Chapter 3

This sucks.

For the next two days I sat near the nursery's entrance, just watching the clan cats milling around. A light autumn breeze washed over me as I closed my eyes, feeling the wind on my whiskers. What a strange, yet delightful feeling. It is rather chilly, but I don't care. I'm going to die from greencough anyways. I can feel Brindleface's presence next to me. She is worried. The she-cat doesn't say it out loud, but I can sense it, read it from her body language. And why wouldn't she? After all, I'm her unresponsive, non-verbal, twitchy, weird and for some reason always scared kit. No wonder she wants to keep a close eye on me.

After a while, the queen calls my name to grab my attention. Slowly I open my eyes. I still don't understand/don't know the meaning of my name. Cat language is hard, alright? It's not like English or in that matter, any other human language. I can't explain it. I was already lucky enough to suddenly gain the ability to understand cat(-ish). Magical-anthropomorphic-fictional-cat language that is. Seriously, how did I not understand it before? Mental block, from mental trauma, maybe?

I wouldn't be surprised if I'm named "Slowkit" or "Twitchkit" or something silly and mildly insulting. There are instances where clan cats do that. But if I had a name like that, I'm sure I would have been mentioned in the books. Alas, the main hero of this world, aka Fireheart, hasn't visited the nursery once.

"Mrr-meow?" I turn to Brindleface questioningly. What I wanted or meant to say is "what?" just from pure reflex. Three months is not enough time to fully cast away old habits. I'm still facing some problems. Just because I gained some understanding of the world around me, it didn't mean that the rest of the world suddenly gained the ability to understand ME.

In other words, I couldn't speak cat. And by cat I meant the verbal-warrior cat language.

Frustrating, I know. It's not that I tried. The very same evening (after the "Im going to die in a month" freakout), I tried to communicating with words, as crazy as it sounds. I wanted to tell them, that this is crazy, that I am actually a human in a cat's body. All that came out of my mouth was a strange, dying and gurgling sounds. I met Yellowfang that day, when she shoved a bunch of poppy seeds in to my mouth. Got a nice nap out of it. The next day I tried again, in more calm fashion, without the added gesticulation. I tried to mimic the spoken (mewed) language, more quietly this time of course. Still nothing. I still sounded like a dying animal. If learning to walk on all fours was hard, this was mission impossible. No "warn Cindepaw to stay away from thunderpaths" or "I had a vision that Tigerclaw is evil" timeline for me.

The only sounds I managed to produce, were the basic ones that NORMAL cats produce in a NORMAL world. For the first time in my life, I could communicate and respond to social cues that Brindleface and my littermates were sending me! These were not words. More like grunts, in human language. Positive, negative and questionable mews, basic sounds, but with added body language and different voice tones I could finally communicate!

"O-oh... Let's go inside, okay ###? You're going to catch a cold." I could feel that Brindleface was a little surprised by my quick response. She stood up and using her body language told me to follow. Huh, already? Slowly I stood up on my hind legs to follow…

PAW SLAP!

Oh yeah, Brindleface doesn't like me walking weirdly (weirdly to her that is). At least not near the entrance of the nursery. Is she embarrassed of me? On the other hand, why do I even care, what she thinks of me? She's a cat. Grudgingly I fall on all fours and send her a disapproving glare. She blinks a few times, shakes her head and leads me inside.

To tell you the truth, life as a cat is super boring. Yeah, who would have thought, that life living in the middle of the woods as an animal would be a dull one. No TV, no internet, no books, no anything. Since I was very bored, slowly, an idea started forming in my head. Maybe I shouldn't just accept my supposed destiny? Maybe I can alert it by running away? I could run to the nearest town (I know there's one bordering Thunderclan's territory) and make a living there. And by living, I mean, finding some people, and start drawing or writing on the ground. That would surely catch someone's attention! Assuming, people in this universe are not crazy, I could become famous!

But my inner voice tells me, that it wouldn't work. If I know anything about humanity, it's that I would become an instant science experiment in no time. Crossing dimentions? Check. Reincarnation? Check. Human to animal transformation? Check. How would I explain this whole magical cat book knowledge situation?

