Soli Deo gloria

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Divergent.

* Tobias's point of view *

The Choosing Ceremony is the day when many of the faction members all gather in one room. We live together in the same city, all providing for a better society, but this is the only event where every faction after choosing convenes in the same room. Not everyone from the factions show up, but as Marcus is a councilman and I am his son, we are both expected to attend.

This year is different from any other year. My actions are finally being noticed; I am put on the team to be watching over the initiates who transfer or remain in Abnegation. I found out about my new position a few days again from the council. Tris is also going to be on the team. Our talents are being wasted in the warehouses, it seems.

Marcus is almost indifferent about it, which is strange. But when he clips my hair this morning, as he does on every choosing day, he tells me commands. Like he does every morning of the choosing day, only this time it is different. Not like on my choosing day, when he told me what I would do and what I would choose. Not on other days, when he told me to sit quietly and blend in with the rest of the Abnegation.

"You are going to get maybe twenty initiates. Those from Abnegation usually stay in Abnegation." That is a lie. More and more Abnegation initiates leave their faction than any other faction besides Candor. "One or two will transfer to Abnegation. You will watch over them as they engage in community service. Your object is to help them adhere to the rules of Abnegation; only the rules of Abnegation. Then at the initiation ceremony, they will sit on a bench. Older members of Abnegation will wash their feet, welcoming them in with a task of selflessness given first to them to then be passed on to others in the future. Then your work is done. The initiation process will last thirty days. No more, no less."

I nod. He says, "Don't move your head; I could cut your ear accidentally."

The amount of irony this man shows me is nothing short of miraculous. I say nothing as he finishes and says, "Clean up the mess before we leave."

I sweep up the hair and throw it away. Put the clippers back in their spot. He tells me to do things as if I haven't done them before. Like I am a child. On one hand, I am a child to him. One that is reckless and needs an unhealthy amount of discipline laid on his back. One that cowers when he touches me. And on the other, I am a man who needs a wife. Two parts to a coin that he flips to whichever he wants.

My seat on the bus to the Hub is given up as I stand up and secure my feet against the shaking ground. I look ahead, try not to notice Tris next to me holding onto the bus-guard. None of us say anything in greeting. We're still both too shaken from what she had told me about her mother finding her out but not saying anything. After our shift at the warehouse, I went home and hugged my head between my hands on my bed. All I can hope is that Marcus never, ever finds out about our midnight escapes. The moment he finds out is the moment my life is in his hands. For me to defy him twice, once without him even noticing, would be a terrific blow to his ego. His anger would grow like a weed, and he would choke me.

The last days before today I have been so nervous he asks questions. But I give him short answers that are not deceiving enough for him to call me out on them. But I eat less. I grow tired and restless as I toss in my bed. It angers me more and more as time goes by and I find my fear of my father growing instead of lessening. It had grown like this two years ago, before my Choosing Ceremony. But my fear kept me back. My fear of him coming after me after I left. I didn't want to wake up the beast by provoking him. So I stayed in his grasp. But that has not helped me at all. It was the worst decision I have ever made.

I wish I had that day back. I wish I could have run to Dauntless as fast as I could. I wish I didn't stay in Abnegation where all I have done is suffered and waited. Waited for what? I don't know.

Maybe the answer is Tris. Maybe the answer for her should have been Dauntless. She should have transferred. So should have I. We both should have run when we had the chance.

The bus sways from side to the side, stuffed with Abnegation half sitting, half standing. We arrive at the front of the Hub, the building that holds the Choosing Ceremony, and Marcus keeps his hand on the button that holds the door. He's the last one out. Because I have to, I wait for him, then meekly follow him, watching his back, as he leads us up the stairs to the high floor of the Choosing Ceremony.

While this leaves the elevator open to the rest of the factions, it leaves us tired and breathless as we enter the choosing room. Seats for each faction are already being filled. Colors of red and black and white and grey and blue all in one room. Amazing.

