Disclaimer: Hey Arnold doesn't belong to me. Neither does Grease 2 and the song 'Reproduction'. Now then, for this chapter, it would be wise to go onto youtube or some video website, and look up 'Reproduction' from Grease 2. But you don't have to if you don't want to (I know it's a lot of work). I hate writing songfics, and this one is not very good, so you can read this, or skip the singing part, and continue on with the story. If you do read singing, it will flow a bit better if you've heard the song. As always, read, review, and spread the word.
*Warning: Strong sexual content, depending on how you look at it.*
HA
Arnold had been trying to get his hormones in check since the incident at the record store – an act which required him to avoid Helga without seeming rude. For most of the week, he was doing a good job of that, that is, until he saw her and Phoebe making their way towards him and Gerald at lunch on Friday. Helga had a smirk, and Phoebe was smiling shyly.
"Hey Gerald, we have a question for you." the smaller girl began, while Helga's smirk grew.
"We need you for the surprise assembly today."
Both boys looked at each other, before turning back to the girls.
"What assembly?" they asked in unison.
"Well, doi, we can't tell you unless you agree; genius. Do you wanna help? We really need it . . ." Helga stated sweetly with a subtle forehead flick in her remark. Gerald shrugged, then nodded.
"Sure, why not?"
Helga and Phoebe had never looked so devious as in the moment, right after he agreed.
"Great! Because we need that sultry deep voice of yours for some of the singing." Phoebe piped in cheerfully while all the color left her boyfriend's face.
"Singing? Oh man, what did I get myself into?" Arnold laughed and clapped his friend on the back.
"You're a bold kid, Gerald, and bold kid."
"Hey man, don't go stealin' my lines." Gerald had time for only that response before the girls started to drag him off towards the Performing Arts Room.
"Come on, Gerald, we need to start rehearsing with the rest of the group."
That was all Arnold heard before he laughed again, and went to the table to explain why three of their members were missing.
HA
"Attention Students: If you will all please make your way to the Stage in an orderly fashion; thank you!"
Arnold sighed as he took his banana bread out of the oven, and turned it off, making his way with the rest of his cooking class out towards the auditorium. His classroom was right near the Stage, so it was a short walk, and he found a seat near the apron.
The scene that greeted him was one he won't soon forget. Half the theatre class and half the third period biology class were on stage, sitting in a mock classroom, dressed for the sixties. The class was divided up so the girls were on one side, and the boys were on the other – so no mingling was allowed. He could clearly see Mr. Johnson sitting at a desk, what appeared to be grading papers. The students on stage were acting like students in a biology class before the bell rang; doing stage business while the student body was filling the seats. Gerald was in the back, wearing a leather jacket and looking cool. Phoebe and Helga were sitting next to each other, laughing quietly, when Helga looked his way. Arnold smiled and waved, and she only smiled back before returning to the scene.
As soon as everyone was seated, and the doors were closed, Mr. Johnson stood, and made his way to the apron for a small intro.
"Well, as I'm sure you're well aware; this assembly is a surprise showing. Usually when we do enticers for the spring show, we use scenes from the play we are performing. However, this year our Student Director Helga Pataki came to me with a new idea. With the number of teen parents on the rise, she wonder if maybe we could help tell about sex ed.
"Now, at first I was against the idea, as I don't like doing things that were originally in movies. But when she explained to me her idea for the song she had chosen, I couldn't help but go along and get excited. We asked some of the biology students from Mr. Striby's third period, and the upperclassmen from my theatre group to perform this, and I hope you enjoy it. The song is called 'Reproduction'." And with that, he sat back at his seat, taking on his character while the audience gave applause. When the clapping died down, music started to play, and Mr. Johnson stood up to take control of the class.
"The parts of a flower are so constructed that very, very often the wind will cause pollination." The class groaned in unison, "If not, then a bee or any other nectar gathering creature can create the same situation." Their heads fell to their desks in unison, "Yes, anything that gets the pollen to the pistils, write it on the list. I'll try to make it crystal-clear: The flower's insatiable passion turns its life into a circus of debauchery!" All their heads shot up.
"Now you see just how the stamen gets its lusty dust onto the stigma." All the students were swaying in time with the upbeat rhythm, "And why this frenzied chlorophyllous orgy starts in spring is no enigma! We call this quest for satisfaction a what, class?"
Sheena and Nadine, Arnold quickly recognized, stood and raised their hands, "A photo-periodic reaction!" Mr. Johnson smiled and nodded, "Oh, that's good, that's very good." Suddenly Eugene was on his feet, "Hey, I'm lost where are we?" Phoebe stood up partially, "Chapter 2" Then some boy Arnold didn't know, "page 5. . ."
"Reproduction!" That was all the boys, "Reproduction!" all the girls. Then it was a Junior Arnold didn't know, "Put your pollen tube to work."
"Reproduction!" that was all the boys again. "Reproduction!" and that all the girls, making Arnold detect a pattern. "Make my stamen go berserk." Whoa, that was Phoebe "Reproduction!" All the boys again, then Helga stood up, "I don't think they even know what a pistil is!" A boy Arnold didn't know stood and faced Helga, "I got your pistil right here..." He began to chase her, making Arnold feel jealous. "Where does the pollen go?" That last one was Gerald, and Arnold almost laughed, forgetting his jealousy.
