He almost laughs as I blink back at him. Suddenly I've forgotten every word I've ever known.

"Seriously what's wrong?" He chuckles and figuring that no amazing excuse is going to hit me any time soon, I just mumble,

"Nothing" and then start to laugh "Why would there be?" He shakes his head

"You look all flustered" This remark makes my cheeks flush even more.

"I'm not long out of the shower" I say, pushing my hair back.

"Take it Jack's in there now?" He asks

"Must be" I shrug, acting as nonchalant as possible, almost as if I couldn't care less.

"You coming to the show tonight?" He runs his fingers through his hair, making it stick up

"I dunno" I mumble, looking at my nails, realising the awful amount they are chipped.

"What? Why not?" He looks concerned again, and I smile at him in an attempt to reassure.

"I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night" I brush off his worry, looking casual. "I need to rest up" He looks dubious, frowning at me, but I keep smiling, almost insanely. The air between us isn't nice at all. He knows I'm hiding something, but he can't force it out of me, and I'm certainly not telling him willingly.

Jack comes into the room, fully dresses, but his hair dripping wet.

"Hey man" Alex greets him and Jack smiles

"Hey" He gives me a sly wink. The corners of my mouth twitch, but I don't smile. I swallow hard. It's too uncomfortable being in the room with both of them. It makes me horribly hot, and panicky.

I give Jack an awkward smile as I push past him and leave the room. I want to go out. I want to leave and wander about. Be alone. I feel like I can never be properly alone here. Grabbing my coat, I tell Matt I'm going a walk, and if Alex asks just to tell him I needed some air.

The frosty air nips at my cheeks. It's not as cold as it was in London, but still, it's bad enough. There is virtually no one on the streets today. I wander around, kicking the ground absently. I can't decide what to feel. I don't even want to go inside any of the warm looking shops, or sit a while in starbucks or costa, I just want to be alone, to be away from everyone. Suddenly, I realise this is the first time I've really been by myself since I left home for Germany two weeks ago. It feels quite nice, no one there to cut through my thoughts. I like to be alone. Feeling my pockets, I realise I didn't even bring my phone with me. Oh well, not like I need it. I flop down on a street bench, rubbing my face in exasperation. My fingers are a deep pink from the harsh cold, and my nose is slowly numbing. I know I won't stay out much longer, though I'd like to. This would all be so much easier if Jack and Alex weren't so close. But of course they are, and I've got to find a way around that. If there is a way.

As I approach the bus, I notice Alex, leaning against the front of it, his phone pressed to his ear. When he sees me, he puts it down. Oh god, he looks mad.

"Where the hell were you?!" He questions, his eyes wide and angry looking.

"I went a walk" I say, slightly shocked at how aggressive his voice is.

"You could have told me!" His voice is rising

"I told Matt!" I'm getting angry too, because, well, I don't have to tell him every time I want to leave the bus.

"Well he didn't tell me! And he had to leave for the venue! And can't you answer your god damn phone?!" I recoil again, my eyes widening in annoyance, but quickly, I'm frowning again

"I forgot to take it. Why are you treating me like a child?!" My voice is getting louder, but I don't care.

"Because you're acting like one!" He yells back, and then the door opens, and Rian comes out, looking cautious.

"Hey, um, is everything okay? I heard yelling" Alex and I are still looking at each other, anger pouring out. He doesn't even break eye contact when he answers

"Fine, we're done here anyway" He walks away, past Rian, and I'm left standing there, in the cold, wanting to walk away again, not even caring where I go.

"You alright?" Rian gives me a caring smile. He's good at looking out for me.

"Fine, honestly it was nothing" I smile back. I don't even know what it was to be honest. I'm so confused, why was he so angry that I left? He was so so angry. He's never got mad at me before.

I look at myself, ready to go. I could cry. I hate the person looking back. Right now, I can't find anything to like about myself. I get up, choosing to ignore my own reflection. The guys are in a random room backstage, waiting to go on. I stand next to the sofa where Rian and Zack are sitting down. Alex catches my eye, but we just look away. The tension from earlier is still there. It's not really anger anymore, just awkward. When they are called onstage, Jack gives me a consoling smile. Alex has obviously spoken to him about earlier. I don't even smile back.

When I see Alex wander over, I know he's going to stop and talk to me. My stomach churns painfully.

"Listen, I'm sorry" I say, not wanting him to start yelling again, but he shakes his head

"No, you don't have to say sorry." His head falls, and he stares at his feet.

"It's me who should be apologising, I just..." He tails off, shakes himself back and continues after a deep breath

"I just got worried and, overreacted a bit" He admits, and then gives me an apologetic smile. I smile back, and, slightly overwhelmed with emotion, grab him in a tight hug. I hear him chuckle, but he squeezes me tighter.

"I love you, you know that right?" I pull away then, laughing a little

"How could I forget?" He laughs, blushing slightly

"ALEX? C'MON!" Flyzik is at the end of the hallway, looking frazzled. I follow my brother and watch the show from backstage. I feel a little better than earlier, but the image of Jack still floats dangerously around in my head. Each time he changes guitar, he gives me a look. Just a simple smile, sticking out his tongue, winking. It doesn't matter what it is. It makes me want him. It makes me need him. And feeling that, makes me feel horrible.

When they come off stage, it's decided that we go out. The clubs are just opening, and there are more and more people filling the streets. We file into a large club, dark and packed with people. I can barely even hear the guys over the noise of the music and everyone else yelling at each other, trying to be heard. We all sit down around a small table, cramming together. There's barely enough room to sit down, and I feel like I shouldn't move, otherwise I might elbow someone's drink out of there hand.

"I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM" I yell into Alex's ear

"WHAAAT?" He yells back, screwing up his face.

"I'M GOING. TO THE BATHROOM." I slow it down, even though I know this won't help. He gives me another blank look. I shake my head, and get up.

The bathroom is just dirty. It looks like no one's bothered cleaning it for months. I grimace at the state of it. When the door opens it nearly takes me out. I turn around and I'm pushed into the wall, being kissed, so forcefully. I feel the long fingers tangling through my hair, and I smile at his presence. Jack.