Dust and Gold Chapter 4
Yukari's POV:
'Give me a reason… please give me a reason to say no to you. Give me a reason to dislike you.' This is what I was thinking as I sat at a café table across from Kankuro. When I had expressed my decision to the Hokage and Kazekage, I'd insisted on meeting my future husband before making anything official. I needed peace of mind before moving forward. The Kage's agreed, and arranged for me to meet Kankuro at a local café in town. It was neutral territory for both of us, surrounded by people. I hoped that would help to humanize the situation for myself. Bringing it out into the real world should help me to feel more comfortable with my decision.
My work at the hospital had been put on the backburner as I sought to settle into this new marriage arrangement. Both the hospital, and the arranged marriage, were situations beyond me. The hospital improvements would benefit many people in Hidden Sand. And the arranged marriage would secure a strong heir to the Kazekage, which would also benefit Hidden Sand's future. It was foreign to me how my alliances had suddenly shifted, from Hidden Leaf to Hidden Sand, in the span of a few days.
Kankuro looked out of place. He shifted in his chair, seemingly trying to get comfortable in the awkward café chair. It was clear to me the shinobi didn't spend much time in café's. I could see the unease in the set of his shoulders as he struggled to start up a conversation with me. To be fair, I hadn't offered much to help him along. And truthfully, the awkwardness of our situation told me a lot about his character. He was kind to me, offering compliments on my appearance and remarking on the loveliness of today's weather. His large hands looked funny holding the small saucer and coffee cup. He was like a large bear at a tea party. The fierceness of the war paint covering his face was a stark contrast to the quaint café setting.
I hadn't paid much attention to what Kankuro had been nervously rambling about. I was too focused on observing him. The thought of a bull in a china shop made me smile, and I laughed softly. Kankuro stopped talking, looking to me for insight, "You… like it?"
"What?" I managed to ask.
"Hidden Sand?"
Realizing Kankuro had been talking about all the things Hidden Sand had to offer, compassion washed over me. Here was the man I was meant to marry, trying to convince me of everything a life here would have to offer. I could tell this hulk of a man wanted me to feel comfortable. He wanted me to have peace in this situation. I offered him a gentle smile, "I love Hidden Sand, Kankuro. I'm sure I will be very happy here."
It was the first solid reference made by either of us to the arranged marriage between us. Kankuro seemed fueled by my response, grateful that I wasn't beating around the bush about the marriage. He fumbled with his coffee cup and avoided my eyes when he spoke, a flush lightly spreading across his cheeks, "I do hope you will be happy here. I only want to make you happy, Yukari."
Warmth gripped my chest, and I instinctively reached my hand out across the table to Kankuro. He peered at my hand sheepishly before enveloping it in his own large hand. I sought to reassure him, "We will make it work."
Kankuro smiled and offered me a reassuring squeeze. The way our hands embraced was intimate. Despite being strangers, neither of us wished to break the connection. Even if I didn't know this man yet, I knew I had to try and make this marriage a success. I desperately wanted to have a strong relationship with my spouse. There was potential with Kankuro. And this gave me hope.
We talked for over two hours before Kankuro had to go out on an assignment for the village. Kankuro wanted to know everything about me. He asked my likes, dislikes. He wanted to know what mattered most to me, who was important to me, how I had grown up. He kept me talking the whole time. I slipped in a few questions, but he did not elaborate much about himself. He was a man of few words and seemed content to listen. His interest in me, and the attention he paid me, made me more comfortable in his presence. I found my excitement over the marriage growing from discouragement to anticipation.
We held hands across the table the entire time.
Gaara's POV:
It was nearly midnight and I was still cooped up in my office signing petitions in the form of multiple documents spread across my desk. Only a small desk lamp kept me company. The night was quiet, and I tried not to think about Yukari. She was likely asleep in the guest room one floor below the office. How had her meet up with Kankuro gone? Did she regret agreeing to go? Did he regret agreeing to allow her to do it?
I growled and tossed the document out of my hand onto the desk. Throwing my head back in exasperation, I leaned back in my chair. A loud knock interrupted my dark cloud. "Come in".
I straightened up in my seat, expecting to see one of the shinobi on guard at this hour. But instead, my brother Kankuro entered. "Hey, little brother!"
His cheerfulness made my heart sink. I tried not to let this show in my facial expression. When I made no move to reply, Kankuro shot right into an explanation of his day, "So, I met Yukari today."
My answer was blunt. "Yes."
Kakuro seemed confused for a split second, and then brushed off my curtness. He must have assumed I'd not meant to be offensive. And I immediately regretted my behavior towards him, choosing to show support instead. Kankuro chugged right along, "She's really great, Gaara! I was so scared, you have no idea! I don't think anything, not any opponent I've faced, has ever scared me as much as she did! But she was so lovely and we talked for a long time. I really enjoyed her and honestly had the best time."
I let his brother's account of the day settle in. Of course Kankuro had loved her. I knew she would dazzle him with her gentle manner. Who wouldn't have been bewitched by her? She'd make anyone a loving and supportive partner. I felt sadness knowing I would lose the idea of her to someone I cared deeply for. I decided to suppress the hurt I felt to instead be a source of encouragement for my brother. "I am glad to hear you are happy, brother. You deserve to be happy with her."
