Chapter 4
Santana was completely shocked at how welcoming Susan and David Pierce were when she walked out to her parents' patio for the barbeque. Both of them gave her the kind of hug where you hang on because you've missed the person so much. She didn't want the hugs to end either because she had missed them both. Just as much as Brittany was like a second daughter to Santana's parents, Santana was also like a second daughter to the Pierces.
Susan had tears in eyes as her hug with Santana ended. She told Santana she was so happy she was healthy. Santana felt a lump in her throat and felt tears sting her eyes but she managed to hold the tears back.
It was amazing how it was almost like the two families hadn't been separated for twenty years. The barbeque was just like ones they used to have back in Lima during the summers. There was the added bonus of Emilia and her five year cute comments. As Santana watched Emilia interact with Brittany, the Pierces, and the Lopez's it was clear to her just how much the little girl was like Brittany. She was happy and loved everyone. Emilia had only met Carlos and Maribel a couple of days ago and she was already comfortable with them. She was definitely Brittany's daughter. Santana couldn't help but think that they would've had family gatherings like this all of time if Brittany and she had gotten married and had kids.
After they ate Brittany sat with Emilia on her lap at the patio table with her parents and the Lopez's talking and enjoying iced tea and lemonade. Santana's parents had never told her but she had suspected they had kept in touch with the Pierce's over the past twenty years. It was confirmed when Brittany told her that Pierces knew all about Santana's leukemia when she asked them why Santana had left her. They even knew about her bone marrow transplant and that she was very close to dying. Santana shuttered thinking back to that time because she really thought she was going to die without ever seeing Brittany again.
Santana was relaxing in a lounge chair by the pool thinking about what Brittany saying that it would be best for everyone if she wasn't Emilia's doctor. She knew Brittany was right because she was too emotional involved already. Santana knew which doctor she would ask take over Emilia's treatment. Dr. James Prescott. He was one of the best and she would trust him with her own life as well as the life of her child if she had one. She knew that he was a perfect fit with Brittany and Emilia too.
Santana had closed her eyes but opened when she felt someone standing by her chair staring at her. It was Emilia. "Hey Em, you have having fun?"
The little nodded her head yes but her face didn't look like she was too happy. "Dr. Pez, I don't feel so good."
Santana patted the space beside on the lounge chair inviting Emilia to sit down. She immediately felt of her head which wasn't hot. "Where don't you feel good Em?"
"I just tired." She said in whiney voice.
"Where's your mommy?"
"She was getting a grain headache so she is in the house laying on the couch."
It took Santana a minute to understand that Emilia meant Brittany had a migraine headache. Brittany started getting them when they were teenagers and it was usually each month right before her period.
Santana got up from the chair and took Emilia's hand walking to the patio. "Susan, Emilia's not feeling well. I think she's just overtired. She doesn't have a fever. She said Brittany is laying down with a migraine?"
"Yes, it came on all of the sudden like it does while were sitting here so she took her medication and went into to lie down."
"Emilia should take a nap so do you want to take her inside and have her lie down on the other couch?" Santana didn't know what to do because she didn't feel quite comfortable taking Emilia in the house for nap. She didn't know what the boundaries were when it came to Emilia.
"I want Dr. Pez to take me for a nap." Emilia whined.
Santana looked at Susan and then David. "I'm not sure if Brittany would want me…"
Before she could finish David spoke. "Brittany would want you to take Em in for a nap and stay with her until she fell asleep."
Santana still wasn't convinced and she didn't want Brittany to get upset with her already. "I don't know. I think one of you should take her in for a nap."
"Santana dear, trust us when we say Brittany won't mind." Susan touched Santana's arm was she spoke.
"Ok. Em let's go inside and you take a nap on the couch by your mommy." Santana and Emilia walked into the house hand in hand.
The Lopez's and Pierces watched them walk into the house. "Do you think those two will find happiness together again?" Maribel asked.
"I have prayed for it to happen every day since the day Santana left and I'm not giving up on them." Susan said with a tear in her eye.
Santana and Emilia walked quietly into the living room. Brittany was fast asleep on one couch. The Lopez's have a smaller loveseat which fits two people. "Here Em lay down here." Santana sat down on the loveseat and Em immediately laid her head on Santana's lap. Santana thought back to all of the times she had sat in this living room with Brittany's head on her lap. Santana took the small blanket that was on the back of the loveseat and laid over Emilia. She started stroking Emilia's hair.
"Mommy does that to my hair to help me sleep. Mommy told me that you used to be friends a long time ago. She showed me a picture when you were cheerleaders. Dr. Pez why did you stop being my mommy's friend? Mommy said she hadn't seen you a very long time. She was sad when said it."
