Hey all, after a fun day of making lolly representations of the female reproductive system, I decided to sit down and knuckle out the rest of this chapter. To be honest, I have so many half chapters written I just never seem to know how to end them!

Also just a warning for the following chapter. I went back in time a little back to show a little of the history between College!Sydrian, so I decided to write out a scene previously mentioned that Sydney and Adrian never talk about again. But yeah, if you can't handle the mere mention of self-harm I suggest you read with caution. But other than that, not really much to say.

Richelle Mead, you are fabulous.


January 2010


"Hey roomie, what's crack-a-lackin?" Jill announced as she burst through the door to our room, suitcase in tow behind her.

The winter holidays were drawing to a close. The halls had been filled with more and more voices every day. How would I know? My family is just in shambles. After my parent's divorced two years ago, things had been strained especially around holiday time. I resolved it by spending equal little time at both places, even if it did mean jet-setting across the states. Dad had moved back to Chicago so I visited him there for Thanksgiving and then my mother in Utah just for Christmas day, preferring maximum time listening to the quiet halls of my dorm accommodation at Carlton with a good book and coffee in hand.

I looked up from one of the old Christopher Pike mysteries I was reading and then to my watch. "You're here late. I thought you and Adrian were catching an earlier flight?"

Jill shrugged. "He bailed and left pretty much just before New Year's. I thought you would have seen him around here or at least received a text from him."

I shook my head. "I haven't heard a whisper from my phone since you all sent me drunken New Year's messages except for Adrian."

Jill frowned and started to pull out her bag's contents, sorting dirty from clean; jewellery from cosmetics. "I'll go check on him later. I'm sure he can't be up to too much but just in case. Aunt Daniella wouldn't want him to get in any trouble or anything…" she muttered as she busied herself in her sorting.

I marked my place in the novel I was reading and got up off my bed, placing the book on a never-ending stack on my night-stand. "I'll go over and see him now. You've got stuff to do I'm sure," I said, opening my cupboard to find a cardigan to go over my tank top and jeans. I shuffled into a pair of flats and grabbed my phone and keys.

"I won't be long," I called to Jill as I shut the dorm door behind me. I dodged the bodies through the hall and clogging the stairs, finally making it out into the cool evening that was the balm to the heat here in Palm Springs. A cool breeze caught my hair reminding me that I hadn't brushed it today but I shrugged off the thought. It was only Adrian I was going to see and I certainly wasn't out to impress any of the other boys at the fraternity.

I walked across the street, following the familiar path that I'd walked over fifty times to Adrian's dorm. I didn't even bother knocking as the door to the house was wide open and I made my way up to the dorm rooms. I averted my eyes once or twice from the men that wandered the halls in limited clothing and caught the curious gazes of others as I passed by. I rolled my eyes and came flew up the last flight of stairs to Adrian's room.

I knocked on the door softly at first, raising the noise to a bang after no answer a few minutes later. Was he angry at me for some reason? He'd seemed as fine as he could be before he left for the holidays. Adrian had never been exactly in the right mental state, but he had been getting better. Maybe seeing his Dad had set him down the wrong track again. I wasn't the only one with family issues in our small group of friends.

I gave the doorknob a twist and surprisingly it opened. I peered inside to find Adrian's usual mess inside but without him in sight. I moved into the room, shutting the door behind me.

"Adrian?" I called out but there was no answer. I looked over his belongings, dropping my keys and phone on top of his set of drawers. The canvas on the easel was a mess of wet paints mixed together with what looked like to be Adrian's hands, leaving two distinct prints as he pulled his hands out of the wet acrylics. Papers covered in scribbles and faceless characters littered the floor as well as clothes and his bed-spread that had been pulled off his bed along with most of his sheets.

I twitched at the urge to sort his clutter out, but the mess bugged me in more ways than one. Adrian usually never left his sketches out in the open, preferring to keep them in pastel folders according to month (something that I had not insisted on him doing believe it or not), and he most certainly never left his paint tubes open. I turned around at the sound of a splash from the bathroom.

