True Affections
Chapter 4: Won't Let You Fall
A/N: I told you I haven't forgotten about this story. Writing my Christmas story "The Christmas Case" got me in the mood for some really good EOness. I hope you guys like this chapter.
Olivia reappeared in the doorway of Elliot's hospital room after driving Lizzie home. She entered quietly; he had been exhausted when his daughter had come to see him but he had stayed awake for the duration of the visit. She had told him to get some sleep while she was away but he had insisted on staying awake until she got back; he was intent on finishing their talk from earlier.
She sat down beside the bed. He was exhausted and she was more than willing to let him sleep. She wasn't sure if she was ready to travel the road that their earlier conversation had been heading down. It wasn't long after she sat down that she too felt exhaustion creeping up on her.
She checked her watch and found that by now it had been nearly twenty two hours since she had last slept. She stifled a yawn as she watched the slow rise and fall of Elliot's muscular chest. She was so thankful that he had survived being shot. She had been so scared that she would lose him.
She settled herself as comfortably as she could in the plastic chair and propped her elbow on her knee. Her chin quickly dropped to rest in her hand. She continued to watch Elliot sleeping peacefully on the bed before her and without her even realizing it, her eyes drifted shut and the past day caught up with her as sleep swept her away.
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Elliot groaned as he slowly opened his eyes. He hadn't meant to fall asleep. He was just going to close his eyes for a minute. He should have known that that always led to falling asleep. His eyes slowly swept the room as he wondered what time it was and if Olivia was back yet. Then he saw her, sound asleep in one of those hard, plastic chairs that hospital always seemed to have a ready supply of. Some kind hearted nurse had wrapped a blanket around her, something he was sure Olivia would be grateful for if she had been aware of it at the time; the temperature of the room was uncomfortably cool.
He found himself unable to take his eyes off her. Though he wanted to talk to her desperately, he knew it had been far too long since she'd had any sleep so he let her sleep and he let himself watch her. She looked peaceful, serene, unburdened. It was a far too rare occurrence to see her like that. The world had been none too kind to his courageous partner and he knew she deserved far better than what she got.
Suddenly, Kathy's words from earlier that day ran through his mind. Olivia did deserve better but was he the person who could give it to her? Would she let him? She was the person he most enjoyed spending time with, aside from his children of course. But would she allow him to love her? She cared for him; that was all too obvious. They were the best of friends and an unstoppable team. But would that translate into a successful romantic relationship?
He wasn't sure he could make things work between them, no matter how much he wanted to. He had screwed up his marriage and if he tried to build something more with Olivia he would probably screw up what he already had with her. And what he already had with her was something that he held near and dear to his heart.
With Kathy, there relationship was built upon one act. They hadn't really gotten to know each other as people until after they had been married. Sure they had known some things about each other before they had sex but they had been stupid kids at the time and hadn't been interested in much beyond the superficial. He had never really gotten to know someone the way he had grown to know Olivia and that was something special to him.
He respected her. Perhaps that was why he had been so eager to flirt with Dani. Dani was there, Dani was superficial. Olivia had left and Dani was there. And, he didn't want to be friends with Dani. The more he got to know her, the more he wanted to be able to objectify her, tell himself that she wasn't anything to him. Dani could never be his friend.
But Olivia was his best friend, the person who wouldn't just be there when he came to her with his problems but the person who could sense when he needed someone and even when he didn't want her to, she would seek him out. And he loved her for it. He loved her. That was the problem. His feelings went far deeper than friendship. He wasn't quite sure when it had happened but it had. And now he had a choice. Continue to suppress his feelings and preserve their friendship, an option that seemed like it might destroy them both due to the ever mounting sexual tension that existed between them, or try to move forward, attempt to build a relationship with Olivia, an option that could cost them both their friendship and possibly their careers if they weren't careful.
He continued to ponder these burning questions as he watched Olivia sitting there, sleeping. As he watched her, she moved suddenly in her sleep. At first he thought she was waking up but it soon became clear that she wasn't. He never thought that it was possible to fall so deeply asleep in a sitting position that one could have a nightmare but as he watched her, he realized that it was indeed possible because that was what was happening.
"No!" she snapped suddenly in a sort of mumbling shout and he watched helplessly as she tumbled forward out of the chair; he was unable to leave his bed due to his injuries.
She landed on the floor and the shock of the fall was enough to rouse her. She sat there, hugging the blanket that had been placed around her shoulders tight to the point that the pallor of her knuckles matched the fabric clamped between them. Her eyes darted madly about the room as she tried to place where she was. It wasn't until her eyes met Elliot's that she visibly calmed, though only slightly. Her cheeks flushed when she realized that she was in a heap on the floor "Oh God," she muttered, looking down at her lap.
