Chapter 4

"Do you have any tape by chance?" I ask my new Bunkie Janae, aka Watson. I was trying to tape up a picture of me and Alex on my wall.

She's laying in her bunk staring at the floor, "Bitch do I look like fucking Martha Stewart?" she replies before rolling over and facing the wall.

I nod my head, "Alright good talk." Basically my new roommate hated me. But I felt sorry for her. She probably felt out of place. I would feel out of place if I were in the ghetto or Spanish Harlem. She was originally Ms. Claudette's roommate but Ms. Claudette got her transferred. But to be honest I was kind of pissed because this means that Piper was supposed to be my roommate until Watson fucked it up. But nonetheless I was trying to be nice to her. But she wasn't very receptive.

"Hey newbie. Walk with me?" I look over to see one of the inmates gesture to me. It's the blonde one with cornrows and a barbed wire neck tattoo. To be honest, she kind of scared me. I gulp and head over, not exactly sure of what she wanted. "Healy told me to tell you that you're job is in electrical. That's where I work so he asked me to take you there."

"Oh, ok." I instantly feel bad for my jumping to conclusions about her.

"So what's your name?" She asks as we start walking.

"Ally." I answer nervously.

"I'm Tricia. Nice to meet ya. I'm 19." She informs me.

My jaw drops. "Really?" I shake my head nervously, "Oh I mean. Wow." I thought she was 25 at least.

She shrugs it off, "Yeah drugs don't help the aging process any." She sounds so much more older and mature than she looks.

"I'm 18." I tell her.

She laughs, "Yeah I guessed that. You look like a baby walking around here." I roll my eyes and she laughs again, "What did you do?"

"Drugs." I answer. She archs an eyebrow at me, "Smuggling not using." I clarify.

She smiles at me, "Yeah I didn't picture you as a drug user, baby doll." We approach a building and she pulls open the door for me. "Welcome to your first day of hell." She says as I enter.

"Newts. Gather around." A big burly CO, whom I haven't seen before, orders us. As I walk in with Tricia I see Nicky drilling a hole in the wall. "Newts. Where are my Newts? Gather here." He repeats.

"Newts." I hear from behind me. I turn around and see Piper standing there. I smile. Thank god I had some people in here to talk to.

"It's his adorable word for Newbies." Nicky tells us, sounding very irritated.

I stare at the seemingly random hole Nicky was drilling in the wall. "What are you doing?" I ask her.

"It's an art piece representing the futility of blue collar labor, in a technological age." Nicky replies dully. "And Vagina's" She adds as she fingers the hole. She sniffs her hand that was previously fingering the dry wall. "Go gather before he yells in your face. He's got breath like dead things." Nicky tells us.

Piper glances at me while I nod at how particularly odd Nicky was acting and go see my new 'boss'.

"Welcome to the Electric shop." He says bored. He points to the wall of metal behind a gate, "Tool's are kept here. If you want a tool, turn in a chit. Chit's have numbers and the numbers are assigned to you. If tool's go missing, we know who has them and your ass is grass."

I nod and take a seat across from Piper, and I was overjoyed to realize that my Watson my roommate was also sitting diagonal across from me. As if I didn't have to see her enough, now we got to spend our whole day together.

Piper holds up a finger, "Mr. Luschek? I think that there's been a mistake. I asked to be put in the education program." Piper says sincerely.

I roll my eyes. Piper really never did learn when to take her lumps. CO Luschek feigns endearment, "Oh, is that right sweetheart?"

"Yes." Piper nods. "I think I'd be more useful there. I was a TA in college."

"What's that? Like tits and ass?" He laughs and his big fat belly jiggles.

"Isn't that harassment?" I say. The guards aren't allowed to talk to us like this. He stares at me blankly until Piper interrupts.

"I'm just saying that I know something about teaching and I don't know the first thing about electrical work. Neither of us do." Piper gestures to me.

Luschek clasps his palms together, "Newbies repeat after me. 'Don't electrocute yourself.'"

"Don't electrocute yourself." Piper and I mumble back.

