A/N: Welcome back! I, personally, love this chapter solely because of the growth you're able in Alison especially from excerpts of the past to Alison in the present. I hope you all enjoy Emison's first date, and the aftermath of Emily and Alison's fight last chapter! :)


I hadn't had a panic attack in years, but driving away from Emily's, I knew exactly what was happening. Though I was only minutes away from my house, I could feel my hand instinctively trying to get myself out of the moving car as the 4-door Civic was becoming far too small for the space my lungs needed. I pulled over and immediately leaped out, so I could stand on the sidewalk to try and get a decent gasp of air. Panic attacks have always felt so irrational to me because my brain loses the ability to control itself. Half of it was swarming with questions ranging from reasonable to pure doomsday, while the other half was attempting to calm the side freaking out down using tactics that can only be described as futile. Sitting down on the curb, I placed my head between my legs and started trying to take as deep of breaths as I could to regain some semblance of sanity within me.

"Alison?!" a voice called from a passing car, causing my head to snap directly towards the red car slowing down next to me. I chuckled as soon as we made eye contact because, with this addition, today had to be a freak dream that would wake me up at any moment.

"Aria…" I trailed off. Unlike Spencer, who may have spoken to Emily off and on over the past year but was forever there for me, Aria dropped Emily and me both as soon as she realized the havoc our breakup would cause. She never was one to insert herself into drama, but the veracity with which she ignored me reaching out for help was astounding. Despite many attempts on my side, Aria and I hadn't spoken for at least six months.

"Are you doing okay? Did your car break down? Do you need help?" she sincerely questioned. The scoff I replied back with must have been perfectly interpreted because she continued, "Okay, I get it. I'm the last person you want to be seeing right now. But are you okay?"

Thoroughly pissed off at this point, I replied, "Don't give yourself the satisfaction of thinking you're the last person I'd want to see. That's putting you far too high up on the list, Ar."

"Okay… great. So, you're not okay. Got it. Want to go talk about it?" she questioned, leaning over to open the passenger's side door.

It was impossible for my brain to think what with the subsiding panic attack and the realization that the sun hadn't even set on this hell of a day. What was Aria even suggesting? Why did she care now? And with all the shit scrambling in my head, before I knew it, I had hopped into Aria's car.

Aria seemed just as surprised as I was as she asked her next question, "Have you eaten dinner yet, Ali?" I continued staring out the window as she drove into the town square and pulled up at a local restaurant, "Come on. Let's go grab a bite."

Trust me. It wasn't lost on me that Aria had been the key person in my life to lead me to Emily, and now here she was when I had so many more questions that needed to be answered. She grabbed us a table, and we sat down with only silence between us.

"What happened, Alison? I know that I haven't been around for you, and you owe me nothing, but I would never just leave you on the side of the road like that. So, let's talk about whatever is bugging you and then we each get back to our lives. Okay?"

I hated the condescension streaming from her words. There was an attempt at showing she cared, but it was laced with the understanding that her life was far better without me in it, so she intended for it to stay that way.

"You wouldn't believe me even if I tried to explain it…" I muttered dejectedly, hoping that if I just talked to her the sooner she would take me back to my car.

"Try me. I haven't let you down yet!" she exclaimed, before quickly correcting herself, "I mean, you know what I mean… I've always been honest and forthright with you."

"I get it…" I took a deep breath, feeling insanely stupid for the next sentence I was about to utter, "Emily and I got into a fight today."

"Woah. Throwback." She stated, laughing lightly.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this was different. I was seeking closure and answers, and I didn't accomplish either of those things."

"Okay…" she replied, thinking deeply about her next words, "Did it go the way you wanted?"

"Not exactly," I said, starting to open up a little bit more, as I had forgotten how well Aria listened and responded to people baring their souls to her. "I would've liked to have come to an actual resolution, but she did apologize to me which was a first."

"That's a start! Let's backtrack though because you seriously looked in pain on the side of the road earlier and so I get that the conversation at some point went south. But what went well?"

"I don't think much did regarding the conversation, but I did talk to Emily today without my heart racing, or fumbling over my words, or anything like that. I think that I was too angry to let her get to me."

"Get to you?"

"Yeah. Since our break up, she could sway how I feel at any given time super easily. After that conversation, I'm upset, but it's because I deserve to be. It's not because of something she did or didn't say. It's because I rightfully got screwed in the situation."

