19th December 2020

"Were you even going to tell me, Santana?" Maria said; Santana crinkled her nose from the tone her other mother was using.

"Yeah, I was going to tell you. I've been dealing with it myself... Things have gotta a little bit more complicated. I don't wanna get into it right now. Can I call you back?" Santana said all the while avoiding Quinn's eyes

"No... I'm coming to yours... We can talk there." Maria said

"What? Mami! You can't be in New York." snapped Santana, her eyes immediately meeting Quinn's curious eyes; "Mami, please don't come here. I'm-"

"I'm already in New York...I'll see you in about an hour; should I go to your place or-" Maria said

"No, I'll meet you at Macy's on 5th street in an hour." Santana said; rubbing her temple to try and sooth her anxiety which was building; her mother didn't know about Quinn cheating or that she had moved out; or the fact she was pregnant. Santana heard her mother agree; and she hung up; she put the phone down; and sighed; "She's already on her way to New York... I tried to change her mind."

"Does she know?" said Quinn running her fingers through her hair; she was nervous; she was scared of Santana, never mind how frightened she was over Maria's reaction she wasn't exactly a fan of hers; especially since Santana had frequently informed her mother of problems within their relationship. Santana answered by shaking her head.

"I couldn't tell her." Santana said softly; moving round to the other side of her desk; she squeezed her hands in a manner of releasing the tension she was feeling; "What are we gonna do?"

"Nothing we can do." Quinn murmured

"I'm not telling her, Quinn. She'll make me leave; she'll force me to move back to Lima, I'll lose you...-" Santana said, before trailing off; realising what she was saying; Quinn was slightly smiling at the way Santana was talking; it was too obvious she was still in love with her. Quinn bit her bottom lip; she didn't know whether she was feeling relieved or guilty for that.

"Do what you want, San... I just... Isn't she going to twig something is wrong?" Quinn said

"No... We just won't tell her." Santana said, shrugging her shoulders as if it wasn't a problem; "You're good at hiding the truth, right Quinn?" Santana added with an expression Quinn couldn't grasp; she went to defend herself; but stopped what was the point; Santana was telling the truth; she was always hiding things; she had hidden her real self since high school; well after Beth.

Santana bit her tongue; feeling guilty for being so cold towards Quinn but the truth was she couldn't help herself; she always used to attack others as a means of defending herself; or rather protecting herself from being hurt.

"You owe me, Quinn." Santana said softly; looking at various items on her desk; pausing to look at her cell phone which was flashing on a call from Brittany; she chose to ignore it and focus on talking to Quinn.

"I owe you." Quinn repeated in a tone Santana instantly disliked

"You played me... for a fool. The least you can do is pretend for a little while..." Santana said trying to convince Quinn to just agree with her for once; "It's not that hard, Quinn. You pretended to love me for the last 6 years, a few days won't kill you."

"It's not that, Santana. It's the principal." Quinn replied

"The principal? You're a 27 year old woman who had a baby at 16 and went off the rails; attacking everything and everyone... you can barely open your eyes long enough to pretend to listen to someone; but you care about principals!" Santana said curtly; "Don't question me on principals...-"

"Fine, Santana. Do what you want, I'm not gonna tell her anything." Quinn said; in an apologetic manner; "What about the pregnancy?"

Santana scoffed "As if you even care about that... You don't care, Quinn."

Santana ran her fingers along the desk; she tried to think, tried to calm herself down as the anger at Quinn for hurting her so badly was burning her; starting from the edge of her fingers, she drummed them rapidly to stop herself from acting on her impulses.

"I do care." Quinn murmured affectionately; the familiar tone of respect sparked a rare flash of irritation from Santana direct at Quinn; she bit harder on her lip; still feeling the anger build up within her stomach.

"I would normally have asked you to prove it... but what's the point, Quinn?" said Santana distantly; "You should go... I have to pick up-"

"Fine, I'll guess I'll see you at home." Quinn replied; before walking towards the office door; Santana nodded; and moved to picked up her bag; she picked up some files; and put them inside; the door slammed shut; and immediately reopened with Jane walking in.

"Is everything okay, Santana?" Jane asked, her concern clearly laced within her question

"Everything's fine, Jane. I just... I need the rest of the week off. My mother has scheduled an impromptu visit." said Santana

"I'm sure that's okay, Santana. What about the Beckett meeting tomorrow?" said Jane, waiting for Santana's answer

"I can make that... Just postpone all my other meetings." said Santana

"Okay." Jane answered, she placed some forms on the desk and saw a divorce form; she couldn't help but read Santana Maria Lopez in capital letters at the top of the form; Santana turned round and noticed Jane's gaze; Santana cleared her throat, and gathered Jane's attention.