"Hey," he said compassionately, watching her carefully "You okay?"
She picked herself up, still looking shaken "Yeah," she said softly, ashamed of her incident and hoping to convey the fact that she really didn't want to discuss it. She still remembered vividly the nightmare she had had just prior to finding herself on the hospital floor in full view of Elliot. She only hoped that he didn't realize why she had fallen; the nightmare was something she didn't want to talk about, not with him and not with anyone.
"Liv," he spoke almost warningly as she returned to her seat. When she met his gaze with a quizzical look, he moved over in the bed, just as he had done earlier and patted the place beside him "If you're going to go back to sleep, you might want to be in a more comfortable position."
Olivia nodded but stayed in her seat. She wasn't planning on going back to sleep anytime soon. She smiled wryly at her partner "Thanks but I think that my little nap did the trick," it hadn't really; she was still very tired and there was a part of her, a very large part of her, that wanted to take Elliot up on his offer and crawl into bed beside him.
"Liar," Elliot called her bluff confidently with a smirk that might have made her angry if she wasn't so exhausted. "Come over here and keep your old, injured partner company," he frantically tried to search his mind for words that sounded less direct than that but they had been said and now he had to wait for her reaction. It seemed that his mind and heart had decided to proceed with the second option without letting him know.
Olivia smiled. The part of her that wanted to accept his invitation rapidly overcame the part of her that wanted her to remain at arms length and bare her own burdens. She slipped into the bed beside him and carefully positioned herself alongside him. "I'm not hurting you am I?" she asked timidly.
He smiled and wrapped an arm around her "Not at all," he said with a smile and suddenly the urge to lean in and kiss her overtook him and resisting it all of a sudden became a major priority. He couldn't kiss her now. He didn't know what she would do. She might pull away, retreat to the chair or even worse, retreat to her apartment, or perhaps Oregon again. That was what happened when things got to be too much for her, she ran, she ran from him. He couldn't mess this up and scare her away.
She smiled and subconsciously nuzzled against his shoulder. She felt him flinch and pulled back "I'm sorry," she said quickly, afraid that she had hurt him. Though the wound was on the opposite side of his chest from where she was, she couldn't just press up against him like that. It had been a gunshot wound after all, who knew what kind of pain he was in. She cursed herself for being so stupid.
"No," he said quickly in a gentle voice "It's okay. It doesn't hurt there, it's just…" he had been surprised at the gesture, his flinch had been involuntary, the surprise itself was a pleasant one.
She returned her head to his shoulder happily and let it rest there "So you're okay with this?" she asked.
"Yeah," he said warmly "Better than okay actually, are you okay with this?" he hoped that she was. He enjoyed being with her like this.
"Yeah," she replied in a tone that worried him. She was more than okay with lying there with him and that was what scared her. It seemed so natural, so perfect. Olivia had learned to doubt things that seemed to good. But this was Elliot, the most constant thing in her life for the past nine years. She had never doubted him. How could she doubt him now? The uncertainty of it all confused and frightened her.
"Have you eaten anything today?" Elliot asked from beside her as he watched her facial features, relaxed but not nearly so much as when she had been in peaceful, dreamless, slumber.
"Not really," she answered him. She wasn't really hungry; she was more tired than anything and the longer she lay with Elliot, the safer she felt and the more comfortable she was with the idea of falling asleep again.
"Wanna order something from the hospital cafeteria and split it?" he asked with a slight grin.
"Not really," she replied drowsily.
"Are you falling asleep?" he asked, amused and a bit relieved.
"Maybe," she mumbled. Just having Elliot so close was like some magical cure. She felt safe and warm and protected and though she couldn't quite identify the feeling yet, she felt loved.
"Go ahead," he smiled as he bent his head, unable to resist the urge any longer. He brushed his lips across hers and her eyes, which had drifted closed, fluttered open for a brief moment "I won't let you fall."
She smiled at him. It wasn't too good to be true after all. It was just really good and very true "I know," she said in a near whisper and she lifted her head from the bed just far enough to return his kiss. She let her head fall back and her eyes drifted closed.
He watched her breathing even out and when he thought she was asleep, he let his lips brush against her ear as he said, in a whisper that was barely more than a breath "I love you."
The response was almost immediate. In the same small breath of a voice, she returned the sentiment "I love you too."
A/N: Okay, that was the chapter. I'd love to know what you all thought of it. If you haven't gotten the chance yet, I would also like to know what you guys think of my story "The Christmas Case". I'm trying to make it like an actual episode of SVU and it's not brimming with my usual amount of EOness… yet. I'm gonna try not to go EO crazy in that story but I will be trying to capture all of that sexual tension we love so much. So I would greatly appreciate your input on that story. Thanks in advance and I'll try to update this story soon too.
