Thank you so much to everyone who continues to read and review! Knowing others are enjoying this gives me such encouragement!
The cab ride to the hotel began in awkward silence, so the Doctor was relieved when Jackie took up the slack and began chattering away to him about their life here. She mainly focused on telling him about the newest member of the Tyler family, little Tony. This unfortunately led to her going into a detailed account of giving birth.
The Doctor had already gone through quite a bit that day – a day which technically spanned two lifetimes. He'd faced down the Master and even Rassilon himself, been poisoned by radiation, said final goodbyes to his beloved friends, experienced the pain of dying, became a new man — yet at the same time remained the same, had to face Davros and the Daleks yet again, and then realized the harsh reality that this brilliant, new life he'd envisioned having with Rose might not come so easily. So the last thing he needed to top-off this day was a graphic account of Jackie Tyler giving birth!
Fortunately for him, they arrived at the hotel before she could finish giving all of the gory details. As Jackie continued on, oblivious (or maybe not so oblivious) to his growing discomfort and began to mention forceps, he practically fell out of the cab in his haste to exit.
Rose would have found it amusing, but she was too preoccupied with her own churning thoughts to notice. They entered the hotel with Rose lagging behind. She had nothing but bad memories of this place. Pete had already called ahead and made reservations, so Jackie went to sign-in and get their keys. The Doctor kept glancing over at Rose who appeared to be avoiding eye-contact as she absentmindedly fumbled with the zipper on her jacket.
Jackie came back over to them with the keys and gave one to the Doctor. Jackie was about to ask Rose which room she wanted to stay in, hers or the Doctor's, when Rose reached for the other key and made the answer clear.
They were all feeling knackered, and Jackie suggested they order room service rather than eat in the dining room. They made their way up to their rooms which were across the hall from each other, and Rose quickly retreated into the one she would be sharing with her mum without saying another word to the Doctor.
Jackie sighed and turned to him. "This is gonna be hard for her, and she's been through so much already. Just give her some time." The Doctor just nodded, his shoulders slumped in defeat, and headed for his own room.
Jackie stepped into the other room and looked over to where Rose was standing by the window gazing out at the gray, dismal landscape.
"Do you want to talk about it, sweetheart?" she asked gently.
Rose turned towards her with red, swollen eyes. "He left me, Mum," she said, her voice breaking. Her words were an echo of those spoken on that Christmas Eve after her Ninth Doctor had regenerated. The pain of feeling like she had lost the Doctor was something she seemed to be forced to relive over and over again.
Jackie crossed the room to her and ran her hands up and down Rose's arms in a soothing manner. "I know the other Doctor did, but this one is still here. It's not fair to blame him for what the other's done," she reasoned.
"But he's the same man, Mum," Rose tried to explain.
"That's right, sweetheart," she said encouragingly. "He's the same in all the ways that matter most."
Rose shook her head. "No, you don't understand. He's literally the same man. He explained it to me back on the beach. The Doctor that left today, he went on traveling until something happened and he was about to die. Then as he was regenerating, he was somehow able to go back and become this Doctor."
Jackie puzzled over that for a long moment, not fully grasping it but finally latching onto the most important detail. "So he really is the same then?"
"Yes," Rose replied, relieved that Jackie seemed to be getting it and could understand how she was feeling.
Jackie brightened. "Well that makes everything alright then, doesn't it? I mean, now you don't have to feel torn between the two of 'em, Right?"
Rose exhaled deeply. "It makes it alright in that sense, yes. And I'd feel happy about that except for the fact that it also means he's the same man who turned his back on me and left."
"But he's here now," Jackie pointed out.
"Yeah, now. But for how long? He keeps leaving me, Mum. It just seems to be what he does." She shrugged her shoulders in defeat. "How long before he does it again? I can't keep going through this."
Jackie reached up and stroked her hair. "I've seen the way he looks at you, Rose. And it's obvious what it was he whispered to you earlier back on that beach. He couldn't say it before, but he could now. That means he's changed. I don't think this is a man who's gonna leave you. Not again."
"But you can't know that," Rose said wearily.
