THE FOURTH AND FINAL DOUCHEBAG APPEARS!
Disclaimer! I do not own Homestuck or any of the songs used in this fic as a character's theme! Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie and all songs belong to their rightful owners! The only thing I own is Jenn, for she is me!
SUDDENLY YOU STOP BEING RICHARD. WHO'S THIS DOUCHEBAG?
A weird boy sleeps by his dog. Who knows what his name might be? Maybe something weird, maybe not. Its hard to say for sure without asking him. But since he's sleeping, it would be rude to wake him up, might as well name him.
Retarded Yokopoop
Uhm... I guess his name is Yokopoop. You try to wake Yokopoop up to no avail, it seems there is something written on his hand. Examine?
Examine Hand
MW: Really, YOKOPOOP!? Is that even a word?
What, you want a new name?
Huh? Seems something is written on his other hand as well.
Examine Other Hand
MW: I have a name idiot! It is Matt!
Fine fine, I'll change the name!
*Types in* Matt Cochran
(Outset Island from The Legend of Zelda:The Wind Waker plays as Matt's Normal Theme.)
Your name is MATT. You have just awoken from slumber to pet your dog who lightly licked your face. You have a number of INTERESTS. Such INTERESTS include NATURE, WOLVES, and all your JAPANESE STUFF. You spend all your time in your BROKEN TOWER SPHERE and spend your days with your dog MOLLY.
Matt: Look Around Your Room
You look around your room. There are many posters of ANIMES and ANIMALS and ANIME ANIMALS. A variety of JUNK is spread around your room including your BO STAFF, CHEW TOYS, PAWPHONES, and TRACKER. You realize somebody is pestering you but decide to ignore it to spend some time on others things before that.
Matt: Equip Specibus
You equip your BO STAFF. This has gotten you through many close calls in the wilderness of your island, the claw marks of many animals are engraved in the beauty. You spend a moment admiring such an amazing item.
Matt: Examine Peculiar Object
You walk to the fourth wall of your room, examining your HOLOPAD. This is used to let you spy on your friends and their conversations. What can't an island boy have some fun?
Matt: Cut The Shit and ANSWER!
You put on your PAWPHONES, triggering the HOLOPAD to show the conversation and your friend at her desk.
[criticallyDerpy (CD) began Pestering midnightWolf (MW)]
CD: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey :3 hehehehe
MW: Ohai CD :D
CD: What's up? GOT THE GAME!? :D
MW: You know it takes me forever to get stuff on this island -.- I should probably get it later tho
CD: OH GOD I'M SOOOOO EXCITED!
MW: So I take it you have the game?
CD: Yea, very early. It was so hard trying to get it though.
MW: I really hope my copy doesn't fall in the volcano or something..
CD: Hahahaha, it that happened, that would've sucked!
MW: Oh! I think I hear something, I think its coming from the volcano temple.
CD: Are you going to check it out!?
MW: Yeah hold on. Lemme grab my pawphones- where did molly go.
CD: Molly's gone!?
MW: Welp, time to look for the dog, bai CD
CD: Bai!
[criticallyDerpy (CD) ceased Pestering midnightWolf (MW)]
You leave to investigate the crash, you wonder what it was.
Matt: Proceed to Investigate
You notice a plane crash, unfortunately crushing your dog. You mourn for a long time, picking up her corpse and giving her a proper burial. Afterwards you proceed to explore for the OTHER noise.
Matt: Acknowledge Dave
You let Dave the quadrotor know he exists. You ask if he is responsible for this, he whirrs in guilt. After a few slaps you take your copy of SBURB BETA from Dave, you just need a peaceful place.
Matt: Go Towards Volcano Temple
You proceed to the volcano temple, when suddenly you see a shadow behind you.
Matt: STRIFE!
(Homestuck's Hate You Theme plays as Matt's Strife Theme.)
You turn around to see your Uncle! You proceed to strife by whacking the stuffed body multiple times. Admitting defeat when his club falls on you.
Matt: Shake your head in Shame
NOPE FUCK THIS! You successfully abscond by pushing the club off and doing a fucking pirouette back to the volcano temple.
Matt: Now Shake your head in Shame?
You would shake your head in shame but your too busy placing your HOLOPAD waiting for the others to say they have the game. Oh god damn Dave keeps grabbing you, he seems to want you to go back home for some reason.
...
OH SHIT, HE TOOK YOU TO RICHARD'S HOME AND BACK. Ok now, time to open up your holopad again, but the cake was pretty good, even if it was black forest.
Matt: STOP STALKING!
You would do that but suddenly you stop being Matt.
Who do you become?
AND WITH THAT WE HAVE OUR FOURTH AND FINAL DOUCHEBAG. Hooray! :D I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! We're about to get (slightly) serious up in here with the story! Which hopefully means longer updates...
Also, you don't want to know what happened the last time Richard and Dave crashed a plane. It was a dreadful experience that told us all to never let them drive a plane.
...Or get near one, for that matter.
See you next chapter!
