Ja?: Thanks to my reviewers. Glad you like it 5 :). Still dedicated to my first reviewer. I went back and edited the last chapter. Wanna see where Suguru is staying? www (dot) echomalibu (dot)com/facility (dot) php. Because it took me so long to get up you get two chapters.
I'm Looking Forward To Joining You, Finally (Part I).
My cousin woke me up and wondered why I was on his couch. I told him that the bed was too soft, so I couldn't sleep. I looked at my cousin in a new light. He may have called me Sugi during it. But, was I just a convenient replacement for Eiri Yuki? Then I wondered if he knew and that's why he went out and gave me a cigarette during the wedding.
I quickly got up and showered making sure the door was locked and that when I dressed I was completely covered wearing more clothes than I had in a year. I gathered my miscellaneous stuff from the room my bags already in my cousin's car.
The drive to the airport was quick and in silence. My cousin must have thought that I was really excited or really depressed. Mostly I was confused. I had sex with my cousin, I was going to the states to get clean from drugs, all I wanted was a cigarette and to get this over with.
My cousin accompanied me all the way to the gate. He told me he didn't want me to run off or skip the plane. I was tempted but I knew I had to go through with this. After a brief, uncomfortable hug I said goodbye to my cousin. Basically running to my seat, so I didn't have to talk to him much more.
How does one cope with the fact that they had broken three laws in one night? Rape. . .well no it wasn't total rape it just hurt, and I didn't know what was going on. Incest. That I can't deny he is my cousin. Sex with a minor. That law was broken as well. How did Touma cope with this. Does he even remember?
I snuggled into my window seat and prepared to sleep my way through the flight.
"Sugi."
Bleary eyes opened. I looked around the plane. Then out the window a giant mass of blue was all I saw. I settled back into my chair. So now they won't leave me alone. I know it happened, it didn't need to keep reminding me. I licked my lips feeling parched I called the flight attendant.
Time passes slowly on a plane, luckily it had TV and some movies so I paid and did nothing but let my brain buzz for the remainder of the flight.
California was beautiful. I stepped out into the hot air and looked around. Then is strangely written kanji was my name. I walked toward the man and he grabbed my bag, putting them in his car and opening the door for me. So Touma planned this?
I got in and was driven all the way to the Santa Monica mountains. I watched the scenery as I passed as the area became more remote. I felt the car slow to a stop. I looked out at the place where I'd be spending the next month. The house was white, and stacked up high I looked around at the lavish gardens, and as I stepped out I could hear the ocean.
At least where I was, was beautiful. I held on to my bag as I walked toward the door. A man was sitting by the steps. I looked at him He had dark hair, and an slight beard, he looked friendly enough. Dressed casually in a green button down and jeans.
I walked up to him. He smiled at me and stuck out his hand. "Hello I am Dr. Jeff Nalin. I am the lead councilor here." I shook his hand awkwardly. He chuckled. "I forgot, your Japanese. He stood up and bowed. I smiled.
"No. It's okay. I have a hard time remembering customs, but I'll be alright." I said thanking my memory. It still had English in it. "Suguru Fujisaki."
"Welcome to our little slice of Heaven. Now your cousin called us and said that you would be arriving today. I bet your tired." I nodded. "But I will try to keep you on a decent sleep schedule, so let me show you around." I understood his reasoning. I again nodded.
"We'll start up in your room." He led me inside, past some kids on the couches, who waved at me and Dr. Nalin jovially. I bit my lip, uncomfortable by this whole thing. Usually I was outgoing and out there but I was foreign and this place was strange to me. The whole house looked comfortable as we passed rooms and headed up the stairs.
"Your cousin got you a private room. So you don't have any room mates to meet. We have a big household dinners so you can get to know fellow house mates while you're here. But we also have trips and other events so you can interact with people. I've been told you were quite a social butterfly."
"I was in Japan. But that got me in trouble." I laughed. "But it's strange here for me. I don't know if I can reach out and be as social my English is near terrible and I don't know if I can improve it in such a sort time."
"Well you'll find people here are very accepting." I hoped he was right. "Well here is your room." I looked around it, it was modern, which I didn't mind. I set down my bag and looked around. It looked comfortable enough.