Luschek smiles egregiously, "Now you know the first thing." He throws a huge manual down on the table, "Here read this." He pulls out a lamp from under the table and slams it down. "Then fix this. The lights turns on you can call it a day. That goes for all you newts." He clears his throat, "Read, fix the lamp, go away. That's your day, that's your job."

"Don't jobs pay?" I blurt it out. My smartass tongue had a mind of its own sometimes.

"This is bullshit." Watson says aloud.

He shrugs, "you're making 11 cents an hour."

Watson laughs. "Right. So I could like save up and buy a 6 dollar Pepsi at the company store."

"Pepsi's $5.75" Flaca corrects Watson.

"It's bullshit! I ain't picking cotton." Watson answers.

"This isn't a plantation, we're doing electrical work." I answer. Laughs and a round of "oh's" and "damn" and "got you Watson" go around the room and I immediately bite my tongue and just wish the cement would swallow me up. Watson was glaring at me and I was pretty sure I was going to get an ass kicking tonight. Or she'd slit my throat in my sleep. Either one.

"God you're one of them." Luschek says, annoyed.

"Bet your ass I am." Watson replies smugly.

"Fine sit in the cage and check out tool. In other words sit on your ass all day and do nothing. You think you can handle that?" He asks talking to Watson like she was a child.

"Now you speakin' my language." She answers. I shake my head, can't believing she took the bait.

"Wait, I'm sorry," I say to Luschek, "What's the point of this? Nobody uses these lamps anyway."

Luschek walks towards me and leans into my face, and I immediately realize that Nicky is right. His breath smells like dead things. "The point is that I told you to fix 'em. So fix 'em!" He says loudly.


"God why is this so difficult?" I say aloud. I'd been staring at my lamp for the past hour willing it to work and so far nothing. Piper wasn't doing much better. About 20 minutes ago she'd started talking to herself. "Remove the strand off the body-"

"Hey blondies." Nicky interrupts, "You want a lunch break."

"Oh god. Yes please." I reply as I slam down my lamp and follow Nicky out.

"Bologna." Nicky says as we sit down at the table and I take a bite of my sandwich. Trying to force the dry bread down my throat. Nicky laughs, "Like your lunch kid?"

I grimace and pick at my sandwich. I glance over at Piper and turn back to Nicky, thinking back to what Nicky said about how the walls have eyes and how Red handled Piper's comments about the food, "I'm not complaining." I answer.

"You learn fast." Nicky replies. You know out of all the inmates here Nicky may very well be my favorite. Of the new people I had met. Something about her was so off hand and hilarious. Her spontaneity kept me wondering. "So how's it going?" She asks Piper.

"I can't get my lamp to turn on." Piper answers.

"Yeah long day for you guys." Nicky responds, "Well I, on the other hand, am feeling great job satisfaction. My whole in the wall goes very deep." Nicky chuckles, "So how's your guys mental health going?"

"You know, I can't shake the feeling that at the end of the day I'm gonna be able to go home." I reply.

"When I wake up in the morning, there are a few seconds before I realize where I am, and then I do realize, and I can't breathe. And I wanna cry, and throw shit, and kill myself. When does that end?" I felt so bad for Piper. I remember feeling that way after my mom died, but I'd had Alex and Piper to ease the pain. In here Piper didn't have anyone, because to be honest, she wouldn't let anybody be there for her. Alex, or me. I remember when we used to all be a family, the late nights playing board games, or watching movies, or going out for ice cream. Or snuggling up between Alex and Piper in bed when I didn't want to sleep alone. I briefly wondered what happened to those people who used to be so happy and were so long gone.

Nicky sighed, "I'll let you know."

"Lunch is over ladies." Luschek said.

"No, but we just sat down." Piper argued.

Luschek smiled, "And now you can get up and get back to work." He glance over at Nicky, "Speaking of which, what the fuck are you doing in there Nichols?"

"I'm makin' you a glory hole Luschek." She snaps.

"Oh," He pauses awkwardly, "Then by all means carry on." Nicky scoffed and we all finished our lunches and headed back inside.


"Well Piper prepare to be amazed." I said smugly. Positive I had just finished rebuilding this hideous lamp. I turn the lamp on and my hand is immediately met with the shocking sensation that radiates throughout my arm, causing me to scream. "OW!" I shake my hand out as I hear everyone else laughing, including Piper, much to my dismay.

