Chapter four

Martin looked at her with shy pleasure on his face and softly said her name. When she looked at him, he pulled his pack of condoms from his pocket and held them up with a smile just in the crinkles of his eyes. She gasped and started laughing in relief and her embarrassment faded to nothing. Martin didn't know where he got the courage to do it but he took her hand and pulled her onto his lap and whispered "I'm so glad you agree. Let's drink our coffee and start becoming friends. Alright."

"You don't want to sit on the couch?" she asked in surprise.

The tips of his ears turned red and, ducking his head, he answered "No. We need to go slow if we stand a chance of succeeding in having a rela…" Too shy to continue, he glanced up at her and took a gulp of hot coffee. "Blast! That's hot!"

She waited for him to stop sputtering and lifted his face up for a quick kiss, then moved over to the other chair. "Much as I hate to, I agree with you. I asked a few minutes ago if my list is a good starting place for our talks. Or do you want to jot down some of your ideas also?"

He continued to look down at his cup and she decided to do one of the things on her list – give him time. She sipped her coffee and waited patiently for his answer.

Martin's body was tense in anticipation of being rushed, or worse, being made fund for not answering immediately. When he glanced up and saw her waiting with no sign of impatience, his shoulders relaxed and he answered "Your list is good. We can modify it as we go if necessary. But I would like to have a copy of it for reference when I'm thinking about us." God forbid that she discover that he wanted to read it again and again to savor her estimation of "his qualities". He couldn't believe that this beautiful, intelligent woman could really feel this way about him. He could agree with some her opinions like honesty and knowledge but attractive? He had never felt attractive. He found it much easier to agree with his problems. No arguments there. He could even add a few more to the list.

"Sure." she answered. "My printer doubles as a copy machine. I'll go do it right now. Wait; is there a chance that Pauline will see it?"

He shuddered at that thought, knowing that if she did so, the news of it would feed the gossip mill for days. "Definitely not! I'll keep it upstairs. Before you copy it, let's go over it. We may add some things." He was still musing over the condoms and just sat there looking down at his cup.

Well, she knew she would have to take the lead. "I think we should number them in order of importance. I just jotted things down as I thought of them. Agree?"

Glancing up "Yes, very logical." and quickly looked back down again he cursed himself for being so unable to communicate with the woman that he was sure was the love of his life. Remembering his promise to himself that he would at least try to talk to her, he forced himself to look at her. Then seeing that beautiful face again with her expectant look made him forget what he was going to say. "Blast!" and set his cup down a little too forcefully on the table.

Bewildered, she asked "What's wrong? Did you burn yourself again? Need a glass of water?"

He mentally shook himself, looked at her, gathered his thoughts and said "I'm sorry that I find it so difficult to talk to you. Medicine – I can talk about all day long. But talking about feelings…relationships, things like that are hard."

She reached across the table and lightly squeezed his hand. "But we're not talking about feelings right now." Thinking for a moment, she came up with a way that might help him. "Could you look at this as a puzzle that takes logic to solve? Or maybe the process of elimination? Or maybe think that it's two other people that we're talking about. Friends that we're trying to help?" She could see that she had peaked his interest.

Resting his chin on his clasped hands, he said "Logical problem. I've always been good at logic. So…as I see it, the most important ones on the list are in the 3rd section. Trusting each other is definitely #1. Without trust, we can't be friends. Agree?"

She nods and waits for more.

"#2 – become friends. We should definitely trust each other with our feelings and be good friends before having a physical relationship. Much as I – ahem…" he found that he couldn't finish that thought, the tips of his ears red, he looked so uncomfortable that Louisa was afraid that he was going to bolt.

Time to be reassuring she thought and calmly finished his sentence "much as we desire each other, we should stick to the list. Is that what you're thinking?"

Relieved, he nodded and managed to look at her and say "Trust and friendship. Isn't that enough to start with? If we can accomplish those two things, a lot of the others will fall into

place."