"There are no guarantees in life, sweetheart. But if you two are gonna have a future together, you'll have to trust him."
A knock sounded at the door and Jackie went to answer it. It was room service with the food that had been ordered. Jackie got everything set up and encouraged Rose to come eat something.
"I'm not hungry, Mum," she said tiredly. "I've crossed so many parallel worlds in the past few days that I've lost count, and I haven't even changed clothes for two days. More than anything right now I just want a hot bath."
Jackie smiled sympathetically. "Go on then, sweetheart. You'll feel better afterwards."
Rose went into the bathroom and began filling the tub as she peeled off her clothes. She realized she didn't even have anything to change into and would have to put the same thing back on, but at least she'd be clean underneath. She stepped into the tub and sank down into the hot water, hoping she could relax and clear her thoughts enough to start making some sense of this situation.
She had spent nearly three years trying to get back to the Doctor. She fought through so many setbacks and disappointments along the way, and now that she had finally found him again, things weren't exactly turning out the way she had expected.
She felt so confused. Even though there were two versions of the Doctor now, this human/Time Lord Doctor was still the same man. Okay, she was starting to grasp that. And her mum was right, that eased the pain of making her feel like she had to choose between the two. She didn't have to feel like half of her heart was still out there somewhere. Though in a way, she still felt like that, which only added to her confusion. But according to what the Doctor told her, the man she was now missing would come back to her in a year's time, which for her was today.
Rose rubbed her forehead as it began to throb from just trying to make sense of that. Oh, the Doctor was right — this could give a person such a headache! She took a deep breath, held it, and submerged herself underwater hoping to drown out the confusion of it all. She came back up for air and began trying to work through the other jumbled emotions she was feeling.
She was hurt. Even if one Doctor stayed, how could the other walk away if they were both the same man and felt the same way towards her? Oh, she knew the reasons the Doctor had given, but that just made her fear all the more that he could one day leave her again.
He runs. That's what he does. That's who he is. Could he really settle for this life now? But still, he had said the words. Those words she had only ever dreamt of hearing. Unfortunately, it came only seconds before he (at least one version of him) walked away and left her. But she knew her mum was right — if they were going to have a chance at a future, she was going to have to trust him when he said that he was now here to stay.
She trusted the Doctor with her life. Could she trust him with her heart? Rose realized she didn't have a choice because her heart unquestionably belonged to him. As confusing or hurtful or infuriating as he could sometimes be, she was completely and hopelessly in love with him. And deep in her heart she knew he was worth it. Despite everything she'd been through, he was worth it all.
She had missed him so much during their separation that there wasn't a day that went by where she didn't feel a physical ache from that. She had longed to see him, be with him, and just hear his voice again. Even if he could never reciprocate the declaration of love she had spoken when they said their goodbye, she was willing to give up everything just to be with him again. Now it seemed they could have the kind of life together she had only ever dreamt of.
They were still going to have some issues to work through — that much was certain. But she was starting to believe that maybe they could make this work. She was also staring to wish she hadn't left him alone once they'd gotten here. There was so much they still needed to talk about. But more than anything, she just wanted, needed to be with him. She needed to assure herself that he was really here with her. They had spent so long apart separated by two universes, and now that they were finally together, she had put distance between them.
Rose quickly got out of the tub, changed back into her black trousers and dark pink shirt, and began drying her hair. She might still be confused and still be hurt, but in spite of all that one thing was certain: she still loved him.
-:-:-:-
The Doctor wandered around his room absentmindedly taking in his surroundings. The hotel wasn't posh by any standards, but he'd certainly stayed in worse in his time. He thought about what it must have been like for Rose the first time she stayed here after making the journey to say goodbye to him. This wasn't the way he was hoping it would be the second time around. So many times he had thought about the life Rose and his duplicate were having together and had envied his other self. This certainly wasn't the storybook beginning he had pictured them having together as he sat in this room alone with Rose not even speaking to him.