I take a seat near the front of the Abnegation seats, being a high-ranking man's son. Before me are the five metallic bowls that show all the decisions each initiate makes. Fire glows from one. Then stones. Clear water. Shards of clear glass. Dark soil. I can picture each substance in my mind as I close my eyes and press my hands against them. I can see it all like it was two years ago. I can see my outstretched hand, a stripe of red down my palm. I can see the red dripping onto the grey stones. I can see my father's face as I turn to join the Abnegation. Not happy. No. I get shown approval. I obeyed him. Just like he wanted.

Lives are decided in this room. Lives are ruined. Lives are changed forever.

This year is hosted by Candor. As the seats fill, Jack Kang, the representative of Candor, goes to the front. In his hand is his speech. A reminder of the virtues of the factions and why they are what they are. And a list of the names of the sixteen-year-olds going to choose.

Tris sits next to me, making me start. But then I see that on my other side my father is talking with Andrew Prior. Both are preoccupied. Tris's mother faces ahead, almost indifferent to Tris and me. Is that intentional?

"How are you this morning, Tobias?" Tris asks me.

"Nervous," I say quietly, in truth.

"We'll be fine. It should be a slight difference from working just by ourselves, anyway," Tris says. But her eyes and voice aren't focused on me. I look past my father to what she is looking at.

I see him, almost lost in all the blue the Erudite wear. Caleb Prior, her brother. Dark-haired and avoiding the faces of his grey-wearing family as he talks to a blonde-haired girl. Almost as if he is trying so hard not to notice them at all.

"Caleb," Tris says, her voice hard and her word accusing. She shakes her head and falls back in her seat.

"I don't think waving your arms could get his attention," I say, trying to make it better than she sees it.

"No. Of course not." Her hands clasp in her lap and she looks straight ahead. I can see the snarl in her mouth. "Faction before blood. But he takes that farther than it needs to ever be."

The Choosing Ceremony begins. With everyone's focus trained on Jack as he presents us with the manifestos of the five factions, nobody sees my hand hold Tris's. It is a sign of trust. A silent word to her saying I'm sorry. Because losing your family is the worst thing that can happen to you. I don't count Marcus as my family, but the loss of my mother hung heavy on me for so long. Even almost thirteen years later, it hurts, as a dull pain, to remember her. Soon Caleb will only be a dull pain in Tris. He will fade away. Not to be forgotten, but not to be remembered anymore.

Name by name is called out. I watch as many Abnegation teens drop their blood onto the grey stones. But then one soils the Amity soil. Peace over selflessness. Then another one transfers, making everyone shocked. Honesty over selflessness.

Three from other factions join ours. Two Amity and a Erudite. No Candor, who think none of others' feelings. No Dauntless, who could never calm down enough to act like an adult. But two who think more of being selfless than being selfish and hum all day and pretend that everything is perfect with the world. Then one is more interested in being lost in the crowd than feed on the power the Erudite live on.

Three received while two have left.

The Ceremony is called to a close and the factions leave in their own fashions. Some run; some walk. Some scream; some are silent. I walk with Tris and Susan Black and a few other young Abnegation members to the twenty-some odd initiates. The Abnegation-born members stand quietly while the others fidget, nervous as the dawn of what they have chosen settles on them.

Marcus addresses them first. "Welcome Abnegation initiates." He bows his head respectfully. The new transfers stumble a second or two as they imitate him. "We are glad to have you as future members of Abnegation. You have chosen the selfless faction. What being selfless to us means putting others before yourself. Forgetting your needs and focusing on others. We have rules concerning this." He hands them each a piece of paper. "These rules are the ones to live by. Remember them, then throw the paper away. They are to be the guidelines to how you live. Other Abnegation members will know it is their duty to remind you and guide you when you break a rule. By the end of thirty days, the rules should be known, imprinted in your mind. Who you are.