Mr. Johnson brought the class back into semi-order, and began to sing again, "Next chapter: In an abstract way, the same thing applies to the reproductive organs of the more complex life forms. But now we are dealing with sexual response. Are there any questions before we begin reading?"
Sid stood up and made his was over to Nadine, "Is it possible the female member of some sex on a couch could like get this guy all hot and she never even knew it?" Both Mr. Johnson and Nadine shook their heads no, and Nadine pushed Sid away.
"When a warm-blooded mammal in a tight little sweater starts pullin' that stuff, is she sayin' that she wants to do it?" Harold had moved towards Patty, and was caressing her arms, but she slapped them away. Gerald had joined Phoebe, "Can't prove it by me, cause they change their tune when you got 'em in the back seat." Helga and Phoebe gasped.
Meanwhile, Sid was still with Nadine, "With his heart beatin' fast!" "They make it sound like a track meet, gross!" Sheena and Nadine snapped back. Sid and Harold quickly joined Gerald and Iggy, making quartet, "Yeah, then all they can do is say "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!"." When they were saying no, they made their voices high pitch to sound more feminine. The guys in the audience started to laugh a bit, but then when the next part came up, everyone in the audience was laughing.
In Reply to the boys acting girly, the girls went more manly. Suddenly the roles were switched.
"Reproduction" the girls shook their hips. "Reproduction" the boys put their hands on their hips and crossed their legs. "Baby, give it to me now." It as quite odd to see the girls thrusting their hips suggestively. "Reproduction!" "Reproduction!" "Is that all you think about?" Gerald and quartetcovered their chests and the apex of their legs, making the audience lose it.
"Reproduction." At least everyone was together again, "Come on baby show me that you really love me so!" That was all female. Suddenly Eugene ran to the front of the stage, "Ohhh, I think I'm gonna throw up!" then made a b-line for the back of the classroom, then entered the group again.
"Where does the pollen go?" There was Gerald again. Only this time he ran around the classroom, acting as sperm putting his hands through circles people were making.
Mr. Johnson claimed the attention of the class again.
"The human is the only being capable of consciously controlling its number of offspring. Any comments on this?" Helga stood and walked over to Mr. Johnson. "Mr. Johnson, is it true that guys like you, you know, mature and all, carry some protection with them for sexual occasions?" she smirked when he stammered, then Iggy had a sort of face-off with Helga.
"What's the big deal? Can't a girl just do that thing in a book where she adds up the days of her, uh, what do you call it, mentalstration?" Phoebe and Helga looked at each other, and laughed with all the other girls, then Phoebe approached Iggy.
"Oh, that's really neat! Yeah, and what will the guy say when the numbers don't add up right, huh?" "Yeah, yeah, yeah!"
"Reproduction!" boys were boys again."Reproduction!" and girls were girls"Hope he's proud of what he's done." This time, it was Patty, and she was push Harold backward with her finger across the boy/girl divider."Reproduction!" "Reproduction!""He was only pokin' fun." Harold pushed back with his response.
"Reproduction!" Finally everyone was together.
"See what happens when a boy and girl don't know how to play it safe?" Sid informed the class with a smirk as he held up a fake white rabbit. The fake and real classes laughed, and Helga, Phoebe, and a few other girls threw rolled-up lined paper at him.
The boys and girls started to harmonize their own verses, and the song was winding down. "Reproduction!" "Reproduction!""Reproduction!" "Reproduction!" "Reproduction!" "Reproduction!"
"Reproduction!" The last one was everyone together as they ran chaotically around the classroom to get back to their seats, until only Gerald was the one standing.
"Where does the pollen go?" And then he, too, sat down.
Everything was quiet for a moment, until the audience started clapping like there was no tomorrow. Everyone on stage got up and took a bow, and the other students not involved were released to go home early.
HA
Arnold hung around the Stage door, waiting for his friends to show up after changing so he could help clear the stage. Mr. Johnson came out before the others did, and he stopped to look at Arnold.
"Did you enjoy the show, Arnold?" he looked up to his teacher, smiling widely.
"Yea, Mr. J, it was really cool. Would you guys like some help clearing the stage?" Mr. Johnson nodded, then made his way backstage and onto the stage, when Gerald, Phoebe and Helga came out of the locker room.
"Hey Football Head! Here to join the clean-up crew?" Helga smirked and stopped walking while Phoebe and Gerald kept going.
"Yeah. Helga, you were amazing." Arnold bit his tongue as soon as the sentence left his mouth. Helga blushed, and began twisting her ring.
"Jeez, Football Head, you sure have been complementing me a lot lately. Are you trying to get free stuff from the shop?" Arnold blushed, and looked down.
"No, nothing like that. I guess I have been complementing you a lot, huh?" he replied stiffly. Helga saw his discomfort, and in a fleeting moment of courage, compassion, and forgetfulness, placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey, don't sweat it Football Head. Come on, let's go help the crew before I get bitched out for slacking!"
Arnold looked up to her, and smiled. Somewhere, deep inside his metaphorical heart, a bit more of his feelings for Helga were understood.
HA