Nicky comes over and strokes my hair, "Awh its like free shock therapy, you might lose your short term memory but it's a sweet escape."

"Guess you forgot the first rule of electrical." I look up and see Tricia smiling at me.

"Yeah I'll try to remember not to electrocute myself next time." I retort.

"Work's done ladies. Wrap it up." Luschek says.

Piper nervously approaches him, "I couldn't make my lamp work." She admits.

Luschek shrugs, "You'll try again tomorrow."

"But you said-" Piper starts.

"I say a lot of shit" Luschek interrupts, "Then I wanna go home. So clean up, return your tools."

After everybody finishes cleaning up Luschek suddenly freaks out. "Come on this is ridiculous." He yells at Watson, "The screwdriver is missing? Someone's gotta have it."

Watson shrugs, "I don't know."

Luschek shakes his head, "Where's the list of names?"

"What do you mean?" Watson asks sounding genuinely confused.

Luschek frantically says, "I told you for every chit that comes in there has to be a name written down!"

"You did not tell me that." Watson defends. "You told me to take the chit, give the tool, get the tool back, give back the chit. I fucking did that."

Luschek turns and faces us, "Who the hell has it!" He yells.

"I don't know!" Watson replies.

Luschek slams the Red Emergency button with his hand and the alarm flares, "God! FUCK" He screams.

Tricia puts her hands on my back and pushes me down to the floor, "You better get down there unless you want to risk getting tased, baby doll."


Since the screwdriver was still missing, this warranted a visit from Caputo himself to come try to threaten us into giving it to him. Like anyone would take that damn screwdriver, contrary to what the CO's think we're not all fucking idiots, nobody with half a brain would take that screwdriver.

"A screwdriver is considered a deadly weapon." Caputo drones, "That is another 5 years if you are caught with it in your possession."

"I don't like being threatened for something I didn't do!" Watson said indignantly.

"No. I'm not threatening you." Caputo said, "I'm informing you of the facts.

Watson shrugs, "Sounds like a threat to me. I already told you I don't have it."

Luschek points at her, "I put her in charge of the tools, it's her fault." What a pansy ass idiot. Can't even own up to his own mistakes.

"Yo!" Watson yells, "Don't be tryin' to pass the buck on me. It's your fuckin' job. I'm just a monkey in a cage remember?"

"Oh no I think she means that her-" Piper interrupts with her two cents.

Watson shakes her head at Piper, "No I don't need you translating for me Honey Boo Boo."

"Be quiet!" Caputo yells at Watson. "If you had done your job correctly, we would know who is responsible for this theft." He turns to the CO's, "I want all these women searched.

"I don't know about these other bitches, but no man guard is pattin' me down and coppin' a feel." Watson argued.

Caputo nodded, "Of course, as is your right. Donaldson take her down to SHU and let her wait there until we can find a female officer to conduct a thorough search." The CO's disperse and start inspecting us.

The CO Donaldson grabbed her and pulled her towards the door, "Don't touch me! I can walk my self out!" She screamed as she tried to break free of his grasp. Watson pointed at Luschek, "Yo motherfucker is a drunk! Yo, smell his breath! Motherfucker is a drunk!" Watson yelled just before CO Donaldson slammed the door shut.

Pornstache was in the front. I see him patting down Flaca and then move on to Piper. I was standing next to her so I knew I'd be next. I look over and see him groping his hands all over Piper's breasts. In front of Caputo! Surely there had to be some kind of rule against this.

"Done." Pornstache murmurs before he moves on to me. I gulp and hold out my arms. I feel disgusted and ashamed as he runs his hands over my arms, down the backs of my legs. I clench my fists tight when he starts running his hand over the front of my legs, slowing down as he approaches my pelvis. I look up and see Caputo had turned around to talk to Luschek. Fuck. Mendez uses this chance. His hands are in a V-Shape on my upper thigh and trickle inward as he grazes my private parts.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Piper's eyes are popping out of her head and she opens her mouth to say something. I shake my head. Mendez couldn't do anything in public. And I didn't want to risk Piper being sent to SHU. When Caputo turns back around Mendez abruptly moves his hands and traces up my stomach. Before he finally removes his hands from me and moves on to Nicky. I notice my inspection took about twice as long as anybody else's. As he finishes Nicky I see him grab her ass. "Yep they're good." He replies. Sick fuck. Probably the only way a girl would let him touch her was during a mandatory inspection.