After some time, I snap out of my mental rant, finding the whole train of thought frustrating and look around. Brindleface is currently curled up in her (our) nest, feeding Fernkit and watching me with a hawk eye expression. My belly rumbles. I'm hungry. I'm always hungry. This whole milk diet just doesn't work for me anymore. I shudder and Brindleface's eyes narrow just a bit, as I try to pretend to look nonchalant. Ever since I started somewhat answering her social cues, she kept an even closer eye on me. It's creepy to say the least. Strange, strange creatures are these warrior cats.

I fidget a little under her scrutiny when I spot white fur in the corner of my eye. Snowkit. Yes! My favorite cat in this whole clan! Why, you may ask? It's because, he's my rock, the only sane being left in this universe. He is deaf! That means he doesn't talk! He is the only cat in this universe that communicates and behaves like a NORMAL cat!

I rush towards him, ignoring the snickering of Swiftkit. Go to hell, Swiftkit, walking on two legs is perfectly normal, you twat. Seriously, I wish I couldn't understand cat again. This five or something month kitten is making fun of me! And apparently, this is a constant thing. Have some shame Swiftkit. I know, you're mentally ten years old, but seriously, not cool.

"You know, I'm GLAD that you're going to get mauled by dogs…" I murmur, but drop to my fours once again, because I'm TOTALLY NOT SELF CONSCIOUS WHAT THESE CATS THINK OF ME. I mean, they could kill me right? Mother cats eat their kittens if they're deemed weak? Wrong species? Yeah, I was thinking about hamsters. Honestly I don't know. I will keep fighting this insanity, until I die.

Of course, what comes out of my mouth is the strange gurgling sounds. I can feel the burning gaze of Brindleface. Why does she keep looking at me like that? I haven't tried to kill myself for whole two days in a row now! That's like a new record!

Snowkit is near Speckletail, playing with a ball of moss. My rapid movement catches his attention, and he tosses the ball at me. I quickly catch it and clumsily toss it back. Snowkit reacts in an instant and pounces on it. Soon we tumble and start playing together. I don't understand why clan cats thought (will think?) that he couldn't become a warrior. He could see. He could smell. He could talk, even if it was a basic language, but still a language, that was even better than mine (his body language reading skills are insane!). Sure hunting was going to be a little bit of hard for him, but he could still potentially stand guard at the camp entrance or learn basic sign (body) language to communicate with his clanmates like "go hunting", "return to camp", "feed X clanmates".

I mean, seriously. If a blind cat can become a medicine cat, then a deaf one shouldn't have problems becoming a warrior. Snowkit is the only kitty cat I care about here. Before I die, I need to warn him to stay in the nursery up until he is 6 months old. Maybe then he was going to be fat/big enough not to get carried away by a hawk.

Speaking of judgy cats. Speckletail. She looks at me with clear disapproval, even as I try my hardest to ignore her. Who is she to judge me! I think she already knows that her son is deaf, but denies it. At least nobody is paying attention at her son when there's me – the retarded – not right in the head/body kit! I'm kind of famous in the nursery. Bad famous. Let me tell you, these queens sure do like gossip. I kind of forgive them, but only because they are cats. I love, love, love cats! Small, big, I don't care! They're so cute, and fluffy and soft….

Anyways, Snowkit and I are best buds now. We play hide and seek, and chase, and other non - life threatening games. Sometimes he wants to roughhouse or play fight, but at that point I always run away. Even if he doesn't have sharp teeth or claws(yet!), it doesn't mean biting doesn't hurt, because it does. I'm not used to pain. I could never become a warrior. If I could talk and appear normal, I would try to become a medicine cat. It's like a perfect job for me – I wouldn't have to fight, I won't feel peer pressure to get a mate, I could snort catnip and poppy seeds and nobody would notice…

Oh catnip. That stuff is good. Before I die, I'm making sure I am going to be drugged out of my mind. There are already sings that a whitecought epidemic is going to break out soon. I'm not surprised so many cats die from it every year – these bramble dens could use more insulation. Thicket or not – I'm literally sleeping outside.

Soon Speckletail decides that enough is enough and calls Snowkit back to her. Snowkit, being the deaf cute little bugger that he is, doesn't hear her and keeps playing with me. Poor kitten, he just wants to play, who am I to deny him? After a few moments I hear Brindleface calling me. Being the rebellious human in a kitten flesh suit, I ignore her and keep playing with my cat bro. I'm not a child. I do what I want. What can I say, Snowkit is therapeutic.

