's going to have a different job."

"And just what might that be?!"

"Er… I'm still working on that…"

"WHAT?!"

"Are you worried, Snail? Right now you seem more like a chicken."

I grumbled. "No Kanda. The fact that I'm trying everything in my power to get out of being bait doesn't imply I'm afraid. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK?!"

"Now now Ellie! Yelling won't get anybody out of this." Komui grinned largely. I wanted to remove those pearly-white teeth of his. With my fist. In a dark alley. And then, I would steal his wallet. "You're just going to have to get it over with."

I wasn't going to win. That much was clear. "Fine… what do I have to do?"

"AHA!!" Komui, like a magician, suddenly whipped out a pair of protective goggles, a bullet-proof vest, and couple of really weird looking shoes that said "DANGER! UNTESTED MATERIAL!" in bold letters across the bottom. "You'll need to put these on!!"

"I'M RUNNING FROM ZOMBIES!!! NOT GOING INTO A WAR ZONE!!!"

"Technically," Lenalee interrupted politely, "they aren't zombies."

"Whatever!" Before I got another word in, Komui had already slapped the goggles on over my eyes, tied the vest securely around me, and started to grab at my feet. "Hey! Hang on! What are those boots even for?!"

"These? They'll make you run faster."

"I thought you needed somebody who only ran mildly fast!"

"… Yeah, that's basically the point."

I just got burned. And nobody even commented because they were too busy chuckling about it. No matter how true it may have been, I didn't much like it.

--

I lurked around the corner, heart heavy in my chest. I felt a lot like I wanted to just fall to the ground and get into a coma there. But I couldn't do that.

If I did, I'd become zombie food.

And NOW I remember where I got that quote from earlier! It's "Mummies… I hate mummies," from The Mummy (don't own it). DUH!

Either way, they're both dead things.

Ew.

Now, does anybody here, reading the insane drabble that you just can't get me to shut up about, know how awful your day would be if following the same circumstances as mine? You'd be pretty damned tired, grumpy, and at the brink of rage too, right? After all, I'd almost gotten killed by a robot, lost, yelled at my Kanda a few times, hit on by somebody I didn't know, and been sent to become Zombie food like a worm on a hook when you go fishing. I feel horrible for that worm. I can relate.

As I went over several rants on what I was going to do to Komui when I got out of this mess in my head, I was startled by the unmistakable low moan of…

A zombie.

Some scientist in a long white coat had managed to get himself infected. And, I was surprised at how agile he was.

And at how fast I was with those spiffy new boots.

"HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIT!!!" I fled at more than full-speed down the halls without any true idea of where I actually planned to go. And, seeing as I'd gotten lost in an open hall, I wasn't confident in my navigation skills when compared to the dead guy. Who apparently wasn't actually dead? Hmmm… there's a brain teaser for you. You know, if you live in mortal fear of the undead.

But, as you know, I am neither a fast runner nor an attentive one. I turned my head for just a moment to see if it had gone, and I ran head-first into the wall in front of me. The immediate reaction for any normal person would be to fall down and then get up again in a minute when their head stopped spinning.

I am in no way, shape or form 'normal'.

I collided with the wall, ricocheted off, tripped over a corner in the hall, stumbled back into a garbage can in the Science Department, knocked over the trash can while still inside, and rolled away down what one can barely classify as an incline going nearly twenty miles per hour. Gee, aren't I just special? Special something… And, due to the lack of luck I'd been having, I saw this was nowhere near the end. The ride ended when the can hit a wall, and I flew out, dizzy like Hell, and spinning on the toes. That was about when I bumped head-first into somebody. More specifically, that was when my head got buried into the shirt of another zombie.

I backed away, staring out at the undead (meaning not dead at all) creatures (humans) that were circling like a pack of wolves. They looked hungry. Really hungry.

"Eeep," I whimpered. There was no way to escape, regardless of newfound speed. Flight was no option.

And that left me with Fight.

Now, I may be a coward, and slow, and an occasionally annoying person, and insane, but if there's one GOOD thing I have going for me, it's my fighting skills. They are mad. I could take down somebody twice my size without much effort at all (this does not count Kanda, clearly). So, it was my assumption that even though I was facing down some of the scariest things my mind could possibly be dumb enough to recognize as "scary", I would succeed in getting over it if I could plant my fist into somebody's head.

Because, there's NOTHING that satisfies like a good punch, given or taken.

Maybe not taken.

And so, it came to pass that I roughly managed to kick the living shit out of twenty zombies. There they were, at my feet. I was victorious!

How many people picked up on that bluff?

No, actually, I jump-kicked one guy in the face, made an opening in the circle, and ran like Hell again.

Because, I'm not stupid. Zombie or no, I couldn't take down twenty people unless I was some something REALLY strong.

And I had my friend, Lydia, yelling at me to punch harder. But that is a different story.

"GYAAAAAAA!!" I screeched, the victims of Kumovitamin D still hot on my heels. "HEEEEEEEELLLLLP!!!"

God answered.

No, maybe not God. But Hell, to me it didn't matter right at that moment.

Standing there in the light of the next room was Komui and a battalion of his Komulins, each armed with a syringe and quickly darting out to subdue the zombie-people.

"Ellie~! Are you all right?!" He kept his sickening smile.

I would gladly have just hugged him and cried, thanking him for ending the awful misadventure, groveling at his feet and making a fool of my self. If I was high or something.

Nay, in what might have been the most graceful kick I ever made, my foot made contact with his nose. I felt like I was flying, hovering as I defeated my target.

And all at once, it ended with me standing above the unconscious body of the Head Officer.

"Whooo! I give that a TEN!!" Lavi was making a double thumbs-up in my direction, and I thought for a minute that Jamie might have been jealous until she started laughing. My spirit was in the moment. I bowed comically. And then, I happily walked away, ready to head to my room and get some sleep. No more zombies for me, thanks!

"Oh, by the way Komui, "I chimed delightfully in spite of the nasty blow that had broken his nose, "I'm keeping the boots."

Hey, I had to get SOMETHING out of the whole deal!