"The initiation process is as follows. For thirty days you will reside in the house of Councilman Walter under the jurisdiction of his wife. Each day, you will go to work at the many job sites we have in Abnegation to learn a trade and learn it well. You must know your job, but your sole focus should not always be on how you do your work. Help others in their work. You are only doing your job when you cannot see someone in need of help. After the end of the service, everyone in Abnegation attends a dinner. Older members of Abnegation will welcome you to Abnegation by washing your feet, making you clean and well to enter as Abnegation members. A meal follows where you should pass the dishes to your left, clean up any dishes from the table, and help do the dishes. Your first official meal the Abnegation way. Afterwards, houses are provided to house you all until marriage; two for boys, two for girls.

"Now, before the process starts, you are allowed questions for one time. But one time only. Then only submission to the needs of others. Are there any questions?" Marcus looks one each in the eye.

One raises her hand. A tiny girl with ginger hair. One from Amity. "Is there any money? I know the Dauntless have credits. My mother told me."

"Dauntless is different from Abnegation. Each month you are sanctioned a clothing and food and body care package according to your particular necessary needs. Other than that, you work to contribute to our society as a whole," Marcus says. His voice is tight. The mention of the other faction angers him.

The girl puts her hand down.

"Anything else?" No one says anything. "Good." He turns to me and says in a clear voice, "I leave them in your hands, Tobias. Train them well." Don't teach them anything that is not from the Abnegation rules. Do that and you will pay. So don't fail.

I straighten as he leaves. I am surprised to see that not only are we the only people left in the Hub, the rest of Abnegation having already put the chairs back, but every eye is on me.

Tris stands next to me, her eyes never leaving my face. She is looking for me to say something.

I clear my throat. I have rehearsed this way too many times to fail now. "Welcome, again, to Abnegation. Follow me. We are going to Councilman Walter's house." They follow me as we take the stairs. I don't think as we walk calmly down the stairs, not a single word being exchanged behind me. There's nothing more to say other than that. I wonder if the other factions' initiation processes are supervised so much. All I have to do is remind and encourage others. What else do the others do?

The bus stops and I instruct them to not take the seats but to stand up. Seats should be given to the elderly and the children. The initiates and members all file around me, holding onto the rope over our heads.

No other factions or members of Abnegation are in this bus. Only us and the factionless driver. I tell him where we're headed and he drives us. No one says anything, though Tris and I could dare to talk to each other now. But about what? Anything personal between us can be heard and tucked away by Susan or any of the other members. I can feel all eyes on me and I realize that I must not be an Abnegation member. I must be an instructor. I am not a fully devoted Abnegation member. I am not an example they should be following.

I must be an instructor, one who teaches them what I know but do not implement. I must be someone else.

* Tris's point of view *

The initiation process is coming to a close. After weeks with working with the initiates, it's strange to think that our time together is coming to a close. Soon I'll be back to my old job instead of with Mary and John from Amity and Theodore from Erudite. With those three, I am able to get pieces of information from them. Still in training, still mixed in their feelings of Abnegation, they tell me things of other factions. Of the banjo-playing and labor in the kitchens where they knead dough and sing at the same time in Amity. Of the beautiful pictures and files and films made by the students in Erudite. It weighs the pros and cons of each faction in my mind. Abnegation has nothing compared to those.

But the ceremony comes up. Tobias and I lead the newest born members to Walter's house after our shift at Abnegation. Some fiddle with their fingers. The others know better. They're done. A shoo-in.

"I thought it'd never end," John says.

"Your life is only starting here, John," Tobias says. "It would be advisable to get used to it."

He grumbles; Mary gently reprimands him that he must not grumble.

We're so proud. They are subjects of Abnegation, as much as if they were born here.

I remember being in this room and getting my feet washed. My father had done mine. I remember feeling like I could be born here again, able to fully give myself to my faction, when he stood up and offered me a hand to stand with him. An equal member.

Tobias and I sit with the other training instructors as the initiates' feet are washed, transitioning them from initiates, small children, to members, full grown adults. So quickly added to our faction after what had seemed like a lifetime of talking and meeting new faces in the warehouses. Now their laughter and their whispered questions are not allowed at all. Period. Their antics in Walter's bedrooms at night when Susan and I are parents telling them to go to bed and their pranks and small jokes during the unpacking of boxes in the warehouses are gone. Their trial run is gone, the bandage torn clean off their healed wound.

