Part IV

Love is a smoke made with the fumes of sighs;
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;
Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers' tears;
What is it else? A madness most discreet,
A choking gall, and a preserving sweet."
~ William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, 1.1.191-5


N


Nezumi's teeth sunk down into Shion's neck, right over his collarbone and Shion groaned, his hand in Nezumi's hair tightening and his body arching up against his lover's. Nezumi sucked at the skin that would most likely leave a bruise in the morning as Shion's free hand ran down his back. He felt this time… something was different. Something was different in the way Nezumi was touching him, kissing him and stroking him… something was monumentally different. It all felt intense, rough, hard and overwhelmingly passionate than it ever did before.

Shion knew Nezumi. He knew him better than anyone else. He was the only person Nezumi had allowed to enter through his moss and rust ridden walls and his many defenses. Shion was the only person who was allowed to see the fragile beauty of the heart that beat beneath the muscled chest. Only one allowed to fall deep into the bottomless grey of Nezumi's eyes. And yet, Nezumi was still a mystery to him. There were so many things about him that was left unsaid. So many stories of his past that remained as broken memories in his mind, never to be voiced. So many questions that burned Shion, begging to be asked. And every now and then, Nezumi would look at him in such a way, Shion would know he was there inside his own mind all alone, re-living a memory that pained him and Shion would feel his heart ache, because he could not help him. Because it would be Nezumi's memory and it would be his secret and Shion could not ask him. He would not ask him.

As Nezumi's climbed on top of him and kissed Shion senseless, hard enough to bury him into their mattress, Shion felt the pain binding them in a way it never did before. They both had things in their past that haunted them and would probably haunt them for the rest of their life. Things they could never talk to anyone about. Things only they knew. Only they had seen, heard and smelled and felt. Memories of smoke, and fire, and blood, and of corpses and people dying. Things they avoided rebuilding in the form of words and sounds even between the two of them. And neither of them needed any explanation. They both understood and complied the unspoken plea of the other. That was one of the greatest lessons Shion had learned in the course of past four years.

Don't ask me.

Don't make me explain.

Don't make me go through that again.

But they could touch each other, pull a shaking hand over a frantic heartbeat and show undeniable proof of life, still existent in the very thing they valued the most. They could not talk… but they could touch, they could kiss, they could move together in the silence of their pain and the fire of the love neither of them could deny anymore and they could momentarily erase the memories, soothe the pain and replace the agony of nightmares with the dull ache of need for each other's closeness and warmth. When their lips parted, it would be each other's names that fell quietly in the narrow space between them and it would be their gasps and moans and blind cries that filled the witnessing silence of their room. The nightmares would dissolve in the creased sheets and the memories would recede before the eternal light of life in each other eyes.

Shion buried his face in the crook of Nezumi's neck as he leaned over him to rummage through the drawer of their nightstand. He inhaled his scent. Eyes closed and arms wrapped tight around his bare body. When Nezumi pulled back and gazed down into his eyes with staggering compassion, warmth and something inexplicable… something he could not name… something that suddenly made Nezumi look younger… and so very vulnerable… Shion could not help the gasp that spilled through his lips like a hiss and pulled Nezumi back down as he reached forward to cover his lips with his own.

Nezumi kissed him mindlessly. His tongue slipped over Shion's and roamed freely inside his mouth claiming dominancy in a matter of seconds. Shion felt his hands move between their bodies and heard the lid of the bottle of lubricant pop open as he responded to his kiss with his heart aching in his throat due to anticipation, desire and lust. Nezumi's legs straddled him and Shion's body was pinned on the mattress and trapped in between them and then… Nezumi's hand, slick with the ointment, touched his length. Somewhere in his mind Shion found it odd and he opened his eyes to see Nezumi's fiery argent eyes glowing with purpose as his hand coated Shion's length with the lubricant. He tried to surface through the blinding heat of lust, pulled away from the kiss, eyebrows knit together and inhaled sharply against Nezumi's lips. His face was a mirror of confusion when he found his voice and hardly managed to ask through the waves of passion crushing over him.

"Nezumi… why are you… putting the lube… on me?"


N


The look of confusion that had presented itself across Shion's face was the complete opposite of Nezumi's own expression and thoughts. His lover's hazy, lust filled eyes were half lidded as he stared up at him, and Nezumi wasn't sure if he wanted to roll his eyes and berate Shion for the question he had just been asked, or if he felt even more turned on by the way Shion was sprawled out and involuntarily thrusting his hips up to feel more of Nezumi's hand on his length.

Those crimson eyes… there was such an overwhelming look of innocence in them, even as the body they belonged to was sweaty and covered in marks given to him by his lover in the throes of their passion. Shion was desperate for more of Nezumi's touch, that much was obvious just by listening to the breaths between his confused words. Nezumi watched Shion's eyes close as his thumb swept across the head of Shion's cock, and he couldn't help but let out a little smirk.