"Adrian?!" I shouted, banging on the ensuite door, "Adrian, just answer me please! Are you okay?"

I pressed my ear to the door, the sound of silence the only thing to hear once more. I sighed and knocked again.

"Adrian, are you decent? I need to know if you're okay," I insisted. There was still no answer so I decided to take matters into my own hands, hoping to God he was dressed. I knew Adrian was a looker, but I don't think I could deal with seeing him in his birthday suit. I opened the door and gasped.

He was just sitting there in the bath fully clothed, staring at the tiled bathroom wall. He didn't even look up when I hurried over, nearly slipping on the towel at the base of the bath.

"Adrian, what's going on? Speak to me!" I snapped my fingers in front of his face but he merely blinked and kept staring straight ahead. He was practically catatonic, sitting there in a bath full of cold water. I started to panic. How long had he been here? What went wrong for him to shrink back into himself so far that he wouldn't talk to me?

I needed his attention and I needed it fast. I slipped off my shoes and the cardigan I had donned only half an hour before and stepped into the bath, straddling his thighs. I cupped his cheeks and whispered his name a few more times before giving up. I was soaked and felt powerless, powerless to help one of my best friends who I hadn't even known had needed me or any help for that matter. It just made me feel so guilty and empty on the inside to see such a bright person become like this.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and settled my head in the crook of his neck. "Come back to me Adrian, please. You can't do this to me, or Jill or anyone. We all care about you. You should have come to me! Please, please answer me!"

The tears came soon after a few more pleads, running both down my skin and his. I sat up and suddenly became frustrated. "Adrian, dammit, come back to me! No one makes me cry except for my family and- I hate that! Did you hear that Adrian? God damn it just answer me, for shits sake!" My own damn burst and I slapped him across the cheek in my anger.

His eyes focused in on mine at last. "Sage?" he whispered hoarsely, and with that my anger at him evaporated.

"Oh my god Adrian, I'm so sorry I hit you! You weren't answering me and I'm so worried about you. Just talk to me please," I begged him, my hand stroking his cheek. Finally, at last, he was coming back to me; he leaned into my touch but moved nothing else.

"Sage, I… I just…can't. He said I wasn't worth anything. You…you should go," he said softly.

"Who said that? Your dad? Adrian, you're worth all the love and attention you get from anybody! You're not worthless."

"Syd-" he choked.

"No, you listen! You mean the world to me; to Jill! I'm sure your mother would say the same!" I rambled, holding his face. I refused to let him sink back to his speechless state. "And it hurts, Adrian. It hurts so much to see you this way. Why didn't you just come to me? You know I care even if I don't tell you!"

He opened his mouth and then closed it again, looking dumbfounded. I could practically see his mind trying to process everything; between what had happened that had made him withdraw so far into himself, slipping back into depression, and me, the girl who never really spoke of her emotions and feelings, just assaulting him with them. I'd never cried in front of anyone but my mother before but I knew Adrian probably wouldn't hold it to me. I looked up at him but he wasn't meeting my gaze. He was looking down at his left which was submerged in the bath tub. He was holding something but I couldn't see exactly what it was.

"Adrian, what are you holding?" I whispered. He looked back up at me and sighed.

"Sydney, I couldn't do it. I swear I didn't want to but I was a mess. I tried to figure it out but I couldn't…" he trailed off and raised his left hand from the water, silver glinting in between his fingers.

I went to snatch the razor off him but he held onto it tight like it was his lifeline. I grabbed his wrist with one hand and tried to pry it from his fingers with the other hand without cutting myself in the process.

"Adrian! Let it go! Please! " I cried. He didn't speak, only just watched me with a conflicted look on his face. It eventually slipped from between his fingers and I threw it towards the vanity, landing on the bench-top somewhere. I threw my arms around Adrian neck and latched myself to him.

"What were you thinking?" I whispered, my unsteady breaths betraying my will to be the strong one of the two of us. He didn't reply but after a few minutes, he wrapped his arms around my waist and laid his forehead against my shoulder.

He took a shaky breath. "I thought it would make me feel," he eventually whispered back.

