Note: I do not own any of the characters used in this story, and receive no monetary benefit from writing/posting this.
"Sasuke!"
"What now?"
"Can I go see Deidara?"
"Go ahead, I'm not stopping you."
"…I'm allowed to wander about by myself?"
"Do I look like a babysitter to you?"
"Yes."
"Just…Get the hell out of my sight."
"OKAY! See ya later!"
Naruto waved at the frustrated boy before running out into the hallway.
"Which way, left or right?"
"That depends on where you're going."
"Holy Shit! It's Sasuke from the future!"
"I'm not Sasuke."
"Are you a Sasuke wannabe?"
"No."
"But you look like an older version of Sasuke."
"That's because I'm his older brother."
"Oh! Well, sorry for mistaking you for Sasuke. I'm Naruto."
He stuck out his hand and the other shook it, looking amused beyond belief.
"I'm Itachi. Now, you were going somewhere?"
"Yeah, I'm gonna go find my brother, Deidara! Do you know where he is? He's the girly-looking guy, blonde hair, blue eyes, about this tall…"
"I know who he is. Most likely he's with Sasori."
"Sasori?"
"The red head. His workshop is that way."
"Okay, thanks Itachi!"
Naruto took off running once more. Eventually, after bumping into nearly everyone in the base, he came to a door that said: Sasori's Workshop, Do Not Enter.
"This must be it!"
Grinning, he knocked on the door.
"Who is it?"
"Naruto!"
He heard footsteps, then the door swung open, revealing a grouchy looking red haired man.
"What do you want?"
"I came to see Dei Dei!"
"…Who?"
"Deidara, my brother. Can I see him?"
"No."
He slammed the door shut in Naruto's face.
"What the hell is your problem? Let me see my brother, damnit!"
"Go away."
"Bastard!"
Spitting out some more curse words at the door, he kicked it once before skulking off.
Sasori twitched. They'd been in his workshop for more than an hour now, and the brat was still glaring at him. He turned to his puppet, determined to ignore him. Two minutes later, he snapped.
"Stop staring at me!"
The brat just glared harder, if that was even possible. He groaned to himself. What had he done to deserve this? Okay, he'd tied up the boy and tossed him in a corner and rendered him immobile and didn't let him see his brother and he'd killed thousands of people, but that wasn't enough to warrant this torture!
"Brat, if you don't stop staring I'm going to cut your eyes out for my puppets."
The threat appeared to work as the blonde looked away, and he turned back to his work, not noticing the loose ropes around the boy's feet. A few minutes later he thought he heard the door open and close, but shrugged it off as his imagination.
"Deidara! You escaped!"
Deidara giggled as Naruto jumped on him, almost sending them both crashing to the floor.
"Yep, un! Took forever though. That guy's a total creep!"
"Yeah, I thought he had you chained to a wall or something."
Deidara didn't say anything, and Naruto looked at him suspiciously.
"Please don't tell me he actually did chain you to a wall."
"Okay, I won't, un. But at least I got out of there alive!"
"You do know we have to share rooms with our partners, right?"
"Seriously? Oh shit, I'm screwed, un! Wait a second, how do you know?"
"Itachi told me!"
"Who's Itachi, un?"
"Sasuke's older brother."
"Speaking of Sasuke, what's he like?"
"Urgh, he's a complete bastard!"
"I knew we shouldn't have joined, un!"
"But evil-bitchy-ass partners aside, this place is awesome! There's ramen, everyone else is real nice, and you've got to see the living room! Come on!"
He dragged the older boy along behind them. Lots of running and Deidara smacking into walls-which was entirely Naruto's fault because he so wasn't a klutz- later, they finally made it to the living room.
"See? They have a TV, and a DVD player, and a stereo, and just about every game system you could think of, and an epic orange couch! It's awesome!"
"Whatever you say, un."
Deidara sat down on the carpet, resting his back against the wall and crossing his legs. He watched Naruto bound around the room, happily playing with a black-haired guy wearing an orange eyepatch. He vaguely noticed a flash of red by the door, but easily dismissed it as his imagination. Just then Naruto and his friend came to a stop in front of him.
"Dei Dei! This is my new friend Tobi! His favourite colour is orange, like me!"
"Hi Tobi, un. I'm Deidara. It's nice to meet you."
"YAY! Tobi has a new friend!"
Tobi leapt into Deidara's lap, sending the blonde's head flying backwards into the wall.
"Fuck!"
"Oh no! Deidara-Senpai got hurt because of Tobi! Tobi is sorry, he didn't mean to! Tobi's a good boy!"