"From my perspective, that's a ton of growth, Ali." She stated before drifting off, noticing that my facial expression had become increasingly puzzled instead of more content.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, she's always had power over you. Emily was your first everything, Alison. You had nothing to compare it to, so it made it so she had more power over you and your emotions than you'd ever let anyone else have."

"Since when?"

"Since always, Ali. I could see it from the beginning. She guided you through everything: whether it be as best friends or while you were flirting or on your first dates, and even in the end. Please don't tell me you never noticed before now!"


I had internally been freaking out since Tuesday. Emily and I had hung out countless times before now, so what was different? Did the label of "a date" really impact my reaction to it that dramatically? Okay, yes, it was my first date, my first date with a girl, and my first date with Emily all wrapped up into one, but I had nothing to worry about. I knew that she would take care of me. She always did.

With 30 minutes to spare, I quickly changed into Emily's recommended attire for the evening which she stated as simply 'casual.' Knowing that casual for me versus casual for Emily would be two entirely different things, I did the best I could considering the last time I walked out of the house in pants was probably over a month ago. I chose to wear some white capri pants so that I was casual enough without wearing jeans. Even the thought of jeans led to a light shudder down my spine. I paired the bottoms with a flowy, low-cut, flowered blouse. Overall, the outfit hit me perfectly: just enough cleavage, a little tight around the hips to make my ass look great, and it was me enough that I didn't feel like I was dressing too out of character. I kept my makeup simple with some light eyeliner, eyeshadow, and lipstick because, knowing Emily, she probably wouldn't be wearing makeup at all.

As if right on cue, the doorbell rang as I was racing down the stairs. Standing at the door, I knew that this moment was a new beginning. I looked back at the seemingly always empty house that resembled a picture of all aspects of my current life. It was a life on pause that maybe Emily could fill with more happiness than I could ever imagine. I took one deep breath, knowing my future was on the other side and then opened the door.

Emily's genuine beauty never failed to astound me. Emily had all of her hair draped over her left shoulder and was wearing a burgundy v-neck with a gorgeous pair of jeans along with some combat boots. She had minimal make-up on, but more than that she was lightly biting her lip as I opened the door which always, made me go weak in the knees.

"Hey, there," Emily stated while walking towards me to give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey yourself… What are we doing tonight?" I questioned as we started walking down my sidewalk.

"Well, that… is still a surprise." We walked for a few seconds silently before Emily continued, "Ali, are you still nervous about this? Be honest. It's just me."

"Of course I'm still nervous," I replied, beginning to look down. "A lot is riding on tonight for me… for us. I just want it to go well, and I think I've just talked it up so much in my head that I've turned myself in a wreck."

"Okay, then let's take away the pressure of it." Emily stopped dead in her tracks, causing my head to turn back toward her. "Is this okay?" she asked, stepping forward and putting her arm around my waist with her hand on my lower back. I nodded, stepping forward as well and placing my hand lightly on her cheek.

Before I knew it, Emily's lips were on my own. I could feel her hand lightly pulling away from my back, trying to ensure that I was comfortable every step of the way. I took my other hand and placed it over hers to press it tighter to my hip, before making our kiss deeper. Emily sighed into my mouth as she traced her hand around my waist to link her fingers in my belt loops bringing me even closer to her. I smiled leaning away from her as we joined hands.

"Wow. Okay…" I reflected.

"Did that help, Ali?" she asked, rubbing her thumb on the outside of my hand.

"I think so… How'd you know it would?"

"I guess I just figured that you were probably as nervous as I was to kiss you again, so why not get it over with and enjoy the rest of the night together?"

"Well, it was a genius idea, Em." I smiled up at her.

"Fortunately, we only have a short walk to go. This is exactly why I'm happy you listened to my casual attire request."

"How did I do?" I teased, spinning around so Emily could check me out as much as she wanted to.

It definitely worked, as Emily grabbed both of my hands to pull me back close to her, "You're perfect, Ali." She said, kissing my forehead.

How could I have ever doubted this? Why was there any part of me that waivered from allowing someone to take care of me? What in my life had gone so utterly right for her to fall into my lap when I need it most with the guarantee that she would stay forever?

We walked just a few minutes longer before we arrived at a picnic laid out underneath a tree. It was in a more secluded area of the central park in town which allowed us to be around others, while still taking time for ourselves.

Sitting down against the tree, Emily and I simply began talking. I don't know how to explain it, but it felt different as if Emily had been keeping an arsenal of questions in her back pocket for this occasion. As we continued talking, Emily and I moved closer and closer to one another, until she was sitting up against the tree with her arms draped over my shoulders as I leaned against her.