They stand up and we all bow our heads respectfully. No clapping. Quiet acknowledgement.

During the meal Abnegation women walk around the table and ask if anyone wants water. I take a turn and then return to my seat between Tobias and my mother. There is not much talking by the younger members during the meal, so I don't expect conversation with Tobias at all, but that doesn't make me less astonished when I hear Walter, the owner of this house, talking to him.

"Your job as instructor has not been unnoticed, Tobias. You have done a wonderful job with them," Walter says.

"Thank you, sir," Tobias says.

"It has been so noticed for being so exceptional that many of the council members and I have discussed moving you to the staff at the meeting house," Walter says.

Marcus says from across from me, "Walter, I was not told this."

"Marcus, it was decided that since it was not a decision that concerned all the factions that the entire council would not have to be notified for another meeting. It was discussed around a lunch so that no time would have to be taken out of anyone's schedules," Walter says patiently.

Marcus's face surprisingly shows anger, something I have never seen on him. "Is this the first time you have talked to Tobias about this, Walter?" he asks.

Tobias has his head ducked down, concentrating on drinking water. Which is hard, when his head is down. But I know the feeling. The feeling of two people disagreeing about decisions concerning you when you're in the middle and can't say a single word.

"Yes. I waited until now because I knew you would want to hear. But I also wanted Tobias to hear it from me," Walter says. "He is twenty-one, Marcus. As your son, he shows an exceptional display of leadership talents. He could help in the house and then listen in on meetings to learn and grow from them."

Marcus tightens his jaw, cleans up his anger with a smile. "I don't think I have enough faith in his skills as you do, Walter. Neither does he. Tobias?"

All eyes turn to him. He sets his water down, waits a minute. "I thank you for your offer, but decline it. I . . . I don't think I'm nearly as ready as you give me credit as being," he says. His eyes flicker from his father and then to Walter. He straightens.

"Ah, what a shame. But whatever you choose is fine with us, Tobias," Walter says, before turning back to his meal.

I'm quiet as I help the new members and some other Abnegation clean up the dishes in the big kitchen. I wash dishes and give them to Tobias to dry. Though we can't talk for fear of someone overhearing us, I communicate that I want to talk to him after we're down. As I switch shifts with my mother so I'm taking the trash out to the can outside, Tobias takes a bag as well from the dining room.

Outside I can hear wild dogs howling from the factionless sector. I take off the lid and lug the giant bag of garbage into the stinking mess. "Was there a reason you didn't take Walter's offer?" I ask. "You could be able to move higher in our government."

"That's exactly why I didn't do it," he says. The lid rattles when he tosses it onto his trashcan.

"That's not a good reason at all," I say. Being higher up in the chain of command is all the greatness one can hope for in Abnegation.

"Marcus works in government, Tris," Tobias says, his arms crossing over his chest as we make the small trek back to the back door.

"Why does your father have to do with this?" I ask. But as he shakes his head, I think back to Marcus's tightening jaw, his commanding voice. Over all these months, the slightest of signals I should have paid attention to.

"He knows that my getting higher in rank gives me high position with all the Abnegation," he says. "My reputation diminishes. I'm accepted as a normal Abnegation member."

"Why wouldn't your father want that for you?" I ask. All my father wants is for me to be accepted as I am, strange as I am, in Abnegation society. Why wouldn't Marcus want that for Tobias?

Tobias shakes his head, his tone a hiss. "Don't call him that, Tris. My father is gone. He was barely there for a moment."

"Marcus isn't your real father?" I gasp. That's unheard of in Abnegation, blatant—

"He is, technically," Tobias says, "but he stopped being one years ago."

His answer brings us to the door, and all conversation stops.

I really didn't feel like writing about them training initiates. This is do to this being a story centered around Tobias and Tris, and not about other OC initiates. Thanks for reading! God bless!