Midnight stars – Chapter 4

"He really doesn't mean any harm Bella, love" Edward said in his velvet voice. "I read his mind"

"I believe you, the rest aren't coming… are they?" I asked worry written on my face. "No, he assured us that they will make no attempt to come". I sighed. "Okay" I agreed not entirely convinced. "How about I distract you for awhile?" Edward asked a smile in his voice. I turned over to face him and smiled. "I could use a distraction right about now".

He leaned in and kissed me softly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and grabbed his hair and pushed myself closer to him. He traced kisses down my neck and to my jaw. I sighed and kissed him on the neck. He chuckled and I pulled away. Confusion was all over my face. "What?" I asked. "Nothing" he said. "Edward?" I asked wanting to know. "I was just thinking about when we first met and how you told me about your mother and Phil"

"Oh" was all I said. That memory was a little vague to me; I hadn't put much thought into it. "why would you be thinking about that?" I wondered still confused and not understanding how this tied into his quote "distraction".

"Well Bella, love it's the first time that we actually talked, it's the first time that I actually had to talk to somebody and that was when I began to feel protective of you. You were this fragile human girl, and you were so intriguing and I wanted to know more about you because I couldn't read your mind. Do you have any idea how terribly agonizing it was for me not being able to read your mind? It was terrible. That Isabella Swan was when I knew I loved you, and wanted to keep on trying to read you for the rest of your life. As to how this ties into my thought about you telling me about Phil… it was just something that I was thinking about"

"Oh…" was all I could really say. I knew that Edward loved me, and that we were meant to be together he was my true love and nothing would change that I was glad that I had chosen him but, sometimes my mind wondered into the what if's and the what would happen if…but that was far out of reach I was with Edward and Jacob was happy no matter how much I hated him having a hold on her before I even got to know her in the beginning.

Sometimes I wonder if I had chosen right and if not then how or what could I have done to fix this, and could I fix it? Could I honestly give up my daughter and could I give up Edward, and basically break his heart? Could I do it to be human again? I wonder, and think back to the dark, blurry vision I had when I kissed Jacob, and wonder would I have been better off?

The vision has been around swimming in my head for awhile, and it's gotten me thinking. The mural of me, Jacob, Charlie, Renee, Billy, and the wolf pack all mixed together down at La Push. Would that be the better path? Would that have been the better choice to make…and would that have made me happier? Could I do that if I had the chance I thought.