Kankuro's smile held pride, "I will make sure to do well by Hidden Sand. Our marriage will be a success for everyone in the nation!"
I smiled, knowing my brother saw the marriage as a huge responsibility- not only to Yukari- but also to the village. I did have one burning question, which needed an answer, "And when do you plan on marrying?"
Kankuro blushed, rubbing his hands together nervously, "Oh well, we haven't really discussed that part yet."
I nodded, knowing my brother would need more time to sort everything out. He was unexpectedly shy, and I felt empathy for his situation. "I'm sure you two will figure it out. You will grow closer with time."
This encouraged Kankuro and he smiled widely, "I look forward to learning more about her."
Kankuro left me to my work. When he was gone, I found I couldn't concentrate on anything but the arranged marriage. My thoughts were consumed with it. Knowing Kankuro was suddenly enamored with Yukari made me burn with jealously. I didn't want to feel this way. I wanted to wish them every happiness and move on with my responsibilities. But the realization that my brother approved of Yukari, and even aspired to make her his wife, was affirmation of my first impression of her. She was a precious person and she deserved to have a man who could give her everything she wanted. I wished I didn't have this desire to do it myself.
I decided then that it would be my mission to stay as far away from Yukari as possible. These feelings had to dissolve. Distance should resolve my problem. Kankuro would marry Yukari and I would give up my feelings for her. She would be my sister and I would love their children. That was the role I was meant to play in her life.
What were my feelings even based on? We'd only had a handful of interactions. Why was I so attracted to her? Why was I so affected by her warmth? There were many women in the shinobi world that would have been suitable wives for me. Why did I have to have these intense, all-consuming, feelings for someone I hardly knew. Especially the one person that was promised to my brother.. But when I was around her, even the chakra emanating from my chest seemed to burn hotter. My entire being responded to her. It was instinctual, but I was determined to become numb to it.
Yukari's POV:
Over the next few days, Kankuro made an effort to spend more and more time with me. I happily accepted his requests, knowing we were forging a bond that would last a lifetime. On one of these outings, Kankuro fumbled to bring up the topic of when to make a date for the wedding. This caught me off guard, and I felt my face flush hot. I avoided his eyes, "You wish to… follow through on the arrangement?"
Kankuro's brow furrowed and he grabbed my arm, spinning me around to face him, "I fully intend on making you my wife, Yukari. Please don't misunderstand my intentions. I want you and I will have you."
I stared up at him, wide-eyed at his declaration. He approached my question with directness and finality, like he would in battle. He was a man who knew himself and knew his own heart. I found myself attracted to the unapologetic way he offered himself to me. I smiled up at him as our eyes locked. I consciously tried to give myself over to feelings of love in this moment. Kankuro brought his hand up to gently cup my chin. He tilted my face towards his and leaned closer, allowing our noses to brush softly before colliding our lips together. I sank into the kiss, allowing my body to mold with his gently. We broke apart briefly and Kankuro paused, suddenly unsure of himself. I pulled him back to me by his collar, touching his lips to my own again. I realized then that I was desperately trying to feel what I needed to feel in order to be confident in my decision to marry Kankuro. I needed to feel safety, warmth… even lust.
This was not the first time I had been kissed. I'd briefly dated Kiba Inazuka, one of Hinata's friends in Konoha. He was kind to me and I briefly believed I could fall in love with him. But he'd broken off our not-official-relationship when he'd run into an ex-girlfriend. We departed amicably and remained friends.
Kiba's kiss had been exploratory. At the time, I'd felt as though he was looking for a spark between us. The kiss itself was, for a first kiss, entirely satisfying. But I hadn't felt anything other than friendship for Kiba then.
Kankuro's kiss, on the other hand, was passionate and clearly reflected the desire he had for me. I could feel it in the way he held me to him- soft but strong. His actions were deliberate but respectful, like he sought my consent in every touch. And I offered it to him, even pushing us both past what would be considered polite or appropriate. Kankuro broke our kiss, holding me back from his body slightly, clearly afraid of his own lust. He was trying not to lose control. I could feel his heavy breathing on my face, "We need to stop."
But Kankuro was smiling, and I could tell he was happy. His face was flushed beneath the paint and he wasn't wearing his black hood today. I pulled my hands away from where they had been tangling in his hair. Kankuro searched for my hand then, entangling his own hand in mine. I allowed him to lead me further down the dirt road. Thankfully we were walking closer to the training areas. Fewer people frequented this area. I was grateful we hadn't been seen. Part of me was embarrassed for kissing Konkuro like that. But I desperately needed to know if we had physical chemistry. I needed to know that I was enough for him, and that he was enough for me. But even pushing physical boundaries with him- going further than I had ever gone with anyone- had left me more confused. It was undeniable to me that I was attracted to Kankuro. But was I attracted enough to be his devoted and loving wife… forever?
I supposed then that the alternative would be to break the engagement, break Kankuro's heart, and live out the rest of my days alone. Somehow this didn't seem preferable. So I kept walking, hand in hand, with Kankuro. Each step seemed to bring us closer and closer to the beginning of our lives together.
