Chapter 4: Revelation

Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin

Previously: Levi and Petra share a moment on the castle roof. They flirt during a spar. Levi acknowledges to himself his physical attraction to her. Petra decides she really needs to get laid.


"This is a simple supply run." Levi was in the lead, his team racing behind him on their horses. "We'll be in charge of protecting the carts in the northwestern quadrant. Only engage the Titans if they come to us. Do not seek them out. Understood?"

"Sir!"

"Switch to 3D gear and fan out like planned!" Levi glanced over his shoulder, watching them take off and move toward four different locations. He took up a position that allowed him to keep an eye on the squads below as well as his subordinates.

The mission was straightforward. The combatant squads were to guard the supply squads while the latter collected anything of value they could find in the abandoned homes and shops. They weren't expecting trouble as the area was fairly clear of the carnivorous giants. Regardless, Levi kept vigilant. Compliance led to death. It was a lesson many Scouts had learn the hard way.

As expected, the expedition didn't prove to be too much of a hassle. Unlike their mission to regain humanity's territory, the supply runs weren't as fatal because the main objective wasn't to engage in combat and try to eliminate as many of the Titans as possible, rather it was to avoid them as much as possible.

Movement in the peripheral vision on his right caught his attention. Petra moved to engage an approaching Titan. If she needed help, Erd was close enough to assist. Any other Scout couldn't have abandoned his post and left the soldiers on the ground without a lookout. But his soldiers were top-tier. Not that it would come to that. He had faith in Petra to take it down by herself. Levi performed a quick sweep of his surroundings. She just needs to believe in herself more. Oluo often annoyed her by bragging about his higher solo kills, but Levi thought it was partly because she was too cautious to engage a Titan without backup. Didn't give her a high solo kill count but kept her alive. Which was definitely more important. Alhough if she did follow Oluo's example and fought Titans one-on-one more often, she'd gain more experience and confidence. Levi believed she would at least be able to decrease the gap.

Petra severed the muscles in the Titan's arms, making it hard for the 12-meter to capture her. From the distance, he couldn't be sure but it seemed a faint tremble went through her. Levi still kept an eye out on his group, making sure no Titan snuck on them as he watched Petra. They were his priority, not her.

Wind carried small pieces of trash through the empty streets. Other than that, it was clear. Levi could easily fly over to Petra and help her out but he didn't feel a strong urge to.

That reassured him.

Nothing had changed between them. Sure they'd had sex and there was definitely some tension between them, but it hadn't affected his judgment at all.

A part of Levi wanted to go to her, but he needed to stay and protect the Scouts down below. And he thought about how he didn't feel the need to struggle with the decision whether to move or not. It was easy to stay put. Everything is fine. Levi told himself, relaxed.

The Titan Petra was fighting went down hard and he felt pride rising in his chest. However, it was short-lived. Another Titan arrived. To make matters worse, Petra sank to her knees on the roof. Even from the distance, he could tell she had lost her strength. Should he go to her?

Petra was one of the Survey Corps' best Titan slayers—as she had just proven—and his duty was to the supply soldiers right now. But they were safe and there was no approaching threat to them. His subordinate, on the other hand, needed help. He could easily give her a hand and return to his spot.

Hesitation kept Levi rooted in his spot.

Before he could come to a decision, Erd moved to her and flew up behind the 15-meter, killing it easily.

The expedition was over soon afterward and the Survey Corps returned without much fanfare. Their haul had been decent and the mortality low. That was good enough for most soldiers. Levi looked to Petra when she rode up beside him, pale and shaky and tired-looking. "You okay, Petra?"

"Fine, sir," she answered, voice wavering. "I just feel weak. I think I need to eat and take a nap."

"You did good out there."

"Thanks, Captain."

"Go to the infirmity when we get back to HQ." Levi's words made it clear it wasn't a suggestion.


Petra woke up feeling sluggish. Someone pressed a glass to her mouth after helping her sit up. Within seconds, she drained the sweet juice. "Thank you." She handed the glass back to the doctor.

"How do you feel now?" The elderly man asked kindly.

"Better. I can't believe I fainted." She had felt worn out toward the end of the expedition and managed to make it to the doctor, describing her symptoms before collapsing.

"Seems you had low blood sugar levels. I suggest you eat foods with higher sugar content. Drink a glass of apple juice every day."

"I will."

"Just to make sure, you haven't experienced it before, have you?"

