Disclaimer: I don't own Get Backers in any shape or form. And I do not profit from this in any way that involves currency. And I have to admit that the title is a rip off of a story of Neil Gaiman's. And I think I owe Ray Parker Jr. an apology for sort of using the Ghost Busters theme.

Part 4 – Wherein A Song is Sung; Retrievers are Hired; and Foul Play (when accompanied by Illegal Parking) Does Not Pay

"No way," said Ban emphatically, slamming his fist down on Paul's clean countertop. "No fucking way. Over my cold, dead body and then only if you get an exorcist because I swear I will come back to haunt you if you even try!"

If this outburst had occurred earlier in Natsumi's career as a waitress at the Honky Tonk, she might have burst into tears. But she now considered herself a veteran when it came to Midou Ban's moods. "I was only trying to help," she said, more or less evenly.

"Yeah, Ban-chan!" This was Ginji, who was latched to his coffee cup in the same way that some hospital patients are latched to ventilators. "And I think it'd be cute."

"Cute? Who the hell cares about cute? We're retrievers, lightning punk, not mascots for hire at kids' birthdays. People want 'em lean, mean, and no-nonsense. How in the nine circles of Hell are we going to get work by being cute?"

"You made me wear a traffic cone on my head once," said Ginji, in a very small voice. "When we were looking for work on the sidewalk before the yakuza guys showed up…"

"That was to attract attention, nitwit, not to look cute!"

"And we don't have work anyway, shouldn't we just try…?"

"I said there is no way in freaking Hell that I am going to stand on a public street and sing that ridiculous song! I have my dignity!"

"You have no dignity," interjected Paul from behind his newspaper. "What you do have is a tab as long as my arm, and no way to pay it. Why don't you give it a shot? You could at least liven up the place instead of griping."

"And Natsumi-chan treated us to the coffee!"

The waitress in question nodded. "Can't you sing, Ban?"

"I can sing damn well if I want to!"

"It's a simple enough tune, and you don't even need to get it all right - If there's something lost, in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? Get Backers!" sang Natusmi brightly, snapping her fingers to the tune. "If you need it back, and it's gone for good – who you gonna call?"

"Get Backers!" answered Ginji, twirling on his stool.

Ban put his head in his hands and closed his eyes. "I can't bear this, I really just can't."

"What's not to be borne, Midou-kun?" asked a sudden smooth voice from the door. "I found it amusing enough. A little maudlin, perhaps, but the tune is familiar enough to make for good advertising."

Ginji froze in mid-swivel. The silhouette in the doorway was familiar even if there was something off about it today. "A-a-aaaaakabane-san!"

"Fuck off, Jackal," spat Ban, determinedly refusing to look in the direction of the Transporter. "Nobody asked for your opinion."

"You will find that my opinion will become very important in a moment. And that you will no longer need to advertise. I am here to give you a job, Get Backers."

"…" came a steady mantra from somewhere near the floor. Ginji was in hiding.

"Heh." Ban curled his mouth into a wry grin. "I'm sorry, Jackal, but your humanity is something that even we can't retrieve."

"My 'humanity' as you call it is none of your concern. What I need you to retrieve is something much more mundane. As pros shouldn't you hear your clients out before judging them on the basis of personal prejudice?"

"Don't tell us how to do our job, and we won't tell you how to do yours." Ban took a swig of coffee before finally turning to face Akabane Kuroudo. The coffee was promptly snorted out. "What the hell are you wearing?"

"Obviously something other than my normal attire," answered Jackal in an annoyed hiss.

Paul put down his paper and gave the Transporter a critical look. "I'd have left off the hat if I were you."

"Yeah, Akabane-san," echoed Natsumi. "It doesn't…look…right…" She tilted her head as she regarded him, and then remembered who she was talking to. "Coffee, Akabane-san?"

"No, thank you." The Transporter leveled a look at Ban who wasn't even trying to pretend to not be on the verge of laughter. "And I will thank you to refrain from comment. Shouldn't you inviting me to talk? Somewhere away from the windows, please."

Ginji and Ban found it more than a little hard to focus as Akabane Kuroudo outlined what he needed from them, on negotiating with him about the terms and conditions for the retrieval of his coat. They were very preoccupied with the memory of yesterday afternoon, when they had happened to look through the window of a laundry shop in the course of their search for work. Had happened to see the proprietor hanging up a coat that looked very familiar. Had happened to enter the shop. Had happened to use the Evil Eye to make the proprietor become occupied with a scantily clad and possibly underage female customer (in Ban's case). Had happened to pinch the coat from the rack and run like mad for the exit (in Ginji's case). Ginji was wondering why he had gone along with Ban's obviously madcap idea. Ban (though he would never admit it) was wondering why he had thought that it was a good idea in the first place.

He did, however, retain enough business sense to haggle for an exorbitant fee, even if Akabane's equally sharp bargaining skills (and scalpels) prevented him from demanding half of the two million yen up front.

"I expect it delivered to me within three days, whole and undamaged. After delivery, and after a thorough inspection of the item, I will pay you the rest of the fee. The deal will be off if my conditions are not met."

"C'mon, don't we look trustworthy?" Ban volunteered a resisting tare-Ginji across the table. "Look, I don't even know why we're talking about this. We'll get you your laundry back, Akabane, with every goddamn stitch in place. The Get Backers accept the job!"

Akabane smiled thinly at the pair of retrieval agents. "Very well. I trust you will make it worth the price." The smile said many other things. I'm no fool was one of them. If you're fool enough to think I am, I won't hesitate to have myself a little fun with you (and the resulting pieces), hm? was another. It was that kind of smile.

It left the Get Backers frozen in their seats for a good while after Akabane had made his exit. It wasn't as dramatic with the white coat, but no-one would have dared to tell him that. Ginji, very slowly, making no sudden movements, turned to Ban.

"He knows, doesn't he, Ban-chan?"

"Idiot. Of course he doesn't know."

"How do you know?"

"Because he came here to hire us to find it, not to slice us into little pieces."

"Oh. Okay." A thought suddenly occurred to Ginji. "Ban-chan, what if he finds out?"

"He won't. It'll be the easiest job we've ever had. We wait until tomorrow evening, pop over to his place with the damn coat, and get the rest of our money. If he asks where it came from, we'll remind him that it's unprofessional to pry for trade secrets." Ban's bark of a laugh was just short of manic. "I never thought he'd actually hire us to get it back. We'll be living like kings!" He put an arm around Ginji's shoulders and started to steer him out of the Honky Tonk. "How about lunch, lightning punk?"

"Um, Ban-chan?"

"Yeah?"

"Where did you put the coat?"

"In the trunk of the Subaru. Why?"

"Ban-chan?"

"What?"'

"Where's the car?"

There was, indeed, no Subaru waiting patiently for them on the curb. What there was, however was a notice that it had been towed.

The world suddenly seemed a much darker place.

Ban's fist collided lethally with an innocent lamppost. "Fuck."

End of Part 4