Santana had no idea what to say so she sat there stroking Emilia's hair and lucky she fell asleep quickly. Santana wondered why Brittany had told Emilia they used to be friends. Emilia didn't really need to know that, not at least right now. Brittany was always the one who believed you shouldn't hold anything back from the people you love. Santana knew if the roles had been reversed and Brittany had been the one with leukemia she would've told Santana and not just walk away.
"Brittany honey wake up. It's time to take you and Em home." Susan stroked her daughter's hair to wake her carefully and not startle her. Brittany slowly opened her eyes. "How's your headache?"
"Still there but not quite as painful. Where's Em?" Susan pointed towards the loveseat. Brittany stretched and sat up. A smile appeared on her face when she saw Emilia fast asleep with her head on Santana's lap. Santana was also asleep with her head resting on the back of the loveseat.
"Em told Santana she was tired and not feeling well so she brought her in here to take a nap. At first Santana thought I should be the one to bring Em for a nap. She seemed nervous about what you would think about here bringing Em in for a nap for some reason. I told her you wouldn't mind." Susan whispered to Brittany.
"I think Santana's worried I'll be upset if she gets too close to Em. To be honest I'm not sure how I feel about it. I don't Em to get close to Santana just to have her heartbroken like I had mine broken. I don't trust Santana to not leave again." Brittany's voice was sad and Susan stroked her daughter's hair.
Santana had heard people talking and was just waking up when she heard Brittany say 'I don't trust Santana to not leave again'. Santana felt her heart ache but she knew it was her own fault Brittany felt that way. She decided to let them think she was still asleep.
"Em honey time to wake up so we can go home." Brittany stroked her daughter's arm trying to wake her up.
Emilia slowly opened her eyes and smiled when she saw her mommy standing there. "Mommy, I was tired so Dr Pez took a nap with me."
"I see that sweetie. Can you get up without waking up Santana?" Brittany didn't want to wake up Santana. She really just wanted to go home and go to bed. Her head still hurt and she knew her period and the cramps would start tomorrow.
"I can try mommy. I am a ninja after all." Emilia got off Santana's lap without her opening her eyes. "Dr. Pez has a very comfortable lap."
Brittany felt her cheeks get warm because she remembered just how comfortable Santana's lap was. "Let's go say goodbye and thank to the Maribel and Carlos so we can go home."
Santana waited a few minutes to make sure Brittany, Emilia, and Susan had left the living room before opening her eyes. It had been an emotional few days with Brittany suddenly coming back into her life. Then there's Emilia who has leukemia. Santana decided it was best to just wait until the Brittany left and then go home herself. As she sat there it struck that she needed to talk to Brittany about the doctor who would be replacing her.
Santana got up and walked out to the patio but the only two people there were her parents. "Where's Brittany?"
"They walked around the side of the house to the driveway instead of going back inside the house." Maribel stated.
Santana ran around the house just in time to see Brittany finish buckling Emilia in her boaster car seat. Susan and David were already in the car. "Brittany, I need to talk to you for just a couple of minutes before you go."
"Look Santana I'm really not feeling very well can it wait until I bring Em to the hospital on Monday morning." Brittany wasn't sure what Santana wanted to say and she wasn't really in any shape to talk to her.
"I know I'll make it quick. I'm going to turn Emilia's care over to Dr. James Prescott. He's an excellent child oncologist. I'll give him a call tomorrow because he's on call this weekend. I'm hoping he can do the procedure Emilia's needs on Monday morning to insert the permanent IV line for the chemo directly into one of her large veins. If not I can still do it."
Brittany nodded her head. "Ok, can you maybe call me tomorrow and talk to me about this again? My head is really hurting me."
Santana wanted to hugged Brittany and rub her temples like she used to when she had a migraine. "I can call you tomorrow. You really shouldn't be driving in your condition especially after taking your medication."
"I'll be fine besides my father hates LA traffic. I only live about 10 minutes from here actually."
Santana looked at Brittany and decided just to drop it. "You know if you went on a low dose of birth control it stop your monthly migraines or at least make them less severe. It would also help with the severe cramps you'll have tomorrow."
Brittany just looked at Santana with no emotion on face. "You gave up the right to care about me when you left me. My doctor has told me the same thing for years about the pill but it has been my decision not to take it. I'm not some child who needs you to take care of her."
Santana was surprised by Brittany's words and wanted to blame them on the headache but she knew the words Brittany spoke were true. "You're right I'm sorry. I'll call you tomorrow after I've talked to Dr. Prescott."
Brittany got into the car, started it and backed out of the driveway. Emilia had already fallen asleep. Santana watched Brittany drive away. At the moment her mind and heart were telling her that maybe it would be best for Brittany if once she turned Emilia's case over to Dr. Prescott that she disappeared from her life again. Even though Brittany had told her earlier that she needed her as a friend Santana wondered if they could ever be just friends. She broke Brittany's heart and that was always going to be there between them even if they were just friends. Santana then remembered how Brittany told Susan she didn't trust Santana not to leave again.
