Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

Cagalli was furious. She could even kill someone, and she couldn't just come to home in this state. She needed to talk with someone, she needed to ask help, she needed to unburden… she needed to talk with someone, but it couldn't be Kira or Lacus, they had problems enough…

She picked the cell phone.

"Hi, Marilyn, are you busy?"

"No".

"Can I go to your place?"

"Did something happen?"

"Yes. Something definitely happened."

"Ok, come."

In then minutes, she pressed Marilyn's bell.

She opened the door.

"You look bad."

"I am bad!"

She seated in the sofa in the living room.

"What's happened Cagalli? You are scaring me!"

"He is coming!"

"He…?"

"Athrun Zala! – She screamed."

"What do mean with coming?"

"He wants to live in Orb!"

"Oh, shit…"

"Yeah."

"But Cagalli, you really didn't see it coming? I mean, you are having an affair for more than two years!"

"I know, but… Mary… you don't know even half." Cagalli said.

"Yeah, I realize that there are a lot of things that you didn't tell me."

"I am sorry but…"

"Don't be sorry, I am not you psychologist, I am your friend you don't have to explain your past to me."

"I know that, and thanks."

"You are welcome."

Cagalli smiled to her.

"Have you eaten yet?"

"No."

"Are you hungry; should I ask something?"

"No I don't feel like eating."

"Ok, then."

They stood a while in silence.

"What are you going to do?"

"I have no idea."

"Ok, let me see if I get. You love him, don't you?"

"Yes."

"And he loves you?"

"Yes."

"But for some reason you aren't happy because he is coming to live near you?"

"Yes."

"That's a hard one, so."

"I don't know if I should make in public. I mean…" she felted repulsion of herself for what she was going to say but she said. "he has a past, hasn't he?"

Mary looked at her. Not censuring, just surprise.

"What? He is son of Patrick Zala, and used to be a ZAFT's soldier?"

"Kind off."

"I thought you didn't care." She said, soft.

"I don't care! But people do! People judge me all time, for everything that I do! I am a public person. I've learned a long time ago that there are things I can't do…"

"But this is hypocrisy, Cagalli. You sleep with him, you say that you love him, but you can't assume it?"

"Yes, I know is hypocrisy. I am feeling a bitch right now… but this is the way we learned to live, always hiding."

"I don't think people really care about his last name. And believe me you don't need to kiss ass as much as you are trying to convince me."

Cagalli smiled.

"Well not as much as I needed fourteen years ago." She said to herself, but she knew Mary could hear. "Things are complicated, very complicated."

"I guess they are, even if I don't know exactly why."

"I'll tell you. And something says me that I will tell you soon. But for know, I don't want to talk about it."

"Ok… You know, I think you should marry him."

Cagalli laughed.

"I won't marry anymore."

"What a stupid conviction!"

"No it's not."

"I understand, that it was very painful for you, I mean, widow so soon, and with a little child... but you should move on, Cagalli."

Cagalli stood in silence.

"If you don't move on, you can lose Athrun."

"I know…."

And not just him…

"You liar!" Cagalli said to him, thought the phone. "You said you wanted to quit being ambassador, you said you wanted to ask transference, you didn't say THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY DID IT!"

"I guess I lied." He said calm.

"You bastard! You did it before I came to Aprilius and you didn't tell me anything!"

"You have the right to be mad at me." He kept calm.

"I AM very mad at you."

And she really was. The day after they met in the café, she entered in her office and saw a document in that Athrun Zala, requested to be transferred from ambassador to the Foreign Ministry, in Orb. And the requirement's date was placed two weeks before.

So, he had two weeks to talk to her, and just did it in the last minute. Of course he knew that if he had told it to her in PLANTs she wouldn't want to see his face and then he would lose the chance to sleep with her.

Bastard

"Will you accept it?"

"I don't know."

" Cagalli please… - He asked, with his soft voice. She couldn't help but to be tamed by his tone."

"Athrun…"

"I can't live this way anymore. I won't be absent of my life anymore."

"Do you think you can make it? That we can make it, after so much time?"

"I want to try…"

Are you coming for me or…?

There were so many things she didn't want to touch or to disturb in her past, in her life, so many secrets and scars.

"Will you accept? – He asked again."

"Yes, I will."

"Thank you."

"Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

She turned off the cell phone and hugged a pillow.

Everything will be disturbed. Every fear, every pain will be mixed. Anything will be left over... But… But I guess that is time to me to face my past, to us to face our past. Yes. It's more than time for it.

She rose from the bed.

Tomorrow is 10th March. Eleven years had past… so much time…

Cagalli couldn't sleep that night. She kept thinking, and thinking, but some way, while she was in her bed, resting in a comfortable pillow, and warmed by a soft blanket, the entire problems seemed far away, like she was observing a life which in that moment didn't exist.

Late of night, protected by the curtains, warmed and comfortable, nothing could disturb her.

Nothing but cowardice, and delusion…

At some point of the night, however, she realized that she didn't want to be in that fortress for ever. It wasn't worth.

She rose and took a shower. When she entered in room again and opened the curtains, she realized that wouldn't last long to the sun rise up.

"It's March 10." She said to herself.

She dressed as silent as she could, left the room and went to her car. In her way to somewhere she stopped in a bakery to buy something to eat.

She went to a flower shop too, and bought some white roses.

And just then she went to the graveyard. She knew exactly where his grave was.

Even if she was alone in a graveyard, it wasn't scary. In a way, it was beautiful. The sunrise illuminated the graved and the grass, and there was a cold mourning breeze.

"Hi, Edward." She said to the grave. "can you believe that if you were alive, we would be married for eleven years?..."

"I know you won't answer. I only ask you to listen to me like you always did. I miss that."

She seated in to the grass in front of the grave with his name, Edward Pfeiffer. She put the bouquet in the grave.

"There are some things happening that I can't stop. I don't know if I can all my promises anymore… I am sorry."

Tears started to fall from her eyes.

"You didn't have the right to die so soon." Her voice was a weak whisper. "not after you made me fall in love with you."

"I know in the beginning I disappointed you, and I know it started being a farce… but you made me love you. You did it. You complicated the things even more. You were the best husband someone could ever have. You supported me when I needed. You smiled to me, you cooked for me, and you made me like wine…"

What in the hell I am saying?

"But you messed things up. If I didn't fall for you, everything would have been easier." She said smiling. "But I am not regretful."

She sighed. What kind of woman talked to a grave? Well, she was used to do and to think things that most of people wouldn't understand.

"How could I hurt you so much, if I loved you?"

She felt guilty. Well, she was.

"If you could see me right now, you would be dying of jealous of Athrun." She laughed. "But you aren't here, so you can't feel it."

"I know you never accepted, but I love him too."

She wept. There was something she never admitted to him. Even thought she had hurt people she loved the most, him and Athrun, she never regretted what she did.

"What a shame isn't it? My moralistic side is hypocrite."

But the love I felt for you… that was real, even if your time together was so little… Because when I realized that I loved you, you died…

She walked thought the others graves, towards the exit.

Yes, I can't run away from those things, I was the one who betrayed you... But, if this comforts you, that time you were just someone worth to be the Representative's husband, someone that I reckon I could build up a life with. Even if this hurts, I never regretted what I did. And I never will.

Cagalli thought that she was over it. That she had no sorrow left… But she was wrong, she had.

She had her guilty, because her crime was her most beautiful joy. How ironic.

How ironic the reason why she couldn't forget the past, was the reason of her smiles.

The most treasured thing in the world for her…

Alice…

"Alice, do you know what day is today?" She asked.

Cagalli was seated in her daughter bed. Mana had wakened up her a while ago. Cagalli had already come back from the cemetery.

"Monday?" Alice answered, still dizzy.

"Today, I and your father would be doing eleven years of married." Cagalli smiled to her. "After school, then, we will go to the cemetery, to put flowers in his grave."

It wasn't a question.

"Ok." The girl said.

"Mom…"

"What, sweetie?"

"Is that all right if I can't remember father very well?"

"Of course is Ok, you were too young. You had only four years."

"Ok, then." said Alice embracing the mother.

Cagalli caress her daughter's hair, and embraced her too.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"Why?" Alice asked.

Cagalli just smiled.

Alice, would you want me to marry again? Cagalli thought but didn't dare to say phrase phrase aloud.

"Let's take breakfast" said Cagalli, although.

"Yeah." agreed Alice.

Then, the two left the room and turn off the lights.

A/N: I'm back XD