"Yeah yeah, Tobi's a gaood boy, but could he please quiet down a bit? My head hurts, un."
"Of course! Tobi's sorry, Tobi will leave now!"
He ran off, and after double-checking that Deidara was all right, Naruto chased after him. A silver-haired man came over.
"Dude, you got owned by fucking Tobi!"
Deidara glared at him as he sat down next to the blonde.
"Shut up, he didn't mean to!"
"Yeah, whatever you say bitch. I'm Hidan."
"Deidara, un."
"Fucking awesome to meet you."
"Likewise, un."
"Why do you say un whenever you fucking talk?"
"Why do you swear whenever you talk, un?"
"Habit."
"Speech impediment."
They grinned at each other.
"So you're stuck with puppet-fucker, huh?"
"Excuse me, un?"
"Puppet-fucker, you know, Sasori. He's obsessed with puppets, so he's got to be fucking them!"
"Ew… the mental images! They burn!"
"What mental images?"
"I've seen some of his puppets, and the idea of him having sex with them…"
He shuddered and made a low noise of disgust.
"They're that fucking ugly?"
"Even uglier than that, un. Bleurgh."
"What's 'even uglier than that'?"
Both of them snapped their heads up.
"'Kuzu!"
Hidan jumped up on the tan man with bright green eyes.
"Off me Hidan."
"Aw, you're no fucking fun!"
He let himself fall back to the floor, pouting.
"Deidara, this is my heathen bastard of a partner, Kakuzu. 'Kuzu, this is Deidara."
"Nice to meet you, un!"
"Likewise. So what were you talking about?"
"Puppet-fucker's puppets! And how I've scarred Deidara for the rest of his fucking life!"
"Do I want to know?"
"Unless you enjoy absolutely horrifying mental images, you don't, un."
"Just keep it down, I'm trying to work."
He left the room, presumably to go finish whatever it was that he was doing before.
"Anyway. Wanna go hang with Kisame"
"Who, un?"
"Kisame. Haven't you met the fucker yet?"
"No, Sasori tied me up and chained me to the wall before I could get to meet anyone. I only got free a few minutes ago, un."
"H-He chained you to the wall?"
Deidara flushed red as he realized what Hidan was thinking.
"Not like that!"
"T-The way you said it!"
Annoyed, Deidara lightly shoved his new friend, who fell over. Eventually he calmed down enough to sit back up.
"That's fucking hilarious!"
"For you, un!"
"Fuck yeah! Now come on, Imma introduce you to everyone!"
"Oi! Fish-Face!"
Kisame paused and turned to look at Hidan.
"Don't call me that."
"Whatever. You met the newbie yet?"
"Naruto? Yeah."
"No, I mean the one that looks like a bitch."
"No, not really. Why?"
"Imma introduce you to the bastard! Well, as soon as he gets here."
Just then the blonde appeared around the corner, bent over panting for air. Once he got his breath back, he straightened up.
"Do you have to go so fast, un?"
"Fuck yeah! Anyhow, Kisame, this is Deidara, Deidara this is Kisame."
"Nice to meet you, un."
"Likewise."
"Dude, you'll never guess what puppet fucker did to him!"
"Oh dear God, not this again! You've told everyone we met, un!"
"That's 'cos it's fucking funny! Zetsu and Itachi thought so, Leader would if he weren't Leader, Sasuke's an emotionless bastard that doesn't count, and Konan's gonna fucking love it!"
Deidara groaned in annoyance, and Hidan turned back to the now thoroughly confused Kisame.
"Anyway, Fish Face! Puppet Fucker tied him up and chained him to the wall in his workshop, and wouldn't let him leave!"
Kisame's eyes bulged and he turned an interesting shade of purple before bursting into laughter. Hidan smirked, and Deidara covered his face with his hands, blushing fire red with embarrassment.
"Are you serious?"
"As fucking ever!"
"It's not funny, un!"
"But it is!"
"What's going on here?"
Kisame and Hidan straightened up as they turned to face Konan, and Deidara tentatively removed his hands from his face.
"Hello, you're one of the new boys, aren't you? I'm Konan."
"I'm Deidara, un."
"Can I just say, you're the most adorable boy I have ever met."
He blushed and looked away, mumbling something like: "I'm not 'adorable' un."
"What? You are the prettiest, cutest guy ever! I mean, you're only like, what, twenty or so?"
"Fifteen un."
"Sorry?"
"I'm fifteen, un."
There was an awkward silence which was rudely interrupted by Hidan.
"Holy Shit! Puppet Fucker's a paedophile!"
"What do you mean, Sasori's a paedophile?"
"He has a thing for Deidara."