"You really are a natural, aren't you~?" Nezumi hummed as he leaned down over him. His lips were a mere breath away from Shion's own parted ones , and they trailed across Shion's open mouth and his right cheek. Nezumi knew this look, he knew it very well… and the last thing he wanted was for Shion to be nervous, or confused. Nezumi's lips reached Shion's ear and he sucked gently on the soft flesh of his earlobe. His breath was hot as it danced across the side of the pale man's face, and all the while, his fingers never let go of Shion's length.

"Quit asking questions, Shion. Just let me feel you…" Nezumi murmured into Shion's ear, hoping to soothe him a bit. He could feel Shion tensing up, his shoulders slightly raising and his manhood throbbing within Nezumi's very grasp.

This was so much different from any other time Nezumi had been forced to give himself to someone. There was so much pain in Nezumi's past, so many scars that Shion was unaware of, and that Nezumi would never reveal to the other. Such a troublesome past was better left unsaid, never to reach the ears of another soul. It was too painful… remembering was too painful. There was a reason why Nezumi never talked about his past or his hardships, even when he had been trying to teach Shion about the kind of life most people led in West Block. Even when he woke up soaked in sweat, pale and shaking and with a tear-stricken face from one of his own nightmares.

He didn't want to hurt Shion… he never wanted to hurt Shion.

Besides… this time, it would not be forced. There would be no other reason for giving himself completely to another soul other than the amount of immense love and trust he felt for Shion, and the desire to make things right again within Shion's heart and mind… to wipe the slate clean, or at least help him forget about his pain, his reoccurring nightmares… just for a little while. He wanted to bridge the gap, to allow himself to finally be as vulnerable as he could be with Shion, in the same way Shion had always been fully trusting with him. Shion had needs and desires just like any other man, and tonight, Nezumi would make sure to fulfill them all.

Nezumi lined himself up with Shion's cock, knowing very well that this would hurt without having any time to prepare himself. He wondered idly if he had used enough lube to at least control some of the pain… but before he could spend any more time thinking about it, Nezumi's eyes closed, and he began to lower himself down upon his lover's length.


S


Shion didn't understand the look in Nezumi's eyes. He didn't understand the slick hand around his length and he didn't understand why Nezumi was on top of him and not between his legs. He could not think. Nothing made sense to him as Nezumi's thumb brushed over the head of his aching erection and his head rolled back on the pillows unable to hold back his gasp.

"You really are a natural, aren't you?" Nezumi said and Shion could hear the smile in his voice as he leaned in and his lips ghosted over Shion's, his cheek and came to a stop over his ear. Shion felt like his skin was reaching out to his lips, begging to be kisses, devoured, bruised by that mouth. His mind had quit functioning but his body responded to his mouth sucking his earlobe at once. A groan, almost a feral growl vibrated through his throat and his hand tightened around silky, raven locks. And then Nezumi spoke again, his breath warm against his ear, his voice low and intense.

"Quit asking questions, Shion. Just let me feel you…"

Just let me feel you…

Feel you…

Feel you .

Shion's eyes opened wide as his breath got caught in his throat. His hazy mind roared in his head when understanding dawned on him. His whole body from head to toe, broke into a rush of sweat and every single muscle tensed, hands shaking around Nezumi's naked form. Suddenly everything fell into place. The position of their bodies, the lube on his own length… and the look in Nezumi's eyes.

Nezumi was going to…

He was about to…

Shion's heart banged hard in his chest, desperately pushing against the confines of his ribcage. A feeling close to panic took over all his sense as his eyes met Nezumi's. The look in those pair of ethereal grey eyes, the look of compassion, love… the look of surrender brimming within the silver glow made Shion's eyes water.

Shion was not stupid. He could indeed be hopelessly naive at times but he was not stupid. Four years he had spent apart from Nezumi had given him time to think about many things that had never even crossed his mind before. Things he had heard in West Block, things he had heard in that one time Shion had despised Rikiga-san, things Nezumi had casually mentioned here and there… Shion knew… He knew Nezumi was far from inexperienced when it came to this.

And he also knew… Nezumi had been hurt.

Nezumi's eyes spoke volumes… more than his mouth would ever be willing to say. It had always been that way. Maybe that was why Shion loved those eyes more than anything else in the world because they were the windows opening to the solitary expanses of Nezumi's heart. And those windows opened only for him.

The fragility of his gentle expression… the vulnerable, exposed look in his eyes both confirmed all of Shion's suspicions and made his heart ache painfully in his chest. Nezumi, his Nezumi had been hurt this way before… And yet, he was still willing to do it for him. For Shion. To help him forget his nightmare… He was willing to suffer, to end Shion's suffering.

It felt like watching Nezumi take a bullet for him… all over again.

Before he could say anything, before he could even completely understand the pain and love and conflict invading his heart, Nezumi had lined himself up with Shion's length.