Petra thought back to her dizzy spell a few days back, on her way out to town before the expedition. She told him about it and said dismissively, "But I think it was probably because I was being picky with food because it tasted weird."

A frown marred his features. It made her nervous. "Any other things you've noticed? Have you been feeling any different lately?"

Immediately she began combing through her memories, and random things she had shrugged off suddenly began popping up. "I've had some back pain and feel fatigued even when I haven't done anything particularly exhausting. I guess I've been kinda moody, too." Fear tugged at her heart. "Is there...do you think there's something wrong? Am I sick?" A metallic taste filled her mouth. "I've also been feeling nauseous. My mother, she—she passed away from an illness of the body and—"

"No, I don't believe it's a disease," he said assuringly and his tone calmed her. "Tell me, how is your monthly cycle?"

A wave of relief washed over Petra. Of course, that had to be it. She was just having a nasty period. Then something occurred to her. "Actually, I just remembered it should have started any day now. But it's not really regular." She shrugged.

"Have you been sexually active lately?"

Petra was glad they were alone. Not that the doctor would have asked such a personal question had there been other patients occupying the empty beds in the large room. Most of the injured soldiers had gotten away with scratches and bruises and mild gashes. No one had needed to come to the infirmary as the field medics had taken care of it. Soldiers weren't the biggest fans of medical places. To them, it was a place to die.

"I was with a man recently." Petra felt a sense of awkwardness, stemming from the man's identity rather than disclosing about her sex life.

The doctor didn't ask who it was. "And were you careful?"

"Yes," she said confidently. "I drank smartweed tea beforehand. I was told it's a good method of birth control."

"It is. And you're sure you drank it?"

"Yes, I'm sure. It was at a party and the other women told me about it. The host was a well-known philander so it wasn't a surprise they were serving an herbal tea that doubled as contraceptive and we were laughing about it. I know I had it," she insisted. "It was the only tea I had. I can still remember the sweet taste—"

"Sweet?" The doctor interrupted, confused. "My dear, smartweed tea is bitter—peppery."

Knots formed in her stomach and her heart almost stopped at his words. "But...the tea I had was fruity."

"Then it most certainly can't be smartweed. It has a very strong taste. Is there a possibility you may have accidentally consumed a different tea?"

Petra's heart pounded in her chest, anxiety rolling through her. "I don't know. Maybe? I think so. I mean, the woman who brought it over was, she was really drunk," she choked out, realizing what had likely happened. Her friend, while inebriated, had mistakenly delivered the wrong tea. Petra shared her theory with him. "She almost, she almost tripped and fell when she was coming over because of how intoxicated she was."

Petra wished the woman had fallen over. Then she wouldn't have drunk the so-called contraceptive herbal tea and screwed Levi later that night.

"That would make sense. And frankly," the doctor said, "I hope that was how it happened if you plan to keep this baby. It is not advised to see a pregnancy through if a woman becomes with child after drinking smartweed tea."

He said it. He said that word. I can't be. I'm not pregnant. A sickening feeling welled up in her gut. "Is there...surely there's a chance I'm not, right?" Petra couldn't bring herself to say that word. "That it's just a—that I'm just having a really difficult monthly cycle."

"Was this the same party thrown by that MP noble recently?" He inquired.

"Yes."

"Considering the timing and the symptoms, it's very unlikely it's just an unusual menstrual cycle. No, I think the possibility that you're pregnant is far greater."

Petra felt like fainting again and she was sure her face had lost all color.

"You can wait a few days, a week if you'd like, to see if you start bleeding. But don't be fooled if you're spotting instead. That's not uncommon during a pregnancy," he informed her.

Petra nodded weakly. "Okay."


Levi was worried about Petra. She had been acting strange for days now. Many times he would catch her with a dazed look in her eyes. Her mother had passed away from an illness and he wondered if she was worried she, too, had inherited whatever disease that had plagued her. Levi certainly hoped not and refused to believe it until the doctor said so.

He recalled the conversation they'd had the evening they returned from the expedition. Petra had mentioned something about hypoglycemia, saying the doctor told her to take it easy for a week and Levi had excused her for most of the training.

Only a few days had passed since the expedition and he always allowed his squad those first few days to rest and recover, giving out light training exercises. But when Petra had told him she had fainted, he figured it was better safe than sorry and let her choose for herself what she felt comfortable doing.

It had brought up a more pressing concern regarding his female subordinate.