Kisame snickered, and Deidara groaned in frustration.
"No, he doesn't! I don't know where you got the idea, I've already told you, nothing happened! Nothing, un!"
"What are you talking about"
Kisame and Hidan were laughing too hard to talk, so gritting his teeth, Deidara answered her.
"Sasori tied me up and chained me to the wall in his workshop. But, that was it, un! Nothing else happened!"
Too late. She blinked, once, twice, then burst into laughter, collapsing on top of Deidara. Sighing, he resigned himself to being used as a support whilst he silently waited for them to stop, which they eventually did a loooooong time later.
"You lot done yet?"
"Yeah."
"Finally, un."
"You have to admit it's funny though."
"I don't see how being treated like a dog is 'funny', un."
"Because it's Sasori."
Deidara was about to reply when he was cut off by his stomach growling really loud. He flushed bright red, and Konan chuckled.
"I guess Sasori didn't feed you, huh? Come on, let's go get you something to eat. See you two later!"
She waved at Kisame and Hidan before grabbing Deidara and pulling him off.
"So...What the fuck do we do now?"
"Wanna go tell Tobi and Naruto?"
"Fuck yeah! Let's go!"
"So how are you and Naruto related?"
"He's my half-brother, older by two years."
"That would make him...Seventeen, right? Huh, same age as Sasuke. What about your parents?"
Deidara's eyes widened and he began choking on the sandwich he'd just swallowed.
"Shit!"
Konan ran around the table and slammed him on the back, forcing him to cough it back up onto his plate.
"Thanks un."
"Eh, don't worry about it. Just make sure it doesn't happen again, 'kay?"
"Yep, un!"
She took his plate and dumped the leftovers in the trash.
"So where are your-"
"Brat."
Deidara froze, and Konan glared at the newcomer.
"We were kind of in the middle of a conversation, you know?"
"Whatever. Come on brat, we're leaving."
Unable to contain herself, Konan succumbed to a fit of giggles. Sasori frowned at her.
"What's so funny"
"Yeah, what's the fucking joke? Me and Fish Face want in!"
"It's Fish Face and I, and his name's Kisame."
"Thank you Itachi."
"Hn."
"S-Sasori's trying to steal Dei Dei!"
All three newcomers looked to Sasori then burst into laughter. Confused, Sasori looked to Deidara, who had gone bright red.
"Shut up, un!"
He elbowed the nearest person to him (Hidan) in the ribs, trying unsuccessfully to get him to stop laughing.
"B-But it's so fucking-"
Unable to finish his sentence, Hidan broke off, tears of laughter streaming down his face. Groaning, Deidara began to repeatedly slam his head into the table.
"Someone kill me now, un!"
"Deidara-Senpai! Tobi heard about what happened, and Tobi has come to save his Senpai!"
"Dei Dei! Hidan told me what happened, are you okay?"
"Naruto, Hidan was lying! Nothing happened, un!"
Suddenly Sasori slammed his hands down on the table, causing everyone to shut up and look at him, and boy did he look pissed.
"What the hell are you lot on about"
There was an awkward silence, then Tobi spoke up.
"Hidan told Tobi that Sasori raped Deidara-Senpai, so Tobi came to save his Senpai!"
Deidara's face reconnected with the table, and Sasori twitched.
"Brat, why the fuck did you tell Hidan that?"
"I didn't, un! I just told him that you tied me up and chained me to the wall, and he started assuming shit and told the entire fucking base even though I told him that first of all, nothing happened, and secondly, that if anything had happened I would have blown this shitty warehouse into the fucking stratosphere! UN!"
Everyone stood/sat frozen at the blonde's sudden outburst, while he panted heavily and glared around the room. Eventually Hidan spoke up.
"Calm down blondie, it was just a joke."
He continued glaring for a while before sullenly sitting down.
"If anyone ever says anything about this ever again, I'll blow them the fuck up, un."
...
"So...Anyone want ramen"
Clarification note: The whole thing they're going on about, Sasori tied Deidara up and chained him to a wall to stop him from running away. Deidara told Hidan, who assumed he meant bondage as in sexual activities and took that to mean Sasori raped Deidara, and then he refused to believe when Deidara told him otherwise. And yes, I know that technically Deidara is older than Sasuke and Naruto, but for this story it just fits better to have him be younger, so hah. So that makes Deidara the youngest in the organization, Sasuke and Naruto being second youngest. And no I didn't make a mistake with the ages. Deidara has been blowing up factories for fourteen years, and yes he started when he was young. He was a very smart baby. Plus who would ever suspect a baby of causing massive explosions?