Santana released a shaky breath, she didn't want people especially her bosses or fellow lawyers knowing about any problems she was having; particularly if it was marital like it was.

"I would appreciate if this was kept... private." Santana said, her eyes leading from the forms to Jane's knowing gaze; she nodded silently; Santana smiled softly; and put the forms into her drawer; she locked it; and picked up her jacket; she pulled it on; and grabbed her bag; "I'll see you tomorrow, Jane."

Jane nodded; and followed Santana out of the room; Jane smiled and slightly waved to Santana; who went towards the elevator. She rang the lift; and got inside; she pressed the button; and rode down to the ground floor; Santana took her car to 5th street; she parked up and got out. She rang her mother until she saw her; and then put her cell away.

"Mami." Santana called as she walked towards Maria; she smiled softly; and wrapped her arms around her daughter; squeezing her tightly; "I'm happy to see you."

Maria smiled softly; and kissed her cheek softly before stepping back to look at her; "You sounded upset on the phone. Did something happen?"

"No, Mami. I was working... I'm sorry... I just... I have a few days off; just not tomorrow morning. I've got a meeting which is super important. Are you done shopping or do you want to continue?" Santana said

"I'm finished, honey. Although you didn't have to take time off work; I'm fine with sightseeing." Maria replied; as they began walking towards Santana's vehicle

"Sightseeing? It's New York, Mami. You do realise the residents are crazy, never mind what the tourists are like." Santana said as she opened the trunk to put Maria's bags inside; they climbed inside; and attached their seatbelts; Santana could hear her mother talking; but it was just a blur; she could feel herself locking up. The familiar ache building up; as she started the engine and made her way home. Santana prayed Quinn would just act normal for once; to act like a loving wife. Santana snapped out of her haze; as she parked up; and got out; Maria walked to the door; as Quinn walked out; and welcomed Maria inside as she offered to help Santana with her bags.

"Hey." Quinn said softly as she reached Santana; who smiled sarcastically and thrusted Maria's suitcase at her unready hands; Quinn fumbled but caught the luggage.

"Nice hands." Santana murmured before picking up the rest of the bags, Quinn smiled softly; almost loving how things were; "I bet you make all the girls say that." Santana added with a humourless expression before walking off; Quinn locked the car and then followed inside the house. She placed the suitcase in the spare bedroom; before finding Santana and Maria sitting in the kitchen.

"There you are, honey. I was getting worried. Thought you got lost." Santana said, Quinn could taste the sarcastic within Santana's tone; she was obviously playing an act in front of her mother; "Coffee?" Santana asked; Quinn nodded; and sat down.

Santana poured Quinn a mug; and passed it to her; she smiled; and sipped it.

"So what were you talking about?" Quinn asked

"Noth-"Santana said

"Your marriage problems." Maria said, as Santana looked at her in disbelief

"Mami; what the hell!" Santana gritted out, she turned to Quinn; "I told my mom we fell out... but everything is okay, now."

Quinn nodded, taking another sip of the coffee; Santana bit her bottom lip; she ran her fingers through her fringe, sensing Quinn's focus on her.

"So last time I came to New York... we went and saw your friend in that annoying show." Maria said

Santana laughed loudly; as Quinn smirked knowing Maria was talking about Rachel's off Broadway show of Evita. It was surprising good but annoying.

"Oh that is a classic. I am so reminding Rachel off that." Santana said; as she put her mug in the sink; she washed her hands, and slowly turned round meeting Quinn's eyes as she walked towards the sink, setting her mug down; she touched Santana's hand, knowing Maria was watching her.

"I'm gonna finish my article in my office... I'll meet you upstairs." said Quinn

"Okay." Santana said, Quinn leaned in and kissed her cheek; Santana smiled, as Quinn immediately looked down, and walked off; Santana switched off the taps. She looked in the direction Quinn walked off in; and bit the inside of her cheek. She couldn't help but think that if Quinn was like that constantly; their marriage probably wouldn't be in this state; but it was just a ploy so Maria wouldn't suspect anything was wrong. Santana walked back and sat down; she listened and answered any questions Maria had; before they both called it a night. Santana walked to her bedroom; and changed into some shorts and a vest; she pressed call and lied down.

"Hey Britt-Britt." Santana said as she tugged her pillow more under her head; she sighed as she heard Rachel said is that Santana? Tell her I said hey before the door closed.

"Hey, San. Rach says hey... she just went to the bathroom. How's your mom?" Brittany asked

"Oh she's fine... Still obsessed with New York. I swear she is as bad as that crazy Yankee fan who attacked us last year." said Santana, laughing as she remembered the memory

"Oh that guy! Haha he was mad." Brittany said; "How's Quinn doing with your return?"