"Come on Suguru I have the rest of the house and grounds to show you."
Okay, maybe when I am older I will come and work here some how. It was gorgeous. I feel in love and the fact that they didn't pawn their self righteous bull on me made it better. Not that I was a practicing Buddhist or Shintoist.
The tour was over once dinner began and I came to the room feeling awkward again. Sitting down and accepting the food was difficult. I never before had eaten anything like this. The people were nice enough striking up conversations with me. A nice young lady next to me named Samantha became a sort of friend, because she was obsessed with Japan. I was like a handy dandy resource guide.
Then as the sun set everyone was left for recreation time and I went to bed. Curled up under foreign sheets, I didn't dream of my cousin that night. I didn't dream of any men but the man that gave me my first smoke.
The next morning I met the rest of the staff and I started my therapy. While they ransacked my room looking for anything against their rules. I told them that I was legal age to smoke in Japan so that they wouldn't take them away. After much hesitation they let me keep them. Saying that I could only smoke them at night and only out on my balcony.
My music was another problem, for some reason they made me give up all my Japanese music, probably because they couldn't understand it to see if it promoted the use of drugs. But I got to keep most of it. Since most of my music was about being lost, depressed, and hating god (Oh American music) they were worried but since my suicide attempt was drug induced, I got to keep my depression selection.
My clothing almost became an issue. But then they realized, I was Japanese and yes we dressed that way. I was a general problem for them. I could write things they didn't understand. I could say things they didn't understand and that scared them. Did I honestly plan to get better? Yes I did, I planned on getting better and confronting my cousin.
Counseling was some of the strangest minutes of time spent there they asked me about my family about school, about everything. I could communicate my reasons easily, that didn't mean they were justified. I was still a child after all. It was fairly easy for the first few days. People talked to me, when I wanted to be left alone. But soon enough people started to learn things about me. Then walking through the hall became a hassle.
"Suguru."I'd look over at a the person who said it. He was about 6'2" and black, he walked toward me, looking friendly. Then he'd pin me against the wall and start to stroke my sides. Cooing that I was a fag in my ear. The counselor barely rescuing me from rape. I, then, became reclusive. I sat in my room or outside and listened to music and smoked on my balcony.
I wrote, and got out most of my feelings Without the drugs I was quickly spiraling into depression. Which scared me because the more and more I thought of my life, the most I wish I would have pushed that peice of mirror harder against my wrists. Maybe across my neck. Just so my life was over.
I had been working with Dr. Nalin, but I was finding it harder and harder to trust him. For some reason I grew very wary of him one night. That was the end of me getting better though therapy. He noticed, and the transferred me to a female. Doctor Draven Godwin. She was amazing, she seemed to understand me so much better then Dr. Nalin, and she was very kind to me. She realized that a lot of my trouble spanned from my parents, and that they should be talked with.
I told her it was useless to get through to them, they were very traditional and would think that it was my own weakness not their mistake. Then her questions got very personal.
"Suguru, Tell me about your cousin, he enrolled you in here. Why him and not your parents?" I thought of a great answer for her but I didn't say it. Some how 'My cousin felt guilty because he had sex with me and enjoyed it.' Didn't seem like a good way to get home faster. I just told her that we had always been very close and that I idolized him, I explained Nittle Grasper and how he got me to take piano lessons.
Then she signed me up for musical therapy. Mr. Tubman, teaching me how to put my heart into piano and compose and create, with my own emotion. I asked him if I could burrow one of his keyboards and write up in my room. He let me.
I played it and learned the keys, and started to play myself a lullaby. Pouring the year of shit into it, dumping off al the feelings of abandonment into the keys. Curling up with my depression, that I didn't want to loose. Letting everything else out. Crying, really crying for the first time in years.
Feeling stupid, abused, and used. But I let the tears fall rom my face.
When I gave it back to him he listened to the recording and looked scared. I hadn't been through more then anyone else here, I could just push it into something. And getting "rid" of it was making me cold.
"In the blur of serenity, Where did everything get lost? The flower of naivety, buried in a layer of frost. A fool's devotion, swallowed up in empty space. The tears of regret, froze to the side of his face."