He was still somewhat in a state of disbelief that all this had really happened. Part of him wanted to throw open the window and shout to the world that he was alive! But he doubted many others would share his enthusiasm or be able to grasp the significance of what had happened to him. And his enthusiasm was somewhat dampened by Rose's current feelings.
He sighed deeply as he sat down on the bed and began emptying his pockets. Fortunately, he kept a spare sonic screwdriver, pair of brainy specs, and psychic paper in each suit. He removed the chunk of TARDIS coral and held it reverently in his hands. He was acutely aware of the loss of the TARDIS — almost like a physical ache. But he had been without Rose, and he'd been without his ship; and if he had to choose, he would take Rose. And he wouldn't be without his ship forever. It would take a few years, but one day they would have the TARDIS again. That is, if Rose still wanted to travel with him. At the moment he wasn't even sure.
As he shrugged off his suit jacket, he discovered, much to his horror, that this new, part human body apparently had body odor. Well wasn't that wizard! As the expression flew into his head he realized he was going to have to tame those little bits of Donna in him. He already had a reputation for being a bit rude at times, and with Donna's lip thrown in he might find himself in danger of being slapped on a more frequent basis. He gave himself a once-over with the sonic to take care of his odor issue. He always preferred sonic showers to the water version anyway. Much more efficient.
He then began cataloging the differences this new body had. With the exception of the one heart, he felt very much the same. His mental capacity hadn't diminished. Still a genius, no change there. And all of his heightened Time Lord senses seemed to be intact, although perhaps distracted by these new human sensations. Even though he still felt the same emotionally, his emotions seemed a bit harder to restrain, bubbling just that little bit closer to the surface. And he feared his hormones might be a bit more difficult to control. Although, would that be such a bad thing? It all depended on Rose and how things progressed with their relationship. At the moment, his hormones were just going to have to take a back seat.
He came to the conclusion that he was about one-quarter human, the rest still Time Lord. And although he would grow old and no longer regenerate, he felt content with that idea. He once said that some people live more in twenty years than others do in eighty. It's not the time that matters, it's the person. No matter how comparatively brief his lifespan may now be, he intended to live each day to the fullest. No more regrets. And whenever he did reach the end of his life, he knew this time he wouldn't be alone. That gave him more peace than the thought of centuries of solitude ever had.
But first and foremost for him, he needed to make things right with Rose. He knew he was going to hurt her when he walked away the last time. He supposed it was only fitting that he was now the one who had to deal with the consequences and try to rectify the situation. How could he make her see that even though he had left, he desperately wanted to stay? And now that he was here, he wasn't planning to ever leave her again — not if he had anything to say about it.
As he pondered those thoughts, he heard a soft knock at the door. He stood up and crossed the room, half expecting it to be Jackie and not wanting to get his hopes too high that it would be Rose. As he opened the door, relief washed over his face to see that it was indeed Rose.
"Rose," he greeted in surprise.
"Hi," she said almost timidly as she worried her bottom lip between her teeth.
They stood there for a moment in awkward silence, the Doctor with a goofy, wide-eyed expression on his face, then he finally snapped to his senses and stepped aside to invite her in.
He cleared his throat. "Come in," he said brightly as he gestured into the room with a sweeping motion of his hand.
She hesitated for just a second, then stepped through the door into his room. He closed the door behind her as she turned to face him.
"So..."
"So...," they both spoke in unison. Rose chuckled nervously and shifted back and forth on her feet.
The Doctor came closer and lightly touched her arm. "Why don't we sit?" he suggested as he gestured to one of the beds. Rose nodded as they sat down together.
Rose let out a deep breath. "I suppose we still have a lot to talk about, to say the least," she said as she gazed down at her hands folded in her lap.
The Doctor reached over and covered her hands with his own. "Rose, I know I hurt you, and I'm sorry," he said gently. "And if I have to spend the rest of this life making it up to you, I will."
Rose lifted her head to look at him. "I just don't want to spend my life wondering when you're gonna leave me again," she admitted.
"That's not going to happen," he assured her. "I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere — at least not without you."
Rose didn't reply as she dropped her eyes once more.
"You don't believe me, do you?" he asked softly.