"She's confused... I know I would be if I was her. I asked her for a divorce; I told her I was pregnant... and I moved back into our house. I mean... Even I'm like Santana that is fucked up. Hopefully, when the divorce is finalised we can forget this whole thing actually happened." Santana said as she scratched her forehead; hearing Brittany sighed in the need to say something but not actually saying anything; "You don't agree with me, do you?"

"San, I think you need to do what's right for you." Brittany answered honestly; "Do you still love her?"

"Of course I do... It's Quinn, you know. I have always been attracted to her. I just... I was in awe with her. She like everything I wanted." Santana said; "And then we began dating... I have never felt anything like that with anyone else."

Brittany smiled softly; Santana bit her tongue

"I'm divorcing her; Britt. I can't... We're like the same person; like fire meeting fire... It was a disaster waiting to happen. How can I forgive someone who keeps hurting me?" Santana stopped speaking when she heard footsteps coming up the stairs; "Britt, I have to go. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay, talk to you soon. Night, San." Brittany said

"Night." Santana replied before hanging up the phone; she placed her phone down; and watched the door; the handle turned; and the door cracked open. Quinn slid in slowly; not seeing Santana's sitting figure in the darkness; she walked silently over towards her drawer, taking out some clothes; she quickly changed. She then turned around; and Santana picked this time to flick the lamp on; Quinn saw Santana and screamed; Santana burst out laughing; "Oh my... that was pretty hilarious."

Quinn frowned; and threw a dirty sock at her; Santana threw it on the floor and laughed harder.

"You are an idiot, Quinn. There is a light switch by the door." said Santana

"I thought you were asleep." said Quinn

"At half 11? I'm not really tired." said Santana as she playing on angry birds; Quinn stood still; she was looking at her feet; not knowing whether she was able to sleep in the same bed as Santana, she was scared of asking in case Santana took it the wrong way; and assumed that she was hinting at something. Santana rolled her eyes as she looked up at Quinn; she put her ipod down; and kinked her eyebrow up.

"Get into bed then." said Santana

Quinn nodded; and walked over; she pulled the covers over; and climbed inside; she lied back; and looked over at Santana; who was resuming her game.

"You're such a loser for playing that." said Quinn

"Shut up, I'm being serious right now. That little shit of a bird." said Santana pointing to her screen; Quinn laughed; "Shut up, Q."

"You know I'm kidding right?" Quinn said, Santana nodded: Quinn smiled and leaned her head to the side; she closed her eyes.

"Will you stay with us next time?" Santana said, she touched Quinn's arm lightly; Quinn immediately opened her eyes; "she kept asking me about us. How things were going. I don't know whether to tell her about the pregancy yet... I want to wait til the first scan you know..."

Quinn nodded, biting her bottom ip; she didn't want to discuss this; but the look in Santana's eyes left no room for a rebuttal.

"Okay, I'll stay..." Quinn said softly; "I think you should wait; the doctors normally say to wait til the 12 week scan; you know when the risk of miscarrying is low..."

Santana put the ipod on the bedside table; she pulled the covers over her; and sighed; there was always this tension between them which had only got worse due to Quinn's behaviour.

"Britt knows." Santana murmured; "She can burst into the toilet when I started screaming."

"I wish I was there." Quinn whispered, she blinked she couldn't believe she had said that; but she knew she was telling the truth; she knew how terrifying this experience was. She wanted to help; she just didn't know how to ask; especially after everything.

Santana smiled sympathetically

"You know now... That's what's important." Santana said; before closing her eyes; hoping Quinn would sense the conversation was dead much like most conversation for Quinn these days. Quinn could see Santana's chest rising with each breath; she slowly closed her eyes.

"She meant nothing... you know that right?" Quinn said, surprisingly very strongly; she had be strong; she couldn't back down now. Santana scoffed at Quinn.

"She meant more to you than I did. So don't lie... You may be in my bed, Quinn but this marriage is over." Santana replied curtly

"I'm telling the truth." Quinn said, with a pleading tone; "I love you...you know I love you."

"Love... You know nothing about the notion, Quinn." Santana replied, "Now stop..."

Quinn shakily nodded her head; she turned onto her side; releasing a sad sigh of air into the even more tensed atmosphere. With their backs facing each other, they fell asleep in each other's presence.

Quinn woke up; and rolled over; she was snapped back into consciousness by the instant coldness of the crumbled sheets underneath her. She sat up; and looked over at the clock. 11:34am. Quinn groaned before quickly rushing for a shower; she changed into some black jeans, and a patterned t-shirt.

