I really don't know where I was going with this. In all honesty I tried to fit too many fandoms into one fic and it failed. Epically. Horribly. Disgustingly. I'm cringing as I'm rereading it - it's that bad. I almost didn't post it, but I felt it had to be done. Please, slay the beast from the previous chapter with all your negative criticism. I'm begging you.

Enjoy?

Dipper and Mabel sat in the small security office, terrified. Flipping furiously through the third Journal, Dipper sat on a sofa in the back. In front of him, Mabel perched on a rolling office chair, gripping her grappling hook.

"Come on, come on!" Dipper muttered. "How can there not be anything on killer animatronics? Hasn't the Author ever been to Hoo-Ha Owl's?"

"Well maybe he was a little busy trying not to get killed!" Mabel answered, aiming her grappling hook at the left-hand door as footsteps pounded down the hallway. A kid with a big head and a black trench coat skidded into the room, slamming his fist on a button in the wall and closing the door. Something outside pounded at the metal.

Dib shook his fist at it. "Go away you stupid fox! We don't want your Girl Scout cookies!"

"Yeah!" Mabel put in, then turned and shrieked, firing her grappling hook at the right door button to shut out the chicken that had appeared.

"Okay," Dipper rambled. "Okay, we're trapped in a pizza place and the friendly singing animals want to murder us. Just another normal day, ha ha… Man I hope we don't die."

"Not helping, Dipper!" Mabel said, keeping an eye on the chicken - or was it a duck? Dib stretched on his toes and nabbed a tablet from the desk, causing an avalanche of loose paper in the process.

"Not good," the scythe-haired kid warned. "It's three a.m. and we're already at 50 percent power."

"What's that supposed to-"

Mabel cut off her question and fearfully looked at the ceiling. "Do you guys hear that?" she whispered.

The three kids fell into silence, listening to a soft thumping sound as something crawled through the vents. Dipper had the calm notion that maybe he should move out from under the grate. It creaked, and the boy dove out of the way, clutching the Journal, as the grate burst open and something large and white fell onto the couch. The trio watched it warily.

"It's just a teenager," Dib whispered. "Wearing a white suit… that's weird."

"Really? We might die in discount Chuck E. Cheese's and that's weird?" Dipper hissed.

On the sofa, the white-clad teen groaned and sat up, clutching his head. He cursed in another language and glanced around the room. In the center were three kids, watching him: two boys and a girl in a swivel chair, aiming a grappling hook at him. He raised his hands in a peaceful gesture. The girl gasped, lowering the grappling hook and staring at him as if he'd grown another head. He glanced at his right hand and cursed again. Blood stained the white glove.

"He's hurt!" Mabel cried, jumping down and rummaging through the desk drawers. She tugged a first-aid kit out of one and, before Dipper could stop her, climbed onto the couch where the teen was sitting. "I'm Mabel," she smiled.

The teen blinked at her. "Kaito," he replied. Her grin widened and she opened the first-aid kit, grabbing a sterile wipe and dabbing at the blood running down Kaito's face. He winced as she cleaned the cut, alcohol stinging, but sat still.

"That's better," she said cheerfully. She dug around in the kit again, frowning at the lack of kitten-studded band-aids, and pulled out a roll of gauze. She began to chatter as she wrapped it around Kaito's head.

"I guess it's pretty weird for some really nicely dressed guy to fall out of a vent in a creepy pizza place, but hey - this lil' town isn't far from Gravity Falls so like, I'm not surprised or anything. We've seen a lot weirder. Like that one time Dipper felt his manliness being challenged so he went and spent like four hours with some manotaurs but ended up just coming back with a new friend to sing Disco Girl by sensational Icelandic pop group BABBA…"

Dib's head bobbed up from the tablet. "Wait, what?"

"Yeah," Mabel continued, ignoring her twin's embarrassed protests. "They totally wanted him to go out and kill the Multibear but it turns out that all the manotaurs just really hate BABBA. It makes them feel like going to prom."

"Did you say… manotaurs? Don't you mean minotaurs?"

"No, trust me, these guys smelled like a bachelor pad and a biker gang had a macho luchador baby."

Mabel pinned the gauze in place, stuck on a sticker with a star that grinned from behind the glittery words "TOTALLY RAD!", and jumped off the couch to admire her work. The oddly-well-dressed teen caught her infectious smile.