Comfortable silence covered our conversation. Emily traced her fingers up and down my right arm as I nestled into the crook of her neck.

"So Ali… if we do this. I mean, really do this. What is something important I need to know about you that I don't already know as your friend?" she asked, breaking the silence.

My heart sunk. I knew so many things I hid from those around me for their sakes. My problems never needed to be theirs. But if I was going to be in this, I knew what I had to do.

"Well, there is one thing…" I replied, my voice already catching the back of my throat. Emily immediately straightened her back to make sure that her hands could link with mine as I continued speaking. "My parents are separating, Em. I mean, they've been separated… they'll probably divorce soon."

"Alison… why haven't you told us? You didn't have to be going through this alone."

"I guess part of me always hoped that it wasn't real. That at any moment, my dad would walk back through that door. I figured it was temporary, so I didn't think it would be necessary." I tried to explain, knowing that my words were failing to emphasize my pain.

"Okay… thank you for telling me. How do you feel about it?"

"I'm adjusting. I don't understand how my dad could do this though. How could he put my mom through all of this right now? At least Jason is here to help take care of her, but the house is so empty. Unless I'm with all of you, I'm usually alone." I reflected, closing my eyes in hopes to block out all of the emotions steadily coursing through me.

Emily sat up so that we were both facing each other as she asked her next question, "So what can I do to help? What will you need from me?"

I laced our hands, so they were back to back as I looked into her eyes, "I think I just need you to understand that sometimes I'm going to be distant. It's one of those times where some days I need to be alone, and other days I'll need to be around someone to make it through. So, I need flexibility and understanding. I think..."

Emily tucked a strand of hair behind of my ear whispering as she was leaning in, "Whatever you need, sweetheart…" She placed her lips gently on my own, before pulling away lightly.

"Are you stealing one of my moves, Emily Fields?" I asked facetiously, my lips turning up into a smirk at the ends.

She glanced back at me smiling solely with her eyes. "Why would you ever think that?" She asked leaning in again, tracing my jawline with her finger before replacing her hand with her lips, kissing slowly from my jaw down to my neck. I let out a small gasp, as she made a trail of short kisses back up my neck to my lips. Leaving one lingering kiss on me, we both pulled away smiling. "Thank you for trusting me, Alison."

"And thank you for always knowing exactly what I need at any given moment."

"Consider it my new job, Al…" she replied, leaning in one last time for another short kiss.


Looking back I knew it was never intentional. I knew that Emily only wanted to put my comfort at the forefront. I could only assume that because I was so overly cautious, we both got used to her taking the lead. She was more confident in relationships, so I trusted her in every regard.

"I guess you're right…"

"I'm sorry that I was the first one to point it out. Actually, it's one of the major reasons I split from you both during your break up. I don't think any of us approved of Emily's actions, but I couldn't stand by and watch you crumble simply based on the words she said to you. You weren't in the place to hear that though, so I didn't even try to. "

I sighed, "I respect your choice in doing that, Ar, but I really could've used you. You do realize that only Spencer showed up, right? Out of all of my friends, only Spencer. I wasn't only betrayed by Emily, Aria. I was betrayed by all of you."

"I mean, betrayed seems like a harsh word," Aria replied, her words trailing off.

I muttered back, "It's probably not harsh enough." I took another breath so that my emotions wouldn't get the best of me. "But don't worry about it, Aria. I've moved on. I think this phase of my life was just about me learning how to be alone. Thanks for being honest with me though. Better late than never."

It was palpable in our words that our friendship was destined never to be the same again. We both spoke with an undertone of aggression and a confidence that we still hadn't been fully understood by the other. We sat mostly in silence as Aria drove me back to my car and we said our goodbyes.

Lying in bed that night I realized the growth I had made from a year ago until now. I stood up against three fragmented relationships in my life and didn't back down. I spoke to Emily without fear, worry, or grief. More than anything though, I had proven to myself that I could make it through relatively alone. I didn't need Spencer Hastings. I didn't need Aria Montgomery. I damn sure didn't need Emily Fields.

And with that realization, I knew I would be okay. I was finally free.


A/N: Let me know what you thought by dropping a message, review, or even just passing the story on to someone else you think would enjoy it. Please remember that I'm up for any and all constructive criticism. I appreciate each and every one of you reading the story! Expect the next update sometime between Thursday and Sunday!