She took a deep breath. "I want to believe you. I mean, yeah, you're here now. But you didn't have a choice this time. Your 'other' self made the decision for you. But when the decision had been up to you, you chose to leave."
"But that wasn't the choice I wanted to make," he insisted. "And I knew I wasn't leaving you alone. I was leaving you with myself. And I'm sorry I had to walk away and leave so quickly the way I did. Those were the hardest steps I ever had to take." He glanced away as he spoke softly. "But I thought it was better that way."
"It made me feel like you didn't even care," she stated quietly.
"I'm sorry," he said, his voice and his eyes remorseful. "I never wanted you to feel that way. Never. But the walls between universes were closing and there just wasn't time. I couldn't risk—"
"Being trapped here with me?" she interrupted.
He sighed. "That was the tempting part. But I couldn't risk trapping Donna here away from her family." Then a look of sadness crossed his face. "And I needed to act quickly if I was going to save her."
"What'd you mean?"
He ran a hand down his face and paused a moment before he replied. Even with Donna now happy and having a fantastic life, the memory of what he had to do was still painful. "The metacrisis was affecting her mind. She couldn't handle that for very long. A human with a Time Lord brain just couldn't be." Rose looked concerned, thinking what that might mean for him, but he went on to explain. "It's different for me — this me. I'm a Time Lord with a bit of human thrown in. But she was human with just a bit of Time Lord, and her mind couldn't handle it. All of that knowledge was killing her. So I had to take those memories from her, including the ones she had of me."
"You had to erase her memories of being with you?" Rose asked in alarm.
He nodded. "Yes. It was the only way."
"I'm sorry," she said softly.
Rose sat there for a minute processing this. "So, the other you is out there alone right now."
"I brought Donna back to her family and had to travel on alone," he admitted, remembering the anguish he felt at the time, being completely alone and having no one.
"Did you know that was gonna happen to her before you left here?" she asked.
He took a deep breath. "Yes."
Rose stood up and ran a hand through her hair in anxiety. "So you lied to me," she said, becoming more upset. "'Oh, I'm fine. I've got Madame'. Does that ring a bell? Why did you say that knowing you would be alone?" she asked.
The Doctor stood up beside her. "Because I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to have a fantastic life and not worry about me."
"Even if it meant lying to me?" she replied in exasperation.
Rose turned away and walked over to the window gazing out blankly for a moment, then turned back towards him. "Have you ever once spoken the truth to me?" she asked dejectedly, her words and her eyes filled with pain.
The Doctor couldn't blame Rose for feeling that way. But there was one thing he wanted to be certain she had no doubts about.
He crossed the room and took her hand in his. "Yes," he said with conviction as his eyes gazed intently into hers. "When I whispered those words to you today on the beach."
She searched his face and could see the bare honesty and the truth of his words as her eyes began to fill with tears. He reached out and pulled her into an embrace. "I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair. "I'm rubbish at this, I know. But I want to try to make things right from now on. Will you give me that chance?"
Rose pulled back a fraction and looked into his eyes. Whatever happened in the past, whatever mistakes he had made, she wanted to try to move past that. He was here now. They were finally, miraculously together again after being apart for so long.
Rose nodded slightly. "Yeah," she breathed. "I think I can do that." There was so much more she wanted to say, but that was all she could manage at the moment.
Tears rolled down her cheeks and a slight sob escaped her lips as she wrapped her arms back around him and hugged him tight, breathing in his scent and wanting to shut out everything else and simply lose herself in the feel of his strong arms securely around her. For so long she had ached for the feel of being in his arms again. "I missed you," she whispered, her voice shuddering. "I missed you so much!"
"I know," he whispered back. "I missed you, too. Oh, you have no idea. But I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere this time. I promise."
After several moments, they slowly withdrew from each other's embrace, and then it seemed neither one knew quite what to do next. There was an almost tangible energy cracking in the air between them. Their relationship had progressed in this single day by leaps and bounds beyond what it used to be. But the long-awaited revelation of the Doctor's feelings for Rose had suddenly put them in unfamiliar territory to their former "friends only" relationship.