I leaned back and took his head in my hands, his arms still around my waist. "Adrian, don't you ever think like that again. Next time you feel yourself going numb, you come to me. When have I ever given you any doubt that I won't listen and take care of you? You're my best friend; I'd do anything to keep you feeling." I pressed a kiss to his forehead and he sighed.

"Come on; let's get you out of here," I said, taking his hand and getting out of the bath. He obediently followed, dragging on my arm but following nonetheless. I stopped at his wardrobe, pulling out a pair of sweats, shirt and boxers. I dropped his hand to let him take the clothes.

"I refuse to let you back in that bathroom so you get changed over there and I'll be back in a moment," I said, pointing to the other side of his room by his bed. I grabbed a jersey out of his draws and headed for the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" he asked huskily.

"Getting changed. I'm not leaving you here tonight by yourself and I'm not sleeping in my wet jeans," I said back, "Now get changed before I get out and force those dry clothes on you."

I shut the bathroom door behind me, stripping quickly and slipping the jersey on, the hem reaching nearly to my knees. My underwear was damp but the warm jersey made up for the slight cool that they brought to my body. My eyes fell to the razor that sat by the hot tap where I had thrown it before. A shudder ran through my body as I picked it up delicately and dropped it into the small bin by the door.

I wouldn't question him anymore about what had set him off tonight, but I certainly was set on eventually finding out. Adrian, as much as a trouble maker he could be, didn't deserve this. He was a good person with a kind heart once you cracked his outer shell. I scowled and hung my clothes over the railing of the shower curtain, hoping they'd be dry for the morning walk back to my dorm. I couldn't even begin to describe the look on Jill's face if she saw me walking in with Adrian's clothes on.

There was a knock on the bathroom door and I snapped back from my trail of thought. I opened the door to find Adrian standing only inches away from me. There was silence between us. He wouldn't meet my eyes but my hand found his regardless, his gaze shifting to the movement. I led him over to his bed, shifting some papers to the bedside table and nudging him forward to sit on the mattress. I retrieved his bed spread from floor and motioned for him to lie down.

"Sydney, you take the bed. The couch is comfy enough for me," he murmured. He went get up but I put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. Usually he would have pushed me off but he didn't have the effort to.

"No you take the bed. I'm shorter than you anyway; I'll be fine. You just get a good night's rest," I said soothingly. I nudged his legs towards the bed and he reluctantly pulled them under the doona and laid his head back on the pillows. He looked over at me and patted the bed beside him.

"Don't bother. It's the bed or nothing, regardless of whether I'm in it or not," he said, a ghost of a smile on his face. I smiled rolled my eyes. That was the Adrian I knew; the one who put me first, usually making some smart remark at my expense at the same time.

"Fine, just let me text Jill to tell her you're okay and that I'm staying over first," I said, going over to find my phone where I had put it down an hour or so earlier.

"Sydney, please don't tell her what happened. Not yet," Adrian said in a hushed voice. I simply nodded and sent off the text. I flipped off the lights on my way back and slipped under the covers beside him in the double bed.

"I hope you'll tell her eventually," I said, sliding my hands under the cool pillow, my face turned towards his, "You need all the support you can get."

He swallowed and nodded. I'd never seen him look so vulnerable ever. "I will. I'm sorry Sage. You shouldn't have to deal with me like this. I just lost control for a while."

I covered one of his hands with own under the covers. "We're best friends Adrian. I'll be here for you no matter what. I'm glad I was here. You weren't thinking straight."

He smiled. "Thanks for grounding me Sage. I'll always be here for you too. You know, if you ever freak out over a straight A instead of an A+ or something."

I chuckled. "You should get some sleep. Tomorrow's a new day and we can talk about everything then."

He nodded and curled his fingers through mine under the covers. "Don't leave me please," he said quietly, shutting his eyes.

"Wouldn't dream of it," I whispered back as I watched him nod off to sleep.


Hurr I love you all. You leave me nice reviews so thank you so much. I may just write you all something smutty now just to balance this chapter out. Who knows?

Until next time my lovelies.

Bowvs. x