"Thank you," he said, placing a hand over his heart and bowing slightly.

Mabel's grin widened at his Japanese accent. "Oh, a foreigner! How exotic!" she gushed. Dipper scowled from the right door, slamming it shut in the bear's face with barely a glance.

"Mabel, not is not the time to go boy-crazy. We're fighting for our lives!"

"Psshhhhh, don't be silly. I'm not being boy-crazy, I'm just appreciating culture!"

Dipper's reply, which probably would have sounded much more witty and scathing in his head, never made it past his lips as a scream took over. The rabbit had breached the office.

oOo

Kaito cursed his luck. First he had to make a reputation-damaging escape from the police because of that stupid pint-sized detective, then he had to squirm away from the evil chicken (duck?) that definitely wanted to eat him, and now he was stuck in a very small office space with very loud children and a very much murderous purple bunny rabbit.

He was about to pull a last-minute smoky getaway with the kids when the girl, Mabel, screamed what Kaito assumed to be the words "GRAPPLING HOOK!". Mainly because that was what she used to punch a hole in the rabbit's chest and bring flying into the closed door behind her. Kaito was impressed.

In the surprised pause that followed, the thief grabbed the big-headed kid and chucked him up into the vent above the couch. He went back for Mabel's twin, lifting him under his arms.

"Wait! Mabel!" the boy cried.

Kaito threw him bodily into the vent. "Right behind you!" he said. "Go to the door!"

Of course now all the English I learned is reduced from "head towards the entrance" to "go to the door", the thief thought dryly. Mabel finally dislodged her grappling hook, squeaking in surprise when Kaito scooped her up and tossed her into the vent. He climbed up after her, halfway there when a mechanical hand gripped his leg. He cried out, gloved hands slipping on the metal of the air duct as he scrabbled for a grip. Mabel, turning sharply, lunged and grasped his arm, Dipper gripping her leg, and Dib holding on desperately to the other boy's shoes. Kaito, still slipping, felt incredibly calm.

He looked at Mabel, made eye contact. "Gomen-nasai," he said, and flicked his wrist clear of her hand.

"No! Wait! No!" Mabel screamed, scrambling to the lip of the air duct and peering into the security office.

Kaito had landed on the couch, face to face with Freddy Fazbear, being dragged by the ankle. The big brown bear hinged open its maw, wide-eyed. Kaito saw his chance and whipped out his card gun, firing an ace of spades directly into the mech's circuitry. The thief zoomed back up into the vent and practically shoved the kids all the way to the front entrance, sending them sliding down a duct and tumbling into the night air through a grate hidden by badly-trimmed square hedges. The foursome sat in mulch in a dazed huddle, watching angry, sparking animatronics pounding on the locked front doors.

They made it. They survived.

Kaito sighed in relief, leaning on the rough wall of the pizzeria. He fished a ruby out of his pocket, amazed it was still there, and held it up to the moon. No dice - it wasn't Pandora. He shrugged, letting his hand drop, and wondered how he would get rid of the gem this time. Then he noticed three eager faces staring at him. Kaitou Kid grinned.

oOo

"Whaddaya mean 'he gave it to you'?!" Grunkle Stan exclaimed, gawking at the giant red ruby that his great-niece had just given to the police.

"I mean he gave it to me," Mabel replied for the thousandth time, tracing her finger along the edge of a queen of hearts card. Stan just shook his head. Pity she'd turned it in, they could've made some serious cash off that sucker. Ah well, at least her heart was in the right place.

Meanwhile, Inspector Nakamori scratched his head in front of the Fazbear stage. The star of the establishment, Freddy, had on a white silk top hat with a blue satin ribbon and a monocle to match. The hat was a bit bloodstained, and just a few minutes after the police arrived - with Nakamori's daughter and her childhood friend in tow - Kid had somehow taped a note to the bear's chest. The Inspector leaned in to reread the message. No heist plan, no surrender. Just these strange words:

Don't feed them after midnight.

And so ends the monstrosity. Ta dah. I did it. Yay me. Anywho, you know how it goes: roast the first one, crit the second, and if you somehow want more of a certain story, just PM me. Sickos.