"No.. no… no no, please. Nezumi… please!"

Shion placed both his hands on top of his over his length as he sat up as much as he could with Nezumi straddling him. Tears he could not hold back, cascaded down his cheeks as his heart throbbed painfully against his ribs threatening to rip the flesh, skin and nerves apart. He looked at his lover's eyes through his tears, his voice hoarse and thick with the lump in his throat.

"I can't… I can't… please…" Shion cupped Nezumi's face with both hands. He could barely see with how blurry his sight was, but he would always find Nezumi's silver gaze. He would never be led astray. No matter how dark it was, Shion would always find those pair of brilliant grey eyes. Nezumi had always been Shion's beacon of light. His one pillar of support. A sharp sob tore through the aching lump in his throat and fresh tears rose in his eyes..

"Nezumi… please… I don't want to… hurt you… I don't.. want to.. hurt you."


N


Nezumi was completely taken aback by Shion's sudden movements and watery eyes. At first, he had absolutely no idea why the man beneath him was protesting so greatly. He couldn't help but wonder if he had done something wrong, if he had hurt Shion or had taken advantage of the fact that he was so desperate for physical contact after his horrendous nightmare. Had he misinterpreted Shion's request? Nezumi swallowed the strange lump that had presented itself in his throat upon Shion's hands rushing up to cup his cheeks, and his grey eyes bore directly into Shion's watery crimson orbs.

"I can't… I can't… please…," Shion had whispered as tears began to roll down his cheeks. Nezumi sat there, still straddling his lap yet appeasing Shion's need to at least attempt to sit up as much as he could. The hands on his face were shaking, and exceedingly warm… Nezumi's gaze traveled all over the features of Shion's face, taking in his flushed cheeks and tears and shivering body.

It was only when Shion began to plead that he didn't want to hurt Nezumi, that he finally began to understand the other man's sudden display of emotion.

Relief flooded his heart and mind and even caused the corners of his lips to slightly curl upwards, offering the man he loved a smile that would hopefully help calm him down. Nezumi's hands moved to Shion's hips, soft flesh underneath the pads of his fingertips, and he squeezed gently in reassurance. "Shion….," Nezumi murmured quietly, still trying to hold his gaze.

When he couldn't get Shion's full and direct attention, his fingers reached upwards to pry his lover's hands away from his own face. "Shion, please.. look at me?" Nezumi asked before wiping away some of the tears that had built up underneath his eyes.

Despite Shion's sobs and obvious apprehension, Nezumi couldn't help but marvel at the way the other man's skin glowed beneath his very touch, and the way the red scar that hugged his body moved along with each and every inhale and every gasp. He was so beautiful… the raven-haired man couldn't help but gaze at him with awe, especially during such an emotional, vulnerable moment. It wasn't long before he was running his fingers through the locks of white hair that he loved so much, enjoying its softness and luminescent glow under the light of the moon.

When Shion finally opened his eyes again, Nezumi smiled and pressed his forehead against his. His gaze was loving and tender, concerned and adoring and needy as he stared at Shion. His fingers moved out of his hair and instead cupped his cheeks, only to gently pull his face towards his own. Nezumi pressed a soft, fluttering kiss to Shion's lips, ignoring the taste of salt that presented itself when his tongue touched Shion's.

"You're not hurting me. How weak do you think I am, hm?" Nezumi teased when he finally broke away. "Don't cry, Shion… there's no reason to be crying. I love you."

His confession of love came out in the form of a whisper, ghosting across Shion's lips.

"Will you let me touch you, now? Is it okay? We'll go slow…" One of Nezumi's hands drifted down to find Shion's, while the other moved back to Shion's hip. It was then that he pulled Shion's hand up to his mouth, and began to suck on his index finger, his tongue languidly twirling around the digit within his warm cavern. After Shion's finger was coated, Nezumi gave the same treatment to the next one, all the while watching Shion's face for some sort of reaction.

Once he was done coating Shion's fingers, Nezumi's grip moved to Shion's wrist, and he directed his hand down to his entrance. His forehead once again found his lover's, and his tone of voice dropped down to a husky, deep growl.

"Start with one… and go slow. In and out.. take your time," Nezumi swallowed, his eyes closing as a wave of lust engulfed his very being. "Do to me what you enjoy being done to you."


-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-


This is my Tumblr RP thread Heartbeat with Contendaz (Drenched-Rat on Tumblr).

From now on I'll be posting all of our threads on here in chapters so that you guys will see I have indeed NOT been idle. I've done A LOT of writing actually and both Jackie and I have some fantastic threads to share with you.

Nezumi: Contendaz ( u/2788304/contendaz)

Shion: Me

Feedback is always appreciated.

Disclaimer: No.6 and all character's belong to Asano Atsuko. This is a non-profit fan product.

Cover art belongs to: Steel-Chocolate ( pixiv id=4433068)