"If you know who took this weapon and do not speak up, you will be considered an accomplice and charged accordingly." Caputo leaned forward onto the table, "If your memory is jogged, you all know where my office is." Caputo turned to walk out, "Everyone return to camp, report back here tomorrow."

Piper turned around, "Jesus Christ that was scary. Did he touch you tit?"

Nicky shook her head as we walked out, "Cupped my ass." Nicky turned to me, "You okay little Vause? Saw Pornstache's wandering hands on you."

I shook my head," Oh, uh yeah. I'm fine. It's whatever." Nicky gave me a questioning look but let it go.

"Who do you think took it?" Nicky asked as we walked outside back to camp. "Ally you think it was your angry friend Janae?"

I rolled my eyes, "Well I wouldn't say she's my friend. Just my bitchy bunkmate. I say 'Hi' she says 'Shut the fuck up'. I say 'Hey, how's it going' she sucks her teeth, maybe calls me a 'bitch' or a 'Taylor-Swift-ass-motherfucker'" I nod, "So we're on our way."

Nicky laughs, "That's just fucking racist. You look nothing like Taylor Swift."

Piper leans forward and quietly asks, "Is SHU really that bad?"

Nicky breaths in deeply, "It's just like the Hamptons. Only fucking horrible."

"Okay yeah that was a dumb question." Piper realizes.

Nicky looks at her sympathetically, "A lady next door to me bit a rat, a live rat, 'cause it bit her. So, she bit it back, and back, and back." That mental image made me sick to my stomach. Thank god Tricia came up and interrupted.

"Hey." She says, "Hey brain I wanna ask you something." Tricial pulls out a folded piece of paper to Piper.

"What is this?" Piper asks as she glances over it.

"A letter to request an appeal. I need to get out 'cause my girlfriend's getting out and I gotta be with her." Tricia admitted.

Nicky laughed, "Frankly I can't wait for that screamer to hit the bricks." I stifle a chuckle as Tricia glares at Nicky.

"Look I'm not so good with words ya know." Tricia shrugs, "And you read everything and shit, so you'll help me out?" Nicky shakes her head at Piper.

Piper nods and pockets the paper and Nicky rolls her eyes, "Sure yeah, I'll take a look at it." I notice Piper's face as she puts her hand in her pocket and grips something. Her face is white as a sheet.

"What?" I ask.

"Happy hour." I hear a familiar voice. I look around Piper to see Alex approaching us, "Who'se up for Margarita's?"

"Last time I drank tequila I woke up in Weehawken." Tricia said as she shook her head.

"Isn't that where you're from?" Nicky asked her.

Tricia nodded, "Fucking shit hole."

Alex stared at Piper, "Yeah, well Piper loves Tequila." She said softly.

"I have to go." Piper said abruptly before taking off running back to camp.

"What? Afraid I'll tell them the pork chop story?" Alex called out after.

Nicky laughs incredulously, "Okay this is fucking weird. I have a pork chop story too. You go first."

Tricia shakes her head. "Aight. I gotta go." Tricia turns to me, "Hey, baby doll, you're coming to the party later right?" She asks softly.

To be honest I didn't even know I was invited, "Oh uh. Sure I'll try to make it."

Tricia gives me a crooked smile before walking back to camp. Nicky lets out a low whistle, "Wow look at little Vause already building a repertoire of admirer's."

I look at Nicky confused, "What?"

"You swing that way little Vause?" Nicky says as she archs an eyebrow at me.

"No. I mean, no." I answer nervously. Thankfully Alex comes to my rescue and throws her arm around me.

"Nicky quit flirting with my little sister. She's off limits." Alex says jokingly, knowing very well that Nicky wasn't really hitting on me.

Nicky's jaw drops, "Alex I'm just trying to share my gift here."