But all good things must come to an end. Speckletail moves a few inches closer and finally grabs Snowkit's attention. He looks at me, with a longing gaze, but turns around and comes back to his mother. Don't worry Snowkit, I'm going to be your best friend, you don't have a choice. Even though I started playing with him only two days ago, he clearly shows signs that he likes playing with me the most. Maybe, if I ran away, I should take him with me. I'm sure someone would pick up a cute little white kitten like him.

Okay, who am I kidding, he would die from exposure just like Mosskit.

Having Snowkit gone I returned to Brindleface. I heard Swiftkit murmuring something to Brightkit from the other side of the den. Something something "twoleg"? Oh yeah, I guess he's right. I do walk like a human. Brightkit chooses not to answer him. Bless her heart, she is such a pretty and kind cat. Seriously, she's the only cat in the nursery who lets me pet her… (I can still feel Ashkit's and Swiftkit's bites in my paw).

One paw slap later and it was feeding time. Seriously it's all I do these days. I shuddered and firmly closed my eyes, trying to prepare myself mentally. Deep breaths… This part of life was terrible. I dread the day caretaker brings us a mouse or some other dead critter to eat. Oh god, I think I'm going to puke.

*One mentally scaring experience later*

Slowly, I opened my eyes. When I fed, I always imagined that I'm drinking cow's milk. Or a slightly warm milkshake. Just anything to keep my mind away from wandering. A slight shift from Brindleface and I knew all too well what was coming next. I darted away.

Unfortunately for me, this is exactly what my caretaker expected. A massive paw grabbed me, pinned me to the ground, and the queen started grooming me. I hate this. I hate this so much. Cats don't know a thing about personal boundaries. To be fair, it must have been really irritating for her. I never groomed myself, or at least I avoided grooming THOSE parts. Sorry, cat or not, I'm not going to lick my butthole. Someone ELSE grooming my bum was also just as scarring. Why couldn't I be a Riverclan cat? I could bathe myself in the river. I could also eat fish aka human food. Sure, I would need to find a way to cook it, but even eating it raw was a more appealing idea than most others.

The day was coming to an end, but caretaker wasn't done annoying me. She clearly wanted something out of me, ever since I starting grunting, and paid attention to some of her conversations (mostly out of sheer boredom). As the final rays of sunshine left the nursery Brindleface drew my attention (at this point I was playing with my own tail, gosh it's fluffy), and told for me to sit down. I complied with her wishes. What did she want?

"#-##, could you fetch me a moss ball?" she asked me, her body not giving anything away. Kind of frustrating, I usually looked for pointers in her body language. She didn't even said where it was! Bored out of my mind, I looked around when I spotted one in the corner. I nodded a "sure" and quickly brought it to her. Back to playing with my tail…

"C-could you give it to Fernkit?" she asked, her voice shaking a little bit. Seriously, can't you see I'm busy?

"Mew?" I grunted a little confused and annoyed. I mean seriously lady. Your only job is to take care of kits. I shouldn't be doing your work. Wait… Oh I get it. She wants me to play with my siblings. Ever since I started understanding spoken cat language, I stopped playing with them. Why? Because they were making fun of me! Petty or not, I didn't want to play with those cute, insensitive bullies. I don't care that you're 3 months old and will not remember me after I die! Walking on two legs is not weird!

I grabbed the moss ball with my jaws, and seriously I miss my hands soooo much, and quickly completed the task. Fernkit was playing with Snowkit's sister (huh, in the books she just straight up disappears) and quickly ran back to Brindleface, before both kittens could tackle or mock me. Hey, I'm getting quite fast running like th…

PAW SLAP!

Oh yeah. I hissed at Brindleface making my displeasure know. Instead of punishing me, she gaped at me with starry eyes. Wait, is she going to cry? (Cats can't cry right?)

"Do you understand me?" she meowed softly.

What a weird question. I mean sure, I couldn't do it until recently. In normal circumstances I couldn't understand her. My mind freezes for a moment. Am I seriously going to have a conversation with a cat?

"Yeah?" I nodded/grunted out slowly.

What followed was a deep, delighted purr from Brindleface.

2019.06.28 fixed some grammar mistakes