How can I have her on the squad when I can't stay objective with it comes to her? Levi stood from his chair and went over to the couch, crossing his arms, a scowl covering his face.

I thought it would work out, but... Over the past few days, it had weighed on his mind. What if she had died out there? He had firmly believed after they agreed, right where he was sitting, to put the incident behind them and forget about it, thinking he wouldn't have any problem staying impartial when it came to her and her teammates. That he would not show her special favors just because they'd slept together. And he hadn't.

Levi wasn't even going to the touch the subject of their inappropriate flirting right now.

Instead I made a biased decision against her today. Convinced he wasn't prioritizing her over anyone else, he had let her fend for herself.

Ever since that fateful first expedition when he'd lost Farlan and Isabel, Levi had resolved to live by Erwin's words. While he didn't entirely regret the decision not to abandon his post to help Petra, Levi couldn't help but question himself. Had he had made that decision out of logic? Or because he had convinced himself he shouldn't—too obsessed with whether it was out of influence of that night—because helping her would mean he was letting his personal feeling color his perception?

Levi was beginning to doubt his decision-making when it came to Petra. He could live with his choices, but not if he was making them for the wrong reasons. It wasn't fair to her. But neither was kicking her off the squad because of this after they'd agreed they were both equally responsible. Why should only Petra be punished? But what other choice did he have? Remove himself from his own squad? Then he would be punishing the men, too. They had worked hard for the recognition of being handpicked by Humanity's Strongest.

With an irritated noise, Levi left his office. Rules against fraternizing within squads, especially between superiors and subordinates, were there for a reason. He wanted to kick himself for thinking they could break the rules and get away without facing any ramifications.

How am I going to trust my judgment when it comes to Petra? Was he delving too deeply into it? Or was the thought he was overthinking it just another attempt to keep his mouth shut so he could avoid the mess that would result if he admitted the truth and took responsibility?

The simple truth was of the matter was that at times when subordinates made mistakes, superiors took the hit. It was just a responsibility that came with taking any sort of leadership role. Was he only shirking his responsibility and not looking after Petra's best interest by keeping quiet?

"This is giving me a fucking headache," Levi grumbled under his breath.

Maybe he'd talk to Petra again and see what she had to say. Hopefully they'd come to a final decision and never have to have that conversation again. Then he'd stick to that choice and stop overanalyzing everything he did or would do.


Petra had never in her life begged so hard for her period to come. Usually it was the other way around. So she could avoid the blood and the annoyance of bloating or the occasional cramps. Never had she been so disappointed when she kept waking up every morning and saw it hadn't happened.

The doctor had told her of two other ways to check—which really now to her meant two ways to confirm that she was, indeed, with child because she knew her body and something wasn't right. The wheat-barley test sounded ludicrous, even though the doctor had assured her it was an effective method common in villages where the potentially expecting women would urinate on either a wheat or barley seed and if it sprouted, it meant they were pregnant. The other was strange as well but less so. Apparently a pregnancy caused certain chemicals to be released that could make the wheat react, thus proving the woman was expecting.

"Okay." The nurse stepped back and Petra closed her legs, pushing her skirt over her knees and sitting up.

The doctor joined her a minute later and she knew what he was going to say before he said it. "Your cervix is blue. As I mentioned last time, sometimes it happens to non-pregnant women, too, but taking into account all your other symptoms I'd say you are, without a single doubt in my mind, with child."

Petra nodded. She had been expecting it. But she had wanted to be one hundred and ten percent sure before she went to Levi and told him that.

"Do you know if you are going to keep it?" The doctor asked gently.

"Honestly, I have no idea." She had spent the entire week debating and still didn't know. "I have to talk to the father first."

"I understand," he said. "But you must tell me before the next expedition. If you don't make a decision by then, I will be forced to tell Commander Erwin."

"I know. Thank you."

Petra left the doctor's office in the infirmary and went to wander the courtyard and the training grounds, in need of some fresh air. The Scouts were having lunch so it was empty and quiet, giving her the peace she needed to think.

This was not how she wanted her life to go. She wanted to devote herself to humanity, to fight tooth and nail for their freedom, not be stuck at home carrying her captain's illegitimate kid. Her chest tightened painfully at what her father would think of the situation. Would he be disappointed in her? Angry? Maybe he'd be happy because it meant she would have to leave the Survey Corps and the kid might even make her stay out of the military for good.