Quinn was quickly making some early lunch; when the front door opened, the familiar sound of Santana's laughter immediately spread through the house. Quinn couldn't help but smile softly at the sound. It had been too long since she had heard it; she had honestly missed it.

"Oh... you're still here." Santana said, looking back at her watch as if in disbelief that Quinn should still be here.

"Don't worry, I should be leaving soon..." Quinn said, walking to the sink; she placed her plate down; Santana nodded; and put some brown shopping bags on the side.

"My mom ran into an old friend. Decided to stay..." Santana said as she began putting the different food stuff away.

"Oh... did you take work off?" Quinn asked

"Yeah..." said Santana not sure why Quinn was asking so many questions; it wasn't right; she knew it was one of Quinn's pathetic attempts at pretending she was trying harder; "Should you be leaving?" Santana snapped; not in the mood to deal with 'talkative' Quinn today.

Quinn nodded; and grabbed her bag; Quinn walked passed Santana, towards the front room; she looked back and met Santana's eyes; before watching as Santana looked away. She walked out, leaving Santana alone.

Santana wasted the day by watching TV; and painting her toenails a bright pink; she then called Blaine. He had texted her multiple times; clearly worried about her; when Brittany had cancelled on their previous lunch dates.

"San, how are you? Are you okay? Do you need a place to stay?" Blaine said quickly; his concern clearly showing; "Britt told me what happened... I hope-"

"Blaine, I'm... I'm really in need of a friend." Santana said softly; she released a shakily breath; "Are you free today?"

"Of course... where are you?" said Blaine, "Work...?"

"No, I'm at home... I have a lot to tell you." said Santana

"I'll be there soon." said Blaine

"See you." said Santana before hanging up; Santana waited for Blaine to arrive; when he did; they sat in the kitchen; Santana filled Blaine in on everything; from Quinn cheating; to her filing for divorce to her mother's ignorance of everything that was happening; which only made everything so much worse. Santana left out her pregnancy she felt like it was too special to be mentioned with all the other negative stuff which had happened.

Santana was crying by the time she finished; Blaine cuddled her against his chest; soothing her the best way he could.

"I wish things were easier for you." Blaine whispered affectionately; "You can get passed this; you can move on... I promise you, San... You can get through this."

"Without her, Blaine." Santana said sadly; she looked from the ground to Blaine's face, noting the confusion written all over his expression; "I'll only get through this without her. Otherwise... I'll be like this for the rest of my life... basically married to nothing."

"Quinn's... She's a great person, Santana. She just... hasn't been herself for a long time. I think she's lost her way." Blaine said softly; not wanting to lie to Santana

"It excuses nothing. I begged her to sort herself out; I even offered to... to find Beth. I thought maybe that would snap her out of her head." said Santana; "But no... She had a go at me. She's too different... she's not the person I fell in love with."

Blaine nodded; squeezing her hand comforting, Santana moved into his embrace, letting Blaine hug her softly. Blaine decided to leave, thinking that things were hard on Santana enough without reliving the whole ordeal. Santana waited for her mother to return; and they then decided to go out for dinner; with the valid excuse of Quinn being at work; Santana was thankful hopeful that Maria wouldn't be too harsh about her obvious problematic marriage.

Half way through their meal; Maria spoke up asking how things smoothed over so quickly.

"Mami, I told you... It was just a fight about work." said Santana, hoping her mother would drop the subject quickly

"What about work?" said Maria, with her eyebrow quirked upwards; Santana sighed softly; sensing things were far from solved.

"That I'm working too much... I'm slowing down my hours." said Santana looking at Maria, before looking back at her half eaten meal, she pushed her plate away; "Problem solved." Santana added when she met Maria's eyes; before reaching for her glass.

"Are you sure?" Maria asked

"Positive." Santana said; she took her phone out as it beeped; she opened the message.

'Working late... be home later - Q.'

Santana rolled her eyes; and dumped her phone back into her bag; not bothering to send a reply; Maria put the money for the check; and they walked out. They arrived home, and were watching TV on the couch.

"Honey, I know I'm leaving tomorrow... but I'd like to have lunch with you and Quinn before I leave." Maria said

"I know you'd like that, Mama... but Quinn's not really for lunch... well with other people. She's more of a... solo eater." Santana explained, hoping her mother would just drop it; she couldn't take another night of sleeping in her bed, it wasn't even Quinn which bothered her. It was the house; it was supposed to be their house when they raised their children, what they would live to their children after they passed. Now all it reminded Santana of; was the fact that everything was changing; and there was nothing that she could do to stop it. The pain of starting over, only hurts if you have things stopping you. As Santana looked at her phone screen, she realised she had nothing stopping her. Not anymore.

"Oh no more mistakes... Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay..."