"Yeah your gift of Chlamydia?" Alex retorts.

Nicky wags a finger at her. "Hey, that was never proven."

As we head back to camp Alex turns to me. "Hey Pepper what are you doing tonight?"

I ponder thoughtfully and speak with my voice raised real high and proper, "Well on this beautiful saturday night. I thought Jimmy and I would just take the private jet down to Brussels for a quick bite."

Nicky laughs and Alex nods at me with her mouth open a little, "Alright smart ass. I was just wondering if you wanted to go to the library."

I smile, "Sure. You know my intense love of reading." Alex rolls her eyes and punches me lightly in the arm as we start walking towards the library.

"Hey so I gotta ask" Nicky says, "What is with the ludicrous nickname?"

Alex and I stare at her blankly until it clicks in, "Oh Pepper?!" I say. Nicky nods and Alex and I look at each other and burst out laughing.

Nicky stares at us, "You know it's not nice to not include people."

Alex calms down a little and launches into the story. "Well when Ally was little, like really little, maybe 4 or 5 we had a Pepper Shaker. And Ally would put it on everything. Literally everything. Chocolate, chicken nuggets, cereal, you name it." Nicky gave me a disgusted look and I smiled.

"What can I say I love my seasonings," I defended.

"Anyway" Alex continued, "So I started calling her Pepper and the nickname kind of stuck and then when I was pretty hammered once with a couple of friends, we went to a tattoo parlor and I wanted something to remind me of Ally." Alex looked over at me thoughtfully. "My friend Rachel suggested a pepper shaker since that's what I always called her."

Nicky stared at her blankly, "No this is bullshit. You're telling me that you have a tattoo of a Pepper Shaker, somewhere on your body. That you willingly got?"

"It's on her left shoulder." I piped in.

Nicky stared at Alex, "There was a lot of alcohol involved before the decision was made." Alex said.

"Well god I should hope so." Nicky replied before bursting into laughter.


I had been looking around in the library for maybe an hour. Alex was reading a book and when she was busy reading she got into the zone. So I knew better than to bother her. I picked out this book called Speak and went to go sit with Alex when I heard her talking to Nicky. I stayed behind one of the shelves so they couldn't see me.

"Yo, should we plan an escape?" Nicky laughed, "Where do you wanna go?"

Alex shook her head, "I don't even know anymore. I used to. I had grand plans. Now I can't even get past the swirling darkness in my brain to" Alex's voice cracked and I could hear her start to cry "land on anything." She finished.

Nicky looked at her sympathetically, "Oh man. I was just starting to like you Vause. You gonna go soft on me?" Alex sniffled and shook her head no. "Oh fuck. Come here." Nicky pulled Alex into her shoulder where she cried.

Honestly in my whole life I had seen Alex cry maybe 3 times. Including this one. So I knew she had to be in a lot of pain. And it felt so fucking shitty knowing that I couldn't make it better.

"It'll be okay sister." Nicky said as she looked around. "Speaking of which where is Little Vause. She'll make you feel better." I smiled down at my book.

Alex abruptly sat up and wiped her eyes, "No don't call her over. I don't want her to see me like this."

Nicky looked at her confused, "She's your sister. She's not going to think any less of you."

Alex shook her head. "No it's just-" She started. Nicky waited patiently. "I've taken care of her, her whole life. And I know she chose to be in here because she wanted to be with me and wanted me to take care of her. The judge gave her the option, longer time in juvie or less time in here." Nicky nodded as Alex shook her head again. "Just how the hell am I supposed to take care of her in here when I can't even take care of myself. I just- I wish she'd stayed in juvie."

I turned around and clutched my sides trying to breathe deeply. I couldn't believe the words that had just come out of my sister's mouth. Had she felt like this the whole time? Did she resent taking me in after Mom died? And maybe she was right, maybe I did come here so she'd take care of me, but Alex has been the only constant in my life and I didn't know what I would do without her for almost 2 years if I was in juvie. I shook my head determinedly. You know what I could take care of my fucking self. I'm not a little kid. I don't need Alex to watch out for me anymore. And I certainly didn't need to give her another reason to treat me like I was beneath her.