Suddenly a thought came to her and she froze. For an entire week she had fretted over what she was going to do and what Levi might want. But she had never thought about the part where she had to go tell him. About breaking the news to him. Really she had been more worried about the fallout or learning, after she'd already told her captain about it, that there had been some mistake and she wasn't actually pregnant.

How had it slipped her mind?

More importantly, how was she going to tell him?

Just walk up to him with a Can we talk in private, sir? and start blabbering about trivial things like It's such a nice day today and The birds are singing so sweetly and How's your day been so far, Captain? before dropping the bomb on him with Oh, and by the way, Levi, you're going to become a proud papa! Or would you prefer the baby call you daddy? Petra slapped cheeks, letting out a frustrated groan.

Returning to her room, she threw herself across her bed. It was rather dramatic and something one of her theatrical roommates during her trainee years would do, but considering the circumstances, she thought it was justifiable.

A sob escaped her and tears began to roll down her cheeks. The raging hormones didn't help one bit. Soon her entire body began to shake. Not caring who heard—not that anyone was around to hear—she cried loudly. Minutes passed and the tears kept coming.

She continued to cry, clutching her pillow. There were no thoughts in her head. She just felt the urge to weep and cried and cried until finally, the need subsided. When she was done, her pillow was damp with salty tears and she wiped her sniffing nose with the sleeve of her jacket. She didn't think she had any more tears left in her.

Petra felt calmer after that. Physically, at least. It had been cathartic. Emotionally she was still in turmoil.

With a deep sigh, she sat up, ditching the pillow and finding her mother's quilt. Instantly she felt more soothed, wrapped in its comforting embrace. Next, she turned her thoughts to the situation at hand.

"Okay." Petra took a deep, calming breath. Let's try again and think this through. Be logical, she nodded to herself.

Did she want a baby? She wasn't sure. No? Maybe?

Did she even feel ready for a baby? Nope.

Was Levi? Probably less than her.

No. Petra shook her head. Forget about Levi. She had to think completely about herself right now. He'd get his chance later.

Did she want to continue being a soldier and serve the Survey Corps' purpose? Absolutely.

Would having this kid make it difficult for her to return to her life as a member of the Survey Corps? Physically, it was a maybe. She could do it, but she might not be able to return to her current peak level of conditioning and be an elite soldier. Emotionally was a maybe, too. Her father would love the baby and raise his grandchild while she and Levi continued their service but it was primarily their responsibility, wasn't it?

Military vs. motherhood. Which one?

She had worked so hard, put so much effort, years' worth of blood, sweat, and tears into getting to where she was. Now one decision was going to ruin everything if she let it. Then again, she had made the choice to stay with Levi that night even if she hadn't intended on getting knocked-up. There was no reason she couldn't have the kid and return to military service. Although it just wouldn't be as a member of the Levi Squad.

Petra felt divided.

The more she thought about it, the more indecisive she became.

For hours she wracked her brains until she finally made up her mind about making a decision.

Petra was sitting on the edge of the bed in the infirmary. The small table next to the bed was empty. A light, pleasant breeze came through the open window, making the white curtains dance. Outside the sun shone in the clear, vast sky.

Levi entered the private room and closed the door behind him. "I got your message. How are you feeling? What did the doctor say?"

Petra didn't correct his assumption her appointment had just ended. She had wanted to talk to him where they would have privacy and wouldn't be interrupted. Having spent the majority of the day hiding out in her room, she knew her teammates were bound to come check in on her now that their chores were done. Levi's office was out, too, in case someone needed to see him. And being caught sneaking out of his room by one of their teammates was also not an option. It would be too much of a headache to explain.

"The doctor said I'm healthy. I wanted to talk to you."

"Actually, I've been wanting to talk to you, too."

"You have?"

Levi pulled up a chair from the corner and sat before her. "It's about the expedition. I've given it some thought and I want to know what you think."

"About what?"

"About my decision not to move when that second Titan showed up. I thought what happened that night wouldn't skew my judgment but I think it has." Levi crossed his arms.

"What do you mean?" Petra asked curiously.

"I've been very conscious about not treating you better than the others. But honestly, it's turning into a fucking mess because I think that's now started to make me biased against you. I was trying so fucking hard not to give you any special treatment that I ended up acting unfairly towards you. And the whole thing is fucking with my head and it's a huge pain in the ass."

"We've got bigger problems than that."

"What do you—"

"I'm pregnant."


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