Santana found herself torn and had no idea what to do.
Santana sat at her office at the hospital after meeting with Dr. Prescott about Emilia's case. She knew she had to call Brittany but she was afraid to call. She knew Brittany would be having terrible cramps today from her period and that she was always extremely emotional from them. Santana knew the call needed to be made no matter what so she dialed the number.
"Hello?"
Santana cleared her throat. "Britt, I mean Brittany, it's Santana."
There was silence for a few minutes. "How did you get my number?"
Santana hadn't expected that question. "I got it from Em's patient file."
"Oh, ok yeah." Brittany seemed not to be a very good mood.
"I wanted you to know that I talked to Dr. Prescott and he will be taking over Em's care. He will be doing the procedure to put the permanent IV in Em's arm tomorrow morning. If you want I can be there to observe the procedure."
There was silence again. "I don't think that will be necessary."
Santana was hoping Brittany would want her there to observe the procedure but now that she wasn't Emilia's doctor she really didn't need to be there. "Ok. Dr. Prescott will there to meet you and Em before the procedure. If you want me there to introduce you both to him I can do that."
"No, we don't need you there. As a matter of fact I've been thinking since yesterday. I know I said I needed you as friend. I think that was just my emotions talking plus I was starting to get the migraine. I really think it would be best if we weren't in each other's lives. I mean we've done it for the last 20 years so it's nothing new for us. I have to think about Em and I don't want her getting hurt. Don't worry I'll talk to her about you not being there every day. I knew it was bad idea for you to promise her that."
The tears fell down Santana's face. After seriously thinking about walking away from Brittany again she had decided she would be there for Brittany as a friend during Em's treatment. But now Brittany was telling her she didn't want her there. Santana tried to stop the tears so she could respond to Brittany but it was no use they were falling to hard.
After a few minutes of silence Brittany spoke again. "Thanks for all you've done for Em. Bye Santana."
The call ended and Santana broke down laying her head on her desk.
The next morning Santana made sure she stayed away from Emilia's room at the hospital. She was still devastated but she knew it was her fault. She was the one who left Brittany and broke her heart. It was only natural for Brittany to want to protect her daughter from Santana.
For the next three days Santana worked long hours and ignored phone calls from her parents. Both her mother and father had called at least three times each. Santana was in her office doing paperwork when there was knock on her door.
"Come in."
"Santana Lopez how dare you ignore your parents' phone calls for three days!" Santana looked up and saw Maribel and Carlos standing in front of her desk.
Santana went back to her paperwork. "I've been busy."
"What if your father or I were sick or hurt? You wouldn't know because you didn't return our calls." Maribel was quite angry at her daughter.
Santana felt the anger bubbling up in her as well. "What do you want from me?" She shouted.
"We don't want you to shut us out." Carlos stated.
"Ok, what was so important that you two had to call me so many times over the past three days?"
"Susan is worried about Emilia. They started the chemo on Monday and Emilia hasn't stopped vomiting." Maribel said with concern in her voice.
Santana was concerned to hear that Emilia hadn't stopped vomiting since the chemo started. There are medications that can help with that but Santana held her ground. "I'm sorry Mom but I'm not Emilia's doctor any longer so there's nothing I can do."
"Santana you and I both know as doctors that Emilia shouldn't be vomiting three days into her chemo. There are medications to help with that. Maybe you should talk to Dr. Prescott and ask him how Emilia is doing and then suggest he give her something for the vomiting." Carlos said as he and Maribel sat down in chairs in front of Santana's desk.
Santana just stared at her paperwork for a few minutes. "I can't do that because Emilia is no longer my patient plus Brittany doesn't me anywhere near her or her daughter. She made that very clear when we talked on the phone on Sunday." Santana tried so hard to hold her tears back.
Maribel and Carlos looked at one another. "Susan said she hadn't seen you since Emilia was admitted on Monday. We all thought it was because you felt bad because Brittany didn't want you to be Emilia's doctor any longer."
Santana just shook her head. "Of course everyone's just assumes that I got upset and walked away. Brittany told me to stay away and that is what I'm doing. She said she thought it was best for us not to be in each other lives. She's afraid I'll hurt Emilia like I hurt her. Look I'm sorry Emilia isn't doing well with the chemo but we all know from personal experience that going through chemo is hell for everyone involved." Santana shouted the last part. "If Dr. Prescott hasn't given Emilia any medication for the vomiting he must have a good reason. I suggest Brittany ask him. Now if you don't mind I have work to do." Santana was trying to hold back the tears but they started falling quickly.
Maribel and Carlos got up to leave but before she walked out of the office Maribel said, "We love you Santana."
